


Be merry, my friend, be merry

by BloodyJerk



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ableist Language, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, All these kids have no clue about psychology, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Attempted Sexual Assault, Blood and Violence, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Get ready for a lot of drama, Literally everything is terrible and everyone hurts, Minor Character Death, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Praise Kink, Racist Language, Sexual Content, Slurs, Trans Male Amethyst, but they talk about it as if they all got a phd in that branch, yeah that sounds suspicious in a story like this doesn't it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-11-18 15:04:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 157,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11293146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodyJerk/pseuds/BloodyJerk
Summary: The worms crawl in; the worms crawl out...Lapis Lazuli is a depressed Hitman who drives her business partner Pearl up the wall. Peridot is an egoistical little shithead, who gets herself into a lot of trouble for fun and giggles:Ending up in the basement of hired killers sounds like the typical bad ending of an indie horror game, but this is not a game and Peridot is not a hero.Please read the Tags!





	1. Blood on my Boots

Chapter 1: Blood on my Boots

 

_I looked on adoringly west end walls of mirrors at my face_

_At my fondest designs_

_And oh my dears, it was five pounds of glass, don't you know_

_As the wise might suspect, as I stood laughing with the director_

_There was only one way this could go._

_-_

_Oh, I'm home to my roots_

_There's blood on my boots._

 

 

 

"Lazuli, I swear by everything holy, if you don't answer your phone I'm gonna come over and kick your ass 3 times to Sunday. We have clients!” Pearls voice squawked through the speakers and Lapis groaned in annoyance.

 

She woke up a few minutes ago and found her phone filled with messages from the group chat, texts from Steven and 12 missed calls from her Partner in Crime, Pearl, who was furious over her sudden disappearance. Considering how much it happened she should be used to it, Lapis thought and looked around blearily, as if she didn't fall asleep in her own bed and had to find out where she was.

 

Her bedroom was dark except for a few rays of light provided by the sun, breaking in through the little cracks of the old shutter, straining Lapis' tired eyes to the point of a migraine. She hissed and threw her blanket once again over her head, playing the last message she got.

 

Once again it was from Pearl, "When I'm there you better open up this door without smelling like booze and regret, you overdramatic ass.“

 

Fuck. She sounded downright pissed off and that always meant trouble.

 

Lapis wasn't afraid of the beanstalk, but she also wasn't in for the 2 hour sermon of how everyone had a place here and a purpose and how she, Lapis, hadn't fulfilled hers, meaning she could sooner or later find herself in a place more fitting for her … working morale just because she didn't comb her hair or leave the house for 5 days straight.

 

Everyone had their bad weeks, hadn't they?

 

Before Lapis even had the chance to think too hard about it, there was a knock on the door and as much as she would have loved to just turn around and fall back into a dark, dreamless slumber, she knew that Pearl was more than willing to take her chances and kick the damn thing in.

 

So with an overexaggerated sigh she lurched out of bed, almost kicking her german shepherd, which jumped out of the way with a silent whine, being all too used to his owners morning drowsiness.

 

“Sorry, Pumpkin” Lapis slurred apologetically, walking down the stairs of the empty house, the knocking on the door getting louder and louder.

 

“ _I'm coming!_ ” She screamed while throwing it open, in hopes of scaring Pearl a little as a revenge for the rough wakening, but no such luck.

 

Her Partner stood in the doorway, arms crossed, eyes narrowed, looking like a damn mom ready to whoop their kids ass for getting up late.

 

With her expensive clothes and her neat hair she looked like the complete opposite of the grumpy, half naked Lapis, who hadn't even cared enough to open the door in more than her panties and a reeking t-shirt she'd worn since Friday.

 

“Do you know what time it is?” Pearl sounded like she didn't really want an answer, she just needed a starting point for her unavoidable rant.

 

“I don't know” Lapis slurred and stepped to the side to let her in, not in the slightest interested in an honest answer either.

“Monday?”

 

“It's 4 pm, Lapis, and _it's Wednesday!_ ” Pearl answered and looked around the living room disapprovingly. Who could blame her?

 

There was trash, dirty clothing, and empty bottles all over the place and on Lapis' couch laid an undefinable mass Pearl eyed warily. Pumpkin, the only resident of the house she didn't want to kill right now, trotted around carefree which made it a little easier for her to relax and to calm down.

 

“What do you want, tight ass?” Lapis asked while throwing down the mass from the couch to take a seat, getting impatient already. She was hungry and yearned for a shower, two things she wouldn't be able to do peacefully until her uninvited guest was able to vent and left the house, hopefully for another peaceful week or two.

 

But Pearl was far from leaving or even giving her the chance to get overly comfortable, “We have Clients, Lazuli, and no matter how good I am at my Job, I can't do everything alone. You need to take some of them from my hands or we're gonna have a Problem and you know exactly how this tends to play out.”

 

Hands on her hips she stood in the middle of the room, waiting for an answer that Lapis wouldn't give to her.

 

So, instead of waiting around, she snatched the little trashcan from the floor and started to clean up, like she always did when nobody stopped her in her rantings, Lapis following her with her eyes.

 

“If this shit goes on I'll have to call Rose and we both know that's not something we want to witness. So instead of being a useless mope, rotting in your own body odor and old Chinese left-overs, how about you actually help for once and take over one of my clients? It's about a pimp or something like that, Steven is already out, gathering information for you. You have time until Saturday, do you think you can manage at least that or is even this man too much of a challenge for you?”

 

'Well I don't have much of a choice; do I?' Lapis thought with an eye roll but made very sure not to actually speak out loud. It sounded like Pearl would let her off the hook for once without tearing her a new one and she wouldn't let this chance slip, considering how much her head hurt and the taste on her tongue reminded her of the last few days.

 

There was a fine line between numbing and completely destroying oneself and Lapis, after 24 years, still hadn't found out when she overstepped it, so now she had to deal with a hangover and this new client.

 

So she just nodded, giving her okay to fulfill the assignment and get her shit together.

 

For a little while at least.

 

“This is almost as bad as the time Jasper and you were still a thing, I can't believe she was actually able to handle you for this long-HOW OLD ARE THESE?”

 

Looking disgusted and down right offended, Pearl held up a pair of boxer shorts that definitely weren't Lapis' and also didn't belong to anyone either of them knew.

 

“Did you bring someone here in the last few days?” Pearl hissed angrily and Lapis shook her head.

 

“I guess they are from new years?” She didn't sound all too sure either, her last one night stand was too long ago and Pearl suppressed a gag, throwing the offending piece of textile into the trashcan that she carefully carried around the room.

 

“Can you maybe not clean up my mess?” Lapis finally chimed in, walking over to Pearl to take the clothing out of her hands, being quite on edge now that Pearl got what she wanted and still didn't make a single move to leave, “It's bad enough that you're trying to bring up my old trash, so could you at least keep your paws off the new one I, oh so carefully, try to collect?”

 

At first it seemed like Pearl wanted to refuse, still feeling very much in charge of Lapis.

 

Even after all the changes in the hierarchy, Lapis managing to work her way to the top directly under Rose Quartz, she felt like she had to actually lead the whole team. Like Lapis wasn't even able to lead her own mind, her own body for heavens sake and it annoyed her to realize that she overstepped a boundary and Lapis had every right to show her the limits.

 

“Fine.”

 

She let go of the trashcan and took a few steps back, closer to the door, to give the blue haired girl her space.

 

“The Dude will be done Friday 9 pm sharp” Lapis promised, “Is that what you want?”

 

“Come visit after that” Pearl offered and it sounded like an order, “Steven misses you.”

 

“I will.” Lapis nodded and looked at the door, a clear sign that the conversation was over.

 

“Until then Lazuli.”

 

With the Sound of the lock falling into place, Lapis fell back on the couch, letting go of a breath she didn't realize she was holding.

 

Steven liked her, no doubt, but never in his life had this boy ever missed someone. As the Son of Rose Quartz, the most influential corrupt cop in town, he hadn't much friends except for the team. Not that he craved it, if he wanted to make friends he could just go out and do it, after all that was his special talent.

 

No, this statement really was nothing but a friendly way to tell Lapis to show her ugly face in a trustworthy way on Friday night, otherwise Rose would find out that she fell back into her old ways and that was something Lapis didn't want to live through.

 

“Well Pumpkin” She said to her dog, which had put his head on her lap to soothe her racing thoughts, “Looks like I gotta fuck someones week up.”

 

 

 

 

 

_We want a few mad people now. See where the sane ones have landed us! - Saint Joan Scene One by George Bernard Shaw_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A thundering applause for ThatOneGuy who offered to read and edit this story! He is gonna save you all from my grammar and spelling mistakes and that deserves a big shout-out! Thanks, man!


	2. The Hearse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and Welcome, to "Be Merry, my Friend, Be Merry"!  
> Thanks for coming this far and I hope you enjoy the Story.
> 
> Before we start, though, I would like to remind everyone reading this, that this is a work of fiction.  
> Don't kill people. Don't abuse Drugs. Don't hurt others for money. Don't do the stuff the kids in this fic do.  
> This story isn't meant to excuse illegal actions or to spit on canon, it is just something that evolved from a fun little 'what if they were a murderous couple'-idea born from thriller and psychological horror movies and turned into this gigantic plot. 
> 
> If someone is appalled by the tags or by a story with criminals who get away with all of it, I don't recommend them to read this.  
> Everyone else who is still in and wants to read on, I hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it!

_They put you in a big black box_  
_And cover you with dirt and rocks_  
_All goes well for about a week,_  
_Until your coffin begins to leak._

_The Worms crawl in, the Worms crawl out,_

_Be merry, my friend, be merry._

 

There are a lot of shitty jobs in this world. Tiring, unsatisfying, and downright dangerous jobs. But someone had to do them in order for this World and Society to function and thus, Lapis tried not to be too bitter about her shitty job.

After all, the people she had to visit were just as unhappy as she was about the whole thing. Well, maybe that was a lie, most people were probably scared to death while she saw the whole ordeal as a slight inconvenience, a reason to leave her house while she rather would have liked to stay in, drink a few beers and wallow in self-pity with Pumpkin.

 

"Here is the Data of the Dude and his Plans for Tonight" read the title of Stevens email and she skimmed over the details he had collected for her, while drinking her overly bitter and rather cold coffee.

 

It was early in the morning, the working crowd just started to overrun the small bakeshop, filling the air with the sound of stressed voices and fast paced steps. She blended in perfectly, just a young woman, probably a student, with dark skin and blue dyed hair reading her emails at one of the corner tables.

 

“Just another Dude no one's gonna miss” She murmured to herself, aware that in such a big crowd no one would give a shit about her ramblings as long as she didn't start a commotion.

 

As far as Stevens description went today's Target would be a rather simple case: A pimp, selling women like whiskey to the highest bidder, just for the women to never be seen or heard from again. She wasn't a hero, she killed almost anyone if the price was right but in this case she actually felt good about it; Targets like that made it easier to not feel remorse about her oh so shitty job.

 

Nobody would miss him because no one would want to admit that they bought humans from him, that they were involved in human trafficking. Thus Lapis would just go in, end this Dudes existence and go out again, not having to worry about the consequences and hopefully be home by midnight.

 

"Excuse me, Miss?" She heard a voice and looked up, a blonde woman looked down at her.

A waitress.

 

"Can I bring you something?" She asked, "You've been sitting here for over an hour, that Coffee is probably undrinkable by now."

 

Lapis gave her a bright smile, shaking her head and thus sending the woman on her way again, while she went back to her emails.

She hated to be interrupted and it didn't happen often because most of the time there were no waitresses at bakeshops, at least not in this part of the city, but apparently this was one of the more fancy ones. Lapis almost never visited the same shop twice so she couldn't have known, but still made a mental note to never come back again.

 

The Waitress couldn't be blamed, though, she knew that.

 

Because that blonde woman, too, only did her shitty job.

 

 ---

 

The Sun started to go down when Lapis stepped into the apartment building, her gun safely secured at her waist under her harem trousers. There would be no running involved, neither spectacular jumping or hiding; the man was supposed to be alone and since she had watched him getting up to his apartment nobody left or entered the building. He lived alone and his neighbors were well-respected parts of society, they probably didn't even knew he existed.

 

He was new in the business, probably a little naive about his safety and her suspicion was confirmed when she managed to get into his apartment, all innocent looking, telling him “a friend told her he would have a job for her”.

 

The second hed turned around to show her the living room and 'invite her for a drink' she pulled out her gun, and without missing a beat, shot the back of his head.

 

Once.

 

Twice.

 

Until his lifeless body fell to the ground and silence fell upon the apartment.

 

She had no time pressure, her gun equipped with a suppressor to not draw any attention to her with any suspicious sounds, she was able to check her Targets pulse (gone) and wait around for a bit to make sure he wouldn't just … stand up again and get her ass in jail.

 

Just as Pearl said and Steven confirmed: An easy target to get her lazy ass out of the house and hopefully out of her blues to start working again.

 

She needed just that: small but fulfilling results to feel better about herself. Accomplishments to remind her that she was worth a damn, she thought silently whistling while inspecting the rather fancy appearing place.

 

Designer furnishing, modern art on the walls and a high class security system that of course failed the second this idiot opened the door himself just to get shot by a nice looking girl, 'exotic' as he called her in his last seconds and she thought it was a rather fitting ending for a man who sold dark skinned girls as 'exotic' to rapists and murderers.

 

She was about finished with her little room tour when she realized that the bathroom door was locked.

 

Why was it locked if the owner of the apartment laid dead on the floor? That didn't add up in the slightest and immediately she felt her blood run cold, while every inch on her skin started to feel like it was set ablaze. It had been a long time since she wished to crawl out of her own body this urgently, but here she stood, realization hitting her like a freight train:

Somebody else was here.

 

A victim of his human trafficking?

 

“A Witness” a voice in her head screamed and she drew her Weapon again, feeling helpless.

 

She was trained, she knew what to do with an unexpected crowd, but she didn't knew what to do with a possibly innocent victim.

 

Why hadn't Steven mentioned them, wasn't he supposed to know? She took over the monitoring for him just a few hours ago, he promised her that nobody entered the building, who wasn't a resident.

 

Did this Dude actually invite his neighbors over?

 

“We have two options here.” She said aloud, gun pointing at the door, “You open up that door and we work on a peaceful solution or I'll kick this door in and make sure the police will have two corpses to get rid off.”

 

“Fuck off!” A high-pitched voice answered, startling the hitman.

 

So it's a girl, she thought and lowered her weapon to reconsider. She was probably scared out of her wits and just hysterical considering the circumstances. Lapis couldn't kill her, not like that, but she also couldn't let her go.

 

“Come out” She repeated, “I won't kill you as long as you won't start a ruckus.”

 

Once again, nothing more but an even higher “Fuck you!”

 

Well, the Hitman thought, I tried.

 

And thus she kicked the door in, years of experience aiding her in doing it in the most efficient way without being too loud, which was now kinda pointless as the girl behind the door let out a blood-curdling scream, alarming everyone in the building which Lapis had tried so hard to avoid.

 

She'd already had enough of this bullshit, her accomplishment a dead-loss and her mood once again somewhere down in the gutter.

 

Lapis took a short look at the girl that cowered in front of the bathtub, clutching a shoe as if to throw it at her in self-defense and once again she hesitated.

 

Tiny. Lean. As if someone had just stretched thin paper over her bones, ripped in the middle of her face. It was a scar, the hitman saw that, even if the round glasses covered up a part of it.

Lapis' best guess was that she was a teenager, grumpy but ultimately harmless, at the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

Just another victim.

 

She looked like that nerdy kid from Breakfast Club and for a second Lapis even forgot that she was a witness of murder and a very real danger to the hitman.

 

Then something sharp, fierce, flashed in the nerds eyes and she didn't take anymore chances:

 

Crossing the bathroom in a split second while the girl was still screeching like a banshee, a clean hit to her forehead with the hard steel of Lapis' gun, the sound of breaking glass and her little problem was silent; out cold.

 

So much for her easy job killing some pimp.

 

\---

 

Once again Pearls unbearable, shrill voice came out of Lapis' phone speaker, penetrating her ears in the most unpleasant way and filling up the whole car.

 

“YOU HAVE A WHAT IN YOUR WHAT?” She yelled as if there wasn't this great invention that made it unnecessary to scream for people in the distance to hear you, also known as the fucking phone and once again Lapis wished she would have just stayed at home and lived with Rose's anger.

 

At least she knew how to handle being a disappointment for the people who 'cared about her'; driving around with unconscious teenage girls in her trunk on the other hand were a new arena to her and she didn't like it.

 

“I have a girl in my trunk. She was in the bathroom and locked herself in, what the hell was I supposed to do?” She asked without aggression, she was on speaker and knew that the whole team was listening. Including Steven.

 

“Just leave and wait for her to go to the police to rat me out?”

 

There was silence on the line, only interrupted by Pearls frantic murmurs as she marched up and down the living room. Lapis already knew that behavior, her Partner tended to be overdramatic in her own way and did this over a lot of things:

 

Burned pancakes.

 

Open bills.

 

And now about bodies in Lapis' car, she just had absolutely no chill and it was probably the only reason Lapis herself was able to stay calm right now. If Pearl lost her mind it was Lapis' time to shine as an ice block.

 

“I must have missed her going in” Steven admitted remorseful, he hated to make mistakes and this was his biggest fuck up hitherto, “She must have snuck in when I was on the phone or making notes.”

 

“Why would a girl her age sneak into the apartment of a human trafficker?”

 

The rough voice belonged to Amethyst, Pearls Boyfriend and one of the paid muscles of the team. He and Garnet, the other part of this dynamic duo lived with Pearl, Steven and Connie, who all now sat around in silence, contemplating what to do with this new information. They couldn't just let her leave but they all understood why Lapis wasn't able to just do away with the girl either.

 

After a while the silence became insufferable and Lapis spoke once again.

 

“I'm gonna lock her in my basement until we find out more about her.” She decided for the group, “Or until Rose gives us different orders. Before I knocked her out I saw something in her eyes...”

 

She hesitated.

 

“That girl would have taken any chance to end me, I saw it. You all know the look I'm talking about. No fear or survival instinct, just...”

 

“Calculation.” Garnet ended the sentence for her.

 

“You think she is part of the Diamond Authority?”

 

Lapis shook her head, even if her teammates on the other side of the line couldn't see it.

 

“No. No, in that case she would've torn me a new one the second I kicked open the door. There is something wrong with her, definitely, but she isn't trained. At least not enough to be in the business.”

 

“Well you can't just hide her in your basement like a defect lawn mover!” Pearl finally announced, apparently she found a way out of her own head again and was now rested up to once again make Lapis think about maneuvering her car into the next tree near the highway.

 

“Well I can't just throw her into the Fließ either!” She finally snapped, “So what do you propose I do with her?! She wasn't part of the job and I sure as hell won't just roll her outta my trunk into a ditch and risk ending up in jail because she found her way into a police station!”

 

“You take her home with you,” Garnet decided, “Do what you consider the best. Steven will try to find out who she is and where she came from while the rest of us talk with Rose. No throwing people into rivers or ditches, we will find a solution.”

 

“Always so sure of everything” Amethyst mumbled with no venom, but still loud enough for even Lapis to hear it.

 

“Are you sure you can handle her?” Steven inquired, “You said yourself, something isn't right with her.”

 

Lapis chuckled, mirthless.

 

“I can handle an oversized gremlin, Steven, don't worry. Just find out where she came from and if somebody misses her so I can get rid of her as soon as possible.”

 

“Will do! Just… watch your back until we can 'relocate' her” came the answer and like that the call was over.

 

\---

 

It took Lapis a while to get the knocked out blonde into her basement, but she managed and after setting up an impromptu bed she locked the doors and made sure that the girl wouldn't just surprise the hitman in her own house.

 

Pearl had sent her a message, to “get rid of the girl once and for all” but she ignored it.

 

Normally she would have listened to her partner, there was a reason they worked together after all, even if they bickered often.

 

Most of the time they could rely on each other, their characters opposing and still similar enough to understand each other.

 

But not in this case, if only because their lives went so differently up until now. They both had their principles, but in Pearls case that didn't include any witnesses over 16 years of age, while Lapis had a soft spot for most kids that looked innocent enough.

 

She realized that in this city and these times almost no one was innocent anymore, but she couldn't get over herself. She called it “humaneness”, but the rest of the team knew that she probably just wasn't able to not project herself onto any and all girls under 18 years, as if she searched for a mini-me to take under her wings.

 

When she finally sat down on her couch once again, this time in a far cleaner living room than when Pearl had woken her up so rudely she was at a loss for words or actions.

 

It was far past midnight now, her Target, Marten Schmidt, long dead and her nerves frazzled. This wasn't how it was supposed to go: She had the target, killed them after Steven monitored them for a week, sometimes with Pearls support, sometimes without it. Got paid, went on with her life until the next job.

 

If there was a witness it was mostly friends or costumers of the targets, never family or little nerdy girls who hid in bathrooms, never people who didn't also deserve a bullet to the head one way or another.

 

She didn't suddenly find her soft side, she knew that this kid only meant problems and that her Partner was probably right: She should just kill her and go on with her life.

 

That thought haunted her, it haunted her on the 2 hour drive in the rural part of town, not thinking about the possibility that her hostage could wake up in her trunk while she listened to calming music, stepping on the accelerator as if this would solve the problem.

 

It haunted her the whole time she carried the girl from her car into her house, down the stairs into the basement, cuffing her up and setting up the old mattress with some pillows and a cover as if she found her inner mom to care about the blonde.

 

And it haunted her now, half asleep, Pumpkin at her side while she laid on the couch and stared at the walls. At least he didn't give her any shit for the way she lived her life and fucked up her most recent job.

 

She should have made sure that she and her target were alone, it wasn't Stevens fault. There was always the chance that people reacted unpredictably, that they fell out of their habits and got spontaneous visits or random urges to go out, even if they normally didn't.

 

Even calculating assholes who didn't have a single emotion worth the mention tended to act on impulse from time to time and one week was just not enough to make sure they were prepared for shit like that.

 

No, it was her fault alone and the insinuation that followed up; that maybe she had been useless too long and now lost her ability to fulfill her job, made her fall into a nightmare fueled slumber.

 

\---

 

Pumpkin woke her up when he heard their house guest starting to grow restless and trying to open up her handcuffs, making a lot of noise which alarmed the dog.

 

It was rather early in the morning, maybe 7 or 8 am, far too early after such a night but there was nothing Lapis could do about it:

The girl wouldn't give up and she really had no reason not to at least try to get out.

 

“She's probably hungry and trying to survive a killer headache” Lapis mused and looked to her dog, who seemed also rather interested in a little care from his owner.

 

“You wanna go out, Buddy, don't you?”

 

Of course, he didn't really understand her, but he very much knew 'go out' and so he ran down the small hallway to the door, so she would let him out. She would go for a long walk with him after getting some food down into the basement and hopefully some information out of the kid, but right now it should be enough to let him take a leak in the front yard.

 

Getting a breakfast together on the other hand was harder than she thought: She wasn't used to having guests over and she was even less used to a normal eating schedule, her fridge being home to many bottles of beer and even a half empty bottle of Jack but not a single ingredient for a non-alcoholic, non-fluid meal.

 

“For fucks sake … ” She mumbled and started to rummage around her kitchen, but to no avail:

She would have to take her dog and just go to the penny market down the road or the nerd in the basement would have to eat the filling of her own mattress and probably drink her own...

 

Well enough of that, Lapis thought while getting her wallet and her keys, not bothering to put on fresh clothes. She fell asleep in her pants and shirt last night, something she could definitely wear for a short walk to the grocery store. At this time of the day, especially on the weekend, there would only be people who crawled outta the club just hours ago, trying to get hydration and old people who she couldn't care less about.

 

She checked her balance on the phone, realizing that, until yesterday night, she only had a few cents to her name. But luckily the client seemed to be informed and had sent her the money, so she at least had that going for her.

 

“What do little nerds eat?” She asked her dog while putting his leash around the bike rack, she couldn't just buy a pack of frozen pizzas and a bottle of finished mix sex on the beach, even if she felt like that was exactly what kids these days considered a good breakfast on a Saturday morning.

 

The employees at the market knew her by name, she had to show them her ID in the first few weeks after her move more often than her whole life before and after that, cursing often as she apparently managed to move close to the only store in the whole city that actually cared about the Youth Protection Act.

 

And thus they seemed quite surprised to see her actually try and buy eggs, milk, and bread, in addition to toppings for said bread like a normal citizen, in hopes that she could maybe persuade her hostage to give out information by providing good food.

 

She also could threw in a glass of water and an aspirin as a goodwill gesture.

 

“Finally found a boyfriend, hm?” The cashier asked and Lapis would have loved to just grab over the counter and hit his head against the scanner, but instead she gave him a warm smile and shrugged, “Something like that, yeah.”

 

He chuckled over his own stupid joke while ringing up the groceries, and when he was finally done Lapis left with a friendly goodbye.

 

As much as she disliked interactions like that, she had to make sure she could maintain her image in her own neighborhood. It was banal but the old 'They seemed so normal' could save her ass if she ever somehow drew some suspicion on herself. She was on good terms with all her neighbors, never throwing a party herself, but visiting others often enough to be considered polite and sociable. Pumpkin also gave her a lot of sympathy points as she trained him to not defile close to the others houses.

 

He was also good with the kids, a valuable virtue whenever pseudo psychologists would try to analyze her or her situation.

 

“Animal friendly and good with kids” just didn't fit with most killer profiles, so as long as she was nice to the douche cashier she was off the hook, so to say.

 

Hopefully she was able to actually seem just as likable to the nerd that was shackled under her house, even if she felt like that train left the station the second she shot some dude in the back and proceeded to kick the bathroom door in.

 

\---

 

“You're one of those hitmen that can be ordered on the dark web, aren't you?”

 

Lapis stood in the door, a tray filled with food in hand and stared in surprise at the girl on the floor.

 

She had handcuffed her to one of the heating pipes that were located down here and seemed alarmingly calm considering she woke up bound to a pipe in a dark, unknown basement.

 

Lapis wasn't even able to deny it, too surprised at the situation at hand and instead the hitman just nodded, looking at her hands.

 

“At first I thought maybe you were a rival of Marten, but I realized that a rival would probably send one of their henchman or a hired killer. Just an idiot would walk in there themself and well … let's be real you don't really look like someone who would be part of a human traffic ring as a muscle, so it was only two options: you are a hitman in general or you had an open bill.

 

And once again, you don't look like someone who would pay an open bill of a trafficker by killing a rival.”

 

“I could be one of his earlier victims.” Lapis recovered from the rather unpredicted statement, “And could have decided to come back for revenge.”

 

The girl laughed, it was strange and sounded like a loud snickering. The sound reminded Lapis more of a cartoon Villain.

 

“An ex-prostitute with a gun in this country? We're not in an action movie, we both know that in Germany you gotta do a lot of bullshit to even get your hands on a blank gun, not to mention the tests and clean record you need to even get on the waiting list for a license. I'm not stupid, you got that thing and learned to handle it from someone who trained you to kill. You aren't some little girl who ended up in someones sex dungeon and managed to flee, you were made to kill.”

 

Lapis put the tray down in front of the girl, listening calmly and not showing any sign of interest in her words. She really just exposed her knowledge and the fact that she had some experience in the business, instead of troubling the hitman with her 'exposure'.

 

“Am I now” She noted unimpressed and pushed the tray closer to her prisoner with her foot.

 

The girl didn't react to that statement, or even the food as she looked around annoyed, as if someone had just interrupted her class presentation.

 

“Where are my glasses?” She snarled.

 

“Broke when I hit your big head” Lapis declared, walking a few steps back to lean on the door frame.

 

“Anymore questions or can I know who is sitting in my basement now?”

 

The sharp gleam in her eyes was back and she looked up from the mattress as if Lapis had just lost her mind.

 

“You brought me here. I don't have any intention to reveal my information to you, you filthy killing machine.”

 

That made Lapis raise an eyebrow, 'filthy killing machine'? Well that certainly was a new one for someone in that nerds situation, locked in the basement of a killer, shackled to pipes; no chance of escape.

 

“You have moxie, I'll give you that. But you can't always be the ugly nerd in my basement, not only because I don't have the resources but also because I already have another hungry mouth to feed and in contrast to you it actually is a useful part of this household. So either you throw me a bone here so we can work something out or I'll have to find another use for you.”

 

She was about to leave, giving the girl some time to think about her words and the situation she was in, when the nerd spoke up again.

 

“Why don't you just kill me?” She asked and Lapis turned around with a knowing smile.

 

“Maybe I will” She threatened without any real meaning behind it, but paused when she saw the lazy grin on the girls face.

 

“You are nothing but a weapon, asshole. End what Marten didn't manage to finish.”

 

Lapis didn't dare to ask what she meant but after her theatrical pause, the girl went on,

 

“Kill me.”


	3. My Love

_Ashes to ashes, dust to dust_  
_No you can't amuse me, so leave you must_  
_Ashes to ashes, dust to dust_  
_If the spell won't kill you, your ego does_

 

“Do what you were made for,” Peridot said with a lazy grin, “Why wait? Kill me.”

The words rang in Lapis ears, echoed through her head again and again as she sat in her backyard and looked at the sky, as if it held the answers to all her questions.

Whatever sat down there, shackled to her pipes, she was sure it wasn't a human being.

The blonde, who's name was Peridot, had told her to kill her. She didn't even fucking asked, she down right demanded to be killed.

It was mind boggling.

“What?” She had stammered because she was sure she had heard wrong, but sadly, she didn't.

“Are you fucking deaf?” The girl had asked, “Or just really slow, I want you to put me out of my misery, fuck-o.”

At first she thought she was wrong all along and the girl was indeed part of the diamonds gang, but when she brought up the question, the girl just laughed.

“I'm not part of your stupid blood-in, blood-out spiel. My name is Peridot, are you happy now? Do you want to write it down so you can engrave it into the piece of wood you bury me under?”

After that Lapis had left, not able to hold onto herself much longer. Those cold eyes, no fear, not even provocation. As if that kid was talking about the shitty weather in November and not about getting shot in the head in a basement, to be buried in the woods never to be heard of again.

She didn't even had half the mind to call Steven or Pearl to ask them to find out as much as they could about Peridot, who apparently was around twenty and suicidal.

Maybe she broke out of a sanatorium or ran away from her carer, she really couldn't imagine any other scenario. If she was so adamant on killing herself why didn't she just do it herself?

Nothing made sense and Lapis kinda wished she would have just left her in the bathroom, fleeing the scene and hoping that her neighbors would vouch for the oh so innocent girl, who never hurt a fly and was always so nice to the kids.

Instead she was now stuck with this mental case demanding to be killed on the spot, her teammates who were evenly split between those that probably wanted Peridot just as dead as she wished to be herself and those wanting her alive, even if not out of the same reasons Lapis did.

Rose would probably tell her to keep Peridot and turn her around, Pearl would do everything Rose told her to and Garnet would tell her to do what she considered best, as she always told her.

If Steven heard of the whole conversation he would probably try and take Peridot's mind apart, he loved people like that. Those that weren't considered 'normal' and didn't even cared enough to act like they were.

She didn't knew about Amethyst or Jasper, but they probably would have killed Peridot on the spot, not thinking twice about it.

The basement door stayed locked until the evening, then Lapis brought Peridot another tray of food, still not sure what to do with the girl.

“You put something in there?” Peridot asked and almost sounded hopeful and Lapis wanted to vomit.

“Eat or starve, I don't give a fuck” She lied and went up again, locking the door and fleeing into her bed room, drowning her thoughts in beer and Jack Daniels.

\---

The next morning wasn't better, neither was the day.

Rose didn't message her which meant that she couldn't care less what she did with her prisoner and the rest of the team didn't gave her an update either which meant that it was up to Lapis to decide and also that, if she wanted help, she had to give it out in an easy to understand command or nobody would lift a finger.

So much about the so called gangster honor.

In the end she couldn't blame them, if one of them, except for Steven, would have ended up in her situation she would have shown just as much interest in the whole thing. If she really needed help she could ask for it, but right now she rather wanted to try and get over herself to find a solution than listen to the others telling her their opinions.

They weren't even a gang, just a group of people who managed to organize themselves under Rose, with a few friends in the different districts of town.

There was no name or big codex behind all this, just her and Pearl being hired to kill people, Garnet and Amethyst working as a goon squad, Jasper and Connie selling drugs and poison while Steven kept an eye on their clients and targets.

The rest was a lose bunch of runner, a few friends who helped Ame and Garnet to beat people to pulp and Rose and Pearls friends who had an interest in the whole Idea behind this.

Lapis tried to distract herself, even asking Ame if she had anything to do today or if she wanted to hang out.

It took approximately 10 seconds for her phone to buzz and as she looked on the screen she saw Ame's answer.

“I swear this thing is actually part of his body” Lapis murmured fascinated with a sense of relieve, as that meant she won't be forced to be alone with her thoughts.

She opened up the message and sighed.

_**PurplePuma:** U got rid of the gremlin lassie?_

_**Blue Devil:** naw. must have lost my edge, wanna come over and drink?_

_**PurplePuma:** Can't. Porl will end me if I drink tonite. Have a client tomorrow. Good luck with that problem in your cellar._

Thus was the end of it and Lapis took it as a sign to finally get over herself and confront Peridot.

Which was easier as it seemed, considering that she had no intention to kill her and Peridot had no intention not to try everything to use her as a talkative gun.

Maybe that was the whole problem. Lapis had been used all her life, it took her a long time to at least get paid for the shit she did and she had not intention to play noose for a cheeky little coward, no matter how complicated this made the whole situation.

She thought about giving Peridot one of her guns, with a single bullet so she could just do the job herself, if that didn't meant that she also could use the bullet to shoot her or, by some freak coincidence, Pumpkin.

The dog was the only thing in this world she truly loved and the Idea to give that girl the power to hurt him was nauseating.

She had no noose in the house either, she also didn't plan to let Peridot out of her handcuffs so that wasn't working either. Maybe she could give her some pills, but she felt like the nerd wouldn't take them.

Not if she just … gave her the option.

When she walked down the stairs to the basement door she did it without a tray this time, opening the door and walking up to the girl who was dozing. Of course, she didn't really had much to do down here, had she?

“Wake up, Peridot” Lapis said calmly, almost as if she cared about her, “Come on, wake up.”

The blonde grunted, not even cracking an eye open, “You gonna end my misery once and for all?”

“No,” Lapis shook her head, “I won't do that. If you decide to try and just starve yourself to death down here then I can't stop you from that, but I won't actively kill you.”

Her prisoner finally gave in and opened her eyes, staring up at the ceiling.

“You found your humanity or something?” She mumbled and for a moment she actually looked desperate. As if her only hope was gone.

“Or are you just a coward?”

Lapis sat down, deciding consciously to not get angry over this provocation. She had held Peridot hostage over 2 days and she just wanted this to be over without feeling like a tool all over again.

“Aren't you a coward for not just killing yourself but asking a hitman to do it for you? Not to mention for free. You wouldn't ask an artist to work for nothing, would you?”

Peridot chuckled mirthless, “Do you really consider yourself an Artist?”

She looked up at her, Lapis still expressionless sitting cross-legged in front of her, just out of reach.

“You are a tool,” She went on, “A better gun, for fucks sake. You are paid to kill, that's what a gun does. You buy it, it kills people for you. If it's so important to you I'll give you my account data and you can take all of the 5 bucks I still own. Or do you just wanna keep me down here forever? Chained to your heat system, in my own feces?”

“I let you use the toilet, don't act as if I'm treating you like an animal” Lapis retorted, slightly offended that she implied this was her style, “I just don't let you under the shower.”

“Whatever,” Peridot murmured and closed her eyes again, “If you're not gonna kill me then just leave me be. You'll have to get rid of me eventually.”

But Lapis stayed. It was her basement and if she decided to camp out in here she would do just that. The Nerd hadn't shown any kind of behavior that would make her anymore considerate than she already had been.

There was a long silence, time ticked away as Lapis looked at Peridot and Peridot just laid there, almost as if she slept. She didn't, the hitman knew, but she didn't said anything about it. Eventually something would happen, she was sure and considering that she wasn't the one in a strangers house, not missed by anyone, it was Peridot who would have to say something or take action.

But she didn't and thus they just sat in the dark basement until the first rays of sunlight lighted up the brick walls and a new morning began.

“You can't go to the police, can't you?” The hitman noted after a while, “That's why you're not even begging me to let you go or trying to play good with me. I'm your only chance to end it.”

Peridot didn't react for a long time and Lapis started to think that, maybe, the girl actually had fallen asleep.

But then she slowly nodded and opened her eyes again.

“They already search for me. If they find me, I'll go to jail, there is no way around that. They won't give me the option to kill myself. Without my glasses I am blind, so the second you'll kick me out, I'm done for. I have nowhere to go and I look far too young for people to just ignore me and leave me to die in a ditch.

You are my only hope to finally end this.”

Was she crying? Lapis sat up to take a better look, Peri's voice was shaking, but her face seemed just as straight as every other day. Maybe she had just imagined the emotions in her voice and Peridot tried to get her to kill her by trying to invoke sympathy in her, by telling some sob story.

“Then you are shit out of luck” Lapis admitted, finally standing up, “Because I'm done being everyone's plaything. I won't kill you. And I won't let you die down here. Get used to it, you'll have to kill me and then yourself if it's this urgent.”

Peridot looked over to her, eventually just lying back down completely and closing her eyes again.

“I'll make breakfast. I'll get you something down here when it's finished. If you decide to be less of the shithead I maybe let you shower later.”

“Wow, Thanks, oh benign mistress.” Came the voice from the mattress and Lapis just shook her head.

She would get in a lot of trouble with this Nerd, she already felt it.

\---

Peridot started to behave.

Lapis didn't knew why, hoped it was because she tried to be not as much of an asshole as she actually was, but in the end she didn't really care.

After a few days it stopped feeling like she was taking care of a prisoner in solitary confinement and after a week she could let the girl stay in the basement without her handcuffs. Like she said; she couldn't flee, without her glasses she wasn't able to see more than a very vague blur of colors and shapes and Lapis decided that it was okay to let her roam the house when she was there and awake. Of course she made sure that she couldn't leave it or get close to any weapons, she also had to find a way to make sure the girl wouldn't fall down any stairs.

They didn't really talked much, both being miserable at social interaction and conventions, Pumpkin on the other side was absolutely delighted to have now two, in numbers 2, people he could play with.

The second Peridot stepped out of the basement and into the living room the dog was on her and she screamed in terror because she didn't saw him coming and thought she was mauled for Lapis enjoyment.

She didn't even fought it, probably wishing that her first thought was the truth, but Pumpkin was just a big cinnamon roll, sniffing the guest he never was allowed to see up to this moment and licking her face.

“It's my dog” Lapis explained after the girl found her way back to her feet, “Pumpkin. If you ever hurt him, I'll not only ensure that you will stay on this miserable planet with me until I die of old age, I'll also make sure that you will do that in the most miserable way imaginable. Are we clear on that one?”

“I'm not that kind of Monster” Peridot had mumbled and searched her way to the couch, to fall down on it, Pumpkin on her heels, completely obvious to the situation at hand.

It was time to find out more about her, Lapis decided that evening, after she locked the girl back into the cellar and went to bed.

She would get another target in a few days, Pearl had informed her and also started to question her “relationship with the witness”.

Lapis didn't even gave her the satisfaction to answer that question, just accepting the job offer and planing with Steven via text messages.

If he was already out in the streets to gather information, he could also finally find out who the hell Peridot was and how it have been possible for her to just suddenly appear in this city without relatives or friends who could search for her.

It seemed like she had no life before locking herself into that bathroom, as if she just crawled out of the drain and decided to take this as her new home until someone was willing to end her existence.

No, Lapis thought and turned around to finally fall into a rather peaceful slumber; she was probably summoned and not born.

There was no way in hell she would ever have any kind of relationship with that Nerd.


	4. Cold Blooded

_You can't trust a cold blooded lover_  
_You can't trust a cold blooded slave_  
_You can't trust a cold blooded other_  
_In the end they'll just drive you insane_  
_There's one thing you must understand_  
_You can't trust a cold blooded woman_

  


When the others found out about Lapis current living situation they had rather differing reactions.

Garnet just smiled knowingly, like she always did, gracefully accepting the 50 bucks Amethyst handed her with a growl.

“Told you she wouldn't” She noted calmly and Pearl watched the scene just as disapprovingly as Lapis.

“I don't know how you guys can take bets about this, Lapis is getting us all into danger by letting her live!” She chided, while Connie and Steven watched the scene unfold while removing themselves completely from the conversation.

Connie probably had no real interest in Peridot, while Steven seemed just rather interested in listening and gathering what Lapis was willing to tell them about her before he talked.

“She is literally five feet tall and bound to my heating pipes. She can't kill herself and she can't rat us out, why are you getting your panties in a twist over this? If it's so important to you come over and kill her yourself.”

Lapis really had no interest in defending herself and her decision. They left her alone with her, knowing very well about her past and still not lifting a single finger, she had no reason to explain any of her actions to them.

Especially not considering Rose backed her up on this.

“You are all allowed to come over and pump as much bullets as you want in her, but I won't and unless one of you works up the balls to end this dilemma once and for all with a gun shot, I suggest you shut the fuck up before I start to get unpleasant.”

The smile on her face reminded all of them that Lapis wouldn't hesitate to make their next months living hell (except for maybe Steven and Connie who had Roses Puppy License) and thus the whole discussion found a rather sudden end.

Finally, Steven spoke up,

“You still don't know where she came from?”

Lapis shook her head, “She won't tell me. It's not like I ask her a lot, she mostly curses and acts like a piece of shit, so I try to keep the conversations to a minimum.”

He nodded, looking around the room as if he was waiting for someone to say something, but the others just looked back and forth between their Two in Command, not exactly sure what to do about all this.

There was change in the air and the fact that neither of them thought about killing the girl and just going on with their lives meant that deep down, they actually had an Idea what to do with her.

Steven and Lapis just had to make sure that they were right about their suspicions.

“Pearl” He spoke up again and the lean hitman looked over to him, showing that she was listening, “I'll try to find out what I can about her Family and maybe Friends, I can't imagine that nobody misses that girl. Not even a landlord or the employment agency? That seems completely impossible, there has to be someone who knows her. Could you check the universities and her record in the meanwhile? You know mom doesn't want me to do stuff like that.”

The woman nodded with a warm smile, “Sure. I'll start my research first thing in the morning. I'll take Amethyst with me, so we can work even faster.”

Amethyst, sensing and early morning, groaned beside Garnet who was grinning widely. Ame also hated Universities. Or maybe just any place which was removed from his typical locations: The house, the dumpster, the gym and the streets.

Everything beyond that never seemed overly interesting to him, but he didn't refused. Not that he could, to be completely honest, between his girlfriend Pearl, Steven and Lapis he was far down the food chain so he had no way to decline the order.

“If the police is really searching for her it should be rather easy to find out who she is” Pearl mumbled, leaving the room to probably prepare for the next day, leaving Garnet, Steven, Connie, Amethyst and Lapis behind, who seemed to be rather interested to end this little meeting too.

“Later, Lassie” Amethyst raised his hand, as if to greet and followed his girlfriend rather sluggishly, Garnet on his heels, who didn't even say good night.

Steven and Connie at least said good night before they left for bed and thus Lapis left the house, not feeling up to sitting around alone in the living room. She could do that at home, but she also wasn't in the mood to watch over her guest, so she decided to go for a ride, the city was big enough, she would find something to do except for sitting at home, staring at a door.

\---

The next day Lapis met up with Jasper. Normally they both stayed away from each other, only meeting if there was a big thing happening in the organization, something urgent enough that even the drug source of the team had to come over or because the team meet up for group building exercises.

Peridot wasn't even close to being important enough for that, but she was important enough to be worth a discussion between the two girls who were now walking down the Burgstraße, one of the smaller shopping promenades of the city. It had a ridiculous high amount of opticians and both of them searched for the one where the manager was also Jasper's costumer.

It wasn't too hard, she had costumers in all social groups and almost every kind of work was represented at least once. She could probably build her own society just with her Druffies alone.

“Lemme get this straight” Jasper started while they waited for the women behind the counter to find fitting contacts, “She lives in your house. You shackle that girl to your basement walls on a mattress and she, rightfully so, seems to hate you. So your first action to make her like you is … getting her contacts after you broke her glasses while knocking her out with your gun?”

“You sound like this scenario isn't something that could happen in a life like ours” Lapis answered unimpressed, hands in her pockets, looking around and at the glasses on the wall. They pretty much made up all the decoration and of course the display, still it fascinated her.

She started to wander through the store, just looking at the spectacle frames, while Jasper followed close behind.

“Do you really think it will help you with her opinion on you, tho?” Jasper persisted. She had spent most of her life with Lapis so she was used to her bullshit.

The Hitman just shrugged, “It's less of an offering of peace and more of an Assurance that she sees enough to not fall to her death on the stairs or hitting her head on a door or something like that.”

They walked around in silence after that, finally stopping in front of the display for women, whatever made the difference. They were sorted by colors and of course, Lapis had to look at the ones that were just as blue as her hair.

“Maybe I should get one. With normal glasses of course. What do you think, will it make me look more harmless?” Lapis joked while taking one of the wall and putting it one.

“You look ridiculous,” Jasper answered honestly with a mild smile on her face, “Like someone who gets robbed of their lunch money at high school.”

“I'm too cute to get robbed.”

They joked around for a while, trying on glasses and laughing at each other until the saleswoman was back and asked them to the counter to show them the contacts.

“They are for a friend?” The woman asked, being experienced enough to realize that neither Lapis nor Jasper knew shit about Eyes and their malfunctions.

“Something like that” Lapis answered absently, looking at the bill and the product itself, which made Jasper chuckle. Once again they were both left alone and now Jasper laughed, being alone in the front of the store she didn't felt the need to hold back.

“Lapis please, I know you., She said and the smaller girl looked up at her in irritation, “Peridot is nothing but a toy to you, isn't she? You love that she hates you and you live for the fact that you can be a sadistic little shit without her doing anything about it except for screaming at you and cursing. You may act as if you want us to get rid of her for you, but if one of us would as much as touch her, you would rip us apart, there would be nothing left to bury and we both know exactly why.”

Lapis didn't give her the satisfaction and just looked down again, but Jasper didn't stop her monologue, now a little more quietly, “We are both terrible people, so please don't act like you are the perfect mix between not giving a shit about the girl and the reborn mother Theresa. Get her damn contacts and then let's get out of here, so you can fuck her while cuffing her to the wall or whatever it is you guys do down there on that mattress, I really don't wanna know.”

“Then fucking shut up and let me get this over with before I'm forced to shoot you a second one” Lapis finally grunted while fumbling around with her wallet.

She threw a few bank notes on the counter, put away the contacts and hoped that Peri would be able to wear them, at least until they found a way to get a her glasses so she won't get her will by dying by accident.

“Why do you always, _always_ have to be an asshole?” She asked the high grown woman after they got out of the store. There was no real anger behind that question, but she sounded tired.

“Because you need someone being real with you without screeching or sugar coating it. And since Garnet isn't here, I gotta do it. That's why we are still friends, isn't it? So we can piss each other off.”

Lapis supposed Jasper was right, but she didn't said it. She felt a little exposed, even if she didn't  _ loved  _ that Peridot was acting like an ungrateful shit, it was nice having someone in the house who was just as much of a grumpy asshole as herself. There was no need to apologize for being useless and mean in the morning, since Peridot was always useless and mean. There was also no need to ask for permission to do something, after all it was her house and if she wanted to watch something different than her Guest (who couldn't even watch TV,  all she was able to do was listen to the audio while watching colorful blots on the screen) then she just switched channels and listened with  a musement to Peri's angry sounds.

They decided to use the nice weather and go for an Ice in one of the many Ice Cream shops and just talk for a little while, update each other about their work and general moods.

It was a rare occasion and once again Lapis realized how much she missed Jasper in her life and at the same time she remembered again why they never did stuff like that.

To Jasper it was no different; she knew that they couldn't really be without each other but every time they were together it was like waiting for a bomb to explode, tiptoeing around certain topics and switching between several of them without really talking about it all because Lapis refused to be civil about it and because Jasper refused to be too open with her.

When they both hit their limit they decided to end their little meet up, parting at the subway and while Jasper walked down the stairs to get back home, Lapis got to her car and just stood there for a while, staring once again at the sky and feeling too much at once and nothing at all at the same time.

She hadn't forgotten what her friend had said in the store and even if she acted like she didn't care, it got to her. Back when they were together she was in this constant state of drowning in her own emotions and feeling paralyzed all at once, acting like she didn't cared in one moment and exploding the next.

Finally getting out of her own head she sat into her car, started the engine and took the long way home, thinking about the way she would give Peridot the contacts, hoping that Steven or Pearl would message her soon.

\---

Living on a mattress in the basement of a hitman sounded definitely worse than it was, Peridot decided.

The hitman was a blue haired girl, 24 years of age and probably the most confusing being Peri ever had the displeasure to meet, but at least she gave her food, let her use the bathroom and from time to time even walk around and play with her dog.

She understood why Lapis loved that dog, in stark contrast to his owner the dog was a happy little thing, fun to be around, empathic and aware of social norms as it seems.

At least he didn't walked around in nothing but panties and interrupted her showers for some dumb, probably made up reason. There were at least two bathrooms in this house, she had no reason to burst in while Peri was showering and even if there was; she would only have to wait ten minutes!

No, Pumpkin was better than that, but he didn't pay the bills or for her food, so she had to just keep quiet and live with it, she guessed. After all Lapis wouldn't kill her, that seemed to be decided once and for all and there was no reason to try any harder. She should save her energy for another chance, maybe she could get away and get in trouble before the police would get her, if she could just trick the blue haired ass into letting her roam the house while she was gone. Sooner or later she would become careless and Peri would get the chance to search for one of her weapons and just get out of here.

Right now the only thing she would be able to manage was to get into a fist fight, in the best case, and end up in a hospital or a sanatorium.

But with a gun or any other real weapon? Police maybe were sissified and would only shoot her foot or her arm, but a drug dealer would end her the second she would aim with a gun at them. Those people knew no mercy when it came to their lives or their drugs and she could use that against them.

_If everything worked her way._

Before she actually could think about a more detailed plan than “trick the deranged killer into thinking I'm nice now and then steal all her guns” she heard the door and a yell.

“I'm back! I got a surprise!”

“You got a friend who will blow my brains onto the next wall” Peridot mumbled, chuckling about her own stupid joke and relaxing against the wall when she heard the basement door opening up.

“Guess what, asshole?” Lapis said gleefully while walking up to the girl in handcuffs, opening them up so she could sit up better, “You will be finally able to see my beauty every day from now on.”

“Do I have to?” Peridot retorted and Lapis gave her a dry laugh.

“I got you contacts, fuckface, now say thank you and put them on.”

Contacts? Like, actual optical aid?

Okay, either Lapis was more stupid than Peridot thought and actually already believed that the blonde was a rather innocent being or she looked so pathetic tumbling around half blind that Lapis took pity on her.

Either way, she would be able to see again! In her glee she tried to snatch the container out of Lapis hand, missing miserably and instead almost punching her in the chest.

“Yeah, let me help you with that” Lapis giggled, putting the container in Peridot's hands and guiding it open, “You can get them in without a mirror?”

“Had to learn it when I was younger” Peridot admitted, not even thinking about the fact that this was probably the most personal information she had ever given to Lapis that wasn't about her wanting to kill herself or her visual impairment. All she cared about was being able to see clearly again and when she got both contacts in, she blinked a few times and then looked up at Lapis in silent astonishment.

Fuck, she was actually hot.

“Told you I was beautiful,” Lapis grinned pretentious and stood up again, brushing non existing dirt of her knees, “Wanna test them and watch a little TV with me? I bought Ice Cream.”

Ice Cream? Contacts?

What the fuck was going on here, did she called the cops on her ass and wanted her to feel save until they got here?

Lapis wouldn't. Or would she?

“What is going on?” She asked suspiciously, while following Lapis up the stairs, “What are you trying to accomplish here?”

Lapis looked over her shoulders, down to Peridot with an annoyed expression on her face.

She was finally able to see her facial features and Peridot already decided that this must be the worst of all of them.

“Can't you just be grateful and be a good movie buddy for once? I can't invite people over with you here, you are the only company I have in this place and I can't spent too much time away or you gonna piss on the mattress, so maybe just say thanks, eat your Ice Cream and let me enjoy the illusion that you are a roommate and not the most suicidal hostage ever hold.”

Well, that sounded honest enough, so Peri decided to take it and just nodded,

“Wow. Thanks.”

\---

Apparently Peridot actually just appeared out of thin air, got in trouble with the police and then vanished again. That's all Steven, Pearl and Amethyst were able to gather, even if the girl appeared in no reports or registry and Lapis felt like she managed to get a valid demon into her house.

There was no other way. The fact that the blonde apparently had no history, no family, no nothing, going as far as allegedly getting in trouble with the law, even if there was no proof for that, was so unbelievable alien to her. She would rather just go with the 'she's from another dimension and manifested in the bathroom so the space in my house would be finally put to good use' than 'somehow she managed to fall through the cracks, trick the system and just enjoys being a suicidal little shit instead of trying to flee or kill me'.

After getting her the contacts their arrangement changed slightly. She still cuffed her to the pipes when Lapis was out and only let her roam the house when she was awake, but somehow, with her eyesight she also seemed to have gained a little of her will to live back.

Before she was just insolent and arrogant, making Lapis feel like a better tool and trying to get her to finally follow Peridot's wishes to be killed or at least brought into a situation that would take care of it for her.

Now she got cheeky, asking for comfort and a better living situation. That was so ridiculous Lapis would have laughed if she didn't stood down in her own basement, looking down at this insolent little shit and her big ass, sympathy-invoking scar in absolute astonishment after she told her she wanted something to work with or on.

“Like what?” She asked, still not completely sure what was happening, “You want me to get you a crochet set or something? How you gonna use it if I'm not here; with your toes? I still don't know your history and you can see again, there is no way I'm gonna let you walk around freely down here anymore when I can't monitor you.”

“What is the worst thing I could do?” Peridot retorted, “Call the Police on your ass? Flee? You know I can't do neither. I'm just sitting around all day and I would do the same without the handcuffs and you know that.”

But Lapis shook her head, “There are weapons in this household and I still don't trust you enough with my dog, you are not getting a chance to stab me in the back.”

“You let me sleep without handcuffs” Peridot tried again, she really meant no harm this time. She was just genuinely bored and wanted something to do with all her free time.

“Because I can hear you cough down here up in my room, I have good ears. But even bat senses wouldn't help me when you break into my storage and greet me with blazing guns. What would you even want to work with? Can't you just read like you did since you got here?” Lapis asked while they walked up the stairs together. It was time for breakfast and it started to become tradition to actually eat in the kitchen together, rather than alone.

“All you own are manuals and I can only read so often about that until I get so bored I get willing to build imitates out of the garbage you store in my cell” Peri glared at her, they got into the kitchen and she sat down, arms crossed in front of her chest, staring out of the window.

“It's not a cell, it's the only room I can safely secure right now. And that's not garbage, it's just stuff I don't use right now. I don't even know why you are so pissed about that, just a few weeks ago you begged me to shoot you in the head and bury you in my backyard, you think that would have been a more comfortable place?”

This whole situation really was starting to go on Lapis nerves, and the fact that Peridot now stopped answering and instead started to make those strange sounds of anger she always made when she got irritated didn't really helped her with her mood.

Her phone buzzed and she was almost willing to just ignore it, if it didn't started to vibrate in a steady rhythm, indicating a call.

“You stay here” She commanded and the blonde just grunted, “I'm gonna be back in a second.”

She walked out of the kitchen, through the living room, out the door to her backyard, only getting the call when she was sure Peridot was out of earshot,

“Lazuli here, what is it?”

“Moody as always I hear,” Garnet's voice came out of the speaker, sounding amused, “Tomorrow there will be a party in the Abyss. Steven wants to meet you and Peridot there, so I think you guys should come.”

“A party in an underground club? With Peridot? Why?” She asked warily. That didn't sounded right, what had the boy planned now?

There was a short silence on the line, “Apparently it's an order from Rose. Steven has to talk to Peridot, Amethyst is supposed to take care of her.”

Now she was completely confused, “Take care of her? Where am I gonna be?”

“Rose wants to talk to you, so I guess you gonna be somewhere alone with her” Garnet answered honestly and Lapis felt her stomach drop.

What had she done wrong? She turned around to the window, looking into the kitchen where Peridot sat and looked at her breakfast with disdain. She couldn’t be the reason, neither could be Lapis work. She had killed quite some targets since Peridot's arrival, actually managing to do her job, be more of a leader again and still keep the girl alive and healthy enough.

It always was more of a struggle to make her eat something, but at least she didn't looked so sickly anymore.

“What did I do wrong?” Lapis asked silently, “Am I in trouble?”

“I don't think so.” That sounded like the truth and the Hitman let go of a breath she didn't realize she had hold, “I think she wants to help. She seems rather interested in the girl, so she will probably talk to you about her. I'm not sure, but I know you are not in trouble. She would go differently about this if you were, we both know that.”

Garnet was right, Rose wouldn't invite her and Peridot into a club to chew her out or worse. But it still wasn't her usual behavior and that worried Lapis. Sure, Rose was always nothing but good to her, but she knew her own flaws and realized that Rose really had no reason to keep her as a leader of the organization. There were other people, far more competent, who could take her job and Pearl would surely find another partner for the targets, so of course she was on edge when she heard that Rose wanted to have a private talk with her.

“Lapis? Are you still with me?”

The call.

Lapis had forgotten about it, once again caught up in her thoughts, risking to drown in them if Garnet hadn't spoken up just now.

“Just be there around 10 pm. I promise it will be alright.”

“I will” Lapis promised, “Sorry, I just...”

“I know” Garnet interrupted her, “I know. Don't worry. I just wanted to make sure you were informed about tomorrow. You're probably eating with your roommate right now, aren't you? Maybe you should go back in and tell her, too. She surely wants to be prepared for her first time out in weeks.”

They ended the call and Lapis stood in the backyard, looking at the wooden fence while thinking about a way to tell Peridot about this.

She couldn't imagine the girl in this environment; loud bass, drugs, alcohol and dancing people sounded like something Peri would escape from in terror.

Or maybe she wouldn't give a shit, now that she thought about it, the girl was rather hard to read. Maybe she would see it as a chance to get in trouble, worse enough to get killed.

Should Lapis tell her that she would get a chaperone for the evening?

Now that Rose had an interest in her Lapis would have to make extra sure to get her to that club alive and well. She also probably had to be nicer to her, but that horse was out of the barn, Lapis would just become suspicious if she became actually nice now.

But she couldn't stand around out here all day, so she took some deep breaths, calmed herself and went back in, hoping that shooting from the hip would be the best way to share the news.

\---

It wasn't a good way to share the news, it was probably the fastest but not the smartest way and now Lapis laid on the couch, staring at the TV screen while Peridot willingly sat around on her mattress down in the basement.

She didn't know how to feel about this party, she didn't know how to feel about this whole thing in general.

Lapis hadn't told her much, just that they would be there around 10 pm, that she had no choice but to tag along, that she wouldn't get a chance to flee or get in trouble and that it was in the Abyss, a club even Peridot knew.

“We gonna get you some clothes for that, I'm not gonna go there with you looking like a hobo” Lapis had warned her and, in Peridot's surprised state of mind, all she did was once again nodding and agreeing to come with her later, to buy some clothes.

“I'll call a friend, she's gonna keep and eye on you” She had told her and now they waited until Garnet would pick them up.

It was the first time in ages Peri actually felt anxious about her appearance. It wasn't even the clothes or her untameable hair, it was mostly the scar she got years ago. It went from her right cheek, over her nose to her left eye, even over that until it disappeared in her hairline.

The scar tissue made her hair part at a rather natural looking place so at least she could cover it up there, but she couldn't cover up her whole face and without her glasses the damn thing looked even bigger.

People tended to take that as a sign of weakness, a scar in the face meant that there had been a point in life where she had been too careless and it cost her dearly, making people believe she was traumatized or damaged.

She was both of these things but she refused to let people use it against her, victimize her again.

At least Lapis never did that, maybe that was the reason she stopped being so eager on her plans and wanted to work on something, do something but sitting around and wallow in self-pity.

Either way, she would have to walk around outside today, no way to cover up her damaged skin and rather unsure what they would even try to get her to wear.

There was no dress code at the Abyss, visitors tended to be druffies and their dealers, the crowd that came for the music were more special in their behavior than their clothing.

Most of them looked like hobos themselves, sweatpants and oversized shirts with worn out sneakers was the preferred attire for most of them.

But that wasn't something Peri was willing to walk around in and, no matter how casually and down right pathetically Lapis dressed in her own home, she never left the house without dressing up, making sure she kept up the image of a young, proper lady on her way to be a respectable part of society and thus probably didn't own a single pair of sweatpants she would wear outside.

Maybe she would go in the outfit she wore on the day of the assassination of Marten, when Peridot first met her:

Black top, black harem pants, sneakers and a jeans jacket.

Not necessarily the style for a club like the Abyss but still better than Peridot's proper shirt and jeans style, looking like that typical pubescent Trekkie next door that always invited his 5 friends over to play some sexist Table Top games, talking about boobies.

She was very sure about her plan to kill herself for quite some time, she stopped giving two shits about her clothes around that time and now it came back and bit her in the ass.

“Hey Nerd!” Lapis yelled down the stairs and scared Peridot out of her thoughts, “Our ride is here! Get your hands out of your pants and let's go.”

For fucks sake, Peri thought with a sound of annoyance, feeling herself blush over that inappropriate comment and getting up from her impromptu bed to follow the girl outside.

Before she opened the door to meet their escort however, Lapis stopped her and stared her down.

“No bullshittery. The second you try something you'll find yourself back down in that basement, all limbs shackled to the floor and not getting out until my boss hauls your ass in her trunk, are we clear?”

She sounded harsh and serious, not angry or aggressive and Peridot once again remembered what she was up against here.

The hitman was a bum and a moody asshole, but also still a coldblooded killer, aware that Peridot, no matter her tiny appearance, wasn't an innocent kid who just ended up as a victim of circumstances.

She would do exactly what she just told her in case of a ruckus, there was no doubt to that, so Peridot just nodded, jaw clenched and eyes narrowed.

“Good” Lapis face became softer again, careless like always, with the dark circles under her eyes and the rather disinterested expression on her face.

She wore the outfit from the assassination day now, so it probably wouldn't be her outfit for tomorrow, Peridot thought as if that was important.

Maybe it was.

“We gonna get you some clothes for the evening and regular stuff. I'm pretty sure you're fed up wearing the same stuff since over a month...”

“Whatever” Peri mumbled and they both left the house to get to the car that already waited for them.

Inside sat a stranger, of course, Peridot hadn't met any of Lapis Friends or Teammates or whatever she had, until now and thus the smiling girl behind the wheel was just another danger to her.

“So this is the famous Peridot. You are well known in our ranks, Lapis talks a lot about you,” She said and Peridot felt the blush coming up again. Lapis, who sat down beside the driver didn't seem less embarrassed, trying to shush the driver and making the whole situation even more uncomfortable, “I'm Garnet by the way. Nice to meet you.”

“I guess so” Peridot answered and stared out of the window, the doors of the car closed carefully, but she didn't even wanted to leave. If she would have jumped out of the driving vehicle like one of those Idiots in actions movies she would just hurt herself and end up in someones trunk again.

The city was too big and people didn't cared enough to look twice at a teenager who fell out of the car, too many possible reasons to not care about it.

So she just waited and didn't talked anymore while Lapis and Garnet had a rather calm and silent conversation, pointing at different shops they drove by and talking about Peridot's Lifestyle (what the actual hell?).

After half an hour they stopped in front one of those big Peek&Cloppenburg Stores and Garnet held open the door for her, so she could get out.

Lapis shot her a look and Peri blew her an angry raspberry, but otherwise didn't reacted which seemed to be very funny to Garnet.

“What are you snickering about?” Peridot asked her, which was answered with a shrug and just another chuckle.

“Ignore it, she's always like that” Lapis said, back to her moody self, entering the store with them both in tow and looking around bored.

“First we gonna get you your outfit, after that we can go for everyday clothing. We don't really have a limit on those, but I'd still ask you not to get the most expensive stuff. It's not like you could show it off or something.”

Peridot nodded, Garnet didn't even seem interested in the shopping part, she apparently really just tagged along to make sure that their little hostage behaved and to laugh about their bickering.

Lapis definitely knew her way around clothing and fashion, having a very good eye for the sizes and what could go together, while Peri just wanted to be comfortable and not look like an absolute Idiot.

Sadly, everything that looked decent in the eyes of the hitman looked atrocious to the nerd and they had to bargain over ever damn meter of textile until they finally could decide on a chosen few that Peri would try on in a cabin.

“Show them to us, we will help you decide” Garnet proposed and Lapis just rolled her eyes when she heard the angry sounds for an answer.

“She's a shithead” She murmured and Garnet laughed again.

“That's the same term Pearl uses for you. But you guys work really well together, maybe it will be the same here?”

With a look of disgust Lapis looked down to her, she had sat down and crossed her arms in front of her chest to wait for Peri who started a concert of irritated sounds and grunts, making people around them starting to look and stare.

“First of all, Pearl and I hate each other with a burning passion. That's a once in a lifetime thing and can never be shared with someone else, don't cheapen it by comparing it to me and the gremlin,” Lapis started mock-offended, making Garnet grin widely, “Second of all, I'm so close to strangle her with her own long-sleeved undershirt. All she does is complain and moan over petty little stuff all day. Probably the most effective way for me to wish a fast and hurtful death to her. Jasper already made fun of me over it.”

“Well, it's because you two are a rather funny duo” Garnet said truthfully, “I honestly can't wait to see you tomorrow at the club.”

“If you think I'll stay with this fucking prick all night...” Lapis began, but the look on the face of her friend told her pretty much that this evening would probably become a lot longer than she had first hoped for.

“She still has a her chaperon” Lapis gave in, “There won't be much to see between the two of us....”

Before she could go on, the two fell silent as Peridot left the cubicle in one of the possible outfits, looking rather unsure of herself.

She wore a pair of fresh, clean jeans in dark gray, which for once actually fitted her, something people tended to incredibly underestimated when it came to appearance.

Corresponding to that she wore a black and white plaid shit, one of those things you wore casually with the sleeves rolled up and the first and last button open. With the wild mane on her head she looked in fact good and Lapis felt herself swallow while Garnet gave her a few compliments on the outfit.

“Absolutely stunning, don't you think so too, Lapis?” She asked her and Lapis had to get herself back together, Peridot looking at her rather warily.

“Yeah” She agreed and her mouth was far too dry for her liking, “Yeah, just jake.”

And with those words Peri turned around and got back into the cubicle to try out the other outfits while Lapis felt a sweat breaking out.

Garnet, on the other hand, didn't gave her a single break.

“Just 'Jake'?” She repeated with a knowing smile, while looking at the curtains that enclosed the cubicle, “I think we both know you meant something completely different.”

You are absolutely right, Lapis agreed inside her head with a blush.

I kinda wanna push her up the wall and rip the outfit from her bony little body, but that's not something you say to the gremlin that you gotta handcuff in your basement so she won't kill you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Druffie - A junkie who still has their life together and works/seems normal enough.  
> It's a slang word in some parts of Germany. We gonna hear it more often from the kids.
> 
> Thanks for the Kudos and the Bookmarks! Shoutout to Kingredeaded, who psyched me up enough to upload the story!


	5. Sell my Soul

_The halos in the sky are calling me again_

_You reign under a broken crown_  
_Archangel of the underground_  
_The quicksand in your eyes_  
_Is taking me down_  
  
_Could you be the one I sell my soul to_  
_Could you be the one who falls from grace_  
_Could you be the one_  
_You've got me falling apart again_  
_Or is it falling into place_

 

The preparations for the club were rather strange and tense between Lapis and Peridot.

They had spent the whole time after the shopping and just before getting ready for the evening awkwardly dancing around each other, Peridot seeming particularly flustered and silent while Lapis had to fight the strange feeling of being a creeper by looking too long at her.

That shit was unbearable for the two of them, before this situation Lapis never gave as much as a second thought about walking around in her panties, never seeing Peridot as anything but an annoyance at worst and a cheap imitate for a roommate at best, but the last 26 hours she had made very sure to always wear a pair of sweatpants and a fresh t shirt around the house while Peridot had made sure to keep her new outfit for the house very clean, always making sure it sat right and looked the way Lapis had intended it to look when she got it for the girl.

Now they were sitting in the two bathrooms of the house, Lapis in the one beside her bedroom, Peridot occupying the one on the first floor, fighting with her hair and a rather weak comp while the Hitman just stared into the mirror and asked all known gods why this was happening.

At this rate they would be late but she didn't care, Rose could fly into this house, right into the living room in one of her frilly pink dresses and rip her a new asshole and Lapis wouldn't have been bothered, still staring at her reflection and trying to work up the guts to emerge from the bathroom, collect Peri and get into the car with her for an evening she was absolutely not prepared for.

Normally she loved nights like that, going out, celebrating, dancing, drinking too much and not knowing what the morning would bring but tonight that meant hell to her. What if she woke up in bed with someone else? What if it wouldn't be Peridot?

_What if it would be Peridot?_

_What if it Peridot woke up with someone else on the Mattress that wasn't Lapis?_

Her mind was driving her crazy, making Ideas up that made her want to crawl up the walls and bite right into one of the lamps in hope of getting a clean electrocution to end the pain, but that wasn't an option, so she opted to just message Amethyst to make extra sure that Peridot wouldn't end up in someones pants.

_**PurplePuma** : Except ur's, right lassie? _

_**Blue Devil** : Binch. _

She trusted him, he knew that and that reason alone was enough for him to not fuck it up.

Pearl and Rose were two other good reasons to him, but first and foremost he valued Lapis trust into his actions and she knew.

She glanced up into the mirror one more time, realizing that she couldn't save the rest of her appearance and left the room with a loud sigh.

Peridot called attention to herself with her normal sound effects, making it clear to Lapis that she was probably fucking up more by now than she actually helped.

She got down the stairs, knocking on the door and making the girl on the other side go silent.

“We gotta get our asses in gear, are you ready?”

“Fuck off!” Peridot answered more anxious than angry and Lapis chuckled, remembering that this situation was kinda mirroring their first meeting.

“We have two options here” She said loud, jokingly, “You open up that door and we work on a peaceful solution for your hair or I'll kick this door in and make sure you will get to the club on time but with a terrible hairdo.”

There was a grunt and Peridot's voice sounded like she tried to hold back a laugh, trying to spike her own voice with venom, “You make shitty jokes and you should feel shitty. The door is unlocked, get in.”

She looked even better than yesterday, Lapis decided and just stood there for a few seconds, taking in the sight.

Peridot seemed more agitated by her hair than anything else and with the outfit and the scar on her face, also the still barely apparent bump on her forehead from Lapis gun, she looked far older than before.

Not even like a girl in her twenties but like someone who had a whole life behind her, tired but wise and that was pretty much the moment Lapis knew she had it bad and cursed like a sailor on the inside.

“Why are you staring at me like I am a piece of meat?” Peri asked mistrustful.

But Lapis decided not let it show, like that damn Disney princess sang: Conceal don't feel, don't let 'em know.

And she wouldn't let Peridot know that the real reason she looked at her like the hunter at it's prey was because she wanted to bent her over the sink and fuck her until she saw stars, no, instead she just shrugged, “My boss will be there today, so will be the rest of the team. They will be interested in meeting you and I'm just glad you look like a human for once and not like the bag of shit that you truly are.”

“Beside you I'll look like a bag of gold, no matter where we are” Peri threw back at her but made no move to stop Lapis when she actually stepped into the bathroom to help her out with her hair.

There really wasn't much that she could do about it, her scar forcefully parting it and the form of her face making it almost impossible to just apply gel and force it down that way.

No, they would have to go with the spiky mane she always had, which her hair had cultivated over the years of false cleaning and hair cuts made with paper scissors.

“You will fit in even better” Lapis murmured after getting the best out of the whole dilemma and looking at Peridot through the mirror once again. She was still so thin and pale, but at least she looked more like a person, more lively and as if she still had some fighting in her left. Not like someone who just got revived from the death and felt lost along the living.

“Are you implying I look like a junkie?” Peri hissed, but her grin showed her amusement, even if it was pretty toothy.

Still the best way to bare one's teeth.

“You look like someone who, from time to time, enjoys life” Lapis answered honestly and they both felt a blush creep on their face so they hastily left the room, getting their jackets and walked to the car in silence, as if that would chase away the awkwardness that just reared up it's ugly head again.

They got in, sat down, and while Peri buckled up Lapis hand hovered over the radio.  
“You wanna listen to music?” She asked and Peridot nodded.

“Would probably help to get into the mood, won't it?” She said with fake annoyance in her voice. With a strange feeling in her stomach Lapis realized that she could finally hear the difference between Peridot's moods.

Sure, she had been able to differ between grumps emotions to make sure that Peridot wouldn't just manipulate her, but that was a new one. She couldn't even differ between the moods of her team mates or Jasper, who she knew since she was little.

Fuck, she thought while turning up the volume and starting a gabba set that shook the whole vehicle, Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck I'm in trouble; I'm fucked.

Peri was too caught up in her own head to care about the earsplitting music and her jittery driver, she was too anxious to even give two shits over the fact that she would have to meet up with Lapis organization or survive the night in a club, an environment she wanted to avoid considering her status as a prisoner.

No matter how she looked at this, she was a prisoner and she was absolutely lost and now she was dragged into the public, to an underground party to meet strangers and supposed to be fine with that.

The last few hours hadn't helped her to calm her nerves or to distract her, Lapis started to behave strange, which was even worse than her 'fuck everything and you in particular'-behavior she had shown over the last few weeks. She was used to that, it helped her to act the same way because it stopped her from feeling guilty or even empathic, but the last few hours felt like Lapis planned something and that scared Peridot.

Because she knew she wouldn't get killed, she had realized by now that probably no one out of the group would kill her or they would have already taken Peri out of Lapis hands. No, she planned something else, or at least thought about something else and it occupied her mind strong enough to get rid of her careless attitude.

And as much as Peri wanted to be an ice cold bastard, she had been there too long. In this house, in the basement and with the Hitman. They still didn't trusted each other, their whole relationship was a big fuck up but you can't be with someone this long without growing accustomed to them.

She probably wouldn't be able to manipulate her anymore without actually feeling a little bad about it and that meant trouble and all she could do was to make sure that nobody found out about it.

But right now she couldn't care about amorous velleities, she was in a clutch and she couldn't tell anyone without giving out information about herself and her past she wasn't willing to share.

Forcing herself to appear calm she looked out of the window, breathing hard which was luckily not really audible over the loud bass of the set.

“That's the music that is gonna be played by the first few DJ's” Lapis explained because she had no Idea what to say and also wasn't sure if Peridot had ever been to a party like that. She knew that she had visited clubs, she had been able to figure this much out over the few conversations they held, but not every hardcore party included gabba and not every underground club was also the home of such events, “After that it will be probably more mainstream techno, also the second floor plays different music, just in case this one is getting too much for you.”

“You listen to stuff like that?” Peridot asked after a while with a rather monotone voice, as if she wasn't really all there.

“Not really” Lapis answered honestly, “Only when I go out with the others. It's a great way to just shut off your brain and celebrate, but normally I can't stand it, no.”

“It sounds terrible” Peridot decided loud and the blue haired girl nodded with a dry laugh.

“Yeah” She agreed, “It is.”

\---

It took them quite a while to get to the club. It was Saturday night in one of the biggest cities of the country and the damn club was in one of the party districts so civilians and buses flooded the streets, forcing them to take the backstreets and stopping in front of the big brick building. The courtyard was already filled with people who wanted to get into the basement where the club was located and already labeled visitors who had to take a break at the fresh air.

“From one basement to the next” Peridot said after Lapis parked the car in safe distance to raging Druffies and drunks who could mistake her car for a toilet.

She stopped to look at Peridot with a surprised smile, “Was that a fucking joke?”

“I can be quite fun when I'm with the right people!”

It must have been the first time Peridot's obstinacy sounded downright funny to Lapis and she giggled, over the joke and the fact that Peri was so offended over her surprise.

“Well, if you are such a comedian then maybe tonight will be fun after all” She said when they got in line, Lapis holding the smaller girl close to her.

Considering Rose interest in the blonde she had to make sure she wouldn't get in trouble until she could give her in Amethyst custody for the evening. Maybe she could even relax enough to actually enjoy the night, it was always nice to drink and dance with the team. Their normal behavior maybe didn't show it, but when they broke out the good stuff and the bass overpowered their thoughts then each and everyone of them managed to have a good time and just enjoy the company.

A party like that was actually at fault for Pearls and hers partnership, it had been a rather wild night and the next morning, she, Amethyst and Pearl had awoken in the hallway to the bedroom, bottles still in hand, probably drinking to celebrate their treaty.

“Can you maybe stop gripping so tightly?” Peridot grunted after a while and Lapis let her go with a start, as if she got an electric shock.

“Sorry” She mumbled distracted by her own thoughts, “Just … keep close to me until we find Amethyst. I'll have to leave for a while and come back later. He will entertain you for a while.”

“Talking to your boss?” Peridot asked without missing a beat and Lapis looked down at her, thinking about lying to her.

She would probably find out either way, and why shouldn't she know? Sooner or later Rose would probably want to talk to her and she had to be prepared for the very real possibility to become part of this whole mess so she saw no harm in being honest.

“Yes” She nodded and turned around to look down the line to the bouncer who checked every damn ID as if half of them weren't fake or stolen, “She wants to talk about our living situation.”

Peridot nodded, following her gaze and finally staring down at her own shoes, both staying silent until they got in.

Lapis paid for her, they went down the stairs, closer to the loud music and the heavy air, smelling like alcohol, smoke and sweat, letting their jackets at the cloakroom and then stepping into the intoxicated crowd to search for Lapis folks.

Peridot's anxiety spiked through the roof and subconscious she clinked to Lapis, the only person she knew in here and even if she didn't trusted her, at least she felt a little safer with her close.

Lapis didn't really care, this way she was at least sure that Peridot kept close to her and wouldn't get lost in the crowd, while searching the floor with her eyes for her friends. She was rather high grown, 6' 2” last time she checked and that helped immensely in situations like that.

It also helped in many other situations, when men tried to hit on her or when assholes tried to throw racist shit at her because she was brown, but right now it just meant she had a rather good overlook while the others had it easier to find her.

A few minutes and she felt someone punch her in the arm and a raspy voice calling out to her.

“Oy, Lassie!”

When she looked down she saw Amethyst, the boy grinning up to her and over to Peridot who still hung onto Lapis as if she risked to be trampled to death the second she let go of her.

“I see you brought a date” He went on and both girls blushed furiously which amused him to no end, “I'm joking, calm down!”

“Just watch her for me” Lapis mumbled, already to late for her meeting with Rose and now also embarrassed, untangling Peridot's hands from her shirt and shoving her rather rough into Amethyst direction.

“He won't harm you” She promised and then vanished between the crowd, gone in seconds with no chance for the two small people left behind to find her again until she searched for them.

Peridot already felt like passing out, there was no denying it, but it wasn't because of embarrassment.

When she looked over to Amethyst she was a little taken aback, hadn't Lapis told her it would be a dude who watched over her?

With the long hair and the smooth face, the curves and the raspy but rather high voice Amethyst barely passed as a man and in her spooked state it took Peridot far too long to stare and remember that trans people existed.

“You wanna take a pic for later?” He asked with an obscene grin and a wink, which took the edge off. At least a bit, Peri supposed because she was able to shake her head and look around the crowd.

“Come one, I'm gonna buy you a beer” Amethyst proposed, shoving the girl between the dancing people, leading her through the hallways to the next floor where the bar was located.  
He sat her down at the counter and climbed onto one of the bar stools beside her, ordering two bottles of beer from the barkeeper.

“Bottles” He repeated rather harshly when the man started to pour them glasses and Peri leaned against the wall behind her, watching the dance floor to calm down.

This floor was a little calmer than the first one, the DJ of the hour played house and there was a corner where a few people sat on couches and smoked.

When both of them got their beer, Amethyst held out his hand.

“We didn't really got introduced to each ohter. I'm Amethyst, hired muscle and your chaperon for the night.”

Rather uncertain and with warily narrowed eyes Peri shook his hand, “Peridot. Lapis Hostage and apparently the newest drama in your little coffee party.”

Amethyst laughed, loud and freely, looking around if someone had heard what Peridot had just said.

“No one told me you got humor” He said with a relieved smile, “That's a good thing. You gonna need that here.”

“Yeah?” Peri asked suspicious and took a small sip from the beer, “Why?”

Ame shrugged.

“Makes it easier to stay sane. I guess. I'm not a therapist but from all the people in the business those with humor are definitely the ones who endure the most.”

Peridot decided to go along with this, Amethyst seemed rather talkative and maybe she could get some actual information out of him, instead of some obscene half-truths that Lapis always spouted.

“What kinda business?” She asked and Ame took a while to answer, wrinkling his forehead in thought.

“Uncommon services” He said as if that was a valid answer, “You know. Money for stuff and services you normally don't find in the yellow pages. I'd rather not go in too deep into details in public, tho, I'm sure you understand.”

Of course she understood, even if the people in here snorted white powder like it was nasal spray and fucked almost there on the dance floor, there was still a line between that and murder.

Or beating people to pulp for a few or maybe a lot of bucks, as Amethyst called himself “a muscle” after all.

Peridot was about to ask how someone got hold of a job like that, but before she could even get a single tone out Amethyst's face lighted up and he started to wave.

“What the...?” Peridot turned around, seeing another Dude coming up to them.

He was really more of boy, a soft face, curly hair and an innocent look on his face. He walked straight over to them, ordering a lemonade from the barkeeper and hugging Amethyst, then turning around to greet Peridot with a strong hand shake.

“Steven Universe,” He introduced himself, “Best friend of Lapis Lazuli. You must be Peridot.”

Now that he was up close, Peridot realized just exactly how high grown he was, with a slight beard and sparkling eyes, looking as displaced in this environment as Peri felt.

She remembered that Lapis had talked about him, once or twice, not much, just that he and his mom had helped her a lot and that she probably wouldn't be alive without them.

For a split second she even believed that maybe he was a good guy, didn't know what was happening in Peridot's and Lapis' life, but then she remembered that nothing could keep it's innocence in this city and nobody was able to stay without guilt, so she put away her hand and nodded.

Those that seemed nice and collected were the most dangerous, Peridot would know. The little knowing smile that spread on his face for a split second told her that they both had at least something in common: They both knew how harmless they looked and they both knew how to exploit the power that came with people underestimating or down right patronizing them.

“Sit down and drink something with us, Ste-Man!” Amethyst grinned, apparently completely oblivious to the situation, patting on a bar stool that was just a little behind him, so Steven could still sit on the bar but also see Peridot without enclosing her.

For a bunch of violent criminals they at least tried to be not as fear-inducing as they could be, Peridot noted and when they all got settled in, she felt a little better about the whole situation.

Well, as good as you can feel surrounded by junkies, druffies, dealers and 2 friends of your kidnapper.

But at least she knew that both of them wouldn't harm her, at least they won't until they got the order to, quite the opposite even: she probably was the most safe she was in years right here, right now.

“Are you alright, Peridot?” Her chaperon asked after a while, looking at her with worry, meanwhile Steven behind them slurped his lemonade, “Are you searching for someone or somethin'?”

“No,” Peridot shook her head as if to chase away the thoughts, “No, I just … I like to keep an eye on my surrounding.”

“If you feel unsafe we can get outside so you get some fresh air. Lapis knows I do that sometimes” Steven suggested.

When he saw Peri's hesitation, he gave her a calming smile. That boy really knew how to use his voice and facial features, “The Bouncer knows us. Just as the Barkeep. If Lapis comes back earlier and searches for us, they will tell her we took you out for fresh air. None of us is here to get you in trouble.”

“Thanks, but no thanks” Peridot finally declined, “Let's just not do anything right now, okay?”

It wasn't a real question, Peri just decided to stay put and while Ame seemed a little bummed out over it, he and Steven just nodded and then started to talk to each other about tonight's crowd.

Meanwhile she nibbled the bottle of beer, already empty but in the lightning neither Steven nor Ame were able to see that, and tried to stare at the wooden counter, reading all the stuff that people had carved into it over the years.

But she couldn't focus, too afraid that her past would finally find a way to keep up with her. She should have refused to come here, she should have fought with her fists and with kicks to not be dragged into this damn scene boîte where every single drug dealer known in town had their runner and their costumers, faces in the crowd who for a shocking; terrorizing long second seemed familiar to her just to shift under the stroboscope lights and turn out to be just more strangers, more people who would forget her the second she was out of sight.

Peri felt nauseous, she was here for maybe half an hour and she already wanted to vomit. Too much, too loud, too many things overwhelming her at once and the next thing she knew was how everything seemed to go black.

\---

When she opened up her eyes again, she looked up into the face of a very worried Amethyst and a very calm Steven. Behind them the stars shone down at her, as if to question why she, the _stone cold_ bitch, felt this urgent need to act like a _little_ bitch.

“You alright, Pint Size?” Ame asked when he saw her opening her eyes, “You started to breathe like a mad man and risked to fall from the chair so we got you outside. Feelin' better?”

Peridot decided to be honest with them, Amethyst really seemed to mean no harm and Steven was probably analyzing every damn breath she took by now, “No, for fucks sake!”

She yelled loud enough for the words to echo from the walls but the other people were too high, too drunk to even care.

“I'm the prisoner of some damn psycho killer, caged in her basement for weeks, not seeing the light of day and not being allowed to die, existing in this strange state of neither being alive nor dead and just … wallow in self-pity because there is nothing better to do.

And just when I'm used to living with this moody asshole, she drags my ass out here to meet her friends, or teammates or mafioso brothers; what ever the fuck you guys are, right into this fucking cesspool of dealers and pimps and … rapists for all I know.”

Amethyst and Steven let her speak, scream and finally cry.

After such a long time there had been quite some steam Peridot hasn't been able to let out and the longer they listened the more it seemed clear what the problem was:

It wasn't really the surrounding or the people. Peridot seemed to know her way around these places, it was the fact that she was powerless. That seemed to be all, she could live with the drugs, the violence and the mind games, as she bawled on and on, but she couldn't live like an animal in someones basement, as this was the reason in the first place why she had tried so hard for so long to just die.

When she calmed down enough to breathe normally again and have a conversation without having hiccup breaks, Amethyst gave her a bottle of water.

“I have honestly no Idea what you are babbling about,” He admitted and threw a glance at Steven who was still pretty calm but seemed honestly empathic for the little girl in front of them, “but neither me nor Steve-O here will let anyone harm you. I have no Idea who the fuck hurt you but right now you are probably the safest you could ever be; because we have orders to make sure you stay safe and have a nice evening. Which we kinda fucked up on, but whatever, the nights still young and we still managed to keep you safe.”

Steven nodded and crouched down beside them, patting her on the shoulder.

“We won't tell anyone what you told us. It will stay our little secret if you want that. That's my job in the team, you know, besides getting information, I also listen to the sorrows of the others. You were honest with us right now, so I'm gonna be as honest as I can be without over sharing, if that's alright.”

Peri gave him a confused look, she had already lost all dignity in front of them, what the hell could he tell her that would make this whole situation less awkward?

“We all have our pasts. We all have our bullshit exterior and we all have our shitty coping methods. Whatever, that's why we ended up here and not in some 'it get's better'-ad on TV. There's no shame in that. I also won't ask you to change your behavior, it's your life. But after tonight you'll get the chance to gain back a little control of your life and it's up to you to take this offer or not. If you do, I can promise you that we will all make sure your past won't come around to bite you in the ass. If you don't, you stop being our problem and that is really all there is to it. All in all it's not that deep.”

Amethyst nodded, still not completely sure what he had missed in the last few minutes but also not caring too much about it as Peridot seemed to have calmed down now and almost smiled. If the weird angle her mouth was drawn up counted as one, it was rather hard to see considering the lightning, the scar and her still tear-stained face.

“No matter how much of a sociopath you are today, you are just human,” Steven rambled on as they both helped her to get back into a presentable appearance, “You need people you can talk to. If Lapis is not the person you feel save to do so with, talk to us. Lapis will give you our numbers, just tell her you want to talk to me or Ame. She won't deny you that.”

“And if I don't trust you either?” Peridot asked but there was no aggression behind those words.

Amethyst decided to answer, though, “Then you'll probably end up crying again in someone else arms and considering how embarrassed you looked right now, you just should let out all the steam with us from time to time. We are pro's with anger and frustration, aren't we Steven?”

The boy nodded solemnly, “Maybe if we actually tried we could end up in an 'It get's better' Ad on TV. We have all the experience.”

They both laughed, imagining leading a normal, maybe even quite successful life as civilians and Peridot realized that she actually felt a little better.

She needed that, not only to let it out after all this time but also the feeling that she could talk to someone who won't judge her. It wasn't even that much of a problem that she didn't knew this two or if she could trust them really, but the simple fact that they allowed her to vent to them lifted a heavy weight from her chest.

In all honesty, she couldn't remember when, in the last few years, someone offered her an open ear and honest advice, so maybe that was the reason why she could actually value it for what is was and not just see it as yet another clever method from those two to manipulate her into doing what they wanted from her.

Maybe it wasn't the best start, but at least it was one.

\---

Meeting with Rose always was a strange event to Lapis:

She knew that Rose was a corrupt cop, worked her way up to the top of the city, launching this whole organization in the mean time, asking Delinquents like Pearl and Garnet to get rid of everyone who was standing in her way and even starting a circle of corrupt cops in her own department who supported and covered her whenever needed.

And at the same time she was probably the nicest and most heartfelt person she ever met, with the possible exception of her son and maybe a little to naive husband Greg.

Steven and Rose knew their ways around and they used people left and right, knowing how to get into someones mind and heart and using that for their goals but at the same time there was an actual, real warmth there which they were willing to show to everyone who asked for it and stayed loyal.

That was the only requirement for them to be protective: absolute loyalty, something Lapis had been willing to give when Steven showed her that he would stay just as loyal to her.

And thus Lapis now sat in one of the rooms of one of the apartments directly over the Abyss and had no clue what her 'roommate' went through while she sat in this very comfortable, very pink armchair in a rented living, abiding the events that were about to unfold.

One second to another Rose entered the room, silently like always, as if she didn't walked like the regular mortal but floated over the ground, appearing and disappearing like a ghost.

“Good evening Lapis, I'm very glad to see you” Her voice was calm and filled with honest happiness, she probably knew that Lapis terrible working morale started this whole dilemma.

“You told me to come,” Lapis replied, feeling small with the big woman in the room.

“And have you brought Peridot with you?” Rose asked while sitting down in the armchair that stood on the other side of the room, just opposite from Lapis' chair.

The girl nodded, “As you told me to.”

“Very good,” Rose smiled, “I'm sure you know I didn't just asked you two to come and drink the night away, I talked with Pearl and Steven and I think I found a solution for the problem at hand.”

Once again, Lapis nodded because she really didn't know how to react. Of course she had talked to Steven, he probably told her about their suspicion that Peridot was an Ex-Runner of a big dealer. She just knew too much to be a regular civilian and her fear of the police, but also the state of her mind always seemed too peculiar to Lapis. All she could imagine was the possibility of Peri running from more than just the law and the general bleakness of the life in a big city, there was more to it.

“As I know there is nothing about Peridot in our registry. If I had to guess then I would say she is actually afraid of the police because she fears that we know something about her that we don't. Or that somebody … rat her out, but neither happened here, nobody knows the kid and she was never in any trouble that we have knowledge off.

But from what you told me that doesn't mean she is innocent, it probably means she was just really good at what she did. Which means she could be rather valuable for our organization, don't you think, Lapis?”

“Yes,” Lapis agreed too fast as she felt her heart racing in her chest, 'Peridot could be part of the organization' her mind repeated again and again, “Yes, I think so too, Rose.”

The woman chuckled, “Garnet was right, you have it bad for her. She told me about your guys banter while buying clothes and how you talk about her and your living situation. Jasper seemed rather talkative about it too, seems you two and your antics are rather popular by now.”

Lapis blushed, gossip and tittle-tattle spread faster than a brush fire between people like her and her teammates because sometimes those rumors could save lives, jobs and businesses. In Lapis case it only brought embarrassment and shame as Rose giggled happily.

“Would you be fine with keeping her in your house? I'm sure Steven already told her that we are willing to take her under our wing as soon as she is a little more stable. Maybe you should use the time and make sure she gets to know our districts a little better, gets a little exercise, you know, so she is prepared when she starts to work for us.”

There was really no question to that, Rose already knew that Lapis wanted Peridot to stay and not live with the others and at the moment she was willing to lie to Peridot about it, just so she stayed.

Nobody said she was a good person, she killed people for money. She would tell an attractive girl that Pearl and Co. had no space in their house if that meant she would stay.

“You really think it's a good Idea to let her stay with me?” She still asked. Her trust in Rose was gigantic, bigger than the trust in her own self and Rose nodded with a warm smile.

“In all honesty, Lapis, I think it's for the best if you guys become roommates. She is actually giving you contra whenever you fall into your destructive behavior, as opposed to Jasper who also always felt guilty, enabling you and allowing you to walk all over her. Peridot pulls your leg every time you try that and throws you against a metaphorical wall, if I understood Garnet correctly. I want her for our Organization and I feel like she needs some people she can call family. Maybe you should invite her to a date if you want it to be something else, though” She ended her explanation with a little wink and left the room, disappearing in to thin air while Lapis stayed behind, feeling exposed and happy at the same time.

On the bright side; Peridot was allowed to stay and even offered a place in the team.

On the other side; everyone knew she wanted to bang her.

This is gonna end in a disaster, Lapis accepted it for what it was while standing up and getting ready to go back down to drink the night away, this will end in a disaster and everyone is probably taking bets.

\---

“Lassie!” Amethyst happily greeted Lapis who emerged from the crowd once again to sat down between Steven and Amethyst at the bar. Peridot still sat on her bar stool near the wall, by now pretty sweaty and tired looking.

“What happened?” Lapis asked with amusement, “My nerd looks like she actually worked for once in her life.”

“Fuck you” Peridot threw at her while catching her breath and the Hitman just grinned.

“I love you too, you insolent asshole” She answered and then turned to Steven, who was smiling knowingly and signified with a slight shake of his head to follow her to one of the less occupied chiller floors to talk about the things he found out.

“Back in a second” They promised and Amethyst just nodded while ordering another beer for poor Peri, who actually had danced the whole time with him and was now pretty much done with the whole world, while the far more trained Amethyst was just getting ready for another round.

Lapis still heard him ask Peri if she had asthma 'or some shit like that' to which Peri apparently replied with one of her many sound effects, which made the boy howl with laughter.

“You're smiling” Steven noted while they elbowed their way to the chiller floor that laid just behind the second floor, rarely used by anyone as the music was too loud there and it tended to be just to close to the toilets.

They met Towel on their way, a regular who was also one of the more respected dealer in the scene. He was just wiping the floor as the staff was by now overwhelmed by the crowd, trying to keep them in control.

“Hey Kids,” He greeted them and stopped his work for them to pass while eying something yellow in the puke puddle he tried to get rid of, “What do you think is that? Corn or something that will get me trippin'?”

They both stopped and looked at the puddle with raised eyebrows, probably questioning once again why exactly they always came here to lose control, this place was like a zoo filled with rabid animals.

“Maybe you should just try it” Both answered with one voice and turned around to hurry down the hall when the dude actually started to crouch down as if to take a taste.

When they arrived in the little room filled with benches and couches they fell laughing on to one of them, not believing what they almost witnessed.

“Fucking Towel” Steven laughed and Lapis wasn't able to get a sound out except for a her rather chocked giggles.

They needed a few minutes to calm down, but the second they both managed to be serious again the whole atmosphere shifted.

“I talked to her,” Steven began, “And … what does Garnet always say about People like her? Ah, yes. Peridot is surely not what it says on the Tin.”

Waiting for an explanation the girl stayed silent, looking around the room as if to make sure nobody was eavesdropping.

“I think her biggest problem is that she is really, really scared. Not even of us or you, there is something else, but she won't give me enough information. At the same time she is trying to hear us out, so I think she probably has some experience in this whole business. She would fit in, I guess. When I told her that there was an Offer she didn't seemed opposed, so if mom is fine with it and you are willing to keep her as a roommate, I guess you can tell her officially.”

Lapis laughed dryly, “Why are you all so sure I want to keep her in my house?”

“You never let people stay with you for longer than 24 hours, Lapis. Either they leave on their own or you give them hell until they run. Not in her case, I think she must be the only person who stayed with you this long and actually got her will to live back and her will to fight.”

“That's a pretty mean thing to say” Lapis replied with mock-offense and the boy shrugged.

“Let's not sugarcoat it, you can be pretty hard on people if they don't bend to your will and still stay in your personal space. That's the reason you had no problems to work your way to the top of our team, you tend to follow your impulses instead of worrying what others could think of you.”

She wanted to answer, when she felt her phone buzz in her pants.

It was Amethyst. He wanted to know if they were about to come back, Pearl wanted to dance but Peridot was glued to the counter, tired and probably pretty much not able to sit around the 10 minutes alone without getting kidnapped by yet another person, or worse.

“Well, that is our call for Action” Steven said when he saw the message, smiling up to the girl who already was standing up to get out of here.

“Eager, aren't we?” He laughed and she made an annoyed sound, not unlike Peridot's sound of Anger, “And you ask why we all think you want her to stay.”

They didn't discussed this further, instead finding their way back to the bar and finally freeing Amethyst from his job as chaperon and allowing him to enjoy the rest of the night.

“I guess I'll get into it, too,” Steven said after finishing his drink, winking at the two of them, “You guys have fun.”

And thus he left them alone on the counter, where Peridot rested with her head leaned on the wall, breathing hard and holding on to her beer as if it was her only anchor.

She definitely needed to get out more before they sent her into training, no matter what she did before, the weeks in Lapis basement and the malnourishment the months before had taken their toll on the small girls body and Lapi was actually tempted to just take her the way she was, carry her to the car and drive home, even if it was far too early for that.

Still, she bended forward, so the girl could hear her better, “You wanna go home?”

Peridot shook her head, “Do you?”

Lapis imitated the action, “Not really.”

She decided to wait until the tired girl calmed down enough, drinking with her until the DJ's changed and the new one played Electro House.

The first song was a Crookers Remix and Lapis couldn't hold on to herself, turning around to Peridot who finally snapped to attention again to pull on her sleeve.

“Come on,” She urged, “Let's dance.”

“What?” Peridot was to perplex to even disagree or refuse, she just let Lapis drag her into the crowd, right onto the dance floor.

She was drunk enough to not give a shit about her own ugly dancing, but she wasn't even close to drunk enough to not stare at Lapis with an open mouth as she abandoned all reservations and started to move her body to the music.

Pearl and Amethyst had to be somewhere close because she heard both of them whistle at the display, still too flustered to move until Lapis got hold of her arm and pressed up close to her.

“Come on, Nerd!” She grinned, “Or are you too drunk to shake your limbs? Nobody is giving a shit what you look like, just go wild!”

“Like you?” Peridot replied but gave in and started to move in tact, following Lapis body and thus stopping them from separating the whole time the music played.

Lapis laughed, starting to take over, which was not too hard considering their height difference.

It probably looked like an adult was dancing with a child from the distance, “Sorry Blondie, you gotta be this high to be allowed to dance like me.”

“Grown or high on drugs?” Peridot asked with a cheeky grin and Lapis pinched her, making the smaller girl squeak in pain.

For a split second the girl stopped moving, looking down at her companion whose whole face was flushed, probably from the alcohol, but also from the dancing.

“That must be the first sound you made that I don't find repulsive” She admitted and Peridot looked so incredibly offended, that Lapis just started to laugh.

“Way to go, Lassie!” Amethyst yelled over the music, appearing close to them, holding Pearl close who was just as drunk as Peridot and seemed very amused about everything. It wasn't a usual sight to see her this carefree in a club, but every time she witnessed it, Lapis remembered why she put up with her rather uptight attitude she maintained in her sober state.

The four of them stayed on the dance floor, dancing without thinking about it until Peridot finally gave up, almost crawling back to the bar and Pearl started to slur quite the obscene Ideas to Amethyst, who suddenly was in a terrible hurry to get his girlfriend home.

“Into bed” Lapis laughed and he blew a raspberry her way before they both left for the door.

“You wanna go home too?” She asked after Peridot emptied her glass of water she got for her. She seemed very tired but happy and Lapis decided that it was okay to call it a night by now. It was around 6 am and the sun was probably up, with birds singing and the last people clearing the floor to fill up the nearest coffee shops.

Peridot nodded, feeling sleep slowly starting to overwhelm her, gripping the counter to not topple over.

“Can you still drive?” She slurred, feeling anxious all of the sudden.

She didn't remember when she had been this drunk and drained of energy and started to feel unsafe again.

Lapis, while keeping it low with the drinks tonight, shook her head.

“Steven will drive us. He's gonna crash on my couch for today. Come, he's waiting outside.”

She held her up, putting her arm around her back and under one of her arms to help her walk, getting their jackets at the cloakroom and then leaving the club, walking straight into the bright sunlight.

Both hissed and the cocky laugh from their left made both of them groan as Steven walked over to them, putting out his cigarette and helping Peridot to walk by bracing her against him.

Together they managed to make it to the car, the boy ordering both of them into the backseat while he got behind the wheel, waiting until everyone was buckled up and thus starting the engine.

“Where is she gonna sleep tonight?” He asked honestly interested while keeping his eyes on the street, being on of the most responsible drivers Lapis ever had the pleasure to meet.

_This boy could drive a getaway car without getting caught or breaking a single law._

“In my bed” Came the calm answer, “I don't have a guest room and you will be on the couch, meaning I either leaver her on the mattress, risking her to choke if she pukes or in my queen size bed. Well will surely manage without losing our innocence or damaging yours, don't worry, Steven.”

He chuckled, but in the end he just gave them a hands up and let the radio play for the rest of the drive, letting both of them rest.

There would be enough stuff to stress over in the next few days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everyone wondering about the chapter titles and the 'quotes' at the beginning of every chapter, those are songs. Mostly dark cabaret and the like, some folk, those stuff. But I can recommend all of them, they pretty much set the mood for the whole story.


	6. Rosy Path

_I could paint a picture_   
_But that's too easy, baby_   
_Quoting mighty scripture_   
_What's that proving, baby_   
_I'll lead you down the rosy path_   
_All that you wish will come to pass_   
_Don't overthink it and don't blink_   
_It's all happening_

 

When Peridot awoke in the early hours of the evening Lapis laid beside her, deep asleep herself.

For the longest time she couldn't remember what had happened and why she laid in bed with her, until she turned around, looking down at herself and found that she wore a t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts Lapis had bought her a few days ago.

She had awoken a second time today, the first time Lapis had been too loud when she undressed herself, telling the groaning Peridot that Steven just left the house and she could have the couch now. If she wanted to.

But  Peri didn't wanted the couch, the bed was warm and comfortable and the only thing annoying her were her clothes.

“You want me to help you with that?” Lapis asked after a while, just silently watching her still hungover bedmate trying to get out of her pants, giving up halfway in and whining pitifully.

She had helped her into the boxer shorts, helped her with the t shirt and also with her contacts.

“You want some water?” Lapis asked after they were finished and Peridot remembered shaking her head and just falling asleep again.

How pathetic, she remembered with a snarl and started to pat around the nightstand to find her contacts again, so she could leave the bed for a restroom break and maybe something to eat without falling to her dead.

Why was she even up here in the first place, why didn't they just dragged her down on her mattress and left her there like Lapis always had done before?

Before Peridot could delve in too deep into thoughts, Lapis steered in her sleep, gripping her shirt and trying to get her close, like a stuffed animal. Maybe Peridot would have found that amusing if she didn't felt already strangely vulnerable over the fact that she woke up in this attire in Lapis bed after a drunken night out. The only reason why she hadn't had a killer headache was because Lapis probably managed to get her half dead body to drink water even when she rather wanted to sleep until the sun would go down and never come up again.

“Let me go” She said silently and without real urgency, more as if she was talking in her sleep herself, but Lapis listened. She let go of her T-Shirt, curling up into a ball and gripping the bedsheets instead.

For a few seconds, Peridot just looked at her sleeping form. Listened to her breathing and the small movements of her fingers. She resisted the urge to stroke her hair and instead opted to just flee the scene and the overwhelming emotions of affection that overcame her by jumping out of bed and marching down the stairs to get to her usual bathroom instead the one beside the masters bedroom.

She greeted Pumpkin rather lost in thoughts, not really patting his head but more of his nose, but he didn't cared at all, just happy to see one of his 'owners' up and about.

Peridot dragged herself into the bathroom, trying to motivate her limb body to shower but just ended up staring at her reflection longer than she felt comfortable with.

She looked like shit, dark circles under eyes almost reaching the scar, even paler than she was on the reg and her hair looked as if someone had poured the collected spit of all the druffies from last night over it.

Really, she looked like someone who had a really wild but rather good night, but the outcome worried her more than she was able to be happy about meeting new people. And apparently being part of this whole team or organization or mafia or whatever they called themselves now.

If she agreed. But, she knew she didn't really had much of a choice. Somehow the last few weeks had given her at least a little hope for the future back, or taught her the fear of dying. Whatever exactly it was, Peridot didn't wanted to die anymore.

The only way to stay alive was to either rot away in Lapis basement or entertain her and the team until they either allowed her to leave or she found a better offer.

She couldn't think too far ahead, first because she was still very tired and second because thinking too deeply about it would stop her from being able to concentrate on the task at hand: not being too suspicious, not letting them know what exactly she lived through and hoping that they wouldn't realize that she always put her money where her mouth was, she just tried to keep her mouth closed to make no promises she didn't intended on keeping.

But she couldn't deny the strange feeling that she would actually feel bad leaving Lapis behind, but maybe that was just the hangover talking and the fact that she woke up in her bed like a one night stand that got clingy.

She decided to leave the whole topic be and just try to get her body to respond and react normally again, making herself a pizza and eating it in front of the TV, watching the stuff she was actually interested in on Netflix for once. She couldn't remember when she had watched TV alone the last time, or even just something she actually enjoyed and not just put up with because her kidnapper was in charge of the account and the remote.

It sounded strange to say it that way now.

Kidnapper.

No, it sounded downright wrong and it bothered Peridot so much that she didn't found a single fitting word for their living situation that she even lost appetite and watched the stupid show she had started, being to distracted to even accurately follow the plot anymore.

She almost didn't noticed Lapis coming down the stairs, looking extremely worried until she saw Peridot on the couch and changing from scared mother hen to annoyed teenager in less than 3 seconds.

Grunting something along the lines of a 'morning' she sat down on the couch beside Peri, snatching the plate of cold pizza from her hands and starting to eat with the blonde barely reacting at all.

That was probably the most peaceful they had ever been: hungover, chewing on cold pizza while acting as if they were watching a cartoon while actually playing white noise on repeat in their heads, waiting for their bodies to finally recover from the night and maybe also from the rather strange day in bed.

“So you gonna work with us?” Lapis mumbled after a while, not caring about the fact they probably should have a long and very detailed conversation over this.

“You gonna stop locking me into your basement?” Peridot replied, not even noting that Lapis asked if she would work 'with them' not 'for them'.

“You gonna be a bearable roommate and promise not to kill me or my dog when I let you live her like a respectable member of this household?”

Peridot chuckled mirthless, “How the fuck did you even line up some many words at once?”

There was a long silence, but after a while Peridot nodded.

“I promise, I guess. No killing you or Pumpkin.”

Lapis snorted, holding out her hand to accept their treaty via handshake, “No killing each other. Just roommates.”

Peridot nodded, taking her hand.

“Just roommates.”

\---

'Just roommates' proved to be hard just a few hours later, when they decided to head back to bed and the realization hit both that there was still just one bed in this household because Lapis was actually the Anti-Roommate and never invested into anything that could give people the impression she wanted them over for an extended amount of time.

In the end they just decided to share the bed again, Peridot ranting on and on how she had lived on a mattress for weeks and deserved to sleep on the bed, while Lapis decided that it was her house, she fucking paid for it, she would sleep on the bed if she wanted to.

So around midnight they laid in bed again, Pumpkin laying at the foot of said furniture, not exchanging a single word.

They both stared at the white ceiling, minds racing and questions starting to raise, until sleep finally took them over and Peridot awoke once again at the next morning. Cuddled up to Lapis and finding that she didn't cared enough to change the position.

For the first time in Ages she actually felt save and sound in someones embrace and she would be damned to give that up now. Also Lapis still slept so she could just act as if she didn't knew of this cuddle session.

There was also no need to hurry and get up for the day, as of now all they had to do was actually get Peridot clothes to be presentable in public (the five outfits from their last trip were nice and all but they would only come so far until laundry day came upon them and she was forced to stay in all day because she had nothing to wear anymore). She had to fit into the perfect image Lapis had built up in her neighborhood now and get more familiar with the whole hired killer business. Not that Peri would get involved with that, they just had to make sure that she also was prepared in case something went wrong and Lapis needed support or the police appeared at their front door.

Rose also told Lapis to get her back into shape, so there was probably some kinda sport schedule coming upon her, but considering the moods and personality of the hitman Peridot doubted that one would be too hard.

She was about to fall back into slumber when she heard Pumpkin whine, wagging his tail, very much aware that she was awake.

“Shh” She made quietly, “Don't you dare snitch on me.”

The dog fell silent, looking up to her and she could have sworn if dogs were able to look cocky, then Pumpkin was straight up telling her through his dog features that he wouldn't, but  _ he knew. _

I'm officially going insane, Peridot thought and closed her eyes, scooting even closer to Lapis, who reacted by putting an arm around her.

Little did she know that Lapis laid awake since she first felt the unusual strong heat of a body against hers and had argued with herself how to proceed with all this.

Maybe I should just follow Rose advice, she thought while putting her arm around the smaller girl, Maybe we should just fuck and get over this awkward stage once and for all.

\---

“I'll have Target this week” Lapis grunted around a slice of bread she was trying to chew, “So you'll be alone the most of the time because I'm helping Steven monitoring them. Any Ideas what you gonna do with your time?”

Peridot thought about it, what did people her age normally do when they had a week to themself?

Probably watch porn and jerk it, but nobody had the stamina to do that 16 hours for 5 days straight she imagined, so the next thing would probably be video games and inviting friends.

The video games part was probably manageable, some way or another, but Peri hadn't really any friends at all.

“Earth to Nerd, Earth to Nerd, please respond,” Lapis brought her out of her thoughts, “What'cha gonna do all week?”

“Probably play video games?” She mumbled and Lapis snorted.

She finished her breakfast, making sure she left no crumbles on her outfit and stood up, not waiting for her roommate, “Living the stereotype, hm? Whatever, I'm gonna leave you some money for food and whatever kind of video games you wanna buy. Just … try and chill a little when you spent the money, okay?”

“Can I invite Ame?” She asked as Lapis was about to leave the kitchen to get ready for the day, “So he can show me how this new stuff works?”

“Sure!” Lapis yelled, “Just don't set the house on fire, always use condoms and remember that Pearl is gonna kill you both if you get him pregnant!”

She didn't gave Lapis the satisfaction of an answer to that nonsense, instead she opted to wait until the Hitman got ready for the day, to ask for Amethyst's number and call him over the landline later. Hopefully he would be up to her plan or maybe have any other Ideas how to spent her time alone, as she didn't felt secure enough to walk around the district all alone at the time. Also Lapis seemed strictly against the Idea to let Peridot leave the house for too long, now that her Boss wanted Peri for the Team she had to make extra sure that she stayed unharmed, but most of all _stayed_.

When she heard Lapis sitting down in the hallway to put her shoes on, she left the kitchen to say goodbye and ask for the number of the boy.

Lapis seemed hesitant, but finally she got a piece of paper and a pen and wrote down the 7 digit number.

“He probably won't have much time” She warned her, “And will maybe try to bitch out from some of his jobs by hiding here, so make sure he doesn't spent all week in front of the TV. I'm not in the mood to listen to Pearls sermons about why I let you guys slack off on my couch, you know.”

“You just don't want him here when you come back at night” Peridot countered and for a second Lapis seemed taken aback, but then she just shrugged.

“One regular is enough. Just make sure Pearl won't come bitching at me.”

Thus she was out the door and Peridot stayed behind, looking at the number and considering her options.

She had no clue why Lapis seemed so unhappy with the Idea to let Amethyst stay over, her explanation sounded like the worst cop out ever made up and even the fact that she just wanted him gone when nighttime came didn't sounded like the whole truth.

There was really no logical explanation to it, normally she seemed rather fond of the boy, writing with him and actually talking about the pranks they played together or the long nights spent with alcohol, weed and talks about everything and nothing.

For a while Peridot even thought they were a thing but when she had brought it up Lapis had just laughed into her face, asking Peridot if she would fuck her brother.

When she told her that, no, of course she wouldn't fuck her own brother, Lapis just shrugged, telling her that neither would she and that was the end of the discussion.

Their talks tended to go that way, every time Peridot asked a question Lapis would just deflect it, never giving her straight answers about her private life as if she was the bastard child of the Cheshire cat and the sphinx. Or as if she had to make sure not to be pinned to her answer later.

To be fair, Peridot probably wasn't better, but at least she straight up told Lapis if something wasn't her business and didn't started a whole fucking riddle over the question if she fucked the boyfriend of her partner.

Which she apparently didn't, but who the fuck knew with this people even.

Instead of thinking about who fucked who, which somehow made her pretty irritated, Peridot went for the phone that hung at the kitchen wall, typing in the number Lapis had given her and waiting for someone to pick up on the other side.

“Steven Universe speaking, what can I help you with?”

For a solid 10 seconds Peridot just stood there in silence, questioning if she had the wrong number, until she remembered that Steven lived with Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet and probably was just the Person closest to the phone and thus answered.

“Hello?” The boy asked, 10 seconds are a long ass time to silently breathe into the phone and Peri cleared her throat before stuttering an answer.

“Yeah – Hey- Hi – It's Peridot, I...”

Before she could even finish her strange greeting, Steven already started to babble delightfully, as if he had just waited for her to call all weekend.

“Peri! Great to hear you, is Lapis on her way? Is everything all right? What can I help you with, do you need someone to talk to about your new situation?”

She felt overwhelmed the second he started and it didn't stopped until she managed to stutter for Amethyst, who just greeted her with a sleepy, “'Sup?”

“You wanna come over and play video games?” Peridot straight up replied, because she had no clue if there was a correct way to ask this and also didn't cared enough if there was one.

“Sure thing. Right now?” He asked and she nodded, forgetting that he wasn't able to see that.

God damn it, she thought and just gave him an approving grunt, while rubbing her temples.

Lapis riddles, Stevens gushing mood in the morning and the sudden social interactions she had avoided for years before all of this caught up to her and she was already regretting her decision to call.

“Okay, sure” Amethyst laughed on the other side, probably aware that Peridot didn't really know how to proceed, “But – uh – I'm gonna take the public transportation so I'll take around an hour. That cool with you?”

“Yeah” Peridot answered to fast, “Yeah that's fine. Until then, I guess.”

“Until then, Nerd” Amethyst snorted and hung up, making Peridot feel like an Idiot. They probably all had a good laugh about the stupid nerd who couldn't even make a call without sounding like a mental case, she thought and decided to spent the time hugging Pumpkin while watching some cartoons.

After half an hour she was even sure that Amethyst wouldn't come over, feeling hot, burning rage filling her stomach; why did she even care?

They didn't cared about her when she was held hostage in Lapis basement, why did she even thought they would care about her now? Ame was probably spending the day with Pearl, having clearly better things to do than spending time with a stranger who just got a puppy license by their boss.

She was a fool for trusting these people blindly just because they were nice to her once in a club and she berated herself for letting Lapis realize how much of an Idiot she was, for thinking Ame or Steven or really any of them would like to spent time with them.

That was probably the real reason why she had been so strange before, because she didn't wanted to upset her. She couldn't make sure Peridot would stay without binding her to the pipes and locking her into the basement, and she couldn't do that anymore.

As 1 pm came and went again, approaching the one and half hour mark since the call and Amethyst's promise for taking an hours, she was sure he wouldn't come. And almost jumped out of her skin when she heard the loud knocking on the door.

“Yo, Nerd, sorry for being late! The damn bus driver waited forever on the main station!” A raspy voice called out, a rowdy tone that was unmistakably Amethyst.

“He actually fucking came” Peridot murmured surprised, just sitting there, staring down the hallway while Pumpkin lost his mind over the prospect of even more company.

“Come on, Nerd, you fallen asleep or something? Neighbors are staring and all, just lemme in or I'm gonna take the keys from under...”

Before he could finish the sentence and make matters worse, Peridot jumped from the couch, almost flying down the hallway, opening the door and dragging him in by the collar.

Lapis would kill her if the neighbors came bitching to her, that was worse than an annoyed Pearl, that meant she had gotten a dent into the image.

And if there was something Peridot wasn't allowed to harm, besides Pumpkin, it was Lapis image in her neighborhood.

“Chill, P!” Amethyst laughed, shoving her away to get free from her death grip, “Your neighbors are out working like any normal civilian at this hour. I was a regular visitor before you started to occupy the basement; I know how to behave around here.”

Peridot calmed down grudgingly, she was relieved he actually came and spent time with her, but she didn't liked when he joked around with her fears. Especially not considering the fact she showed him that she actually had fears in the first place.

He and Steven were probably the only people who know she had emotions, so she didn't really appreciated jokes like that. She didn't said more about it, just gave him a little space so he could walk down the hallway and get to the living room where Pumpkin already lost his mind over the visitor.

“I didn't know Lapis had a console” He said while greeting the dog, petting his head and scratching behind Pumpkins ear, “What games does she have?”

Peridot rubbed her arm, still standing in the hallway, feeling small and a little stupid, but she decided to stay with the truth, “She doesn't. She left us some of the money from the last jobs so I can survive the week and buy a console. And games, considering what she left. But, I'm really outta the loop about all this stuff, so I thought you could...”

“Show you what kids these days are spending their time with?”

She nodded, Amethyst giving her a broad grin as if he just won a race and wanted to brag.

“You came to the right guy! Honestly, I rather like to go out and spent some quality time with my friends, but fortunately some of them are geeks, so I can help you finding some good games. What kind of games do you play; shooter, role play, Japanese porn stuff?”

Peridot felt like she maybe asked the right guy but somehow still ended up in the wrong conversation, “Japanese what now? Dude, the last time I played something on an electronic device I was like 8 and the game had all of 16 bits.”

“Ohohoho!” Stars formed in his Eyes it seemed, as he let go of an ominous laugh, “P-Dot, you are in for a surprise, I'm about to make your god damn year! Come on, get in your shoes and put on a jacket, we gotta introduce you into the nightmare that is platform discourse and every game that ever managed to get called controversial!”

She had really no clue what he was talking about, but he seemed enthusiastic and thus Peridot got the money, the M-65 field jacket Lapis got her last time and her old sneakers, as they were the most comfortable as she sensed a rather long drive with public transportation.

Amethyst was already out of the door, waiting eagerly for the girl to follow and when she finally caught up with him, making sure Pumpkin had enough food and water and then locking the door, he almost dragged her all the way to the bus station, babbling on and on about the pros and cons of some extra boxes and playing stations.

\---

Peridot was really, really out of the loop. Growing up in a poor household, never having any friends in public school and thus never being part of the regular everyday life of a child in today's age she was sheer overwhelmed when Amethyst got to the mall with her, dragging her into every electronic store and updating her on trends and media.

Of course Peridot didn't lived behind the moon, she even managed to get into a college for a very short time, but she never was able to get into contact with people. She was too poor to afford anything but one of those old Nokia’s that were the butt of everyone's meme and had no time for luxuries.

Amethyst made it his personal task to get through his all time favorites and the classics that were still available in stores, so when they drove home a few hours later they were rather packed with the platform Peridot decided on (“I just should have bought the other one for you, I knew you couldn't be trusted...” was all Amethyst had said to it and then proceeded to sulk for all of 5 minutes), every rather well known horror game of the last 3 years and a few HD remakes of older games.

None of the titles made sense to Peridot, Amethyst on the other hand wouldn't shut up about his favorite scenes, effectively spoiling probably every single game they bought, but she couldn't care less. It felt good to be around him, he was an energetic ball of joy and sarcasm, and even if she didn't quite believed him that he knew all this stuff 'just because of a few geek friends', she kept quite and just nodded every time he told her another fact he apparently thought was fascinating.

It felt a little bit like it was his first opportunity in a very long time to just talk this freely about his interest without anyone stopping or shunning him, but maybe she interpreted too much into his question if 'she really wanted to know all that' and his startled expression every time she nodded and told him to tell her more.

When they finally got home he looked kinda embarrassed, realizing just how much he had talked and keeping his mouth shut for the whole time they set up the console, installing the updates and games and, after getting some snacks and putting a pizza into the oven, they started up the first game, which was Outlast and probably a mistake.

Some people may think that someone like Peridot, who didn't gave a fuck about her life for so long and even provoked her own kidnapper, who was coincidentally also a killer, could stomach a game like that with no problems whatsoever.

And it was actually quite impressive how composed she could be in the rather calm stages of the game, nagging and picking apart everything that didn't make sense to her, but on the other side there was the fact that she was a) not used to the rather realistic graphics (at least to her) and b) the horror that was a whole asylum of naked men out for blood.

When nighttime came and Amethyst got ready to leave, telling her that he already knew Lapis schedule and also her moods after work, especially if she found someone in her house that she wasn't up to at the moment, Peridot almost shackled him to the pipes in the basement to not be alone in the house. She was shaking like a leaf, Pumpkin already hiding out in the hallway to escape the death grip she had developed in her terror.

“Tomorrow we should try something more soothing for the soul” He sounded remorseful, it wasn't his intention to scare her this much, forgetting that he was probably far more used to video game violence than her.

“Maybe “The Last Guardian” or something.”

Peridot shrugged, still shaking but looking slightly offended, “Bullshit. We can just go on and play this game until we finish it. I'm not that scared.”

And for a slight second he even believed her, considering that she had enough composure to be offended, but then the sound of the door getting unlocked echoed through the house and the nervous wreck on the couch was a screeching wrack behind the couch.

“Yeah, totally not scared” He laughed and waved her goodbye as she looked over her emplacement to see him leave, “Don't worry, there is nothing in this world more dangerous than a pissed off Lapis and look!”

A pissed of Lapis appeared in the door, eyes narrowed, slouching her shoulders, with even darker circles under her eyes than usually.

Like death themself on vacation.

It took all of Amethyst self-control _and_ survival instinct to not just say that out loud and end the evening by getting mauled by the moodiest killer in the district.

He already had a moody killer at home waiting for him, probably preparing a long ass rant how he shouldn't slouch around all day and how 'playing some stupid games won't get your far'.

E-Sports exist, was his answer regularly, which would always be followed-up by a big discussion. So he saved his energy for the inevitable debate about video games and their part in the economy and just waved Lapis goodbye, getting on his way before she could stop him.

“I'm gonna go to bed” Lapis mumbled, walking past Peridot, who still seemed pretty shaken up and went up the stairs, not giving a single shit about her surrounding anymore. She had spent the whole day staring at some guy, following his ass around the city and had enough of monitoring anything but herself.

And following the observation of her own body, it was time to get her tired limbs in between the warm sheets of her bed to sleep either til her alarm rang or the world ended once and for all.

Whatever happened sooner.

She didn't even care that Peridot appeared not even 10 minutes after her in the bedroom, while she was still changing and stood half naked and bond by her own traitorous shirt in front of the bed.

“I'm gonna go to sleep too, I think” Peridot grunted, walking past her and disappearing under the covers on her side of the bed.

Lapis didn't care, finally freed of her clothes she stumbled to her side of the bed, fell into it and heard herself mumble, “Good Night, Freak.”

But Peridot heard.

“Good Night, you miserable asshole.”

\---

In her dreams Peridot was running from creatures, naked dudes and shadows, screaming at her, threatening to cut off her limbs and putting her in the position of the messiah, forcing her to cleanse all members of Lapis team from their sins.

She awoke again and again, always close to Lapis, not confident or desperate enough to search for a little comfort by cuddling and when she awoke for the last time that night she was alone.

That scared her, downright terrified Peridot, even if she was used to being alone all her life.

But the sun fell through the windows and Pumpkin was beside her on the bed, seeming overjoyed and restless as she heard knocking from the door downstairs.

“Yo! Peri, it's your favorite gamer bro! Come on, open the door, I brought Snacks!”

No more chasing. No cleansing and no sins, just this dog, who tried to help her up when she tumbled out of bed and Amethyst, who apologized for not warning her about the horrors of more realistic graphics by bringing energy drinks and sweets.

They set up their little base camp in front of the TV once again, this time starting with a more calm game until Peridot felt courageous enough to finish Outlast with Amethysts help. Meaning he actually played while she cheered for him, just interrupting her own motivational speeches here and there by screaming every time something unforeseen happened.

After that they went for a walk, Amethyst showing her the more well known drug trade places in this district to help her prepare for her time in the team, as Pearl had asked him to. He showed her the small park near the elementary school that would be overrun at around 6 pm with all kinds of people trying to sell their stuff and the subway station that tended to be the most dangerous the second the sun set.

The whole time Peridot seemed on edge, she wasn't surprised; that was clear but she always looked around as if they were followed, fidgeting and keeping close to her companion.

For a long time he didn't said anything about it, just letting her do her thing and hoping she would eventually open up about it, but she didn't. After their little excursion they went back to Lapis' house, each a can of beer in hand, Peridot starting to calm down while Amethyst just looked out of the window of the bus they sat in.

“Are you always this nervous in public?” He asked when the few people around them got out at their stop, leaving the two of them to themselves in the back of the bus.

Peridot shrugged, “Not always. Not everywhere, I guess.”

He leaned forward, closer to her, his voice low, “Still afraid the police is out to get you?”

His voice was even, he wasn't making fun of her for her fears. Considering all the fears he had on his own, he really had no right to make someone feel bad about theirs.

But she shook her head, “Not anymore. It's...”

Silence followed and when he wanted to ask again, she turned away, as if to stand up and leave the bus.

“Forget it, it's nothing. Our stop is next, isn't it?”

He followed her silently while she got to the doors, not saying a thing when the vehicle stopped and they got out. The whole time they walked back to the house they stayed silent, until Peridot opened the door and Pumpkin greeted them happily, being ready for a walk.

Amethyst had other plans. He shoved both of them inside with soft power, closing it behind him.

“What the-” Peridot fought back, not even sure where she would have tried to achieve if she would have been able to overpower him, more struggling out of reflex than anything else.

“Chill” He looked calm, but his voice was hard, commanding, “We have to talk about this whole fear of the public thing, _will you calm down for a second?_ ”

She stopped struggling, still looking unhappy with the situation at hand but at least not as afraid as in the first few seconds when he forced Pumpkin and her into the house.

“If you have trouble with someone from your past we need to know or we all get in danger. This is not your problem alone anymore, Peridot, and it will only get worse if you don't come clean about it. Shit, we can keep you save from almost everyone in this city but you need to tell us who we have to look out for or they will use you against us one of these days.”

“How?” Peridot asked, sounding rather harsh herself now.

“If they kill me it won't be a problem to you guys, right now I'm nothing but a freeloader living on Lapis couch. Even if they try to get me when I'm out there for you doing whatever, they won't come for your drugs or money, if that is what you fear. I'm also not officially living her, nobody _knows_ I exist, except for you guys. My corpse laying around in some kiddie park won't get you in trouble, I'm sure. So why should I have to come clean about anything?”

“So someone is out for you” Amethyst concluded, “Why couldn't you just say that? Do you think I'm chilling with you because I think you are a freeloader or some work slave or something? Fuck, Peridot, who the fuck hurt you so bad that the sheer Idea that there are people who are not existing to hurt you seems so alien to you?”

“Because in 22 years there didn't exist a single person who didn't try to either hurt, kill or abuse me, so don't act as if life has been nothing but a party to me and I'm just too ungrateful to see it! How the fuck am I supposed to trust you guys that you won't use that information against me?”

She turned around, stomping down the hallway into the living room, Amethyst on her heels, not even remotely close to end this discussion just yet.

“What for, you paranoid dope? Do you think we gonna sell you or something? When we are fucking out there killing human traffickers and pedophiles?”

Peridot laughed mirthless, but her voice was shacking, too close, too much at once, “What, now you guys are Robin Hoods Heirs? I know that you guys knew about me from the first second I was caged down here, if Lapis would have killed me you wouldn't have given a single shit.”

“Yes!” He almost yelled now, barely holding onto himself, “Yes we wouldn't have, because we had no clue who you are and what the fuck you did in the apartment of some shithead pimp selling little girls to get rich! But now we know you. And we agreed to keep you here and save, so of course that also means that we care if you get in trouble. How is that not getting into your thick skull, why are you so convinced that everyone only wants to hurt you some way or another?!”

Peridot lost it, tears spilling, screaming, “ _Because they are!_ ”

There was a long silence following that statement, barely interrupted from her sobs and her angry mumbles to try to stop the flood gates, but to no avail.

Amethyst just stood there, thunderstruck and all anger washed away. The girl had broken down on the couch, rubbing over her face as if that would save her image as a stone cold being unable to feel a single emotion, looking small and helpless, as if 22 years of pain just came crushing down on her.

He had seen that once before, when Lapis and Jasper finally broke up and that friendly giant just completely fell apart as if she was a card house blown over by the wind.

Whoever scared Peridot this much must have done something terrible to her, he realized. Whatever she ran away from, whatever made her wish to be dead so much must have been once an overbearing and overpowering force in her life and he felt like an asshole for getting her in this state.

Silently he sat down beside her, she didn't reacted and he took it as a sign to just stay put until she got herself together again.

After the last time he knew she didn't liked to be seen that way, so he just sat there beside her, looking at the black screen in front of them.

When the sobbing subsided he turned around to her, holding out one of the paper tissues he always carried around.

Spring time meant hay fever season to him, so he was always prepared.

Peridot took it gratefully, blowing her nose loudly and almost giving in to the urge to just give it back to him, making him smile in disgust.

“Yeah, you keep that one, I have more.”

Finally they just sat in silence, Pumpkin by now whining because there was drama happening instead of him being out in the streets like he should be right now.

“Look, Peri, I don't know how to prove to you that I mean no harm to you. Neither do the others. I can only promise you as long as you are one of us, I'll look out for you. So will Garnet, so will Steven. I'm sure Lapis would be pissed if someone would harm you, now that you guys are actually kinda … I don't even know what it is, but whatever you guys doin', it's helping her with her shitty attitude and I feel like it's maybe not too bad for you either. So if you are in danger, if someone is trying to hurt you … tell us. And if you can't tell the others, tell me. If you don't feel good telling me, then tell Steven or Garnet. Just, someone, so we can help.”

For a while, Peridot contemplated his words, looking at her shoes, and Pumpkin, trying to find a way out of this situation after just getting herself into it.

Why the fuck did he have to be a good guy, why couldn't he be just a fucking asshole and let her suffer in peace? Instead he was sitting here with her on the couch like some kinda therapist, trying to sooth her soul or some bullshit.

In the end, she found no excuses to cop out of this, so she just nodded, avoiding his eyes while trying to describe the whole problem without going in too deep, “It's just one person and he probably already forgot about me, it's stupid of me to be this scared. We worked together for a long time, until some … shit, I don't even know what exactly happened. One day he just went crazy on me, said I stole from him and to leave. If he would ever see me again he wouldn't be that nice and shit like that. I have no Idea what happened but just like that I lived on the streets and had to make sure to never cross paths with him again. He was … or probably still is active in the north districts of the city.”

Amethyst nodded, listening closely and trying to not judge or think too deeply about it, just gathering the info's she was willing to give him.

“What is his name, what does he look like? So we can make sure you won't end up in his districts, I'm sure Jasper would know where this dude is most prominently selling.”

“How do you know he's selling?” Peridot asked surprised and the boy grinned.

“Method of elimination, the street way so to speak. So I'm right, he's a dealer, right? I'm sure Jasper knows him.”

The thought to tell him the name of the dealer made Peridot uneasy, she hadn't talked about him in at least two years and it felt like making everything real again, as if she summoned the past by telling Amethyst.

“I don't want him to find me or even find out I still exist” She explained, “The whole thing is rather complicated to me. Please don't tell the others.”

“Fine” Ame promised, “I won't tell them why you are afraid of him, but I need to tell them to make sure that he won't be able to harm you. I need his name, so we can find out if he is still just active in the north or somewhere else, too. Don't worry, nobody will try to make you two have a talk about your conflict or shit like that.”

“Sid,” Peridot caved in, “That's his name; Sid. Milky white dude, just like me. People thought we were siblings all the time, we look really similar. Green eyes, blond hair, freckles all over his shitty face. Just no ugly scar and a little bigger than me. He was a big deal when we still worked together.”

That made Ame perk up, “And you weren't, even if you worked together? What were you, Nerd, his no-name secretary?”

It was meant as a joke, but apparently it was too early for jokes because Peridot just avoided his eyes once again, slowly looking back at her hands in her lap, as if she feared he could find something in her face that he wasn't supposed to know.

Shit.

“I'm sorry. I won't pry anymore, I promise.”

She nodded and he got hold of his phone, “I'm gonna tell Jasper about Sid, so she's gonna make sure you guys don't end up in the same subway or some shit when you're out there, alright?”  
Once again she nodded, finally getting hold of herself again, her face drawn into a stony scowl, as if she just tasted something disgusting.

The feelings probably left a nasty taste in her mouth, Amethyst thought while texting Jasper the name and territory of the dude, telling her to please look into it as soon as she found the time. When he finished that, he put the phone away, grabbing the controller and throwing the second one in Peridot's lap, which startled her enough to look back up to him again.

“We met up to play some Games, Dude” He grinned, “So let's play some.”

\---

When Amethyst left, this time before Lapis was back to throw daggers at him with her eyes, he told Peridot that he would probably be a lot later tomorrow or maybe not even able to come.

At firs she looked at him with mistrust, “Is it about the whole thing I told you today?”

That made him chortle, after getting Jasper's answer he honestly forgot about it, not having a reason to keep it in the back of his mind the whole day.

“Naw” He answered honestly, “Garnet and I have a Target and as opposed to Lapis and Pearl who gracefully single them out and kill them in silence we just gotta find them and convince them one way or another to … well whatever it is that made the client pissed enough to call us, so it can take some time until we are done. Don't worry tho, I'm gonna send you a message. Later then, Dude!”

And thus he was out the door and Peridot was left alone with Pumpkin, who slept on the other side of the couch. They had taken him out right after their little talk, almost forgetting about him over all this drama until he threatened to just empty his bladder right in the middle of the room.

For a while she thought about waiting for Lapis, somehow that felt like something a roommate would do, but at the same time, what did she thought would happen?

Yesterday Lapis fell right into bed, communicating through grunts and angry frowns. Today probably wouldn't be much different, so in the end Peridot decided to switch off all the lights, turn off the TV and just head to bed, a rather groggy Pumpkin at her heels.

When she laid down in bed she realized for the first time just how much it smelled like Lapis. She had never thought about it, after all it was Lapis house and everything smelled like her, probably even Peridot.

But it was especially strong here and she couldn't stop herself from rolling on the other side of the bed, burying her face deep into the pillow of Lapis and just inhaling the scent. It was strange to feel something for someone else after such a long time, other than disgust or anger.

It was strange that the smell of Lapis' shampoo and her sweat calmed her down enough to fall asleep in a matter of minutes, but she didn't question it. She didn't questioned that, after years of being bitter and angry, she felt some kind of emotional security around people again, even if she probably shouldn't trust Amethyst so much or allow herself to fall for Lapis as much as she did right.

She rubbed her face over the soft textile and didn't thought about the possibility, the small hope, that she maybe found people who cared.

She didn't dared to question this, to think about the possible meanings and the fact that this inevitably would end with them betraying her or her finally finding a way out of here.

No, for the first time in many years she didn't dare to spare a single thought about all the bad consequences this would have.

\---

The next day Peridot awoke on the same side of the bed she fell asleep on, wrapped up in the blankets, cuddling Lapis pillow like a stuffed animal.

At first she felt so disorientated she didn't even felt ashamed or frustrated over the fact that Lapis probably had found her this way yesterday night. Or be confused over the fact that she hadn't just rolled her on the other side or woken her up to push her over or something.

Has she been even at home at all yesterday?

Suddenly Peridot felt her stomach drop. What if something had happened?

Hastily grabbing her phone, unlocking the screen she found Amethyst had written her, telling her that he was gonna spent some time with Pearl after 'work', but he would probably come over around 8 pm, if she was still up to it.

And she would have probably been, if she didn't suddenly was afraid that her roommate got into problems, so instead of accepting the offer, she asked him if he knew if Lapis came home last night.

Her phone buzzed rather fast, he had answered:

_**PurplePuma** : Steven said she went right home and just came back to take over his shift. Trouble in paradise? _

_**Nerd** : A simple yes would have been enough. _

_**PurplePuma** : Chill, or I'll have to tell her you miss her. _

_**Nerd** : I hope your target beats you to pulp. _

She hadn't decided on the contact names, just getting used to the phone while Amethyst had set it up for her and adding himself and the Others into the contacts with some rather strange names.

His was easy to find, the dude almost exclusively wore purple t-shirts, like some teenager straight out of a cartoon. Other names, like 'bird girl' or 'big buff' were an absolute mystery to her and she didn't even dare to text these people to find out their real names.

In the end she would only accidentally invite a killer commando to her front door or some to that extend, so she put the phone aside, got out of bed and dressed while Pumpkin slowly rose from his slumber.

“Hey, wanna go grocery shopping?” She asked him as if he actually had an understanding of her words and wasn't just exited over the prospect of a nice long walk.

When she was decently enough she got the leash, put on her shoes and left with the dog in tow to explore the nearer surrounding of the house. Amethyst had shown her the district and their criminal hot spots, but the part Lapis lived at was rather low down. There was a single club and a few restaurants, also a small mall within walking distance but other than that, the whole neighborhood was a safe place to live and raise children at.

Peridot had no Idea how and why Lapis decided to live her, but she didn't complained, feeling at peace while walking down the streets with Pumpkin and getting familiar with the place.

An hour later, just opening the door to let Pumpkin in after their little stroll, Peridot was on her way to the mall, having no clear goal what to do but the strong wish to be around people. She took the chance to be finally able to walk around freely again, just now realizing how long it had been and how much it had fucked with her mind.

Since Sid had thrown her out she had just ran from one place to another, hiding and staying in motion, nothing else. She hadn't enjoyed life in those years, even when she got into college for the shortest time she always had been afraid.

What if any of her classmates was one of Sid's Runner? What if he dealt on campus, what if what if what if.

In the end she had become so paranoid, so afraid and so tired that she wanted everything to just end once and for all.

Now she was walking around a mall and looking at soaps that smelled disgusting to her, just because she could. Browsing in a Bookstore, realizing how much she actually missed reading just for the fun of it and buying enough to, survive months without Lapis or Amethyst being around, if she had to. Getting herself an Ice Cone like a normal citizen and sitting in the sheer ocean of people and just eating it while looking around like a lost puppy waiting for it's owner.

Nobody talked to her or tried to engage in some kind of interaction and it felt like breathing fresh air. No running, no hiding and no need to be overly cautious.

That would probably end the moment she would work for the team but right now she just enjoyed her freedom and the feeling of being one of many.

Just a face in a crowd, a nobody not worth the mention.

What a rather peaceful thought.

\---

When Amethyst arrived this evening he had a backpack with him and a happy grin on his face when he settled on the couch, as if he owned it.

“Please tell me you brought your dirty laundry because you couldn't wash it at home” Peri whined, “And not something that could get the cops on our asses.”

That made him laugh, “Well good evening to you, too! Just some clothes so I can shower and change here tomorrow, chill. What the fuck would you even think I bring here? A backpack worth of red rocks?”

“Why the hell do you need to shower and change here, what the fuck did happen between you and Pearl?” Peridot sounded like she in fact cared a little, Amethyst noted with a raised eyebrow but just shook his head.

“Nothing. Wait? Didn't Lapis told you? She asked me to come over so you won't be alone, she won't come back before tomorrow evening.”

Lapis hadn't told her, she hadn't even texted her to tell her, and even if that meant that she trusted Peridot enough to let her, well with Amethyst together, alone with her dog and her house, it still somehow hurt.

It hurt the whole time they played, it hurt when the sun came up again and she went to bed and when Peridot awoke at noon. Seeing Amethyst standing in the door way with Lapis toothbrush in mouth, she realized she missed Lapis.

Down right missing her and she was sad Lapis hadn't informed her that she wouldn't come back home for the night.

Strangely enough, Amethyst hadn't had to go back home and decided to stay for the day, taking her and Pumpkin for a long stroll, finishing another game and even proposing to stay another night. Peridot wasn't a pro on this whole business but even she knew that something was up, but decided not to ask.

Yet.

When Lapis didn't appear all night and she still got no message but another proposal from Amethyst to stay for the day and the night, she knew something went wrong and he was trying to distract her from the obvious.

“What the fuck happened?” She asked after waking the boy from his slumber on the couch, ripping the sheets away and threatening to throw a bucket filled with ice water over him, not giving a single shit about the couch afterward, “Don't even think about lying to me, I know something went wrong with the Target. Where is Lapis?”

“Holy Shit Dude!” Amethyst screeched, almost falling of his impromptu bed, clutching the cushions as if he would fall to his dead, “Chill, put down the bucket. Imma tell you, but please let me live, what the fuck!”

She took a few steps back, allowing him a little space to calm down and wake up fully, just for her to hoist up the bucket again when he took too long. She still wasn't very good with other people, especially not under stress and she was under a lot of stress considering the circumstances.

He threw up his arms as if in defense, “Calm down, I need to formulate this okay? No need to panic.”

“Well, too late for that now” Peridot snarled and for a split second that even made him smile.

She fucking cares, he thought, she cares a lot more than she likes to admit.

But every second ticking away with him being silent brought him closer to a morning soaked in ice water so he tried to find the right words, something that was normally Garnets forte.

“Okay, so, I wasn't completely honest with you. Lapis didn't asked me to stay with you so you just won't be alone, she wanted me to watch over you because she caught a bullet with her body and is at a doctor that works for us right now.”

“She what?” The calmness in Peridot's voice was the silence before the storm, Ame knew that tone from Pearl and got prepared for the screech that followed up mere seconds later, “She fucking what?!”

“She will live and probably be back this night or tomorrow morning” He tried to calm her in vain, getting afraid that she would change her plans and just drown herself in the damn bucket, “Everything will be fine. Calm. Down.”

So that was why she didn't told her. Because she couldn't, because apparently this Idiot somehow mixed up her own job and got shot.

“What about Steven?” She remembered that Lapis and he worked together, “Is he alright?”

Amethyst seemed surprised at the question but nodded, “Yeah, luckily he was there to get her into safety. They both will be just fine, don't worry.”

Finally Peridot let go of the bucket, putting it near the couch and sitting down beside the boy who was currently trying to calm his racing heart. He wasn't prepared for an angry nerd attack this early in the morning. He was also almost morbidly surprised just how much Peridot apparently cared about Lapis. And to an extend Steven, considering she didn't just forget him over her shock and still wanted to know how he was.

They sat in silence for a little while, Peri contemplating what to do now with this new information, Amethyst doing the same, just with different Info's gathered from this conversation.

He wasn't naive, he knew that Peri was probably still very reserved about the team, the business, their practices, but he also saw that she already felt something for them, worried about them.

Peridot's reaction to Lapis vanishing was enough proof for him to believe that she wasn't only on the right way, but also that she wouldn't betray them.

So he did the thing he would have done for every other friend too, getting out his phone and asking Steven if it was alright to visit Lapis with the blonde firecracker.

_**PinkBoy** : She will be back tonight, if you stay with Peridot you'll prolly meet her there.  
Why are you asking? _

_**PurplePuma** : P-Diddy here just woke me by holding me up like a fucking gitmo warden, about to drown me on the couch with ice water. _

_**PinkBoy** : Sounds like a death right outta a clue game: 'Lovesick Peridot on the Couch with Ice Water'. _

“Who are you writing now?” Peridot asked, her tired voice coated with an angry tone, she sounded done for, at least for today. Her face in her Hands, steadily rubbing in small circles as if to wake up or getting rid of something that she didn't wanted to face, elbows on her knees, almost crouched on the couch.

“She will be back in tonight, Peri” He soothed, “Steven said I should stay with you until she's here. You fine with that?”

But she merely shrugged instead of answering, simply not ready to think just yet. Thinking meant realizing Lapis got shot. Got in danger. Was hurt. Could have been killed.

Thinking meant facing reality too soon, so she just tried to calm herself by rubbing over her own face, trying to steady her breath and push away the heavy storm inside her stomach. There were a lot of confusing emotions trying to take over her life right now, but in this moment they seemed to have changed tactics and tried to get her by making her wanting to puke. To scream. To cry and just lay down to sleep simultaneously, while another strong wave of reassurance washed over her. It was the most confused Peridot had been since the day her hands started to sweat when she tried to talk to girls and hair started to sprout in strange places on her body.

“Do whatever you want” She murmured and finally stood up to go for a walk with Pumpkin, “I just need some time to... To …”

“Yeah” He answered when he realized this sentence would go nowhere. He knew what she felt, he really did, so he just nodded, “I'm gonna stay here and watch some movies, alright? If you need something or want to talk, I'll wait right here.”

Putting on the leash on Pumpkin who was luckily, blissfully unaware of the fate of his owner, Peridot gave an acknowledging grunt, putting on her shoes and stretching out her hand for the door knob. She was about to open the door and leave when she suddenly halted.

Turning slightly around she looked to Amethyst who still watched her, with two raised brows and a thoughtful look on his face.

“Thanks” She muttered and then left before he could answer.

\---

Waiting for Lapis to get home was the worst torture Peridot and, to an extend, Amethyst ever had to suffer through.

They both had shitty lives and, ho boy, had they been traumatized, but this whole situation was new and a whole new arena to Peridot. And Peridot, and her reaction herself, was a whole new world to poor, nervous Amethyst.

She was restless, walking up and down the house, cleaning and then messing up the kitchen and then the living room, either not talking at all, just mumbling deep and ominous, or talking a mile per minute, making Ame's head buzz and his own heart rate getting up into lethal highs by the hour.

When the evening finally rolled around and Lapis car appeared in front of the house Peri let go of a blood-curdling scream, startling Ame almost right into cardiac arrest and letting go of whatever she had just held in her hands to speed for the door.

In the hallway, halfway there, she suddenly stopped.

Looking down at herself, as if she just remembered who the hell she was and what she was doing right now.

Amethyst was close on her heels, stopping beside her and looking down at her shoes with her.

“I won't tell her” He promised quietly, “It's up to you how you approach this. I'm gonna wish her a 'get well soon' and be gone in a few.”

He had his backpack with him, she hadn't even realized, looking up to him with a strangely empty expression on her face. She was completely lost and trying to get back to her 'don't give a fuck' exterior but it just didn't worked as easy as she had wished to.

Not now, when thinking had finally started and she couldn't stop it, couldn't stop the fear and the relief from finding their ways through her whole body and making her shake.

This once again startled Amethyst and when the door opened, a completely whacked looking Lapis appearing in its frame, both of them grew silent and rigid. All three of them staring at each other in surprise, as if they just got part of the most awkward Mexican standoff known to mankind.

“Are you guys goin' somewhere without me?” Lapis asked with a tired grin, her right shoulder hanging slack covert by the oversized sweat jacket she wore.

Amethyst just started to grin, helping her in, berating her in a jokingly manner, “You lesbians really have to catch every single stray bullet with your bodies.”

Peridot stood by, still looking lost and following the two of them with her eyes, until Pumpkins happy yelps brought her back out of her thoughts and she followed them into the living room, where Amethyst helped Lapis on the couch.

“My legs are perfectly fine” She grunted with a smile, grateful for his help even if not necessary. She looked around, as if in wonder that her house still stood and was in a rather good shape, too.

So was her dog and when her eyes found Peridot, standing in the door frame to the living room, she smiled fondly. It were probably the Painkiller, but she was just happy to see the little grump had actually stayed and even seemed to care about her, enough for the facade to break for the tiniest smile.

Amethyst, feeling the atmosphere, stood up, nodding satisfied as if he finished a job well done and went on his way to the door.

“Later, you guys” He shouted and was gone before Peridot or Lapis could have called him back.

Not that either of them wanted to, they were to mesmerized by each other.

Lapis was the first, once again, to break the silence, still a smile on her face, “You had a good time?”

“A better time than you had, I guess” Peridot rasped, her mouth suddenly dry and not sure if she could come closer. Sweaty palms, heart racing, she was sure that meant she was going to have a heart attack. No other possibilities. Naw, never.

Lapis chuckled, nodding while petting Pumpkins Head who was just happy his owner was back, even if it was with a few scratches. He was used to worry about her. Probably.

“I guess so, too” Lapis observed Peridot's position, the way she held her body, left hand holding her right arm as if it were about to fall off. Her shoulder leaned against the door frame, slightly hunched, not daring to look Lapis in the eyes.

The room around them felt like it had shifted, as if something had changed with this wound, as if they both just now realized what it meant to be a hitman. Being in this business in general meant they constantly risked to be killed.

Life is short, Peridot thought. For the first time that wasn’t a statement that was followed up by 'so why suffer any longer' and the wish to die. Instead she finally dared to cross the room and sit down close beside Lapis, who put her good arm around Peridot and drew her close to her body.

There were really no words spoken, both were terrible with words and there was nothing to say about this. Not about the fact that Lapis kissed Peridot hesitantly, as if she would flinch away from her every second by now, not about the fact that Peridot froze for a split second, just to return the kiss with such urgency that Lapis was the one to back away in surprise.

Eyes wide, a pleading look on her face Peridot sat before her. Lapis probably didn't looked any less needy than the little nerd right in front of her and thus she saved her breath, instead of teasing her she just grabbed her hand, dragging her out of the room, up the stairs, into her bedroom, locking the door behind her.

Peridot let her, she didn't question it, allowing Lapis to bring them both into the bedroom, staring at her while she tried to close the door with one hand so Pumpkin wouldn't interrupt them while they...

Whatever was about to happen, she guessed.

“Do you want this?” Lapis sounded almost scared, her voice merely more than a whisper in the dark room.

“Yeah” Peridot answered and in a heartbeat they were on each other again, Lapis grabbing Peridot by her collar to stop her from flinching away, not that she even thought about that.

Fumbling like a teenage boy in distress she tried to get Lapis out of that damn jacket, feeling for the zipper until she finally got it with a little sound of victory which made Lapis smile into the kiss.

She let Peri open the jacket for her, helping her as good as she could to get out of it, without breaking the kiss or moving her right arm too much.

“Fuck” She cursed silently, finally moving a few inches away to get her arm out of the god forsaken thing, Peridot looking at her with worry.

“Are you okay?”

Lapis nodded, “Yeah, just … just come here.”

She pushed her front up to Peridot, forcing her with soft power closer to the bed, kissing her until Peri's knees hit the bed and she fell back with a startled sound, Lapis following her down with a grin, holding herself up with her good arm.

“I was so fucking afraid you died, you inconsiderate asshole” Peridot mumbled while looking up at her in awe, “It's bad enough I don't hate you anymore, don't get in danger like that.”

Lapis smiled weakly, “I was really afraid you took your chances and left. And I was even more afraid you hoped I died.”

“Never” Peridot whispered, probing herself up on her elbows, her hand on Lapis face to kiss her again and drag her down, closer to her.

“I'm gonna squish you” Lapis mumbled into the kiss and Peri grinned.

“You weigh close to nothing, I'll live.”

They giggled into the kiss, trying hard to hold on to each other but after a few seconds they had to break it again, just laughing while Peridot put her arms around Lapis softly, making sure not to touch her shoulder.

When the giggles died down, though, silence followed and both thought about saying something, anything at all but the words didn't came. Instead Peridot started to stroke Lapis' back up and down, first as if to sooth her, but when she started to purr quietly Peri took her chances.

Letting her hands wander, first up and down her sides, softly, to the shoulders while Lapis buried her face between the space of Peri's shoulder and neck, purring and finally kissing her gently.

A small whine leaving her Peridot decided to return the soft action, while starting to drag her hands under Lapis shirt. It was fresh white one, probably sponsored by the hospital she unofficially resided in the last 2 days.

It emitted a strange smell, like chemicals and blood and Peridot decided that she hated the fact that she would probably always remember this smell when she remembered the little gasps that left Lapis mouth when she started to drag her nails softly up and down her back and how she started to grind her hips on her leg, searching for friction, not up for any kind of teasing or foreplay.

Maybe Lapis would have been a little ashamed about this if she hadn't been thirsty for Peridot since they went and bought clothes for her and had to get shot just to end up in bed with her, to get a little action.

The fact that she actually hadn't had a decent orgasm in weeks could also have played into her arousal, so she didn't really cared if she seemed needy when she bit Peridot's neck as if to mark her, starting to grind down hard on her leg, gasping and whining into her skin while Peridot started to fumble with Lapis pants.

Growing frustrated with them she decided to just leave them on, putting her hand down Lapis boy shorts, making the girl groan close to her ear.

“Please” She silently begged and Peridot was sure she could come from that sound alone if she repeated it often enough.

She snickered silently, sounding like a villain about to reveal her plan, making Lapis laugh silently in response.

The fuck are we even doing her, she thought with a smile until she felt Peridot's finger softly parting her labia, feeling her wetness, spreading it while stroking up and down without pressure.

Lapis let her, for a little while at least, just groaning into her neck, grabbing her shirt as if to anchor herself while Peridot explored her, always stopping shortly before she got to her clit and not penetrating either. She didn't even budged when Lapis began once again to grind down on her hand, just relieving any kind of friction by pushing down less and less.

“For the love of the Stars, just fuck me already!” Lapis groaned in frustration, “I almost died and you play show-and-tell with my genitals, you absolute monster.”

A snicker, a nod and Lapis felt Peridot's petite fingers gathering her wetness, slowly dragging up until she pushed down slightly on her clit, eliciting a moan from Lapis who couldn't hold on to herself any longer. She was wound up, in the most literal sense and it took only a few clever drawn circles by Peridot for her body to go rigid, a wave of relieve washing over her until she snapped out of it, moving her hips abruptly while moaning Peridot's name, again and again, like a prayer as her orgasm washed over her. Peridot didn't relented, guiding her through it with little movements, while watching Lapis expression reverently.

Even when the moment eventually ended Lapis still clutched Peridot's shirt, aftershocks still shaking her form from time to time while the girl under her finally took her hands out of her pants, starting to stroke her back again as if to sooth her.

“Am I this good or are you just easy to please?” She snorted and Lapis probed up herself on her one elbow, having to balance her body just to look down at her with the most unamused expression she could muster.

Peridot looked away while blushing, raising her eyebrows, “Okay, okay, I'm gonna be quiet.”

That made Lapis grin wide and almost manically, trying to get up without falling, before Peridot helped her by pushing a little.

“Being quiet would be exactly the opposite of what I want from you right now” She smirked, reaching for Peridot's pants and unbuttoning them expertly with one hand, pulling them down with the help of the other one, while the girl on the bed could only stare at her, lifting her butt a little to help. She couldn't do more, she was too mesmerized by the smug smile on Lapis face when pulled down her panties, telling her something along the lines of 'considering her good hand being impaired, she had to find another way to please her'.

Peridot didn't even completely processed these words before she felt Lapis tongue on her and groaned in surprise. She wasn't in a better place than Lapis before her, she was just as soaked and wound up, but her own nerves stopped her from being able to just let go. Lapis kissed and licked up her lips, listening to Peridot little sounds, but also feeling how tense she was, stroking her thighs and drawing little circles onto her skin to calm her down. When she felt like she teased her enough she went for Peridot's clit, humming while enclosing it with her lips, making the girl above her moan loudly.

“You're doing so good” Lapis murmured between kisses, probing her entrance with a single finger, feeling her clenching as if to lure it in, holding it.

With a little smile she entered her, murmuring words of praise, making the girl plead silently, grabbing the sheets as if in pain. That did the trick, a few strokes over the rough spot on her inner walls, still humming and kissing around her clit and Peridot came undone, getting louder and louder until her voice reached an impressive high note, rivaling a soprano by 'singing' her pleasure for Lapis.

When she came down from her high Peridot fell silent, while Lapis began to giggle, wiping her face with the hem of her shirt before throwing it finally off.

“What's so funny?” Peridot croaked, eyes closed, hands still fisting the sheets as if she would float away if she didn't hold onto something earthly.

“You have a praise kink” Lapis smirked satisfied, getting rid of her bra and sitting down naked on the bed beside Peri.

“Fuck you, I don't” She denied while feeling the blood rush to her face, making Lapis laugh out loud.

“Oh my god, you really do. Such a good girl” Lapis teased with a sugary voice and Peridot felt like she was about to explode from embarrassment.

This was a mistake, she thought and repeated it like a mantra while fleeing to the bathroom, this was a mistake and she's never gonna let me live that down.

This was the problem with thinking; it came over her in the most unfitting moments, overwhelming her and making her feel like shit even just minutes after being fucked by the moodiest but hottest hitman she ever had the displeasure of meeting. She took her time in the bathroom, contemplating what to do and trying to work up the courage to face Lapis again, debating with and berating herself for being foolish enough to just hop into the sheets with her because of a damn bullet wound.

Killer tended to get hurt, for fucks sake, why did that get to her so much.

In the end she couldn't hide in the tiled room any longer, unlocking the door and sneaking back into the bedroom, hoping that maybe, Lapis had been gone into the bathroom on the first floor.

Far from it, as Peridot realized when she opened the door, though. Half covered under the sheets Lapis laid on the bed, breathing softly, probably asleep.

She was apparently still naked and now Peri felt plain stupid for making such a big deal out of it. It was heat of the moment thing, probably. They both came to terms with the fact that they couldn't hate each other, were kinda attracted to each other and just had overcome the great shock that came with an almost lethal gun wound, so of course something like that happened.

That should have calmed her, made it easier for her to get back to her cold exterior, but somehow it didn't and when she laid down in bed, thinking about cuddling with Lapis, craving it even, she heard Sid's voice in her head.

“Pathetic”

He was right, she accepted with a lump in her throat.

This whole situation was shit and she brought it onto herself by being an emotional little shit who just couldn't learn.

Pathetic.

How fitting for a useless little nerd like her.


	7. I Told You Once

_If I told you once_  
_I told you a thousand times my dear_  
_Never to fall in love with a man_  
_Who drinks from the well of despair_  
  
_I thought from the very start_  
_I'd made it quite clear I fear_  
_Now you're righteously fucked_

  


Considering their age and the maturity that was required for their jobs, someone would assume that Peridot and Lapis were capable of actually talking about what happened and maybe about what it meant for them. But instead of being reasonable adults, they decided to just go back to their usual ways, meaning when they woke up the next morning, it was by Lapis shaking Peridot awake just as gently as you would perhaps shake a protein drink.

“You gotta go grocery shopping; you lazy sacks just devoured every article of food in the kitchen and then apparently forgot to get new stuff.”

Peridot was so this close to just punch her fist right into Lapis wound, if she didn't knew that Lapis would probably still kick her ass, even with just one useable arm.

If anything else failed she would probably still be able to invert Peridot's face with her feet so she just accepted her fate and set upright, scratching her head and still feeling the bite marks from the last night on her neck.

Fucking Lapis had really digged into her, she wouldn't be able to leave the house without a scarf for days to come, that was for sure.

Already annoyed and not the least bit flustered (or getting aroused again as the memories of yesterday night flooded her brain), Peridot got up, walking straight past Lapis who was ranting on and on about how she let her live here and Peridot didn't even had the decency to make sure they at least had enough food in the house so she could make herself something.

“Can you even cook with that arm of yours?” Peridot asked as Lapis followed her to the bathroom, waiting outside while she took a leak and gave herself a lick and a promise, not really feeling any fresher but at least she was now certain that she didn't smelled.

“Well I can't cook a 5 Stars menu but I'm still very much capable to open up and heat a can of ravioli” Lapis replied through the door, sounding offended.

Peridot rolled her eyes, that was barely considerable cooking, shit, a microwave could do that. But she also remembered what the house looked like before Lapis actually considered her a resident so she was actually not surprised over her statement.

When she got out of the bathroom, Lapis almost falling into her because she had leaned on the door, she must have looked just as done with the world as she felt because Lapis grimaced at her, as if to ask why she even went into the room with the mirror in the first place if she wasn't gonna use it anyway.

“You stay quiet, you look like a dust mob” Peridot snickered nasally, getting back into the bedroom to get dressed while she heard Lapis walking down the stairs.

She stopped in her tracks when she was certain that Lapis was out of earshot and sighed. To be completely honest, she had kinda hoped that the evil voice in her head had been wrong and that the bond she shared with Lapis right now had changed, not even necessarily deepened but at least turned into something less … shallow.

But maybe she was just delusional, Amethyst and Steven being nice to her probably made her forget how much of a miserable bastard Lapis was. That whole thing was probably just a nice distraction to her, a very welcome bonus to having a roommate she couldn't get rid off right now.

Her mood getting more and more sour, Peridot decided to leave it be, got dressed and left to get downstairs, where Lapis waited in the Kitchen, writing down what they needed.

“Are you actually sending me out with a grocery list?” She asked surprised, her roommate finishing the word she wrote and then looking up in annoyance.

“What's with the tone, Nerd? Would you rather just go out and buy new stuff everyday instead of getting it all in one go?”

Peridot just shrugged, getting the leash to take Pumpkin on the little walk with her, even when Lapis called to her, telling her that she already had been out with him.

“He sure as hell can only profit from getting out more often” Peridot responded silently, getting the excited dog ready and then sluggishly putting on her own shoes. Lapis followed her down the hallway, putting the list and a wallet into her free hand, her expression uncertain.

Peridot decided not to waste much thought on it, they would probably all profit if she just took the stuff, Pumpkin and went for a little walk with him before buying groceries.

\---

The next few days were just as strange as the first morning: Lapis was able to do easy tasks, everything that didn't required fine-motor skills were a go, but all things that went beyond that were Peridot's job for now.

Maybe that was the only reason why she was able to handle this whole mess: Lapis was depending on her in a way and it actually made her feel better about herself and Lapis moods. The hitman was probably pissed that she had to rest her arm, not even able to play on the new console in a satisfying way as the wound required her to stay still. Something that is nearly impossible when you got really into a game, which was denied to Lapis for now.

From time to time they had sex again, just to never talk about it again. It didn't follow a schedule, neither was it triggered by specific events, just from time to time Lapis would start to stroke her back or over her tummy, sometimes on the couch or in bed. One thing would lead to another and before Peridot even really processed what was going on they were done again, making her feel less and less sure about this whole situation.

Lapis was like a complete different person when they had sex; sure she was still an asshole but that was probably a basic characteristic of hers. But other than that she was sweet; praising and calming Peridot the whole time, making sure she felt good and asking her for consent ever so often.

Sometimes they cuddled after being done, which made the whole thing even more surreal to Peridot, but as soon as the next morning came Lapis returned to her old behavior and Peri started to question if her roommate maybe had something wrong with her head that should be looked into by a professional.

She also started to feel watched every time she left the house, be it to buy groceries, walk around the block with Pumpkin or just enjoy the weather of the late spring. Sometimes Amethyst came over, who swore up and down that nobody from the team messed with her, but also didn't do anything more about it as Peridot was now convinced she was just imagining things, getting paranoid again as the situation with her roommate muddled her mind.

Amethyst grew concerned about this, asking often how the two of them got along, having a feeling how this whole situation had already developed into something more than two bickering shitheads sharing a queen size bed because the space was limited.

But Peridot stayed tight-mouthed about it, telling him not to worry and not to do anything that would disrupt their everyday life 'just for her well being'.

“I am well enough” She told him every time, “Let me enjoy it while I still can.”

That sounded ominous, but he finally decided to blame it on her upcoming participation in the teams work, so he followed her wishes and let both of them be. After a while he also had no other chances as he saw the shifting of their behavior over this whole Shoulder Wound Dilemma: Peridot started to show how much she cared and so did Lapis in her own way.

In the beginning it was just as amusing as the both of them had been from the very beginning: Bickering and pining like some love sick kids, who just got to terms with the fact that they liked 'some icky girl'.

But now it became more apparent the pining was over, at least to some extend as they felt more comfortable being close to each other. Questions about it were always answered with denial and both of them getting irrational defensive about it, but he had two working eyes and he saw.

He saw how they got closer to each other when the three of them were watching some movies or played some games, starting out in a normal sitting distance to each other on the couch, just to end up close to be up in each others laps like the sneaky teenagers they never were allowed to be.

He also saw when they trash talked each other, trying to offend the other to the point of hilarity for every outsider who happened to witness it, while mirroring each others movements and sometimes even working more smoothly together than every machine he ever had watched. As if they had always been a team formed out of two insufferable moody pricks.

It started to come to the point where the motto “nobody is allowed to talk shit about her, except me” got part of the ground rules of the house and he had his fun with it. Even if Peridot and Lapis still weren't able to just communicate whatever went wrong between them in the meanwhile.

Another thing that changed was Peridot's self-confidence, as she dared to go for longer walks, even without Pumpkin. Wven exploring parts of the district outside of the neighborhood, getting more fit and finally gaining some healthy color for her skin tone back. She was as white as a sheet and no amount of sun would be able to fix that, but at least she finally looked like a living being again and not like a reanimated corpse, one of the many side effects that came with living in a basement.

After a while he stopped worrying too much and when he left one night, just the weekend before they would introduce Peridot to the other teammates officially and start to train her, he had stopped thinking about her strange feelings of being watched and his worry about the strange relationship of those two.

So did Peridot, as she got ready to got to bed that evening while Lapis decided to stay up just a little longer.

Her shoulder was almost completely healed by now, apparently just a worse graze, but she still had some trouble with it, making casual sleep rather uncomfortable to her as she tended to lie on the injured shoulder. Thus she tried to wait until sleep was creeping up on her, being tired enough to fall asleep the second she hit the sheets, but tonight it seemed particularly hard to get into the right state of mind for that.

She was tired, her mind had shut down hours ago, but something kept her up, an inner turmoil stopping her from feeling relaxed enough to actually sleep. She hated when stuff like that happened, it only meant less sleep for her and worse moodiness and the general suffering that came with everyday life which Lapis wasn't able to handle as she had spent most of her life as criminal or on the run from other criminals who wanted to get rid of her.

She thought a lot about her past now. She was once again forced to stay at home; and Peridot taking care of her, Pumpkin and the house gave her even more time to get caught up in her own mind and maybe the fact that it was her past in the diamond authority that was the most present in her thoughts should have alarmed her, but she just didn’t made the connection.

She was close to finally dozing off, when she heard a strange sound from the basement, not giving it a second thought about it, as her mind just answered it with 'It's the nerd clinking with the handcuffs'.

Then she abruptly remembered that the nerd laid indeed in her bed and the handcuffs had not yet gotten their comeback up there, meaning that whatever was clinking the handcuffs was an uninvited guest.

Where the hell was Pumpkin?

Lapis felt her face drain of all color, the dog had been silent for a long time. She had thought he was just sleeping upstairs but now she wasn't so certain anymore. If they had rats or mice Pumpkin would have already lost his damn mind over it days ago, so that was out of question. She was also quick-witted enough to know that there was no draft in the house strong enough to make handcuffs swing strong enough to clink, her mind already switching over to her sharpened survival instincts, getting to the closest drawer with a gun in it. She had hidden weapons in foresight all over the house, safely locked away but still in reach for situations like this.

But even that didn't helped her when she felt searing pain of something hitting her head, knocking her over with unstoppable force, falling to the floor like a hot stone.

She wasn't able to load the gun, too surprised, and raised her hands over her head in instinct, trying to keep it save from whatever was attacking her.

There were a lot of loud noises, Lapis was too disorientated to even make out what it was except for voices and screams, fighting hard against her bodies instinct to just pass out as to give her banging head a rest.

Another scream, then someone called out to her and she cowered on the floor, curled around herself praying to whatever force between heaven and hell was responsible for her to either let this end fast or not at all. Hands grabbed her, she got pulled up again, dragged over the floor until she felt the soft cushions of the couch.

When she dared to open her eyes and look up again she saw Peridot standing above her, eyes wide and manic, blood on her clothes, hand, hair and face.

“Lapis!” She breathed heavy, “Are you alright? Come on, you gotta talk to me!”

She was too shocked to even comprehend what those words meant, slowly realizing that, whatever had happened, just ended as fast as it started thanks to the nerd in front of her.

“What?” She asked almost lethargic, her mouth not obeying to her anymore. Her mind was racing but her body was close to a complete lock-down. Her sight became foggy around the edges and she feared that she wouldn't be able to stay conscious any longer, pawing around helplessly.

Peridot knelt down in front of her, an expression of sheer terror on her face.

“You have to stay awake” She urged her, “Sit up.”

She followed the order, slowly sitting up with Peridot's help and starting to even her breathing, calming herself.

The pain at the back of her head turned dull and persistent, but at least the fog left her eyes. She saw clearly now, the blood and the wide eyes of fear from her little roommate crouching in front of the couch. And she saw the body behind her, lying in a puddle of fresh blood, seeping out from the hole on their neck and the knife in their back.

Garbled sounds came from there, heavy uneven breaths from a still trembling body. But other than that the person didn't move around. Which was enough for Lapis to feel save and even herself.

“What the fuck just happened?” She asked, her own voice still trembling but at least her tongue gave a her the chance to get out more than some slurred garbage.

Peridot raised a brow, seeming rather confused herself, “I wanted to ask you the same question. One second I'm snoring away up in bed, the next I hear sounds nothing short of a fucking war zone. Who the fuck is that and where is Pumpkin?”

Lapis shook her head, wincing, as it throbbed even harder. She didn't felt sick or anything like that, hoping the damage done was only temporary and wouldn't force her to yet another visit at the hospital, but right now she cared far more about Peridot and Pumpkin, who was still lost.

“Fuck” She mumbled, because she wasn't able to get out more right now, “My dog, fuck.”

Peridot, not missing a beat, looked around frantic, remembering a gun and ammunition laying around somewhere close where she found Lapis. She darted off, trying to find it, searching the floor with her eyes until she found it near the open drawer of the bureau by the door frame. She had always wondered why the fuck Lapis owned something like this, but now she was happy to know she apparently kept it to store weapons in it, as she made the connection as to why Lapis and her gun had laid so close to it. She closed it, locking it again, picking up the gun and loading it with the clip that she found laying beside it.

Armed and with a racing heart pumping adrenaline all through her body she crossed the room again, making sure to not get too close to the attacker on the floor. Maybe they weren't much of a danger anymore, but they were still conscious and thus dangerous enough to harm Peridot and Lapis if given the opportunity.

“You take this” Peridot said, handing Lapis the gun and then running into the kitchen to get one of the big knifes they stored there to cook.

When she got out again she made sure that Lapis was still awake and present, worried that she got hurt worse than she was able to see in the half dark room, telling her to call the others.

“Where the fuck do you think you are going?” The terror in Lapis voice made her hesitant, turning around on her heels to look at the hitman.

“Pumpkin” She said tersely, and left to go down into the basement, starting her search there as she knew that nobody had left the dog out before he got lost.

Lapis on the other hand still sat on the couch looking at the body on the floor who was moving less and less.

Whoever it was came here with a goal; this was no break in to steal money or electronic devices. They had monitored the house, knowing a dog lived here and that the residents tended to go to sleep together, probably getting surprised by the fact that Lapis was still in the living room and not up in bed.

Who ever laid there was dark skinned, just as Lapis, black hair and a lot of muscles covered by black clothes. It took her just mere seconds to realize why she even knew it wasn't a regular burglar:

They had a tattoo on their hand, a diamond. The same Lapis had to wear around for years on her hips until she finally cut it, leaving a big scar that ripped the sign in two pieces, showing she was no longer part of the gang.

The Tattoo on the back of the intruders hand, however, was still very much intact. Bloody, yes but still a clear sign who sent them here and what it meant for Lapis and Peridot.

I can't let her roam the house alone, she realized with a start and tried to get up, the dull pain stopping her in her tracks.

She was about to just accept her fate and crawl after her roommate, as she hear the unmistakably bark of Pumpkin and the sound of 4 paws running up the stairs and into the living room.

“Pumpkin!” She yelled relieved as the dog ran up to her, ignoring the half dead body in the room to jump on the couch and cuddle up to her, his muzzle swollen and slightly red but otherwise unharmed.

Peridot followed after him, a rope in her hands, the knife in the other.

“They locked him into the small cabinet in the heating cellar and tied his mouth with this, I guess” She said uncertain, “Other than that the basement is clear. Did you reach the others?”

Fuck, she had forgotten about it in her panic.

“No” She mumbled, reaching for a phone, making sure not to shake her head or letting go of Pumpkin who seemed quite shocked over the recent events himself. She sent a text over the group message, telling Amethyst, Pearl and Garnet to come over and help getting rid of a body.

Then she put the phone away to look at the mess, which was the living room and the three residents themselves.

Including the corpse, but those tended to be always messy.

“How did you even kill them?” She asked after a while, turning slowly to face Peridot who just stared in awe at her handiwork. They were sitting in silence, waiting for the others to arrive and help them clean up this chaos and just now she realized how precise the cut on the assassins neck was, and how deep the knife stuck in their back. That was not the work of someone who had reacted in panic, it had been the work of someone knowing exactly how this stuff worked.

“Peridot, I know you hate talking about your past but I feel like I deserve an actual explanation.”

Peridot nodded absentmindedly, as if she didn't really heard her, gulping, running her shaking fingers through her blonde hair.

She probably really owned her an explanation, considering what they just went through and her finally showing her experience with stuff like this.

She wasn't a killer, she wasn't trained to end someones life, but years on the street had given her the necessary expertise to defend herself to death.

Until now she had given up on using it ever again, welcoming death with rather open hands. When she started living with Lapis, she decided to not use it to her benefit, as she thought the others would use her as some general dogsbody until Peridot found a way to get away from the team without them finding her again.

“Peridot?” Lapis asked again, now with a firm voice, getting the girl out of her thoughts.

“Yeah”, Peri responded sluggishly, “Yeah, I guess I'm gonna tell you.”

  



	8. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be mentions of past child abuse, drug abuse, death by overdose, attempted rape and a terrible past in general in this chapter.

_You know the craziest of things_  
_Was that I wanted it_  
 _I thought I did_  
 _You know, the moment I liked best_  
 _Was when you put your hands around my head_  
 _But that won't make it easier to stand_  
 _And that won't make it right_

 

Absolutely nothing stayed innocent in this city.

That wasn't the pessimistic statement of some depressed misanthrope, it was the sad but cold truth.

Peridot Forsterit had been born into a family consisting of a mother, who left the second she was able to survive without her milk, a father who was either high, drunk or selling drugs on the streets and that was it.

The Youth Protection Act should have saved her from that, but nobody snitched on her dad and thus she had to live with him until she was 6 and supposed to go to school. Which her dad wouldn't allow to happen.

This was the first time authorities fucked her over: instead of taking action and getting her the hell out of there, they gave him a slap on the hand and told him to enroll her into an elementary school or they would take her away.

Her father obeyed, knowing very well that he needed the kid for the child support money and because he wanted her as his personal runner. He was a little nobody, selling enough to survive, but he wanted more. They always wanted more but her father probably had a point as Peridot had spent the first 6 years of her existence sleeping on an old armchair in the one room apartment she had to share with her sire.

He had always slept on the couch, letting his own child hunger because he spent their money on drugs and cigarettes.

She even almost died when she was around 3, because she found his box of smokes and in her desperation, ate them. Somehow he managed to get her to puke them out before she passed out once and for all, starting her rather long and persistent circle of tries to kill herself either on accident or with the clear intent, just for someone to save her one way or another.

School was hell for her.

She loved the learning, she loved the fact that she spent time away from her dad, out of the apartment at least for a few hours, but that was about it.

Children tend to be an accepting bunch, until their parents intervene and that happened in Peridot's class before she even had the chance to find friends.

One day to another she was scum and the good-for-nothing kid of a lowlife junkie.

It only got worse from there as the system failed to see that this kid needed help, that she wasn't silent and reserved because she was a well-behaved or shy kid but because she was used to violence and abuse if she spoke up or tried to defend herself.

Over the years the Teachers blamed her for getting bullied, assaulted and even robbed, telling her that she should be more open and friendly to her classmates, how it was her arrogant and aloof attitude that put off the others.

She accepted her fate, having neither been offered an alternative nor a solution, she just rolled with it until she were around twelve. She was getting into high school by then and still had the naive hope of a child for a fresh start.

Of course, even with her good grades no academic high school was willing to take her and her dad, not giving a single shit as he already saw her as a runner thus not needing an education, failed to enroll her somewhere fitting to her abilities.

She ended up in a so called “Hauptschule”, the most basic kind of high school in Germany and ill-reputed as the only alternative, besides special needs schools. It was hell. Everything about it. The teachers had absolutely no intend to teach their classes anything, just dragging them along in hopes that they would finish 9th grade and leave school never to be seen again.

Her classmates had been failed just as much by the system as her, giving up hope years ago they had no intend to use their time to learn, instead terrorizing the weaker students and teachers.

Father Forsterit saw his chance, as they dealt drugs there, to finally teach his child everything she needed to know to sell his stuff.

It was the most friendly and fatherly he had ever been to her, teaching her how to defend herself and his goods. Believing it meant he would only love her if she were doing a good job she put everything she was into the training, soon being able to take on people twice as height and strong as her, selling all kind of powders to all kind of people without ever getting caught. Neither by authorities, nor by her own clients who got grossly overpriced, laced ware.

She was fast, flexible and, by the age of 14, she knew how to handle knifes and guns to save her own skin. High school was over for her, she left with a perfect graduation certificate, earning her a damn placate on one of the trophy walls and giving her the chance to get an Abitur if she wanted to try.

But before she got the chance her father sent her out on the streets, where she met Sid, a boy just a few years older than her and a big brotherly kind of figure.

She didn't even knew what had hit her, one day he just suddenly appeared in the same park to deal and almost stole all her clients, getting her in danger. When she tried to confront him, he took her under her wing, slowly helping her out. First by buying her stuff to sell it himself, thus saving her from her father who would be the nicest man known to mankind as long as she brought home some money.

Then he started to invite her over to his apartment, getting her to lie to her dad that she was selling drugs on parties and had to stay overnight to make the best deals. Of course he didn't cared as long as she brought home the money and the authorities didn't cared as neither she nor her dad asked for unemployment benefit, making her fall through the cracks of the system and living as a nobody.

It didn't took long from there for her to practically live with Sid instead of with her dad who got more and more furious with her disappearance. He started to hit her again and beat her up, starving her if given the chance until Sid put his foot down, getting her out of there, promising her that he would find a way to make her father stop.

How exactly, she found out weeks later as the Police found her dad with an overdose. They started looking for her but gave up again several weeks later, leaving her as close to none existent to the system.

They didn't even listed her as missed, and Sid promised her as soon as she got 18 he would help her to get her own life, not being forced to live with a foster family.

Of course, he lied.

He too only had his own plans, using her as runner himself and finding his own ways to keep his power over her.

He brought her working glasses again and again as hers tended to break regularly, conflicts and arguments with clients and dealers often ended with broils, but hid or broke them himself when she did something he didn't liked, forcing her to be unable to see for an extended amount of time.

Sid also was terribly afraid of dirt and germs, also of his own drugs, making his whole job kind of ironic, but not in the funny way. He forced her to shower 5 times a day, as much as he did at minimum. She wasn't allowed to do it alone, being monitored by his strict eyes, turning the water ice cold every time he felt like she wasn't thoroughly enough and forcing her to spent sometimes up to half an hour under the cold stream, resorting to hitting her if she tried to get out.

She got out of one kind of hell to end up in a different one and accepted once again that life held nothing but suffering for her in store.

At least he didn't tried to use her for his own urges, she had to tell herself again and again, turning slowly into 'he is not as bad as he could be'.

Which by default turned to 'if I behaved better I would get treated better'.

Of course it didn't worked that way, it never does. But she stayed with him, let him torture her and took it, as she had all her life.

Until one day she came back from her run and he greeted her in the kitchen by hitting her in the face with his fist, kicking her while she laid on the floor, screaming and yelling how she stole from him.

She had no Idea what he was talking about, she had never taken anything from him, didn't even dared to have single thought that wasn't devoted to obeying him in fear of him finding out about it.

That he maybe found a way to read her mind, seeing and knowing about every little thought that went against him.

But now she laid on the floor, screaming and crying in pain as he didn't relented, curled up on herself and trying to cover herself against his attacks with no avail. An especially strong hit into her stomach made her cover up her lower stomach, afraid he would kick her womb, knowing how dangerous that could be for her.

That made him finally stop, looking at her in disgust as he just saw a shaking, pathetically sobbing piece of shit cowering on his kitchen floor, covering up her genitals as if he planned to get even close to that place.

“What?” He grunted with loathing, “You're afraid I'm gonna use your filthy body? After I just realized you stole my stuff? For all I know you could be just another junk, I ain't gonna defile my body with something like you.”

She didn't even dare to look up, just keeping her eyes closed, trying to stop herself from crying.

He seemed through with her, not only the beating but once and for all, grabbing her by the arm and forcing her to stand up, making her scream out once again as her whole body ached and urged her to just curl up on herself again.

“No”, he sneered, “I know you have nowhere to go. Take your stuff you filthy swine, and get out of here. If I see you in my district again, I'm gonna sell you. Fuck off.”

That was it.

He gave her enough time to get her glasses and a backpack filled with her clothes before he kicked her out.

She didn't came far, was just about strong enough to get out of the district by dragging her pained body down to the subway and into one of the trains.

Before long she had passed out, waking up in a hospital where her wounds were treated and she was sent off to a homeless shelter.

She didn't gave them her name or any info's they could use, getting out of there before they could find out who she was, as she was still 17 at the time.

All alone in the world, no real education and no other options she started to deal again, selling everything she owned to buy a little bit, selling that once again a little overpriced or laced it, making enough money to survive on the streets.

She didn't even knew why she did it, probably out of habit as she never did anything else, until one day she fucked up and got her scar.

It was one of her regulars, it was supposed to be a fast deal, she gave him the drugs, he gave her the money and then they both would be on their way, but it wasn't.

“You know you want this” He had tried to convince her, one hand around her neck; the other gripping a knife, trying to hold her down and getting his pants open at the same time, “I see how you look at me.”

In her panic, she kicked him right in between his legs, which made him loosen up his grip around her neck, screaming in pain and dragging the knife up her face in hope of striking her eyes or something else that would stop her from resisting.

She didn't even fully registered the pain until she got out of the alley, managed to run right into two students who probably got the shock of their lives seeing this rather small girl with a sliced open face and got rushed right into the next hospital.

That was just shortly before her 18 th  birthday and not even foster care was able to close their cold grip around her, getting her back into a shelter and trying their best to get her back on her feet. For once in her lifetime she got actually lucky and met a nice social worker, who tried everything into her power to get Peridot back on track.

She helped her getting her degree over one of those online schools, and helped her getting into college.

The Social Worker helped her finding a little apartment for special cases like her and got her the unemployment benefit she needed to survive all this.

For once Peridot actually had an existence just for herself, did something for herself and actually believed that maybe, maybe life wasn't so bad. Maybe Karma, fate, whatever the higher beings were, wanted to apologize by giving her another chance.

Until Sid came back.

She was 20 at the time. Multiple times she had to remind herself how old she was, because after all these years time simply started to devolve into an unmeasurable scale unit, hours feeling like seconds and days feeling like years. She got lost in that stream, but she was 20 when Sid appeared on her Campus for the first time.

His sight alone was enough to make her relapse and she fled into her tiny apartment, not coming out for days.

Just a few weeks later, she finally managed to get out again, and he set her up. She had no Idea how he managed to find her and find out about her schedule this fast, but he did and the next thing she knew was how she tried to help someone on the street who asked her for directions and suddenly got dragged into an alley, screaming in terror but in vain.

Sid waited there for her, the man who asked her for help making sure she wouldn't run away while the Dealer smugly grinned at her.

“I thought I told you not to snoop around in my districts, bitch. But I gotta say, you really made something out of yourself, except for that ugly shit in your face. What is that, did you do that to yourself, you pathetic whore?”

He went on and on, how he would sell her to his regulars, how she was still so small and tiny, like a kitten. How he thought of keeping her as one, as she was so desperately trying all the time to be good. And just when she was about sure that this would be how she ended, in this alley because she would rather die than coming with him, the police arrived.

Someone had given them a tip, she had no Idea who but before the whole situation could have gotten cleared up she was standing in this alleyway, with her knife out, Sid up against the wall, his friend long gone and the officer telling her to put the knife down.

That was the moment she knew nobody would believe her. She was a homeless kid from a lowlife junkie father who died of an overdose while Sid always had kept his records clean.

So she fled.

She was still so fast, so flexible and long gone before the officer even knew what had happened exactly.

She didn't go back to campus after that. Or back to her apartment.

Life wasn't good. Nobody wanted to apologize for her shitty past and she realized for the first time that she actually just wanted to die.

End it once and for all.

But she couldn't.

She couldn't kill herself. Even with Sid's voice inside her head, following her everywhere and all the chances she had to simply end it herself, she wasn't able to. So she tried to find someone to do it for her, but now that she wanted to get harmed the whole world seemed too afraid to kill this scrawny, pathetic little girl.

Her last hope had been Marten. After 2 years she got into contact with him, a new pimp in town who still tried to prove himself and would be happy to take her in as one of his girls. She hoped that he would be just as happy to kill her too, hoping that if she fucked him over one way or another he would have the balls to end it.

It was a stupid plan, of course, but after 2 years it was all she had.

And then Lapis appeared and killed the only dude she trusted enough to put a bullet right between her eyes.

\---

When Peridot finally ended, Lapis stood up on shaking legs, but not even nearly shaking as much as the girl who just had to retell her whole life story, starting to cry somewhere around the part where she described her life with Sid, not even realizing she did until she tasted the salt of her tears on her own lips.

And Lapis stayed silent, sitting down close to her and pulling her into a hug, stroking her back and Peridot tried to calm down. She felt how those emotions found a way to break out, to finally get out and she tried so hard to stop them from to forge ahead and spilling.

“I'm here, I'm fine, it could be worse” Peridot mumbled, trying to get out of Lapis grip, but she wouldn't let her. Fuck, if it would have been possible then Lapis would have never let her go again.

“Thank to whatever higher being there is, it wasn't worse.”

And thus Peridot broke down completely, just clutching Lapis top, crying into her chest, loud and wailing, 22 years of absolute hell coming down on her right here on this couch, on the lap of this hitman who probably survived worse, a corpse just a few feet away from then.

And she didn't cared. She wept until there was no more tears left to cry, until she almost chocked on her own sobs and her body trembled so bad that Lapis feared she could get a stroke.

But she didn't stopped holding her, didn't stopped stroking her back and making sure the girl was pressed up to her as tight as possible without stopping her from breathing. It was all she could do at the moment, not only because her head was killing her but also because she knew that sometimes there was nothing one could say to ease the pain or show empathy. Sometimes only actions like that could help and that was all she was able to give her in this situation.

When Peridot calmed down enough to breathe normal again she wanted to ask her if she wanted a tissue or water or something, but before she could even say something she heard how the front door was kicked in and a roar followed:

“ _I SWEAR TO GOD LAZULI, IF YOU KILLED THE NERD I'M GONNA BURY YOUR ASS RIGHT BESIDE HERS!_ ”

\---

_Would you be happy if I cried sometimes?_   
_You know I_   
_sit in the dark and I try_   
_I try_   
_But I can't make a sound until the morning comes_   
_My head is dull and my heart is dry_   
_And some things cannot be fixed_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two very short chapters, back to back. Well, at least we all learned a little about Peridot's backstory today, I hope it makes up for the rather short update after the long wait :)


	9. Demon Kitty Rag

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the last two chapters were so short, here's a 12,6k words long chapter to make up for it :) Also, Peridot's gonna meet Jasper for the first time, I hope you all enjoy :D

_Here kitty, kitty_  
_There's too much demon blood_  
_In these self appointed angels_  
_Acting like you're comatose_  
_Speaking like a country rose_  
_Or a preacher's pet in drag_

 

Pearl didn't even knew where to start her rant when the whole situation finally calmed down.

She was tempted to start it somewhere along the lines why the hell Lapis let herself get attacked like an absolute newbie, or maybe with the fact that she just sent them a text which read 'Got a corpse. Need some help'.

If it weren't for the condition of Peridot she would have deep fried her ass too, for not telling Lapis about the fact that she felt watched, but this could wait until she stopped looking like she would break down into a puddle of tears, so she decided to just grunt her anger while they cleaned the living room together.

Garnet fixed both of them, having a police paramedic as a mother definitely was a big help in her everyday life and now it was a great help for Peridot and Lapis, who were pretty shaken but ultimately unharmed. Meanwhile Steven, who didn't even allowed a discussion if he should come along or not, and Amethyst were making sure that the assassin was really done for and started to get the corpse out of the house while Pearl started to clean up.

After Garnet was done with them, Lapis and Peridot helped her, Peridot in silence and Lapis on wobbly legs but a little smile on her face, still very amused over Amethysts Reaction, as she and the others thought she killed Peri.

She was offended they thought she would do something like that, even if she would probably get away with it, but it made her happy to see that they cared about the Nerd so much.

It helped her with the nagging feelings of the last few days, how Peridot could get harmed if she joined the team as a runner or something along those lines. She would rather have her as a helper for Connie or Steven, two jobs which were rather harmless as Steven only worked as an organizer and Connie worked in her Lab.

Right now it looked like Peridot would work with Jasper, as a helper in her Labs but also as a Runner and it scared her. She didn't wanted Peridot in harms way and she realized there was probably no 'save' job in this business but still. There were varying degrees of danger and chief-cook-and-bottle-washer was definitely one of the possible positions that came with the least amount of risks.

“How did you even managed to kill her like that when you got hit in the head?” Pearl asked after they finally got rid of all the blood on the carpet. It was close to impossible, but Pearl was nothing if not a magician of letting proof vanish.

At first Lapis didn't even realized the question was for her, simply sneaking a peek at Peridot to see her reaction, asking herself how she would answer this without exposing herself.

But Peridot looked at her in confusion, almost pleading, but it was too late for Lapis to even react, or she would have made something up. Pearl had already seen the looks they exchanged, raising a brow in confusion until she raised the other one too, eyes wide, mouth open as she slowly connected the dots and stared at the two of them and then Garnet, who just grinned proudly. She winked at Peridot, said something about “Good Work” and left the three of them alone to help out Amethyst and Steven, who stood in the front yard, silently contemplating 'which landmarks looked the best at night' and 'which they should show Lapis Friend'. Which pretty much was their way of talking about possible places to get rid of the body.

“You killed her?” Pearl asked flabbergasted, eyes locked on Peridot as if she was a ghost summoned to this house, about to make them an offer they couldn't refuse.

Now you know how I felt 24/7 the first few days with her, Lapis thought with a smug smile on her face. It disappeared however when she saw Peridot looking at the floor, deep in thought, trying to make up a story.

She wasn't willing to share the origin of this skill of hers with the others, so Lapis replied for her, “I taught her to.”

Pearl slowly turned from Peri to Lapis, her expression getting stony and she could have sworn the sound effect of an old door getting opened in a horror house played in the background. The lean girl hadn't had a chance to rant her frustration to her yet and now her time to shine and rip Lapis a second one finally came.

If Lapis hadn't already made something up to follow the first sentence, “She lives with me. I'm a hitman and shit like that happens.”

She said it while waving vaguely at the now cleaned floor.

“I decided that she needed to know how to defend herself with a knife to be part of this team. Do you have problem with that, Pearl?”

It stopped the storm before she could even let go of it, finger in the air as if to start a lecture, Pearl stopped and looked at the floor, other hand on her hips. She looked like a mom who just got owned by her own child with the most collected burn imaginable.

Lapis felt Peridot's eyes on her and looked at her out of the corner of her eyes to give her a reassuring smile, until she turned to Pearl again who just nodded in defeat.

“Fine” She said and sounded like it was absolutely not fine, “You are the boss. If that comes back to bites us in the ass you will be responsible for it.”

“I'm responsible for this since y'all refused to help me with it when it first appeared. It also has a name, Pumpkin and me call it lovingly Peridot.”

That made both of them groan, Peridot in offense, Pearl because she realized this was the person who was responsible for all of them. But it also ended this whole discussion as Pearl just turned around on the spot to get out to the others, while Peridot just shook her head and went to the kitchen to put the knife into the sink to clean it later.

Chances were slim that police would march into their house, even find them at all so they could just wash it thoroughly and use it to cook later. Hopefully.

\---

A few hours later they got the okay from Steven that the corpse wouldn't become a problem and they could go to sleep now, if they wanted to. Which was a big relief for both of them.

After that evening they both just wanted to sleep for maybe three weeks and not be bothered ever again. They had spent the hours waiting for any kind of response from the others in silence, Peridot hugging Lapis as if she was an anchor while they sat on the couch, watching cartoons. Lapis wasn't any better, she had held her close, her story still fogging her mind as she tried to calm down and make sense of all this.

It explained a lot, probably everything about the girl and it felt like she had finally opened up to her. It came with a duty to her, it felt like she was responsible for the well-being of Peridot. She related to her, to her past and she wanted to keep her save from the world.

Of course, that was impossible without keeping her trapped here, so she just could try her best to keep her out of harms way by using the power and the knowledge she had.

But there was still something that not necessarily made sense to her.

“Why did you save me?” She asked when they got ready for bed, Peridot had showered and dried her hair of with a towel while Lapis changed her clothes to something more comfortable for bed.

Peridot looked up to her in confusion, as if she wanted to ask if Lapis really was this naive.

But instead of her usual snark she just threw the towel next to the hamper, like always, and sat on the bed. Lapis followed her movements with her eyes, but waited for the girl to answer, after this whole event a few hours ago she just accepted that Peridot needed her dramatic pauses to come to the point.

“You didn't kill me” She stated and Lapis furrowed her brows. Had Peridot actually taken damage to the head or was it her own brain, which actually gave her wrong info's about her surrounding? Of course she hadn't killed her, the last months would have been very different if she had done that.

“I know” She replied dryly and Peridot chuckled mirthless.

“No, you don't.”

Lapis was about to retort something sarcastic as Peridot turned around to her and looked up into her eyes with the softest expression she had ever seen on this girl's face.

Not even when they fucked she had looked so honest and so vulnerable as in this moment, a slight smile on her scarred face. Her eyes were soft and she finally, for once, looked like a 22 year old girl, not like an old woman caught in the body of a teenager.

“You kept me alive. You didn't just _not killed_ me, you made sure that I stayed alive, even when I am a total asshole. There was no reason for you to not just follow my wishes and get rid of me, you could have even asked one of your friends to just kill me for you.

Instead you got me contacts, allowed me to roam your house and at least tried to see a roommate in me. Even when your boss told you to make me a member of the team, you didn't take the chance and made me live with Amethyst and the others. You let me stay and you gave me the chance to get at least a little bit back in the loop.”

Lapis listened with intend, but she didn't really understood.

Silence followed as Peridot ended her little record on the events of the last months, looking at her as if she expected this to explain her behavior a few hours ago. When she saw that Lapis looked still as confused as before she shook her head and smiled, finally getting under the covers and getting her contacts out to put them on the bed side table.

“You took care of me. Let's be real, we are both scum right out of the gutter of this society, but you didn't let me die and you didn't let me just drown in my own self pity.

Instead you introduced Amethyst and Steven to me, giving me the chance to make friends for once in my fucking life, trusting me with the only being in your life that you love and care for and your house, too. Shit, Lapis, you probably gave me more credit of trust than _I_ ever did in my whole life. How could I have not saved your unbearable moody, insufferable ice-cold ass from a situation like this?”

That was a lot to intake and certainly an interesting way to see all this, but Lapis wasn't one to complain. Which was definitely a new one as Lapis always found a way to complain.

“And what does that mean except that you won't let me get killed on the living room floor?” Lapis asked with false composure, getting under the covers beside the nerd.

“That I like Amethyst and Steven as friends and that I am grateful for everything you guys gave me until now, but that my loyalty ultimately stands with you. Make out of that what you want.”

Lapis snickered, this whole situation was just an embarrassing to Peridot as it was to her, but Peridot was in the more vulnerable position as she just had spilled the beans on her emotions, so she decided to tease the girl a little.

“That's pretty gay, Nerd.”

“Shut it, you little shit.”

And that was the end of it, until Lapis grabbed her around her waist and cuddled her like a stuffed animal.

Peridot grunted and made her little noises of anger and annoyance, but she didn't fought back. She had bared her heart enough today, she was allowed to fake opposition about a gesture that she very much craved.

Lapis understood.

\---

The next morning Lapis left after the breakfast, leaving Pumpkin and Peridot to their own devices after making sure that Peridot could handle it.

“If you start to treat me like a whole kitchen cabinet filled with fine china ready to break then you better also pamper me like such” Peridot had replied with a sour tone, scratching Pumpkin behind his ear. She looked like a mob boss with an overgrown cat on her lap and Lapis decided she would probably survive the early afternoon on her own without any bigger obstacles.

They had called some of Amethyst friends to keep an eye on the house and the surrounding so they wouldn't get surprised like yesterday night again, but her question was less about actual danger than more about Lapis wanting to make sure Peridot felt save.

“You are one of those knock-off dishes one can get for like 5 bucks in every china supermarket, tops” She shot back with a friendly smile and made sure to flee the house before Peridot could form a comeback.

Not that she even tried, she just grumbled and pushed her own face into Pumpkins fur when she heard the door close behind Lapis. The dogs seemed the most unimpressed by last night and was just happy to sit in someones lap and enjoy the day while Peridot tried to calm her nerves about the coming Monday.

She already had been nervous to be introduced to the full team officially, aware that even for this branch she made a rather weird entrance by being the girl the boss kept in her basement.

Now she was the girl who also killed an assassin with the precision of a street fighter after getting allegedly trained for just a few weeks by Lapis. Then on the other hand she really had no Idea what the past of the others looked like so maybe she was more on the average side of strange Inaugurations.

Right now she just wanted to forget what Life held in store for her, being almost content and remembering the last time she felt that way. And what it ended in.

How long would it take for them to use her, too? Until they realized she was nothing more than some poor fucker who somehow managed to imitate the cockroaches she grew up with so well that she also wasn't be able to be killed off effectively.

It felt like Lapis was the only person who knew what it felt like to be used, as if she wanted to protect Peridot from that ever happening again to her and it was the reason why she wanted to hold on to her.

She didn't thought badly of Steven or Amethyst, but she knew that Steven wasn't only there to listen to the sorrows of the others and gather information of the targets, she had realized that he also gathered all the info's he could get from his own teammates. For what, she didn't knew but she also didn't wanted to get too involved into it.

Amethyst on the other hand was probably her first real friend. As in 'the typical way friends are portrayed in media' and while she believed that he wanted to help her (and the way he reacted to the possibility that she had been killed had just reassured that) she still felt like he would leave her sooner or later, too.

He always seemed pretty hyper and easy to distract, so he would probably find something to get distracted again sooner or later, having his closer circle of friends and loved ones already secured.

“You would miss me, right, Pumpkin?” She asked the dog after a while. He replied by licking her hand and nibbling on her sleeve, which made her cuddle him even stronger.

Lapis didn't really felt like a friend, but also not like an acquaintance or just a roommate, but she couldn't put a finger on it. Of course not, she never had the chance to actually grew up in a regular social circle, so no wonder she neither knew all the different emotions one could feel for another or what they were called.

In all honesty she was even surprised she felt something for Lapis or even Amethyst. Until she met Sid she had the emotional range of a tea spoon, hot because dunked into stuff she had nothing to do with and cold when put aside for the rest of the time.

After Sid she learned a lot of new emotions and their names, mostly anger, fear, grief and terror.

Her dad was a nightmare, sure, but Sid taught her the horrors of psychological abuse and it had ruined her. Years after that she still felt him everywhere, no matter what she did. She felt _because_ of him. All she ever did was either to spite him or in hopes that, should she ever meet him again, he would be impressed enough to maybe … take her back? She didn't knew how to phrase it differently, they weren't an item but they had been a team.

And she had missed him. No matter how bad he was to her, he gave her a roof to live under, food and a job. He kept her save from others and when she was on her own she caught herself more than once asking how he would react if he knew this or that. How he would react, when he saw her doing one thing or another.

When he finally came back and she got the chance to not only remember how bad he really was and also to flee, she realized that she didn't even knew how to live for herself. Her whole emotional world had always been ruled by him or her dad. Her whole existence build up on functioning for her sire or her teammate.

She wanted to be free from that and the only chance she saw to be free was to die, so once again her whole motivation was built around Sid, but at least the goal was different for once.

Peridot really never had the chance to see or understand other people as anything but tools, considering she always had been one, too. Lapis was the first person she ever met to challenge this view of hers and it had been a shock to Peridot she still hadn't really gotten over. Considering her past experience with people who challenged her world view it either ended with them abusing her or, when they didn't, they would end up wrong, just like the social worker who told her ' everything would be good now' and 'she was given a second chance'.

Lapis didn't made any promises like that.

“Life's shit, fuckhead” She had said once when Peridot had complained about something.

And Peridot, still being suicidal back then and thus not caring if Lapis would treat her like Sid or her Dad when she talked back to them, had told her to fuck off. Because that pretty much had been her answer to everyone for two years.

Which the hitman had answered by calling her an uncreative whiner and throw a pillow in her general direction. She had winced as if Lapis had thrown a punch and after that Lapis never threw something in her general direction at all again.

That had been the moment she realized Lapis had no interest in hurting her at all and it had blown her mind. Before that she had been an asshole, going against her natural programming of all those years ago, carefully developed by her subconsciousness to keep her save, in hopes of someone actually using her behavior as an excuse to kill her.

This had been the moment she realized that Lapis would allow her to behave like that without any worse consequences than her throwing insults at her like a broody teenager.

But she didn't used her either, she was just … completely different from all the people Peridot had to suffer under before.

And she really didn't knew how to feel about that.

All she knew was that she would try everything to ensure that Lapis wouldn't try to get rid of her.

\---

Meanwhile Lapis drove the way to the Burgstraße once again, as it had the biggest Globetrotter Store in the City and also because she needed some time for herself.

The fucking Diamonds still searched for her.

It was a problem and while she knew the team would talk about it on Monday after Peridot was introduced, she still felt like she should do something about that _right now._ Of course she couldn't, as she had no Idea how much they knew and how many were actually set on to her, but it didn't felt right to just go on like nothing happened.

She also didn't wanted to know what they would do when they found out about Peridot or Sid, who probably would be a glorious addition to their gang, as he seemed to be just as much of a human hating piece of shit, as everyone else in that gang.

Whoever was put in charge for Peri's education in the team in the end, as she already knew she wouldn't allow for the girl to become a hitman like Pearl or her, she had to made sure they would keep an Eye on her. Right now nobody knew Peridot existed, especially not as part of this group, maybe that could be useful for them. Especially for Peridot as it would keep her out of problems but still give her the advantage she needed to survive in this business.

The less people knew about you, the better.

She had to put her thought process to a stop once she got into the store, having to make sure she wouldn't get tricked into a cheap product and to make sure that everything would be done as she wished, two things she needed her full concentration for.

Until they stopped the diamonds and that god forsaken Bismuth once and for all they would be in for one hell of a ride for the next months and she needed to make sure everyone was prepared.

\---

The two roommates decided to stay in this Saturday evening, not inviting anyone and just watching a movie that just got released in the cinemas and also, as modern technology made it possible: the world wide web.

It was some horror movie about an ex-soldier getting back home and somehow getting caught up with demons who apparently tried to tell him something about his wife or child or … in all honesty Lapis wasn't all that interested but Peridot was completely caught up as she proposed to watch the movie in the first place and the hitman gave in.

Not without their typical bickering and hilarious insults and her roommate seemed grateful for that.

Lapis knew that, when one survived a life like this, they tended to have no interest to be treated like a victim or keep getting reminded of it by other people trying to tip toe around them as if they exploded every second.

It was something she had to endure with Jasper, who treated her like a dud shell ready to bust from the slightest touch. So she treated Peridot like she did before and Peridot went along with it. Except they finally put aside that annoying pretense reasons to just share body contact, which drove Lapis up the wall since they first fucked and now that she knew of Peridot's stance on her, she decided there really was no reason not to enjoy each others presence fully.

If Peridot was against it, she could just say so. But considering how fast she just melted into Lapis when she pulled her close she felt like they both had the same position on this topic.

Lapis ran her fingers trough the untameable mane which was Peridot's hair while the other girl was staring at the screen with intent. A disturbing scene came on, the protagonists girlfriend was trying to get him out of his 'funk' and when she tried to rip a book about demons out of his hands, he pushed her away just to look up and see a demonic face screech at him.

Peridot winced, yanking up her hands and forgetting about Lapis, who had laid her arms around her waist and arms, almost hitting herself with her roommates hands by propelling them upwards before Lapis could react.

“Sorry” She grunted and Lapis started to snort.

“Are you sure you want to finish this?” She teased the smaller girl just to be punched on the arm. In a matter of seconds she gripped Peridot's hands, stopping her from crossing them in front of her chest, which made her fight back.

They both laughed and soon they squabbled on the couch, making Pumpkin leave with a tired gruff to go up to the bedroom, leaving the two alone to their childish rhoughhousing.

Finally Lapis managed to overpower Peridot, straddling her hip, keeping her hands over the smaller girl's head, grinning exhausted. Peridot under her wasn't in much better condition, breathing hard and blowing a raspberry up to her, to admit momentarily defeat but not capitulation.

“You need to get better at this or you will go down faster than the titanic in this city” Lapis said after finally catching her breath, making Peridot grin manically.

“Maybe in this city, but I just fought you,” She explained with a strange glimmer in her eyes, “And who said I don't wanna go down faster than the titanic on you?”

Lapis startled, looking down at her in complete astonishment. For a few seconds she stared at her, seeing how Peridot's smug facade was slowly starting to crumble. She had bitten off more than she could chew, it seemed.

Then the moment was gone and Lapis fell over, laughing boisterous and obnoxious, while falling to the side. Peridot sat up, blushing irrationally and mumbling with anger, which made Lapis laugh harder.

“I'm never gonna have sex with you ever again” She threatened while getting up, pawing for the mouse of the laptop in the dark. A hand grabbing for her wrist stopped her and when she looked up, Lapis had calmed down and smiled warmly at her, her cheeks red from laughing.

“That was cute” She explained, “Don't be mad. It was almost smooth even, considering the titanic found a rather wet grave.”

“That is downright morbid” Peridot retorted but got back on the couch, where Lapis drew her back onto her lap. She kissed Peridot's neck affectionately, whispering, “I wouldn't complain finding a wet grave between your legs.”

Peridot didn't knew if she should laugh about this or free herself from her grip once and for all and get into bed to sleep for next few days to get over this dumb try at flirting. Before she could decide, though, Lapis let her go and wiggled free from under her. She left without another word and went into the kitchen, leaving a confused Peridot behind.

Would this turn in some stupid joke where Lapis would get a glass of water and empty it over one of their crotches or...?

None of that, it appeared, as she reappeared just a few seconds later with a white plastic bag in hand, handing it over to Peridot while sitting down at the edge of the couch herself. Lapis watched her closely, vaguely waving her hands to tell her without words to look at the content of the bag. Her eyes sparkled and Peridot actually started to fear whatever was in that bag.

“How long exactly did you work on that Titanic Line?” She asked uncertain while reaching into the bag, pulling out a black wooden box with a silver lock.

Uncertain about what to expect she narrowed her eyes and opened up the box rather hesitantly, as if the gift would just wait for a chance to jump at her the second she unlocked the box.

Lapis beside her laughed, “Don't worry, it's not gonna hurt you.”

She stopped to reconsider that statement and Peridot let go of the box the second Lapis revised her old statement, “Well, I mean as long as you know how to handle it.”

When she saw the mistrust in Peridot eyes, she took the Box from her lap with an amused smile, opening up the locket with a swift motion of her hand and lifting the lid for her. Nothing jumped out of it and it was also not as sex toy relating to the wet grave of some ship. At least it didn't looked like it when Lapis gave her the opened box back, revealing a high quality hunter knife with a fitting black leather sheath and a cleaning set.

“All fun and games aside” Lapis explained, “I want you to carry this with you wherever you go. You know better than anyone how dangerous this city can be and this branch will turn your life upside down, for better _and_ for worse. Whenever you need it, be it to threaten some shithead, be it to defend yourself or to kill a bitch, just carry it with you and use it.”

It wasn't a romantic gesture. But it was one that showed just how important Peridot was to Lapis and when she looked up to her, she saw nothing but absolute astonishment in Peridot's eyes.

It wasn't just a gesture of a roommate or even a friend trying to keep you save, it also showed her how much she trusted her, giving her a weapon to defend herself but also possibly hurt Lapis with it. Telling her to defend herself.

Not joking about how she shouldn't try to kill herself or Lapis with that.

She trusted her.

She wanted her to stay save.

Peridot finally knew what that emotion was she felt for Lapis Lazuli:

Love.

\---

Monday came faster than both of them could have been prepared for, hitting them like a freight train 8 am sharp with the sound of Lapis phone alarm.

Some generic pop song about some woman falling in love with her best friend Jenny, which was responded to with long groans from the two sleepy girls, who had laid peacefully asleep and tangled together under the blankets until this moment.

“I hate everything” Peridot mumbled and Lapis had never related to a single sentence more.

“Especially your morning breath” She went on when Lapis let go of a load yawn, breathing right into her face, while still keeping her caged in her arms. This was the torture they meant, when the media talked about all the evil methods of hired hitman to make one talk; keeping one in their arms while blowing the smell of 8 hours sleep into one's face.

Lapis just snickered, finally letting go of her and sitting up at the edge of the bed, stretching and yawning yet again, this time louder. Pumpkin, who awoke with them answered with a yowling yawn himself and Peridot grunted.

“How did you two even survived without each other?” She mumbled jokingly, trying to get up herself, “You live in synergy.”

“And we are slowly assimilating you” Lapis laughed, getting up and grabbing some clothes to get to the bathroom, leaving Peridot and Pumpkin to their own devices.

Neither of the girls were morning people, and the only reason they got out of the shower so fast and took the dog out for the walk were the pipes in the house, which made it impossible to keep both showers warm at the same time. Thus they both only did the bare necessities to got clean and hurried up, as Pumpkin was already making a ruckus the second both of them left the bed.

“When did my life became this stressful?” They were walking around the Block and Lapis finally woke up, rubbing her eyes and looking around bleary at the hurrying folks around them. Worker, Students, and Seniors on their way for the daily grocery shopping trip they took to get out, they all were awake and alert and didn't even take note of the two sleepy girls and their overexcited dog.

Peridot snorted amused, “When did my life became so domestic?”

“That's something good, bitch” Lapis grunted with a smile and set the course back to their home. It was a rather short walk and they knew they would have take Pumpkin out for a long stroll in the evening, when they got back from the team meeting. But this meeting would be held in less than an hour and they had to get something into their stomachs before they got there, so there was not much time to waste.

\---

After a rather short Breakfast they both sat in Lapis car, cursing the fact they didn't take the subway, as the commuter traffic forced them into an endless circle of stop and short go's. Music was playing silently in the background, the radio set on the lowest volume. It was less of a real distraction as it was supposed to overplay the silence in the vehicle, as neither Lapis nor Peridot really knew what to say. They had spent the Sunday walking through the fields and woods at the border of the city close by, Pumpkin having a blast while the two of them danced around the elephant in the room, not wanting to talk about their situation as something between begrudging roommates and this strange sex relationship which was starting to seep into their daily life. Both feared the second they would talk about it, it would end, so they kept quiet, but they also didn't dared to talk about the meeting either.

The same situation was coming back now and when the silence, only interrupted by the top 40 charts of the week, became unbearable, Lapis finally spoke up:  
“It will be the first time you meet Jasper, won't it?”

Peridot nodded.

She never had met Jasper before, only heard of her. She wasn't at the club a few weeks ago and even if she constantly came up as an important part of the team, she still never had a chance to become acquainted with the so called 'source'.

Jasper apparently was the one who had the say about the drugs in the team, while Connie was more about medicine and poison. Apparently she could get hold of every drug in less than a month, if asked to do so, having contacts all over the world and even traveling into war zones just to get the best junk into the city.

In all honesty Peridot was afraid of her. After hearing all this stuff it was no wonder, and she swore to herself to make sure that Jasper wouldn't be able to get into her head or harm her in any form or way, as she could imagine what kind of person she had to be, to do all this shit and still be intact. She also had some experience with other sources, mostly the friends and contacts of Sid, but those were enough to show her clearly how these people operated on a daily basis.

The only reason she was even remotely willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, was because she knew that Lapis had some kind of deeper connection to her.

“You guys are friends or something, right?” She asked, taking note of Lapis wincing as she heard the word' friends', “I've never seen her around but she comes up often, so I thought...”

“It's complicated” Lapis interrupted her harshly, “She's a good person. We went through some shit together, that tends to bind people one way or another.”

Peridot wanted to ask her if she was her Ex, the only possible reason she could imagine why it could be complicated when they had worked together and were part of the same team.

“Is that why you guys don't meet up often?” She asked instead and Lapis nodded reluctant. It was her own fault for bringing up the girl, she realized, and her own fault for not considering that Peridot could read people like a book if she wanted to.

Of course she already had picked on the strange situation that Lapis' and Jasper's relation was and she cursed internal for not choosing her words more wisely. She had wanted to find out how Peridot felt about the meeting and the possibility to become a runner for the team and Jasper's assistant in the labs, but alas this noisy nerd turned the situation around and had to come for Lapis' wig.

“Forget I asked” She concluded the conversation and instead put all her concentration on the streets. The faster they were there, the faster she could get out of the car and hide behind her position as the boss of the team without being too suspicious about it. In here, now, would maybe stop the discussion but sure as hell not Peridot's though process and power of deduction, making it even more clear there was something fishy going on between those two.

Had been going on, Lapis scolded herself, there is nothing going on anymore.

She must have looked incredibly strange as she cursed her own self out, as Peridot turned slowly to the window, brows raised and the corner of her mouth slightly raised in confusion and slight concern.

That seemed to be a terribly wound spot, making her trust Jasper even less, as she had no Idea what had to happen in order for Lapis to be this touchy about the subject.

For the rest of the ride both of them stared out the windows, Lapis out the front as a good driver should and Peridot out the one to her right to not have to look at Lapis and resist the urge to ask more questions. She wanted to grant her the same decency she had been granted with after coming out about her past, knowing that Lapis would probably share the most when she was ready.

All in due time, she supposed.

When they finally got down from the city highway, the traffic was finally starting to get less and less, until they could drive the last 10 minutes freely, only interrupted by red traffic lights. And of course pedestrians who crossed the street like 10 meters from the crosswalk to save the 5 seconds it would have cost them to do it where it was save.

“I hate this city and it's citizens so much” Lapis grumbled, eliciting a little smile on Peridot's face, as everyone who was born and raised here hated it with a burning passion. But may the stars have mercy on those who weren't from this city and dared to criticize it in the slightest, because their residents sure as hell won't have any.

They finally arrived in front of the big property that was the home of Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet and Steven. From time to time even Connie, as she turned into a regular guest of the household. The mansion once belonged to the Rose alone, inherited from her family, but as she decided to become a cop and started to develop her plan to take over the city she moved, meeting Greg Universe in the central district of the city, moving in with him and raising Steven until he decided he wanted to live in the outlying district with his 2 Aunts and Uncle, who Rose gave the Mansion to when she left for “the big city lights”.

It was located in the south of the city, which was composed mostly of lakes, rivers, a lot of woods and forests wherever none of the rich elitists built their mansions and manors. And also one of the districts that were completely owned by their team and also where they were the most popular. Rich shitty kids and their even more shitty and rich parents loved when others did the dirty handwork for them and they loved that the team had someone like Jasper and her runners. Someone, who would overprice the junk for them especially, but at least it was the best quality they could get without working for it themselves and that was worth a lot of money for them.

“I had no clue they were this well-heeled” Peridot grunted as she got out of the car. Why the fuck did Lapis live in some shitty suburbia row house near the industrial districts when her people lived in a mansion big enough to need servants to keep it clean? Not to speak of the garden around it or the fact that it literally bordered upon one of the biggest lakes of the whole state.

“ _We_ are well-heeled” Lapis corrected her, walking past her to get to the gates. She didn't ring, she had lived in this house for quite a while, until she decided that she couldn't stand living with others and asked to move somewhere more private, which was of course approved, as they really didn't need to be cheap about it, “Just because we live wide spread doesn't mean we still don't all belong together or that we don't all get paid.

It's also our best district, almost everyone here profits from us, so we stay.”

Peridot followed her a little hesitant, clearly overwhelmed but also disgusted at the display around her. She had spent her whole life hungry, poor and abused and here people cheated their way up in flocks; it angered her. It wasn't even just jealousy, even if it played strongly into it.

And Lapis understood, grabbing her hand without missing a beat and keeping Peridot close to herself. She had her own history with people out of these classes of society and could relate the loathing of the smaller girl. So did the others, but they had learned to deal with it in order to live here.

Both girls walked up the gravel path to the mansion, surrounded by neatly trimmed dark grass and exotic flowers and plants, which Peridot had seen maybe once on TV but never in real life. Of course, they couldn't just fall out of the ranks with a jungle in front of the house or something like that, they had to make sure to fit in with the rest of the residents of the neighborhood if they didn’t wanted to draw any suspicion on themselves.

Walking up the stairs together the door was already opened and a grinning Steven waited for them in the doorway.

“I hope you guys are hungry!” He announced happily and Lapis grinned with a nod. They didn't eat much and if there was something in this house, that always drew her back besides Steven, than it was the incredible food.

“Sure!” She said and looked at Peridot, as if to ask her if she did, too, but the girl just stared grimly at the house front. She probably would manage to down a coffee and then wait and see, until everything was said and done and she knew what her job would be from now on.

“You two even make the same faces now” Amethyst stated with a smug grin from the stairs, as they went in together. Lapis finally let go of the others hand, following Steven into the kitchen and so Peridot stayed in the hall and looked around disapprovingly, as if this place was personally at fault for everything bad in her life.

Big ass stairs leading up to the second and the third floor, and also the basement which was probably an apartment of its own, 6 doors that lead into different rooms from the hall alone, even more up in the second floor as she couldn't really see much from the door. A floor made out of dark marble, brown marble handrails to the marbled stairs, dark shining wooden doors and white walls out of yet another kind of marble. Expensive looking Portraits hung on every wall and the face stared down at her, giving her the strange feeling of getting judged by people long dead and gone.

“P-Dot” Amethyst said softly, as if he was afraid to scare her out of her trance of anger. He tipped her shoulder, making her turn around to him with a frown.

“You wanna stand around here all day or come up with me to our cool living slash meeting room?”

She scowled at him, “Your what?”

He shrugged and took a few steps back, his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants, “Our living room. I mean, we have one down here, but it's too big and feels a little cold, so we redesigned one of the rooms in the second floor to be the new one we actually like. It's really neat, that's why we use it for meetings, too.”

Her face didn't light up, quite the opposite: the longer he rambled on Peridot's mood seemed to sour and in the end he just gave up. Sighing, he brought her up, leading her down the hallway and into the room to the farthest right.

“I feel you, Peri, but staring around angrily won't stop the injustice in the world and neither the injustice that houses like this exist, while children suffer, so please light up a little and sit down” He asked her with a slight pleading tone, he knew today would be long and exhausting and he wasn't in the mood for stuff like this. Grudgingly she sat down in one of the smaller armchairs facing the little coffee table and the couch in front of it. Another two Armchair stood close to hers and there were a few bar stools at the counter behind her.

A big window behind the couch facing the lake filled the room with the natural light of the sun and when Amethyst left to get Peridot a Coffee, she melted right into the chair.

So this would be the place where her future would be decided, in a mansion right out of some Hollywood Movie, in a living room that was especially designed because the regular living room was “too big”.

What an absolute joke, she thought, but her face relaxed as Ame and Lapis entered the room, laughing about something, each carrying a cup of Coffee in hand.

Ame put his down at the table in front of Peridot and then sat down on the couch, while Lapis took the chair to Peridot's right and sipped from her Cup, watching the lake with interest. When she had lived in the mansion, back in the day, she had used every opportunity and spent as much time in the water as she had been able to, sometimes swimming for hours before Pearl ordered her back in, scolding her as she 'endangered herself by refusing to take breaks' and swimming in water that 'was far too cold to be considered healthy'.

Now she lived in the suburbs and the only kind of exercise she got was when she visited the swimming bath, but she had been slacking on that since Peridot came into her life. In the beginning because she couldn't leave her alone so often, then because of the wound and the last few days because she didn't knew if Peridot would come with her.

She wanted to share this with her, but the opportunity just didn't came up.

In the next few minutes, which Lapis spent thinking about water and Peridot thinking about her future, the room started to get fuller and fuller. Pearl and Garnet sitting down on the Couch, Connie and Steven getting a bar stool each and sitting down close to the others and finally, Jasper arrived.

When Peridot realized she was surrounded by people it was too late and she made a little squeaking sound of surprise as she looked up just to be greeted with the view of a high grown, very muscular woman sitting beside her and looking at her with interest. Considering she knew everyone in the room from meeting them at least once, except for Connie and Jasper, it was kinda easy to find out who was who from just one glance at both of them. Connie was of Indian descent, while Jasper's ancestors came from West Africa, both being the first generation of their Family to be born and raised in Germany.

Jasper had a big fire scar on her face, rivaling Peridot's, and very long hair. Everything about her looked and felt, as the kids would say, Extra™ and Peridot felt extraordinary small when the woman gave her a smug grin. She probably knew exactly what kind of effect she had on the Nerd and seemed very satisfied that Peridot wasn't even able to hide it.

I fucking hate you already, Peridot thought bitterly and shifted on her chair, leaning closer to Lapis who was slightly amused about the little display. Jasper tended to attract attention and elicit some interesting reactions, but one which drove cute girls in Lapis' general direction was new and she almost thanked the other girl in return.

Because of her height she looked like she was around 30, but she was only a few years older than Lapis, even if Peridot felt like 'girl' wasn't the right word for someone of her caliber. 'Girl' was fitting for her or Lapis, as they both looked fairly young and probably immature, but Jasper looked like she had seen the evil of the world and survived it, just to brag about it.

Pearl on the other side of the room cleared her throat loudly, forcing the others to calm down and put their attention to her and Garnet. They redirected it at Lapis, who smiled warmly into the round, not without caution though.

This was the closest circle, there were far more people to this organization, this business, but this was the team which organized and orchestrated while Rose stayed in the background. Everything decided here would be filtered and censored for the rest of the organization and then forwarded to them through the different people who 'lead' those:

Jasper would tell her Troops of Runner, Amethyst would tell her family; which worked under them and also had a few Runner in Jasper's Group.

Garnet and Pearl would inform those who worked for them in Rose's corrupted cop coffee party and Steven would inform his informants.

The only two, who had to just listen and follow here, were Connie and Peridot, who had no one under them but instead were considered to powerful one way or another, to be not part of this close circle.

Rose and Lapis knew how powerful people had to be monitored especially close and taken seriously, or they would use their strengths in the 'lower ranks' and eventually start a riot. This way Connie had met Steven and was now one of the most loyal people, a good thing considering she was single-woman poisonous army. And after the weekend Lapis knew Peridot would take just a short time to prove she belonged just as much in this team, as Connie had proven long ago.

“As we all know,” She started, “With the upcoming season come new dealers, pimps and even hired hitman from time to time. They will try to overturn our position in the city, which is the monopoly on the drugs and our position as the most resourceful and reliable 'cleaning up team' money can buy. The only people stealing our spotlight are the Diamond Authority, who have the monopoly on the sex workers of all ages and street fights, two things I couldn't care less about if they wouldn't try to wipe us out and harm children.”

The others nodded in agreement, grunting and acknowledging her sentiment. They knew she had a big ass problem with child prostitution, they all had, and if they would have been able to, they would have stopped it the second they got power in the city.

But neither Amethyst's Family, who already had a lot of influence, were able to do so, nor had Rose been able to tackle this problem.

“We know they are once again out for our blood, which could be the best thing that could happen to us: We already have a few of our own in their ranks, the Königstraße has lost a lot of their costumers, thanks to us. They are weakened and now they waste resources on us few in vain, which means they are getting desperate. This is our chance to get them, if we are able to find them.”

“Don't forget Bismuth” Amethyst interrupted her, “That crazy woman is still out for our blood, too, as if she needs it to survive. We need to get rid of her.”

Garnet shrugged, this was how it normally went: Lapis or Steven started with a 'previously on the Streets of Our City', someone interrupted them and then the discussions started. It sounded inefficient, but they got more done than any other orderly way possible.

“The fact that Bismuth is trying so hard is maybe even a good thing. Imagine if we could get rid of her and the police, reacting to it, would get a whole competent squad of Bismuth's on us? One person that slowly drifts into insanity is an annoyance, but not a real danger. Fifty of them with mental stability, on the other hand...”

She sounded not as cool or collected as she normally did, Lapis noted, but she never did when Bismuth came up.

She once was part of this team, too, back when Rose just started the whole plan. Back then Bismuth believed they were some modern Robin Hood's, doing all this for the good of it and to make this world a better place and all that. When she realized there were just as bad people in this circle as there were on the streets, maybe even worse as they knew they were the bad guys and embraced it, she swore to end them.

Rose was prepared and Bismuth had no evidence for her claim, so she pleaded with the department to be at least be able to work on the streets to stop 'gang activity'. She was given responsibility over a small squad of green horns and, because she didn't trusted a single one of them, kept them all as deskjockeys while she went out there alone.

She always had been like that, overly ambitious, righteous and never too good to do the dirty work herself. Garnet, Pearl and her had been close friends for as long as they knew Rose, so this had been a painful experience for all of them.

“E is also still out for me and I feel like she could be in contact with the diamonds by now” Lapis stated and Jasper close to her shot her a look.

“Why you gotta be so fucking rude?” She asked silently and the others went silent as a small stare duel started between the two of them. Peridot sat in the middle of it, suddenly breaking into a sweat as she felt also a few looks on herself.

What ever this was about, Peridot somehow was in the middle of it and she was scared shitless for all of 5 seconds, until she realized Lapis would probably not harm her, so she just had to stay on her side here.

As soon as the whole situation started, it stopped again as Peridot leaned slightly back and into Lapis direction, making the hitman look around the group, which felt probably just as uncomfortable about this as Peri, “She is just as crazy as Bismuth and sadly not even close as righteous. She is an overly-violent psychopath and I'm willing to bet my both arms she is the reason this assassin found my house.”

Then she looked over to Jasper, who looked strangely … guilty? Peridot wasn't sure, she looked like a child who just got caught with a terrible report card and when she looked back to Lapis she saw her face was now filled with compassion.

“She is out for Jasper and me and she will do everything to get us and by default also our organization. Meaning, if we manage to find the diamonds and stop them, we have to make sure to get her, too, or she will find somebody else to do her dirty work for her. She already managed to manipulate Bismuth and in all honesty, I'm with Amethyst here. We gotta stop her.”

Silence fell over the group as Steven started to write down the protocol, but also his notes as he always made sure to keep a close eye on everyone in these discussions. It was also his job to keep the discussion going in situations like this, “So our first and foremost plan for this season is finding the diamonds. Maybe even get them outta business once for all, but first we gotta find out where they hide. Close second to that operation is putting E to sleep once and for as she will probably find just more Bismuth’s and Diamonds to lie to, if we allow her to roam our streets. Right?”

At first he looked at the Rest of the circle before he looked at Lapis, as she was the boss, but this whole group was still rather democratic in their decisions. Neither Garnet nor Pearl spoke out against the plan, Steven had kept Bismuth out of it and this was probably the most they could ask for. Amethyst and Connie didn't feel particularly strong about the Diamonds or E, as both only knew them as a nuisance factor in their typical work routine and had no personal vendetta with them. The only thing that Ame could have taken personally, would have been the way the diamonds had treated his family over the years, but tough luck. We're all criminals, he always reasoned, nothing we do to each other is personal. We all just trying to get that money and that power.

Jasper just nodded in silence, Lapis wouldn't allow her to participate in this part of their agenda, so she just had to make sure she would transfer every information of the diamonds she would get hold of on the streets to the team. An easy job for a source like her and her troop of runners.

Peridot had nothing to say to this, as she was actually the next topic on the schedule, so Steven just looked at Lapis, who gave her yes with a small smile. No Bismuth then, she accepted.

“We will discuss the details after we get to the next topic” Steven announced,”Our newcomer.”

7 pairs of eyes locked onto Peridot and suddenly she felt like an animal in a zoo. She realized once again that she sat in the house of a mafia like organization, surrounded by the leadership of said organization, made up out of violent psycho's who could kill her in seconds.

Yeah, she thought to herself, that's okay; that's exactly the direction I thought my life would take. It's chill, just gotta make sure that I get them before they get me.

“What exactly are you even capable of doing after being trained by Lapis?” Pearl asked with mistrust, eyeing her closely as if she could make sure that would catch every of Peri's lies.

This got Jasper out of her funk, almost jumping out of the armchair, she sat upright with a jerk and glared at Lapis, “You _trained_ her?!”

Lapis just shrugged, “Y'all want to babysit her while she's doing her run's? I taught her how to defend herself with a kitchen knife, chill.”

Jasper raised a brow, her voice a sneer, “Yes, we all know how you defend yourself with kitchen knives.”

That was a wound point, whatever it meant, it made Lapis furious and for a split second Tartaros itself seemed to channel a way into her eyes as she bend forward, hands clasped together as if they would get out of control otherwise.

“Well, considering her possible jobs I'd rather have her be able to survive and get away, than ending up cut up in a ditch with all our junk stolen from her.”

“It's still unusual for you to just decided to teach her how to kill someone as efficient as we have seen this weekend” Garnet said without suspicion, “I'm sure a training like that takes a lot of time.”

She smiled gently in Peridot's direction, instead of the two squabblers in front of her. Feeling strangely dissected from her look alone, Peridot sank even deeper into the armchair, gripping the armrest slightly stronger than necessary.

“I'm just good at stuff like that, I guess” She tried to defend herself and Pearl raised a brow.

“Good at killing people?”

“Good at doing what is necessary, to get a job done” Peridot shot back and Jasper looked down at her in disbelieve.

“You didn't managed to get away from Lapis” She countered and Peri shrugged.

“My intention are none of your business.”

Connie disagreed, “If you want to work with us, they actually are. You appeared out of thin air after all, it would be nice to know what exactly your plan is.”

Peridot shot her a glare, which Connie held with a cold expression. She had a point and Peridot's unwillingness to come clean made her seem more suspicious than Connie's carefulness.

“She will function as a bodyguard and the rest of the time as a runner” Lapis answered for her, making the group look at her with differing reactions.

“After all I have seen and heard from her, she will be of good use in those two fields. She is puny enough to not draw any suspicion, when one of us has her around as a protector and knows enough about substances to sell for us.”

Amethyst laughed, “No offense you two, but the Nerd as a Bodyguard? Sorry, but every single one of us could grind her into dust without breaking a sweat, who is she supposed to protect?”

“I'm faster than you” Peridot shot back, “Not only am I a fast and flexible person, I'm used to thinking fast.”

“Are you trying to tell me I'm slow?” Amethyst asked with a slight warning, there was no heat behind it. But if Peri wanted to be part of this, she would have to respect them.

“I'm telling you that, just because I couldn't beat you in a boxing ring, it doesn't mean I don't know how to stop you without getting harmed” Peridot answered honestly, “In the streets there is no sportsman ship. I'm 5' 1”, if someone attacks me they do it because they don't want a fair fight, they want to end me. So no, I maybe can't win a single fair fight against any of you, but I sure as hell can cheat my way to victory.”

“That sure sounds trustworthy” Pearl concluded and Peridot sighed. She couldn't win this, there was no reason to even try.

“Who is she supposed to work with?” Steven asked after a while, very much aware who Lapis had in mind. But he wanted to drive the whole conversation away from this argument to a more productive topic.

“There is only one person in need of runners at the time” Garnet answered before Lapis could open her mouth and thus stop any and all arguments of the affected. All eyes rested on Jasper, who looked around with an annoyed glare, not even having the chance to start an argument with Lapis about this and not wanting to argument with Garnet either. Any real discussion between those two tended to end in seconds, as Garnet tended to shut Jasper down faster than a lightning bolt.

So in the end Jasper looked down at Peridot with a stony face, “If you cheat me in any way, not even will be able Lapis to save your ass, are we clear?”

Peridot stood her glare, a frown on her face.

“Don't gimme a reason and I don't.”

Jasper raised a brow, then chuckled mirthless while looking around again.

“At least you have moxie” She murmured and nodded in Steven's direction to give her okay to the plan. He gave her a satisfied smile and wrote it into the protocol, then looked around the group again.

Lapis seemed content she got her will, Amethyst seemed slightly pissed that the nerd insinuated she could beat him, Jasper stared out of the Window as if she just remembered a war from long ago.

Connie and Pearl stared with the same expression of distrust to Peridot, who sat in her armchair looking as comfortable as pig in roller blades. Steven would have laughed at her discomfort, if he didn't knew that at least two people in this room were actually as ready to end her as Peridot feared. Neither Connie nor Pearl trusted her and while they accepted the decision that Peridot would get her chance to be part of the team, they wouldn't trust her. Until, at least, she proved herself to them.

Garnet, on the other hand, looked completely unaffected by this whole discussion and she and Steven shared a small smile with each other, before he went on.

“Now this is out of the way, let's get more into detail about our plans for this season with the goal to finally get the diamonds out of the way. Peridot, I have to ask you to leave with Amethyst, as this will take a while and probably include secured information. Amethyst, Garnet will update you later, is that alright with you two?” He asked, even if it wasn't a question. Those info's were not for Peridot's ears yet and she wouldn't be here to hear them, end of the debate. It was the same with Ame's order to babysit her in the meanwhile, but he didn't seemed that discontent with it. He'd drag the squirt out in the garden and wrestle her into a pancake.

They left the room together and Peridot held her arm, as if in shame.

“What's the matter, Nerd?” Ame asked with honest intent, “Not happy with the results?”

She shrugged, “You know I don't think you're stupid.”

This took him aback and he stopped mid step on the stairs to look up at her in confusion. Had she fucking read his mind and knew he wanted to spare with her?

“Calm down, girl” He said with a slight grin, “If you want to dish out in our ranks, you'll have to take it, too. You're good at this with Lapis, learn to be good at it with the rest of us.”

She nodded uncertainly, he was her friend and she actually felt bad about the discussion before hand.

Besides Lapis he was definitely the person she trusted the most and she didn't wanted to lose him to some petty bullshit. The others, well except for maybe Garnet and Steven who apparently just read her like a book, already didn't trusted her and she sure as hell didn't covered herself in glory back up there.

If anything, she made them even more suspicious of her and she didn't trusted them enough, either, to come clean about her past. No, she was pretty much back to step one with the others, ready to turn her back on them the second she got the chance. The only people stopping her from doing it right now were Lapis and Ame and she actually caught herself hoping those two wouldn't be done with her too soon.

What a pathetic thought, Sid whispered.

At least it is my own, she decided.

\---

The drive back home was beyond awkward.

“Jasper will pick you up Wednesday at 11 am, that's okay?” Lapis asked and Peridot just nodded. She wanted to ask what exactly it was, that made those two so explosive together, but she knew it wouldn't end well. After today she felt tired, Amethyst had showed her the whole house and the garden and actually still got her to spar with him, now she felt sore and groaned inwardly by the thought of taking a long walk with Pumpkin.

“Yeah” She answered croaky and Lapis just nodded, looking forward. They drove down the city highway again, the sun almost completely gone and the city lights shone. It was a beautiful sight, at least in Lapis opinion and she thought about taking the long way home. Of course, she couldn't, considering Pumpkin, but she would have loved to. Maybe that would have been the romantic gesture she would have needed right now, to make Peridot fall for her once for all.

She was already over the denying part and just tried to be not too obvious about it, aware that Peri had probably a lot of other things on her mind than starting a fucked up relationship with her kidnapper aka roommate.

Now that she thought about, she didn't even asked if Peridot had been in a relationship before, she just assumed and joked about it. Now that she knew her past, though, it didn't seemed so likely anymore. When exactly would she had gotten the time to date anyone? Who even? As far as Lapis understood, she only ever had contact to her dad and the Dealer, who was more of a brother to her.

Or was he?

Well, all romantic intent thrown aside she decided to ask, “Peridot?”

Peridot grunted in acknowledgment, but didn't turned around to look at her, chin still hold by her hand, arm leaning against the window. She watched the lights going by and the cars with normal people going home to their normal life's. Honestly, she hated them all right now.

“Have you ever been in a relationship before?”

Now she turned around, slowly, with an expression of disbelieve and shock on her face, staring at Lapis as if she had just asked her to jump out of the driving car onto the highway.

“What kind of question is that?” She replied and Lapis shrugged.

“Just wanted to know. Didn't sound like it when you told me about your life, but I thought I'd still ask. You know, because of Sid and all-”

Peridot interrupted her with a high screeching voice, “What the actual fuck is your damage?! I lived with him, he tortured and abused me and you think I fucked him?”

“Relationship” Lapis clarified, “I asked if you had a _relationship_ with him or anyone else for that matter. Not everything comes down to fucking, Nerd.”

Peridot blushed, grumbling and once again sounding her anger with little sounds, which made Lapis smile by now.

“Go ahead” She snickered, “Get sore. I love it when those little wisps of steam come out of your tiny ears.”

This made Peridot even more infuriated and for a while the car was only filled by her little noises of anger and Lapis giggles in response to them. When they finally got down from the highway and close to their home, though, both sounds died down. Lapis sighed loudly, before speaking again, “Look, I didn't mean to offend you. I just felt like maybe … under some strange circumstances, I am the first intimate contact you ever had, or something like that.”

Peridot gave her a questioning look, until she nodded, slowly realizing what Lapis meant and blushing strongly while biting her bottom lip. “You are” She admitted silently, “I never had … there never was the time or a person … also the whole scar thing … “

“It's okay” Lapis interrupted her as she heard Peri's Voice slowly rising and rising, “You don't have to defend yourself. I just … are you really fine with this?”

She parked the car, but they didn't left it, sitting in silence in the dark, staring at the house in front of the car.

“Fine with what?” Peridot asked, not looking at Lapis.

“You know-” Lapis asked but Peridot shook her head.

“I really don't, Lapis.”

Now she turned to her, looking at her in honest confusion, “I don't even know what the two of us are and neither do I know what exactly it means when we fuck. Shit, I never had the chance to socialize with other people, for all I know we could be this society's version of a married couple, I wouldn't know. But I know that, yes, we fuck, yes, that is apparently a big thing for most people and yes, I know it's intimate and what not. But in all honesty, we are so ass backwards about everything, even I realized that.”

Lapis listened in silence, trying to suppress the growing feeling of discomfort and guilt. She hadn't considered the very real possibility that, while Peridot was a highly educated person, she hadn't had a chance to see what was considerably normal and what not. Or what was healthy or what was damaging, except for the traumatic shit she had went through.

“You know my loyalty lies with you and that won't change, as long as you don't use me or throw me away. I would still kill every person who tries to harm you and I still wanna kick your ass 3 ways to Sunday, but I really don't know what that means or what the name of this would be.”

Well that wasn't completely true, Peridot pretty much knew the name of her feelings, but just like Lapis, she wasn't ready to admit them.

“I think that's what are friends are, at least in our business” Lapis said after a while, looking at the steering wheel, berating herself for actually saying that out loud and even going on, “So I guess that makes us Friends with Benefits.”

Peridot gave her a disbelieving smile, “Like that strange movie on Netflix?”

Lapis snorted, “No, more like … Friends who help each other get rid of stress and feel good.”

Once again they fell quiet and this time Lapis decided to just flee out of this whole fiasco of a conversation by getting out of the car and walking down the short path to their front door, to get Pumpkin out. Stars, she was happy she didn't lived in the mansion anymore, even if she missed the lake. At least she had some privacy in her row house, without feeling like she would drown in the unmeasurable amount of empty space of the big house.

Peridot followed reluctantly, closing the car door behind her and looking at Lapis while she greeted Pumpkin with glee. She was on her knees, so she could pet him better and Peridot watched her in silence. The way her smile went up to her eyes, the little sparks they seemed to emit when she was truly happy. Yeah, Peri had it bad, even she knew that. If this would have been a romcom, there would have been cheesy music for sure and some rose tinted shots of Lapis and her, but instead it was just a Monday night and Peridot smelled like sweat from wrestling with Amethyst and still had this gigantic scar in her face, while Lapis had dark circles under her eyes and was a cold blooded murder who had probably seen the worst of this world.

But she told her they were Friends and in all honesty, that was better than every romcom Peri would ever see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know when exactly I'm gonna upload the next chapter, as I will be camping this week. BUT! The next chapter will have lapidot smut!
> 
> Comments and Kudo's don't only work better on me than sleep; anti-depressants; water and sunshine, they also make me proof-read the already written chapters faster ;) Thanks to everyone who left some on this work, thanks to you guys my crops are watered and my skin is clear :D


	10. Two of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yoooo, get ready for like 14k words filled with overly sweet, gentle smut complete with praise kink and all that good jazz;  
> Jasper being a badass business leader; some chit chat about the shitty racism here in Germany (you'd think we are over this   
> shit, but guess what? We are not.); Amethyst spilling some Tea; Steven showing his real face and another night at the Abyss!
> 
> Also, fair warning for racist slurs and a short talk about xenophobia. All Teammembers are PoC, Peridot is the only white kid who isn't   
> jewish and they are all criminals.   
> I really felt like it should at least be brought up and I also wanted to vent about the shit I had to see and suffer through  
> as a PoC in this country, too. 
> 
> Also, thanks again for comments and kudos! I see them all and I try to answer every comment. They really lift my spirit and   
> I'm super grateful to see people enjoying this story :) I hope you all like this chapter just as well!

_When your skin turns to ash and falls away in the wind_   
_And your heart clenches in regret for all the sin you've sinned_   
_And when the swarm of dust mites that fill the air cloud the sun from your sight_   
_The dust and the ash will grow less everyday and all your days will be night_   
  
_But … the..._   
_Moon and the stars will grown brighter_   
_And the blindness in your eyes will fade away_   
_And the fire will grow paler and the black will melt away_   
_And the chains on your feet will decay_   
_and that which is not will suddenly be_   
_When there's two of us instead of only me_

  


They walked in silence, making sure Pumpkin had enough time to relieve himself, but also to run around and enjoy being outside, after being forced to stay inside all day. That poor boy had to put up with a lot of shit and they made sure to burn off all his energy with him, before they went home again.

Once inside they ate, watched an episode of their regular cartoons, and when the credits rolled Peridot finally broke the silence, “I would really like to be your friend, even if you are the worst person I know.”

“With benefits?” Lapis asked, she felt really shitty about taking Peridot's virginity like some horny teenage boy.

Peridot nodded, “Yes, you randy horndog.”

Lapis laughed, sitting up and forcing Peridot to lay down, holding her by her wrists.

“Joke is one you; insults are my kink” She laughed and Peri shook her head with an amused smile. She didn't really needed to struggle for Lapis to let her go again, as she still smelled like grass and a locker room and decided to take a shower, before she would go to sleep. Tomorrow would be fun, it was her last day before Jasper probably sent her through hell and back and she wanted to enjoy her last hours in Freedom.

When she got undressed and let the water running, waiting for it to turn warm in the bathtub out of habit, she heard a knock on the door. For a slight moment she realized how strange it was that Lapis would knock, but she probably remembered how Sid would always burst into the bath when she was in there and didn't wanted to do the same, even if she already had done it at least a hundred times before.

“What is it?” Peridot called over the sound of the water hitting the porcelain, and when the door opened, Lapis slipped inside naked.

“What the …?” Peridot murmured, sticking her head out behind the shower curtain and watching Lapis stepping into the tub with her without resistance.

Without a single word she laid her arms around her, lukewarm water hitting Peridot's back while she melted into the warm embrace of her friend.

What a strange thought, a friend. Her friend. In the shower. With her.

It still sounded foreign in her head, but she still let it happen, breathing evenly as Lapis hugged her closer without hurting her. The water got warmer and the bigger of the two reached up to angle the shower head in their direction, still not letting go of Peridot and humming silently.

“Can I ask you something?” She mumbled, making Peridot chortled.

“Are you gonna ask again if I had indecent relations with that dealer?”

Lapis shook her head slightly, “No.”

She started stroking up and down the others back, as if to sooth her or to apologize. It made Peridot shudder, hugging Lapis closer as if she feared she would let go or stop, now that she felt comfortable and save in her embrace.

“But it's still intimate.” She tried once again, after a few seconds of silence.

“Well” Peridot mumbled, “The proof is in the pudding, or something, right?”

“Are you telling me to ask away, nerd?” Lapis snickered and finally let go to look down at her. Peridot whined silently, feeling herself blush but the damage was done and Lapis smiled smugly.

But she didn't said another thing, just looking around and locating the body wash and the loofah, combining it and looking at Peridot questioningly.

“Are you asking me to let you wash me?” Peridot asked and Lapis snorted.

“That's not the actual question but yes, I'm also asking for your consent to get rid of that putrid smell you are cultivating right now.”

Peridot grinned smugly, “Don't use up your whole vocabulary in one sentence, you'll run out of words to throw at me.”

They both grinned at each other, brows raised, probably contemplating if they just should jostle right in the shower or wait with the brawling until they both were clean. Finally, Lapis just gave in and started to rub over Peri's Body, starting with her mouth just to irritate the smaller girl. She sputtered, but didn't said anything and also didn't stopped Lapis, as she was moving on to her shoulders. Lapis seemed rather immersed in the task at hand, smiling softly, as if she cleaned a priced possession, something that had to be handled with a lot of love and care.

Peridot allowed it.

“You like to be treated this way, don't you?” Lapis asked and Peridot perked up, seeming rather lost in the action at hand herself.

“What way?” She whispered, while Lapis began to work over her small breasts, making her breath stutter. “When someone cares for you” She explained, “To be praised and handled with care. You crave that, don't you?”

Peridot blushed, bending slightly forward to hide her face in Lapis chest, nodding in slight embarrassment. Lapis stopped, as she wasn't able to reach Peri's front that way, instead opting to clean her back while laying her arms around the girl.

“You don't have to be ashamed” She said with slight amusement, “I'm sure that's one of the most harmless and normal kinks out there.” But Peri shook her head as if to silence her. Apparently she knew better, so Lapis pushed softly against her shoulders, to look down at her.

“Is there more behind it?”

Peridot nodded, still to embarrassed to meet her eyes and trying to get her face back between Lapis breasts. The bigger girl had to hold back a laugh at that, it was cute even if the topic at hand probably wasn't, so she tried to take it serious and let Peridot do her thing.

“Do you want me to stop?” She asked after while, being done with Peridot's back and starting to shampoo her hair, as good as she could considering their position. It was kind of hard to reach, but at least she could be sure Peri wouldn't get anything in her eyes that way.

“The Praising and stuff, I mean” Lapis clarified and Peridot shook her head again.

Well, this will probably take a little while, Lapis thought with a small sigh; she wanted to know the limits and have some clear boundaries, but for that Peridot had to talk to her. At least about the stuff she wasn't okay with, everything else could be talked about or even explored later.

“Just don't...” She started to whisper and Lapis stopped running her fingers through her hair, so she could talk without being distracted. “Don't use it against me, or try to force...”

Lapis didn't want to interrupt her, she remembered Peridot had told her something along the lines of Sid making fun of her for trying to follow his rules and use her this way. She didn't wanted to assume that this was what Peridot was trying to formulate but apparently, it went somewhere in this general direction.

Finally she parted from Lapis and looked up to her, “Until now people used me, because they knew I wanted to belong. Please don't use it to force me or to humiliate me.”

She allowed Lapis to help her wash her hair and returned the gesture, washing the bigger girl and helping her with the blue mop on top of her head. It was strangely intimate, something Peridot probably would have never guessed being possible in a shower without having down right sex and when they were clean enough, they got out and dried each other down.

“I won't do anything you don't like or don't want me to do to you” Lapis said as they laid in Bed later, laying on their backs side by side, shoulders connected. It was little bit like those therapy sessions Peridot had seen in their favorite cartoon and surprisingly it helped talking freely, as they didn't looked at each other this way.

“But you'll have to talk to me about this stuff. What you don't like and don't want, I mean. You know me, I do the same, but after this weekend I realized there is probably a lot more to you than 5 feet of anger wrapped up in false innocence.”

Peridot snorted, nodding, even if the other couldn't really see, “I'll try. But I still have a question about this whole friend's thing.”

“The Answer is in the Pudding” Lapis misquoted and grunted, when Peridot poked her in the ribs, “Yeah, go on.”

“Does that mean I can sleep with whoever I want?”

Lapis frowned. She turned her head, to look at Peridot, who returned her stare with raised brows. She understood the friend part, she just didn't understood the benefits part. She didn't plan to sleep with anyone else, but she wanted to know if she would be allowed to. Or if Lapis was, for that matter.

Without a word Lapis set up, got out of bed and shooed Pumpkin out of the room to sleep on the couch for the night. She didn't reacted to Peridot's Questions, just making sure the door was closed and turned around to look at the girl with a smug grin on her face.

“Did I offend you?” Peridot asked uncertain, but Lapis shook her head, jumping on the Bed and pouncing on the smaller girl, who screeched in surprise. There was a little struggle, they both laughed and finally Lapis straddled Peridot's hips as so often before.

She leaned down, still not answering her question and started to nibble on the sensitive skin on her neck, making the Peridot whine.

“Outside this bedroom it's none of my business who you fuck or not” She whispered, grabbing the wrists of the other, “But as long as we are here I don't want to hear anything about anyone else. As long as your naked ass is getting pounded on my bed sheets, nobody else matters, deal?”

The manic glimmer in Lapis eyes made Peridot swallow hard, nodding in agreement, “Deal.”

“Good” Lapis grinned satisfied, the light in her eyes changing to something more feral, like a hunter finally catching sight of their prey. She leaned down once again, to resume her work on Peridot's neck, holding her wrists above her head and starting to grind her knee between the smaller girls legs.

Cursing and wriggling under her strong hold Peridot tried to get more friction, the warm feeling of arousal starting to spread through her body, making her whine as Lapis immobilized her for the time being.

“Be a good girl” She murmured, waiting until Peridot stopped moving under her and kissed her forehead. Lust and worry shone in her eyes, her mind getting foggy when she saw Peridot breath heavy under her; red faced, wide eyed. “Are you alright with this?” She asked and Peridot nodded urgently, desperately grinding against Lapis knee.

She drew it away, smiling as she looked down and caught sight of the wetness that was spread all over it; it was not water. Once again Peridot whined, and Lapis was close to just throw the smaller ones legs over her own shoulders, to eat her out and lick her until the girl wasn't able to hold herself up anymore.

But she had prepared herself for this, not only buying a knife but also something else that she wanted to use the same evening, but the mood simply hadn't been right. Now it was and she kissed the girl softly on the lips, stroking her hair while Peridot laid her arms around her neck, holding on to her as if she was an anchor.

“I have a surprise for you” She whispered against her lips, making Peridot look up at her with hazy eyes. She had no Idea what kind of surprise she could have been talking about and let go of her rather reluctantly.

But Lapis was stronger and with soft power she managed to break away from Peridot's iron grip and get out of bed once more. She winced, feeling her own wetness dripping down her legs, the needy sounds of the other really took a toll on her. Swiftly she opened her wardrobe, grabbing the box she had hidden in there a few days ago and opened it.

“What are you doing?” Peridot complained from her position on the bed, not being able to see what Lapis was doing, but also felt like she shouldn't come over to her.

“You'll see” Lapis murmured, fastening the last belt and taking a fast look at the full-length mirror to make sure everything looked right. She had her experience with Strap-On's, but those things tended to get more and more complicated, as if they tried to make some high class technology and not sex toys anymore.

“What are you wearing?” Peridot grunted confused, seeing the strap, but not what it belonged to.

My sweet innocent summer child, Lapis thought with an amused smile, not yet turning around. “Close your eyes” She ordered with a sweet voice and Peridot obeyed, making an uncertain sound.

When Lapis was sure she didn't peeked, she finally turned around and climbed back into bed with her, kissing her softly. Peridot kept her eyes closed, whimpering and moaning quietly while Lapis started to stroke up and down her sides, arms and finally, her breasts. Kneading one, while peppering kisses over the other, she watched with content how Peridot's face scrunched up from the stimulation.

“You're doing so good” She praised her, “Keep your eyes closed.”

She kissed down her stomach, nibbling on her skin and softly kneading her sides. Even with 3 meals a day and the unhealthy amount of junk food Peridot almost inhaled, she didn't managed to gain a lot of weight and every time Lapis felt the bones under her skin, she had to fight the strong urge to gather the girl in a protective hug. As if Peridot would crumble the second she tried to stand on her own.

“Lapis, what are you doing?” Peridot asked with a shaking voice. She felt like she would rip apart at the seams any second by now, her whole body too hot to bear. Her skin prickled and she had to fight the urge to simply push her hips right into Lapis' face, a task that became harder and harder as her brain seemed close to a complete melt down.

“Patience” Lapis whispered, finally grabbing the girl by the thighs and spreading them softly. Peridot's arousal glistened in the dimly lit room, slightly coating the inside of her thighs and her center. Whispered begs and moans turned into desperate cries of her name as Lapis started to lick up and down her puffy lips.

She stroked over her hips soothingly while Peridot tried to keep them from jerking, grabbing the bedsheets as if to ground herself. She needed more and Lapis was willing to give her exactly that, parting her labia with her tongue and starting to softly lick little symbols over her clit.

She murmured praise onto the little bundle of nerves, just loud enough for Peridot to hear but even if she wouldn't have, the vibrations alone were enough to sent the poor girl into a frenzy.

“Lapis, I'm-” She tried to formulate a sentence, interrupted by her own moans and Lapis herself, who scrapped her teeth softly over Peridot's clit. That was her undoing, lava seeming to coil in her stomach just to flood her whole body a split second later. While she cried out to the stars, Lapis went on, licking and nibbling, leading her through her high until she stopped jerking and writhing.

“My good girl” The older of the two mumbled without any teasing, making Peridot blush while she tried to gain her breath again, her body still shaking from aftershocks. She tried to curl into herself, but Lapis held her hips down, stopping her and making her look up in confusion.

It was the first time she had her eyes open again, finally being able to see what exactly Lapis had done by the wardrobe. The fog in her mind started to clear and with growing shock she looked at the proudly standing silicone cock Lapis sported between her legs. It was blue, of course it was, and rather small with a smooth surface.

With her porn experience of exactly 2 softcore videos and one hardcore one, which included more participants and more toys than playtime in minutes, Peridot was rather taken aback seeing something so … harmless. Not that she wanted to get ripped apart while getting railed, but she didn't even knew toys this small existed.

“Is that … are you gonna …?” She stuttered, glancing back and forth between Lapis warm smile and the toy that hung from her hips. Even if it was small she felt anxious, remembering how the girls in those vid's didn't exactly looked like they enjoyed something more than a few digits inside.

“Only if you want to” Lapis calmly whispered, leaning over Peridot, hands beside her head, kneeling between her legs. She made sure not to touch the smaller girl with the toy, not wanting to scare her in any way, “After all you deserve so many good things, I thought this should be one of them.”

“I'm honestly just shocked this is not a sequel to the stupid Titanic Flirt” Peridot lied, laughing a little to shrilly, making Lapis smile. The bigger girl snorted silently, putting her own forehead against Peridot's and closed her eyes with a content sigh.

Peridot tried to follow her example, closing her eyes and calming her own breath, while Lapis slowly shifted to lay down on her.

Not enough to crush her, her weight still mainly supported by her elbows and knees, more like a warm, alive cover for the smaller girl who started to calm down again.

“As funny as you are” Lapis whispered, voice soft and empathetical,”You still need to tell me “yes” or “no”. I won't be able to figure it out by myself, you gotta help me out a little.”

Peridot blushed once again, feeling herself getting aroused by the way the older girl spoke to her. She wasn't only a quick shot, she was also embarrassingly easy to arouse and the feeling of Lapis naked skin with her soft voice talking so calmly to her was almost enough to push her right over the edge again.

She gulped, trying to work up the guts to say anything at all, managing to get out a throaty whisper, “Is it gonna hurt?”

Lapis shook her head without missing a beat, stroking her blonde hair, “Not if we do it right. I know what I'm doing, but you'll have to stay calm and relaxed for me. Can you do that for me?”

Peridot nodded, even if she was everything _but_ relaxed at the moment. Lapis thought about waiting, but felt like it would only stress her out more, so she leaned a little to the side, to reach her nightstand and open up the highest drawer, where she kept the lube that she bought with the Strap-On.

She wanted to stay the way the two of them were, entangled in a warm embrace, but she also wanted to make sure that her lover – no – friend was well enough prepared and won't get hurt. She knew from personal experience how stuff like that, even with people one cared about, could stop one from enjoying sex for years to come, making it a painful and rather uncomfortable process to relearn and enjoy.

Humming to calm Peridot, who laid in front of her, she started to apply the lube on the little blue phallus, making sure to get it as slick as possible before she carried on to apply the same amount on Peridot's center. The girl hissed, the liquid was colder than she anticipated and Lapis took her time to spread it thoroughly, circling her entrance with two digits and slowly entering her, to spread a fair amount inside and scissor her open gently.

“I'm already wet” She mewled, clawing at the bed sheets but Lapis simply went on, smiling down at her handiwork with content.

“Better safe than sorry” She murmured, before finally putting the container away and pulling back out of Peridot, “You deserve to be taken care of. And someone who makes sure you won't get hurt.”

She laid down again, shifting her weight on her elbows and angling her hips in a way so the phallus slowly rubbed up and down Peridot's slit, making the smaller girl gasp in response. “Hold on to me” Lapis whispered and Peridot followed the order by putting her arms around her, slightly digging her fingernails into Lapis back and making her groan.

Setting an easy rhythm she moved her hips, making Peridot moan and grunt, not penetrating yet. She waited until Peridot followed her motions, whispering sweet nothings into her ear and helping her to calm her nerves until the girl finally stopped clawing into her.

When she felt like there was nothing left to prepare, she took one of her hands to slowly guide the phallus into Peridot, a surprisingly easy task now. “Relax” She soothed, “I'm here. You're doing so good, just enjoy it.”

And Peridot did, allowing for Lapis to gently enter her completely, trying not to buck or tense up as the bigger girl filled her. Lapis laid her arms around Peridot's neck, hugging her close and waiting for her to put her legs around her waist, nestling between the girls legs and simply laying like that, kissing her small lover over and over, until she started to grow restless.

“You want me to move?” She whispered while biting and kissing Peridot's neck, feeling the pulse under her skin.

“Please” Peridot whined and Lapis nodded.

“Everything for my good girl.”

She started slowly, ensuring that Peridot would get used to the foreign feeling and could follow her lead, listening to the soft moans and whines the girl under her spilled. Small chants of her name and curses, encouraging her to go a little harder, a little faster. All in due time she managed to set a smooth rhythm, holding Peridot's writhing little body close, listening to her desperate sounds getting louder and shriller, spurring her to go on.

Peridot felt tight, it was hard to pound into her as she grabbed the Strap-On like a vice, trying to keep it in. “You're doing so good” Lapis whispered, not all there herself, lost in the motions of their hips, “You're so smart and so unbelievable clever. I can not believe that I'm lucky enough to hold you like this.”

The girl underneath her cried out, grabbing her, urging her to keep going, “Lapis – Lapis- please, I-”

“What is it?” She cooed, kissing along her jawline, “Tell me, use that clever mouth of yours.”

“Please” Peridot begged, “Faster – I'm going to cum, please just-”

Lapis picked up the speed, pounding into her small lover like piston, answering every high pitched moan and scream with compliments and sweet nothings.

“Come on, Peridot, Cum for me” She urged her on, “Be a good girl, come on.”

It sent her straight over the edge, clawing into Lapis shoulders, screaming as her sheath clenched around the phallus and white lights danced behind her eyes. Lapis didn't relent, fucking her into the mattress, groaning and whining, while Peridot tried to hold on for dear life.

When Lapis finally stopped Peridot ached from overstimulation, her mind buzzing and a thin layer of sweat all over her body. Half of the fluids she felt on herself were probably property of Lapis and that would have disgusted her in every other scenario, but not now. Right now she just held on to her, still shaking like a leaf and not sure if she was able to hold herself together if Lapis stood up and left for the bathroom.

“You came so hard” Lapis cooed, stroking through Peridot's hair, not letting go of the smaller girl, “You did so good.”

“Thank you” Peridot mumbled, feeling ashamed and uncertain all of the sudden, “I'm sorry that I-”

But Lapis interrupted her, shooing and hugging her closer, “You make me so happy. Don't worry. This was wonderful and I'm so grateful I was allowed to experience it with you.”

For a while they laid there, Lapis telling Peridot how much she meant to her and Peridot just slowly fading into sleep, starting to feel secure in the others arms and allowing sleep to overcome her. This day had been hard enough on her and this romp drained her of all energy.

It didn't take long, but when she finally heard the smaller girl softly snore Lapis kissed her on the forehead, finally pulling out, cleaning up as good as possible without leaving the bed. After a little fight she managed to get out of the damn strap, putting it on her nightstand and hugging Peridot close again, pulling the covers over the both of them.

“I love you” She admitted, after she was sure Peri was still fast asleep, “You wouldn't believe how much you mean to me.”

\---

At 11:15 am on Wednesday Peridot waited for the Bus, Jasper beside her, smoking and eyeing their surrounding with a bored look.

When she had picked her up quarter of an hour earlier, she had only greeted Lapis, with a tone that sounded more like a challenge than a “good morning”. As if she wanted to put a “you insufferable shithead” at the end of the sentence, but decided against it in the last second.

She just gave Peridot a lapidary wave of her hand before stepping out of the house again, waiting for Peri to follow her. The small girl, who now felt like a god damn dwarf between Lapis, who stood behind her, already making her feel tiny with her 6 feet 2. Jasper on the other hand, looked like 6 feet 6 of pure muscle tissue and once again Peridot questioned how exactly she managed to end up in this situation. Whatever exactly happened between those two felt like a turf war and Peridot was about to just wave Lapis and Pumpkin goodbye to follow her new foreman, when Lapis grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close, giving her a long and passionate kiss on the lips.

Peridot didn't even had the chance to react, just stood there as if struck by a lightning while Lapis smiled in the kiss.

Geez fuck, what is this, Peridot thought as she was finally allowed to pull back. Taking a few steps back, more out of confusion and surprise than anger or disgust, she looked up at Lapis, who gave her a warm smile before she waved her off.

“Until tonight” She promised and Peridot just nodded, turning to Jasper, who looked at her with an unreadable, but not the least bit pleasant, expression. For a split second she teared her gaze up, over Peridot's head to Lapis and for a split second, her face turned stony.

Peridot wasn't fast enough to see what exactly Jasper had seen in the hitman's face that made her facade crumble, because when she jerked her head around Lapis looked at the two of them as pleasant as humanly possible. Well, from someone with dark circles worth years of insomnia and the variety of facial features of a statue.

“Come on, Blondie” Jasper growled lowly, “You two can fuck when I bring you back.”

With those words she turned around and left, not waiting for the smaller girl to follow.

“Wait what?” Peridot mumbled, still not realizing what exactly had just happened in this short moment that was the whole greeting process. It took her a few seconds before she ran after Jasper, acknowledging that she probably had to stay close to her new foreman if she wanted to learn something from her.

A few minutes later they reached the bus stop, still able to wave after the bus they just missed.

“They next one will be here in 15 Minutes” Jasper noted, pointing to the seats under the lean-to, making it clear they would wait instead of walking. Peridot followed the silent Order and sat down, not looking up at her companion, who lighted up a smoke for herself. Instead she stared at the road in front of her, counting the cars and swinging her legs because they couldn't completely reach the floor. This city and it's bus stops wasn't made for small people and she was used to it, but sitting beside Jasper it frustrated her. They probably looked like a babysitter, who didn't get paid enough and the bratty little kid, who got in trouble so hard it ended up with the most bad ass/ugly ass scar possible. Considering the souvenir on Jasper's face, one could think they got into the same trouble.

They waited in silence, Peridot didn't knew what to say and Jasper seemed not interested in any kind of conversation, so they just stared into empty space until Peridot realized it was rather warm. She wore one of those wife beater tops, because the heat started to become unbearable for her, questioning if she should have gotten some suntan cream on her skin beforehand. At least until she realized Jasper beside her wore a black dress shirt, covering her whole upper body and matching black dress pants, making her look like some kinda mobster who just got out of a shift. With her dark skin and bleached hair she already stood out like a sore thumb, at least here and in the outlaying districts. In the Center and the tourists districts nobody would have spared her a second glance, maybe because of her muscles, but nothing more.

“Do you need to dress that way to be taken serious as a dealer?” Peridot asked after a while, because she couldn't imagine Jasper wasn't sweating like a prostitute in church in that outfit.

Jasper took a drag from her smoke, looking down at the smaller girl as if she forgot she was even there, “My clients are rather high ranking. I have to make sure to not rat them out with my outfits when I visit to sell.”

Peridot raised her eyebrows over that, turning her head to the opposite direction and looking at the sidewalk to think about those words.

How high up did those clients need to be, in order for her to appear in such an outfit. Also, was Peridot herself dressed good enough for such a job? She was pretty sure she looked exactly the way she wasn't supposed to look for tasks like that.

“If I appear there in wife beaters or a sweat jacket everyone will know something is up. I'm a black beefcake, if I don't look like security than chances are high I'm gonna get chaperoned out in handcuffs by friendly police officers. But you'd probably pass as some homeless girl in urgent need of a sugar daddy.”

Peridot rolled her eyes over that, she already understood. Racism was rampant in the city, even if it was a different kind as in, let's say, North America. Here it was enough to not “look German” to be considered a foreigner and, by default, a 'rapefugee' as the people started to call it. Meaning Peridot would probably be used for every situation which would benefit from her white skin and green eyes.

Well, considering the only other people in the team who could jump in for a job like that would be either Pearl (who looked just a little bit too much east Asian to not suffer from the typical racism) and Steven (who was Jewish and had curly hair, two things that still could get you in big problems in the business).

Looking at the facts at hand Peridot was the only person on the team who wouldn't suffer from racism or xenophobia. Considering the odds, it was at the same time no wonder that these people never got a real chance and still an absolute miracle they all worked their way up to be this organization of high class criminals.

Peridot remembered how Kids, who didn't pass the light skin/light hair stereotype tended to be handled in school, be it by classmates who called them monkeys and worse, or teachers who punished them harder than any other kid in class.

She remembered one boy in third grade, Elias, son of a christian family, just a little to dark to look like he came from around here. He got angry over some homework he didn't understand, crumbling the paper and throwing it away.

Kid got suspended for 2 weeks for “building a projectile out of class supplies” and “attacking his innocent teacher and fellow class mates”. Well, now she knew what happened to kids like Elias, or all the other children and teenager she had met in her short school career, that didn't pass as white enough.

When the bus finally came, both girls got in and went for 2 pair of seats close to the door. This line tended to get packed with passengers and while Jasper was a wave-breaker, it was probably easier to just make sure to sit close to the only place in the bus that couldn't get crowded.

“What are you thinking about, squirt?” Jasper asked after a while, getting Peridot finally out of her own head. Shrugging, she turned her head from the window and the changing landscapes to Jasper.

“Racism” She plainly stated, making the bigger girl laugh boisterous, “Seriously, Kid? Why?”

She was joking around, Peridot heard it in the tone of her voice and still, she felt like she just got herself in a real shitty situation. She also had no clue how to answer that, considering she never even once had thought about the difference of peoples skin tone or ancestors, as she had been kind of busy surviving first her father and then Sid.

Before she could even answer this loaded question, though, Jasper shook her head with amusement.

“Don't think too deeply about it. Look around you, 70 percent of the people in this city have their roots from all over the world, except for this country. They still get shit from the remaining 30 percent who's ancestor just happened to never move their asses. We can solve this problem when we are not hunted by the diamonds or the police, but until then let's focus on the problems at hand.”

Peridot nodded at that, maybe it was the best course of action right now.

\---

There is an old saying in the bigger cities of this world:  
In the Jungle you have to hunt and gather, in the city you gotta lie and steal.

It's some shitty metaphor how, when humans live together in crowded spaces and have close to non privacy anymore, fall back into animal like behavior and tends to get followed up with some stupid “survival of the fittest”-rhetoric, by people who don't understand that 'survival of the fittest' literally means that those, who fit in the most survive, while everyone trying to somehow act as if they were better or smarter than anyone else, tended to get expelled from their fellow human beings.

Peridot had to learn it the hard way, as she had acted for years as if her cleverness was somehow the proof she deserved better than everyone else. Considering all circumstances of her life, she definitely deserved better than what she got. But her almost megalomaniac behavior with people who she deemed below her, finally found a harsh ending when she learned to work together with Jasper.

It wasn't that she considered herself better than Jasper, she knew Jasper was a force to be reckoned with. But she tended to think clients or even other runners were exactly the scum of the world she didn't wanted to be associated with. Maybe it was just the final product of her always being considered less than human by her surrounding. Maybe it was just her trying to find a good reason why she always had been treated like shit, because she was secretly better than anyone else and they tried to hold her down.

Whatever it really was, she had learned to perfect the motto of lying and stealing and using what she got, no matter if these 'what's' had feelings or goals or ambitions.

This point of view got a dent the second she had to wait in the park, while Jasper went straight into one of those office complex buildings to visit some regulars of hers.

“You look like a hobo, you stay right here” She had told her and it had offended Peridot beyond compare, as she had sold high class drugs for years to suits of all classes. The fact, that she just got told she would be considered an intruder felt off to her, she surely knew how to talk her way out of such a situation.

But Jasper had denied, “I don't give a shit. That would start a turmoil I don't need and frankly won't have to deal with, if you keep your ass on this bench right here. And stop making those noises, people will think you're one of those weird street prophets and call the police on you.”

When she came back half an hour later, Peridot was still pissed, even when she got her a canned Ice Tea as a peace offering.

“You could have just told me to dress in something nice, instead of letting me wait like some stupid dog” She nagged and Jasper was considering to just take the can out of the squirts hand and drink it herself. But to be honest, she actually liked seeing the little shithead in rage, she felt like it would treat her well to be challenged on her world views from time to time.

“But I didn't wanted you in there, Pipsqueak” Jasper explained while they got down the stairs to the subway station, “I didn't needed you in there and it would just have drawn unnecessary attention.”

“Then why the hell did you bring me along? I could have stayed home if this is all you gonna let me do; waiting on benches, watching drunks harassing people.”

“I've got you Ice Tea, asshole” Jasper teased and Peridot realized she didn't take this seriously, she wouldn't defend her decision and also not explain it. There was no reason to keep talking about it, so she just sat down on yet another bench, arms crossed in front of her chest and grumbled and growled silently. From time to time she even took a sip from the cold can, but only to cool down, as the heat of the weather started to get unbearable. Otherwise she would have thrown it away, or left it when the subway came and they got in.

It was one of the routes that brought them to the center of the city, Jasper making sure the smaller girl stayed close to her and won't get lost. She wasn't in for the drama that would surely follow if she lost the little nuisance right on the first day of the job, but she also realized there was probably some talent to her, which could be useful to the team. She wouldn't be here, she wouldn't be alive and she sure as hell wouldn't look like this and get in trouble with Northern Sid, without having some kind of talent.

Since Amethyst told her to make sure to keep him away from Peridot, she knew there was more to her than met the eye. Sid had started out as some backstreet dealer, selling shitty junk and making less money than he would have gotten if he just started to work in retail. But somehow he managed to find some good runner, who made him popular and after some time he got bigger deals, got rid of his runner and became part of the underlings of the diamonds. He was dangerous, but nothing Jasper couldn't deal with. If they got rid of the diamonds he had no back-up and then she would be finally able to kick the little fucker out of business once and for all.

And maybe Peridot was the key to get him out of business, but before she could even think about asking the Nerd for help, she had to make sure she wouldn't try and use the team or their organization for her own goals, whatever those might be.  
Her only foundation of trust into Peridot right now, was the fact that Amethyst trusted her and that Lapis apparently had some kinda weird relationship with her. Her behavior this morning was a clear sign for Jasper to make sure Peridot won't get hurt and the fact that Peridot apparently got trained by Lapis herself, proved that she at least seemed to be devoted to the hitman.

That was enough to train and use her as a runner, at least for now. Everything else would have to be looked into when Peridot proved her loyalty to the group, in one way or another.

The streets always gave enough chances to prove oneself, be it for the worse or the better and it once again showed this very day, as Jasper took Peridot for a walk over the Adamplatz, a big plaza where all kind of subcultures clashed together and drugs and alcohol got around without any kind of control. Police gave up on this place years ago and now it was a nice way to make some fast change whenever Jasper ran out of the necessary peanuts for a beer, without having to set up some big meet up with regulars or find some shady enough looking alleys.

The only problem with that place was that Bismuth tended to appear at the worst possible times, trying to snoop around and destroying the nice atmosphere.

Today was one of those days where the whole plaza was crowded, people using the nice weather to celebrate and pick pocket some poor tourists, who wanted to visit the emblem and famous landmarks.

“Keep close” Jasper murmured to Peridot as she saw the crowd, grinning as she saw the small girl turn pale but still trying to look smug about it.

“I can hold my own, shithead” She grunted and Jasper chuckled, yeah, she would have lot of fun with that kid. Until Bismuth appeared right out of the crowd, locking eyes with Jasper and marching right over.

“Fuck” Jasper mumbled, looking for a place to get away, but too late. Bismuth stopped right in front of her, arms crossed, looking back and forth between her and Peridot, who suddenly changed into complete panic mode.

Bismuth did take note of that, Jasper saw it in her expression, but ignored it, “Trying to get into trouble again, Bello?”

“I'm showing my cousin the city” Jasper answered nonchalant, trying to keep it cool while Peridot lost her shit. She tried to hid behind her it seemed and it threw the Jasper off.

“She's a little shy.”

“I see” Bismuth gave back, eyeing Peridot more closely now.

Chances were that the Cop was very aware orphan Jasper had no relatives she knew of, even less a cousin who was as pale as a wall. Something was up, especially with the nervousness of the little girl, so she turned to her.

“Do you know this woman?” She asked her and Peridot nodded, trying to hide her face, “Where are you from?”

“Munich” Peridot croaked, “A small village near Munich. Just got here after graduating to visit my cousin.”

She didn't sounded very convincing, but managed to make up a follow up lie to Jasper's Statement and that was enough to stop Bismuth from prying, for now. Mostly because she actually wasn't interested in Peridot but Jasper, who she had tried to catch red handed since years now. She had the witnesses, she had the proof, but sadly she still couldn't link it without doubt to the dealer right in front of her. So she had to wait and hope the day would come at which Jasper would finally fuck up, but today was not the day.

So she left them be, walking past them while Peridot tried to hide between Jasper, keeping her head down and shivering like the temperature suddenly dropped to the negatives.

“Hey” Jasper called out to her, “She's gone, calm down.”

But she didn't and thus Jasper had to drag her away from the crowd, close to one of the churches. She sat her down on the ground by the bushes and knelt beside her, recognizing the panic attack and trying to sooth her. Lapis and her went through this stuff too, so she had at least some experience, talking calmly to her and managing to get her breathing to slow down again.

It took a little while before Peridot was responsive again and Jasper allowed her to take some time, being surprised about this rather harsh reaction to a cop. The city was full of them, most of them were useless, all mouth and no action or part of Rose squad, so why was she so afraid?

Was it about this whole 'searched by the police but not in a single record' thing that went on with her?

“Sorry” Peridot said after a while, “I just...”

But she didn't managed to spit it out, so Jasper spoke up, “You need to tell me if there is stuff that sets of panic attacks. I can't let you work when I can't be sure you will be fine without me monitoring you and Lapis will kill me if I get you in danger. Was it because it was a cop or was it the crowd?”

“The cop” Peridot answered truthfully, “The crowd wasn't the problem. I don't like being surrounded by so many people at once, but it is nothing that sets off panic.”

Well that made it a little easier, Jasper thought and tried to keep the conversation going. She knew that people tended to get drained after panic attacks and that she probably had to take a long break, maybe even bring Peridot home for today.

“Can you tell me what scared you so much about her?” She asked calm, trying not to pry and get her right into the next attack.

Peridot nodded, “I know her. She was the one I thought searched for me.”

That was a game changer.

\---

“So Bismuth doesn't remember her?” Steven asked as they sat in the living room once again, Jasper calling them up after calming Peridot enough so they could take the subway to the mansion.

Those were the kind of news that had to be shared immediately. They sat Peridot into the Garden, Lapis had brought Pumpkin with her so he could play with her while the Rest of the team met up to talk about this.

“I mean, I can't read minds but as far as I could tell she didn't recognized her. And I feel like a scar like hers is hard to forget” Jasper explained, “But I'd rather like to know if that means I gotta keep her away from Bismuth _and_ Sid or if we gonna do something about it? Because, honestly, I can't let her walk around town with blinders, no one is gonna buy stuff from a blind Nerd.”

“Especially not with her attitude” Amethyst wisecracked.

“This is serious” Pearl tutted and the boy shrugged, giving his girlfriend a cheeky grin, while Garnet turned around to look at Jasper.

“As far as I know Sid is still only working in the Northern Districts, which are not even in our territory, so we just gotta find a solution for Bismuth right now.”

“As I wanted from the beginning” Lapis noted, seeming a little out of it herself. As she got the message that Peridot had a panic attack, she immediately got Pumpkin into the car and speed down the highway, to meet up with the others.

She tried to play it cool when she got there, but Jasper's expression made it pretty clear that at least she knew how Lapis felt about those news.

“She's in the garden” She had told her nonchalantly, as if she talked about the weather and Lapis almost took off with no regard for the others, to make sure Peridot was still alright.

“I think she was only startled” Steven interjected, “She probably still thought the police searched for her or Bismuth would recognize her and try to arrest her. I feel like this isn't really a problem, you guys.”

“And if it is?” Pearl asked, “What if there is more behind it?”

Steven shrugged, “I could find out. I mean, Peridot is really smart, maybe I could teach her a trick or two of mine. That way I could also find out if she was just scared because she thought Bismuth would remember her or if there is more behind it.”

“Steven” Connie urged slightly stressed out, “You want to teach her your tricks? You know she could use that against us.”

“She could also use her knife against us or rat us out” Lapis defended her, offended about this as if she just got insulted herself. Well maybe she was, because after all she decided to trust Peridot and this trust was questioned now.

Jasper seemed uncertain, looking at Steven with concern, “Connie is not wrong. What if she tries to go against us, using those tricks like E did?”

“Peridot is not E” Lapis stated coldly. The room went silent. She glared at Jasper, who immediately stopped talking back. She then looked around, first at Connie, then Pearl, “I don't give a fuck if you guys don't trust her. The first person, who she would have killed, would have been me and as you all can see, I am not only alive and well, she also saved my ass. She lost her cool, because her past appeared in form of the most insufferable cop possible and now, out of the blue, she is an evil genius waiting to steal Steven’s secret formula to manipulate people?

Fuck, she could have used this situation to get us all in jail by talking to Bismuth right there and she didn't, even in her headless state she tried to go with Jasper's lie. Could we calm down for 5 Minutes and not make this whole thing worse as it is?”

The first, to dare to speak again, was Steven, “So, I take that as a yes to me teaching Peridot and making sure she won't lose her cool around Bismuth again, right?”

Monodic mutterings were his answer and he nodded, looking over to Garnet who took her chance to speak, “If she's good at if, then maybe you'll gain more than just a Runner, Jasper. And we will gain more than just a simple Bodyguard, we already know she's clever, maybe we can get a diplomat even.”

Lapis nodded solemnly, still not completely calm but at least appeased. She wanted to get rid of that damn cop even more urgently now, feeling like she could finally get the whole team in trouble should she ever remember Peridot.

Jasper, on the other side, tried directly to comply with those new orders, thinking about the good aspects these information brought, “Maybe Peridot could be helpful if she actually manages to learn Steven's tricks in taking down the diamonds.”

All heads turned to her and Jasper tried to ignore the daggers Lapis was staring into her, “Like, she knows Northern Sid, and she knows Bismuth. Both don't know she is with us, Sid probably thinks she is dead in an alley or someones backyard, Bismuth couldn't even care enough about her to make sure I wasn't actually selling her or some shit. She seems harmless enough to people to not consider her any danger to them or even useful to us.”

“5 Seconds ago you thought she was either to fragile to work for you or already out to use every information she has against us, can you maybe choose how you think about her?” Lapis snarled, making Jasper shrug.

“You guys wanted me to work with her. I do and I told you what I saw. You guys decided that she will be learning from Steven, I'm just trying to think ahead how this could help us. Not everyone is trying to cross you, Lapis.”

“Can you guys for once not argue about petty shit?” Amethyst finally spoke up, “It's even worse than normal, what the fuck. Can we just go on with the protocol, I am supposed to meet up with Carny and Skinny in half an hour and this whole discussion is starting to drift into the same shit again and again.

Peridot is new, nobody knows why she is so strange and we all try to get by, can't we agree on the fact that some stuff can't be talked away and let this thing be over with?”

Amethyst rarely spoke up, even less tried to get into deep into any discussion, but he was fed up and still had some stuff to deal with today. This whole topic wouldn't be solvable by simply sitting together and throwing artillery at each other, they would have to wait and see how Peridot would fit in and how much she was actually able to learn from Jasper and Steven.

“Shit like that is exactly the reason why we are still fighting the Diamonds and still have to deal with rampant child prostitution and dealers who try to get us out of business. Because every time we should act, we sit here instead and talk about if and buts that probably will never happen because we were to busy talking about them.”

When he finished, he looked around the room, over to Pearl who stared back at him in awe, making him a little proud, and Jasper, who stared at her hands in defeat. Garnet gave him a little smile, nodding in agreement, just as Steven sitting beside him.

Connie shrugged, as if to remove herself from the whole topic, while Lapis spontaneously remembered while they allowed Ame in those meetings. He rarely talked, mostly he was just joking around and didn't show much interest in the problems at hand, but at times like these he actually showed how important he was for this team.

They all tended to talk a lot, stagnating at times, while Amethyst always had been more of a doer. It sometimes made them all underestimate the boy until he spoke up like  he just did and reminded them they all just sat here, in this big ass house, with more money than they could possibly ever spent because someone had to walk the fucking talk. And right now, they all were just preaching rhetoric’s that would stay in this room until the cows came home and he had enough.

“I'm gonna go out and do what I'm actually paid for here, and I suggest you guys do either the same or find actual solutions, because if Peridot is even half as smart as you all think, but at the same time doubt, then she probably already guessed we are talking about her and will use this time to nurture even more mistrust for the mafia group that apparently is willing to take her in, but won't exactly tell her what for.”

With those words he left, apparently also letting go of some steam he developed over time. It sounded a lot like he was frustrated, about the paths the team had taken in the last few months and how it turned into this society with all this different ranks, who ordered others around. A lot of Jasper's runners were his friends, his family was part of this and still he was the only one who had a say in those meetings, half the time he wasn't even taken serious.

No wonder Peridot was so adamant to keep everything about herself secret, they didn't really gave her much reasons to trust them with their elitist behavior and their little club meetings.

The others stayed behind, still flabbergasted by Amethyst's outburst and silently contemplating his words.

“Well”, Garnet finally broke the silence, standing up herself and smiling warmly at everyone before leaving, “Time to break some fresh ground and try this whole thing once again, isn't it?”

\---

The next day Peridot found herself in the mansion once again, this time in the 'real' Living room and finally understood what Amethyst meant, when he talked about it having too much empty space:

The room had two unnecessary fireplaces; one surrounded by couches and armchairs and an expensive looking table out of polished marble, just like the floors and the walls, following the example of the entrance hall. The floor was black, the walls in a grayish white, making the room dark and cold. Even the big glass doors letting in daylight and having a view to the garden and the lake couldn't save that.

The other part of the room was probably the dining room, with the second fireplace, a big dinning table and 20 chairs out of the same dark wood stood there, surrounded by glass cabinets filled with expensive looking decanters and bottles of high class alcohol.

“Has anyone ever used this room?” Peridot asked uncertain, while looking at all the strangers faces on the portraits which hung from the wall, feeling watched. She felt her flesh crawl and decided to sit down on of the armchairs facing the glass doors that Steven offered her.

He was uncharacteristically quiet, holding a clip board and standing beside Peridot, looking at her with sorrow.

“I know you don't feel very homey here” He started, “Or with us for that matter. I know that the only Person you trust right now is Lapis and maybe Amethyst, because he is really trying his best to make sure you feel better and I see how you open up to him. Don't worry, he doesn't tell me.”

She stared up at Steven with mistrust, eyes narrowed.

“It's visible when it's your only job to keep an eye on the people in the team. But this is not about him, this is about you. I decided to teach you my tricks, so you can defend yourself in any situation that doesn't ask for violence, maybe even to get back in to college, or what ever it is you wanna do with your life. I support it, _but_ I'll know when you use my tactics on me. Here's the one thing, Peri: I'll teach you everything I know, full trust. You are one of us to me now. Until you cross me. Then your ass is as good as dead. You understand that?"

He talked very clearly, calm but strong, making it clear that he wasn't joking or hiding anything. He meant what he said and Peridot nodded, but that wasn't good enough for him.

At least he finally sat down, but not on the couch right in front of her. He put the clipboard aside, sitting down on the table and stared directly into her eyes. If she decided to look forward she would only see the doors, the lake, the garden, the boy would only be in the corner of her eyes. Still she couldn't, it was as if he was able to force her to stare back, into these cold eyes, devoid of empathy or any kind of human emotions it seemed.

Emptiness.

“I'll tell you this only once and this is your only chance to decide if you accept this offer or not. If you don't, that's fine. I won't tell anyone if you decline, but if you decide to learn from me, you will never use this tricks against me or to hurt this team in anyway. I don't give a shit what exactly you do with this new skill, but the second you try to use this weapon against me, or this team to hurt us, I will make it my personal duty to get rid of you once and for all. Are we clear on that?”

Peridot gulped, nodding. Crystal clear.

He smiled slightly, “Good. Now once again, and think about this hard and good: Do you want me to teach you, given the circumstances?”

“Yes” Peridot answered sober, “Yes, I want that.”

“Very well” He said in his typical happy manner, getting up with a bright smile and sitting down on the couch, obscuring part of the view of the ocean for her.

For a short second Peridot felt like she just made a deal with the devil, until Steven started talking again, handing her his clipboard and a pen, “You should listen closely, stuff like that can save your life. But for now tell me, what do you see?”

\---

Came Saturday, Lapis drove Peridot to Jasper's flat. They wanted to try this whole thing again, starting in Theory this time to make sure no unexpected surprises in form of people from the past would stop the training for the day.

Lapis was rather hesitant to let Peridot alone with Jasper again, but she couldn't exactly put her finger on why she was so afraid to leave the girl to work with the source.

It wasn't because of her safety, she knew Peridot was able to defend herself and she knew that Jasper had absolutely no reason or intent to hurt the Nerd, even if she liked to get a rise out of her. Maybe jealousy, she thought while searching for a parking place to let Peridot out, maybe I'm afraid she will leave me for Jasper.

That was nonsense, of course. They were Friends. Who fucked, okay, but still just Friends, so she had no real right to get possessive. And she also made clear to Jasper that she would probably rip out her ovaries if she tried to get into Peridot's pants.

“See you at the club” She smiled as Peridot got out, Car parked and all.

“Yeah” The nerd nodded uncertain, it was one of the evenings where the Team went to the Abyss and somehow Lapis managed to persuade her to say yes. Well, maybe Amethyst had was a little bit at fault, too. And Steven.

Well, maybe she just liked to hang with other people, instead of rotting away alone in the suburbs, but she wouldn't admit that, not even at gun point.

They kissed goodbye, Peridot didn't knew why she bend into the car again just to kiss Lapis, but she did and the hitman smiled smugly afterward, as if she just won a price and Peridot blushed. Throwing the car door close she yelled a “Later!” And fled up the stairs to the apartment complex, pushing the front door open with far more strength than necessary.

Jasper waited in the foyer for her, looking at her with slight confusion and a poorly hid smile. She had promised to wait for Peridot here, because the complex called 'The Devil's Lair' in common parlance, was a gigantic maze of apartments, security offices and lounges. It was built over a city highway and even the scout groups of the city tended to sneak in and play hide and seek for hours, sometimes even finding way into the vents and crawling through the whole building.

Needless to say all three girls decided to not take the risk and lose Peridot in the labyrinth of endless corridors, just to be found weeks later surviving on a cockroach or something.

“Why so hasty?” Jasper teased and laughed, when she saw the blush on Peridot's face, heard her angry sounds again. Yeah, today would be a good day, she decided and waved her close, “'Twas a joke. Come on, can't stand around here all day.”

The Nerd nodded, following her as she went through another set of doors, into a big room with mailboxes neatly built into the wall. It felt like they just walked into the backroom of a bank, where all the safe deposit lockers where located.

Marching on without sparing them a glance, Jasper held the next set of doors open for Peridot to go through them, following close behind as they now stood in front of a long row of elevators.

“Why are there so many of them?” Peridot asked astonished, trying to count them while Jasper called them by pushing the button for 'up'.

“There are over 300 Apartments on this side of the complex alone” Jasper explained, smiling down at the flabbergasted girl, “Housing up to 4 People, so there are a lot of people in urgent need of elevators.”

With a loud 'ping' one of the doors opened, giving way for the two of them to walk over and enter the cabin, Peridot staying on Jasper's Heels as if she would already be lost forever if she didn't kept close. The doors closed, Jasper pushed the button for the 5th floor and up they went, the cabin starting to move with an obnoxious loud sound, making Peridot flinch.

“Are you afraid of elevators?” Jasper asked, leaning back onto one of the vandalized mirrors that were used as cabin walls, “Or heights?”

Peridot shook her head, “I just wasn't prepared for the sound, is all.”

Jasper nodded, accepting the answer for now and opting for just looking up at the display that counted numbers from zero up to five. None of them spoke as they waited for their stop, or as the doors finally stopped on the 5th floor and they left the cabin.

The room they ended up in looked just exactly the same as the one on the ground level and for a little while, Peridot just stood there and blinked confused. Jasper beside her chuckled.

“Yeah people tend to be confused by that. Come on, it get's better.”

She once again held Peridot the doors open, the smaller girl now finally thanking her for being so courteous and together they walked down a strangely lid corridor: The lamps up in the ceiling were not fully functioning, leaving parts of the corridor completely unlit, the only thing constant and spending light being the small window at the end of the long way. Peridot felt like this was the first thing one would see when they die and for a second she chuckled about this morbid thought, that she apparently made it. The elevator probably fell, she thought for a second and then stopped. It didn't felt good to think about that anymore, death seemed not as funny or relieving anymore, and she walked the rest of the way with her head slightly bowed, not even trying to remember all the different ways and doors they walked and crossed.

Jasper didn't said anything either, accepting that Peridot seemed a little moody the second she raced through the doors minutes ago, and not trying to pry. She was able to walk the way to her apartment in her sleep, drunk and any other influence that made her head foggy, as she walked it a thousand times sober and even more often tired or drunk. To her this complex was a little complicated, but all in all a logical building, just like every other apartment tower in the rest of the city.

They finally stopped in front of Jasper's apartment door, the bigger girl fumbling with her keys for a moment before she opened it and let Peridot in.

The first thing she noticed was that the apartment was bright and smelled like fresh clothes. She stood in a brightly lid hallway, which led to a living room with big clean windows with a balcony, a kitchen that looked as if it was never used in all those years it existed, a closed door which probably led to the bedroom and a bathroom.

“Shoes off” Jasper said tersely, slipping out of her own. Peridot obeyed and was once again surprised when she walked around in socks and felt that the carpet was not only soft but also very warm.

“Underfloor heating” Jasper explained, offering her with a wave of her hand to sit on the big couch in the living room, while opening up the windows to let fresh air in. Peridot was too overwhelmed by all those new impressions and just sat down, looking around in awe. She had imagined this whole place completely different. Somehow, after living with Sid and now with Lapis, she felt like this place should have been less … homey, more clinical clean or completely lost to the chaos and smelling like old socks and weed. Instead she felt like she was sitting in the apartment of a good middle-class family, with some photos in the shelves, a lot of books and a lot of corny decorations.

Honestly, if someone would have told her this was the living room of one of the most influential drug dealers and sources in this hell city, she would have probably searched for the one button under one of those skeleton figurines that would turn the whole room around. But now that she sat inside it, she realized this was probably just the way Jasper liked to live, fitting to the clothes she wore Wednesday: tidy, appropriate and unsuspicious.

Noting Peridot's surprise, seeing her staring at everything in the room, Jasper smiled, “Surprised?”

Peridot shrugged, “A little. I don't know what exactly I expected, but I guess it wasn't a normal apartment.”

Jasper chortled over that, not taking it as an insult and instead sitting on the window sill and lighting a smoke. That was maybe one of the reasons Peridot was surprised: She knew Jasper smoked a lot and was used to the living space of smokers smelling like an ashtray. Not here, though.

There were no ashtrays in the living room, just on the balcony, standing right by the window Jasper smoked out of at the moment.

“I'll show you the location of my labs and my districts today, after that I'll go through the typical locations I sell my stuff at with you. Also the locations of my runners. As long as Bismuth is still out there I decided to appoint you as my assistant and for that you need to understand my routine and my schedule.”

“So I'm gonna be your drudge?” Peridot asked dryly.

Jasper raised a brow at her, “There are people out there who worked years for me and ogle this damn position, shithead. I'm trying to accommodate here.”

Peridot shrugged, “Fine, whatever. What exactly do you want me to do, get you coffee or something?”

Why the fuck did I agree to this bullshit, Jasper asked herself but stayed silent, taking a final drag from her cigarette and then putting it out in the ashtray, keeping the window open while crossing the room.

“No, the next few days I'll sadly be forced to just babysit you, but the second I can actually trust you with my stuff, I'll need ya to keep an eye on the finances. Lapis told me you're a nerd and you went to college, so this should be easy enough, yeah?”

It wasn't really a question, it was more of an order and Peridot made a derogatory sound to acknowledge the sentence. It was easy enough, fuck, she had made the finances in all those years she had been a runner and actually managed to get a seat in one of the few courses for AI development. But that wasn't exactly accounting mathematics and also felt like she would stunt her own skills in the long run.

“And that's all?” She yelled, Jasper had left the room to get something out of the bedroom, she supposed.

“Well, if you are as useful as you are full of shit, maybe I can give you other responsibilities, too” Jasper yelled back, making a ruckus and Peridot question if she would hear a loud bang from falling records and documents every second now and be free for the rest of the day.

But there was just the sound of a door getting kicked closed and Jasper reappearing in the door frame of the living room, holding some smaller books and a few maps, making Peridot question how much more Jasper documented and if she kept other stuff here, that could get them all in trouble. It wasn't very smart, but if they got her or the rest of the team, then those drugs would probably be just a drop in the ocean. So it was probably not more dangerous than Lapis' undocumented guns or Connie's cyanide pills.

Jasper laid everything neatly on the table in front of the couch and got a chair for herself, to sit down on the other side of it, starting to open the books and unfold the maps.

“Here I write down how much ingredients we have, how much we bought, how much we used up, you know the deal. Here I write down the orders we get, what we produce and what we buy and sell. Of course we don't use the real names; Amethyst, Carnelian and Skinny took the time and made up some rather hard to break code for this stuff. We only use it for those books, so please don't fuck it up and use them anywhere else. The second those words become more well known we can throw those books out and start again.”

Peridot nodded, glancing at the neat little numbers and the words behind them, not making a lot of sense and probably born out of inside jokes and other stuff the police won't be able to decipher if they didn't bring out the big guns. As long as they only found the books, nobody had to worry it seemed.

Jasper went on, “Here are the maps. As you can see, those are really just this stupid tourist sightseeing maps, but believe me, they are perfect to operate with as I don't have to mark anything and just make sure that every one of my runners has the same. It works. I make a list for every month, apply the name of the runner and the emblem. You'd think police would be smart enough to figure that out, but alas, they don't and I still sell my stuff. You still with me so far?”

Peridot nodded, of course she understood this. Shit, this was kindergarten rhetoric’s and they still managed to fuck the cops over with it. No wonder Bismuth was so pissed, she probably realized how simple this whole shit was and still had no way to get them. Rose was one of those reasons, she couldn't imagine them getting away this well with it otherwise, but no matter what exactly was the formula of success was here, it would be a cakewalk to remember this stuff.

“And why exactly are people ogling this position without ever getting it?” Peridot asked after a few seconds, sounding wary, “This isn't rocket science.”

Jasper nodded, looking from the maps to Peridot, “That's because some of them are not trustworthy as they are monitored by the police. Some of them are just not responsible enough for stuff like this. And some I just don't trust.”

“But you trust me?” She inquired.

“No” Jasper said honestly, “I don't know you well enough to trust you, but Lapis does and so does Steven, so you get a leap of faith, so to say. If you fuck us over I can still silence ya before you get dangerous, but right now I just believe in their decision and try to work you in.”

The smaller girl nodded, suddenly very aware how big Jasper was in comparison to herself and that this was probably her last chance to decline this offer or she would have to either stay with them or make sure to find a real good hiding spot.

“Fine” She accepted with a slight nod, “Just don't use me like a damn typist.”

Jasper chuckled dryly, “Lapis would kill me if I don't touch you with velvety gloves, so don't worry.”

\---

Jasper explained the routes of the runners, showed Peridot different locations of the labs Jasper was commending and also taught her the first few code names from the books.

Peridot has been right, they were born of Inside Jokes and different Situation that had no meaning to anyone but Amethyst, Carnelian and Skinny, effectively lowering the risk of outsiders finding out the meaning. The words weren't meant to be spoken, only to be written and had been taught to everyone who was part of the organizational part of this process, making the 3 inventors, Jasper, a few higher ups in the labs and, hopefully soon Peridot, the only people who were able to understand and write it.

When midday came and left, Jasper decided to take a break and leave the apartment with Peri, 'for a walk and some lunch' as she said.

Peridot really had no Idea why the hell someone would want to take a walk around this part of town, the Devil's Lair was a cesspool for social cases and violent teenager gangs, attempted rapes and robberies were the tamer things the police came for.

Now that she thought about it, it was a wonder her dad hadn't just raised her here, Peridot decided. He would have sold without problems and his darling daughter would have learned even sooner how to defend herself.

“How long do you live here?” She asked Jasper when they walked past a playground smelling like piss and alcohol, some teenage boys standing around and following the two girls with their eyes. They recognized Jasper from afar, knowing to stay away, but Peridot was new to them and they stared at her with blatant mockery. As if they wanted to promise her she couldn't be around Jasper always.

“Not too long” Jasper admitted, “3 or 4 years. A few months after a I joined the team I found the apartment, so my money and I got here. It's not like I have much to fear, people may not know how involved I am, but they know I'm a force to be reckoned with.”

Peridot nodded, they got out of the inner yard that connected the 4 buildings to one complex and walked past the gardens, until they got to a little pub. It stood in the shadow of the big building, looking almost as if it was build into it and not under on of the many bridges that were constructed over the streets so the residents of the Lair could cross them.

“You already want to drink? It's like 3 pm” Peridot sounded almost offended, but Jasper just chuckled, opening the door for Peridot and waiting until she entered, following close behind.

“Ay, Jasp!” The man behind the counter greeted, “Who's the rascal with you? You know, no minors!”

Peridot blushed, this was already the worst pub she ever had been to. Even if this was literally the first reaction of every bar keeper who saw her.

Jasper laughed boisterous, “Hello to you to, Dieter. That squirt is my assistant, Peridot. College Student and a god damn smart ass. Bring us some lunch, she's in a growing spurt.”

While saying that, Jasper drew her hands through Peridot's hair, rumpling it up even worse than it already was and making Peridot start to trash slightly. She tried to get away from the stronger girls grip, but as she realized that the other patrons stared at the newcomers, she stopped immediately.

“Stop that” She hissed with venom. Jasper decided to have some mercy with her, drawing her hands away and gently shoving her close to one of the window tables, sitting down with her the second Dieter came up to them, 2 glasses with beer in hand.

He put them down in front of them and promised the food would be ready in about a minute, vanishing again and leaving the two girls alone.

“What is this?” Peridot asked wary, sniffing the beverage in her glass. It smelled like beer, but also lemonade and once again her troubled past in an abusive twilight zone of existence failed her.

Jasper took a sip of her own glass, looking at her with concern, “It's shandy. Beer and lemonade. Don't worry, you won't get drunk. I know you can handle your own and that's not even a whole beer. No alcohol orgies before the club, don't worry.”

With a slight grumble Peridot took a little sip, tasting the pils but also the lemonade, overriding the taste of the beer enough to make it drinking able even with her almost empty stomach, just a slight bitter aftertaste reminding her of the alcohol.

She took a bigger sip just after the first and Jasper smiled satisfied, she really had no ill intentions and Peridot made it hard not to just tease her constantly with her attitude. She learned fast, Jasper had to give her that and even if she made it harder for herself than it had to be, she found a way to deal with that situation. She complained a lot, but she managed to deal with the shit thrown at her.

No, really, Jasper liked the prospect of working with the little shithead, she just didn't wanted to give her the satisfaction of saying it yet.

Jasper also kept in mind that Peridot was far more than met the eye and trusting her too fast, giving her too much leverage, could end badly for everyone, not only for her and the little blonde. Peridot asked many questions for example, in this few hours alone she tried to pry as much information out of Jasper as she could get, even stuff that wasn't work related. It wasn't hard to guess Peridot wanted those to keep them as a last weapon if everything else failed. And even if Jasper felt like Peridot would never use them as she was for too loyal to Lapis right now, she knew how fast times could change. And how fast times changed people.

As Dieter promised, the food arrived just a few moments later and they ate, spoke about this and that and when they were done, Jasper paid for them both, giving more tip than the meal itself cost.

No wonder she was 'Jasp' and that they just believed her Peridot was a college student without asking for an ID, she probably kept the whole thing alive by throwing her money at them.

They went back to Jasper's apartment and resumed their work, until it was far past 7 pm and Jasper decided to call it a day. Peridot had learned almost every damn codeword already and could draw every route of the runners deployed in the tourist districts, and she was mighty proud about it. Bragging and boasting about how easy this stuff would be and how just a fool would need help with it.

Jasper took it with grace and humor, grinning at the smaller girl while exposing her impressive white teeth and remembering Peridot that 'the fool' was her foreman and she better prayed 'the fool' wouldn't fuck up one day and get her endangered or something. When Peridot turned pale, trying to throw something back along the lines of 'I can handle myself, brawn-for-brain' with a stutter, Jasper just laughed.

Sure, the girl was a danger, even if she was small, but she had seen her spar with Amethyst and knew how fast and flexible she was. With her knowledge and fast thinking abilities she definitely could be an important ally or a very dangerous enemy. But she wasn't as nearly as evil and heartless as she tried to appear. She had mostly given up this facade around Lapis, who she had sworn her loyalty to, but she started to thaw around Jasper and the others too, she just didn't realized it yet.

When they arrived at the Abyss later that evening, it became clear in the way she stayed close to Lapis, both being so very invested in each other. In the way she joked with Amethyst and discussed with Steven, dancing with all three of them over the course of the night. The more alcohol she drank, the opener she got, even being able to have good time with Pearl and Connie, who both seemed a lot more relaxed around her now. Maybe because they also both were drunk off their wits.

Garnet kept close to Jasper that night and she knew exactly why. In all those years Garnet had kept a close eye on her and in the beginning, she thought it was mistrust or some way of monitoring her, until she realized Garnet just tried to make sure she wouldn't forget herself over her work and the rest of the team.

“Feels strange?” Garnet asked around 3 am, Jasper was already pretty tipsy and thought about trying to hit on some girl and maybe go home with her. Normally she wouldn't do that. Hitting on people for a one-night-stand, that stuff became just too complicated in the last few years and didn't really help either.  
So it was probably a good thing Garnet decided to spent the evening with her, even if they were here with the whole team.

“Don't know what you mean” Jasper answered her question, taking a sip from her beer.

Garnet smiled knowingly, “You know exactly what I mean.”

Jasper didn't answer this time, so Garnet just went on.

“I see how you look at Peridot and Lapis. It's strange seeing those two together, especially considering Lapis and your past.”

Jasper shrugged, “The past is dead and gone, let's not go there, yeah? I want to have a good time tonight.”

Garnet nodded, “And I'm sure you would have it, if you could accept that the past is in the past and this is something new.”

“Something new?” Jasper rumbled a little louder than necessary, “Please, we both know Lapis. Sooner or later she will throw the manikin away, like she always does when she gets bored with people.”

“So you're scared for Peridot?” Garnet pressed on and Jasper shrugged.

“No, but who the fuck promises us Peridot won't get revenge or something? Lapis is probably the only thing that securely keeps her on our side, so what will she do when that person betrays her?”

Garnet giggled, “So you're scared something will happen to Lapis because of Peridot?”

“What?” Jasper seemed startled, “Don't – what? Are – stop – That's not even remotely what I just said, what the fuck! Can't you keep your mind games for yourself for one evening?”

But Garnet just laughed, shaking her head and ordering another drink for herself and Jasper, who was turning red from embarrassment and anger. She really had no chance with this psychic, it was as if she could read her mind. No wonder, she had kept her eyes on Jasper since she appeared on their doorsteps and somehow managed to still keep them on her even after she moved away and tried to stay in her lane.

“Don't sweat it, Jasper” Garnet smiled, “I'm just asking a few questions. I also feel like you are not so alone with your confusion.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, taking the beer begrudgingly, as if she really didn't wanted to take the peace offer. But knew she had no other options.

Garnet shrugged, emptying her drink in one big gulp as if it were water, “Nothing.”

That was a blatant lie and Jasper knew that, but before she could even ask what the fuck Garnet's deal was, the other was already on her way to the dance floor, vanishing in seconds in the crowd.

“What the actual fuck” Jasper mumbled, grimly looking at her beer as if it was at fault, searching the counter for someone interesting.

All she saw was Peridot, who was sitting alone, smiling at Lapis who was dancing in the crowd.

You naive fool, she thought and didn't even realized she was staring, until Peridot looked at her with confusion. She had felt Jasper's eyes on her and in her drunken stupor Peridot grinned as she recognized her in the half dark.

You naive fool, indeed.


	11. In Hell I'll be in Good Company

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in less than 24 hours, I'm on a Roll, Baby!  
> TW for Past Abuse, Past Rape, the mentioning of Child Prostitution and just the general shit life of children in gangs (I'm not  
> even making it up, all this stuff actually happens in real life.)
> 
> Fun Fact: This was the very first chapter I wrote for this Fanfic and it changed a lot in the last three months. But I love it, it's  
> very important to me and shows the way Peridot and Jasper actually relate to each other (or at least start to relate).
> 
> I hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :)

_Dead love couldn't go no further_   
_Proud of and disgusted by her_   
_Push shove, a little bruised and battered_   
_Oh Lord I ain't coming home with you_   
  
_My life's a bit more colder_   
_Dead wife is what I told her_   
_Brass knife sinks into my shoulder_   
_Oh babe don't know what I'm gonna do_

 

  


Jasper didn't trusted Peridot enough to show her the big laboratories just yet, even if she told her about them and Peridot understood that. She didn't trusted Jasper further than she could throw her either and considering their height difference, that wasn't very far at all.

But she was more than willing to already show her the usual routes and meet the runners who Jasper trusted the most, as they would probably be the ones Peridot would see more often now. Jasper tended to send the more experienced, and those she considered loyal, to run in the tourist districts, as they were closely monitored by the police and were more prone to become the hot spot for territorial fights. Newbies and runners who behaved suspicious or were conspicuous thanks to their repeating absence, were evenly deployed into the districts which either were save enough that Jasper could live with the few slags who wouldn't do their job right. Or in districts that they owned but all in all didn't really had much clients in, the industrial district for example were only useful for storing finished products or ingredients.

Those five people that actually bought any drugs there could live with some inexperienced and rather lazy runners to get their stuff from, it was still the quality stuff from Jasper, so they could live with the bad service.

After working together for a week, Jasper decided to actually keep Peridot as her assistant, even if she, as Jasper said in the meeting, had 'A whole grocery list worth of complaints about this kid but that's mainly about her bullshit attitude and her dumb tries to manipulate her, not Peridot's work, that even almost made up for her shitty behavior. So as long as Jasper was allowed to duct tape her mouth shut, she was willing to keep Peridot in her troop.'

Lapis was pretty adamant that there would be absolutely no duct taping Peridot's mouth and the whole thing almost turned into yet another explosive discussion, if Garnet and Amethyst hadn't fallen into a laugh flash over it. Peridot felt herself blushing back then, turning her gaze to her Chuck sneakers, which Lapis had brought her a while ago and tried hard not to think about Jasper duct taping her anything, while Lapis was monitoring it.

She felt the eyes of Steven and Pearl on her and knew, whatever was happening here, turned into an open secret between the team and it made her skin crawl in discomfort. This felt intimate, not only because emotions and shit, but also because it meant they shared something. Even if it was just vague knowledge, they knew what was on each others minds without sharing it verbally and that was something Peridot had not given her consent to.

It followed her home, it followed her when she was cuddling and making out with Lapis and it followed her when she had to go to work with Jasper, after Lapis got out to monitor yet another target for yet another client. It was almost a mundane life, everyone went out to work, with the slight difference that all the coworkers and bosses were also like friends or a family that one didn't really wanted, but also knew could be worse. Oh, and of course they all were criminals of slightly differing variety and slightly different level of violence. They probably all would kill someone, if just angered enough, some of them just got more angry in shorter amounts of time than others.

So all in all, rather mundane in their own ways and maybe it was just fitting that Peridot was now followed around by that strange feeling of rather uncomfortable attraction _and_ affection for _both Lapis and Jasper_ at the same time.

It was probably just her hormones getting crazy or her traumatized brain finally finding people she could latch on, without getting forced into cold showers for hours and being abused by them. Her brain probably thought that was the direct meaning for romantic love and just tried to push her, to make sure she wouldn't lose any of them. Even as she tried to reason with herself about it, how she didn't felt that way about Amethyst or Steven, who tried far sooner to help her and were nice, she just came to the conclusion that she was probably just untameable gay. Probably because there was a significant lack of nice or even present women, so maybe she wasn't even really gay, just super confused because now there were women in her life and their were neither absent nor terrible to her.

At least that's how she reasoned with herself, getting through a quite distorted version of a gay panic and that crawling feeling of _crushes_. That was also the reason why she was so silent on this fine summer morning, sitting in a crowded subway with Jasper, who was squished to her and looked around with a bored expression, slurping a coffee. Peridot spent the whole time trying to calm herself, she hadn't been able to sleep after Lapis had claimed her once again, showing her possessive side and letting it go up to the nines. This happened every time Lapis had any kind of quarrel with Jasper, especially over Peridot and her work and after getting railed through the whole house she had an earth shattering orgasm. Many at that, which was nice and dandy, if Jasper hadn't been in the back of her mind, making it impossible for Peridot to fall asleep afterward out of guilt and the strange feeling that this meant more than she was willing to accept.

When they finally got out of the subway and set foot on the station “Königstraße”, though, Peridot's gay panic was forgotten. Königstraße was one of hot spots. A special tourist district, as people got very special stuff for their money here. Street-walkers' patch all around, back in the days Amethyst's Family had a lot of influence here. Then the Diamonds came, made it a baby red-light district and took over the drug business too.

For years it stayed that way, until Rose decided to take over the place, at least drug wise and Jasper found ways to get the other runners and dealers out of the district. Now they were the only ones who sold, but this also meant that they had to share it with children who were forced to work as prostitutes and that was one of the main reasons Skinny and Carnelian, Amethysts childhood friends, were so invested in this district. Together with Ame's Family they had started to slowly infiltrate the whole district, getting more and more of the kids on their sides, managing to even get a few of them out of the business. It wasn't even close to a solution, but this place would be out of business once and for all the second they got rid of the diamonds, so they tried to keep a low profile until it was time to strike.

“Are you pissed because I didn't get ya a coffee, too?” Jasper asked as they walked up the stairs. Peridot had been silent the whole morning and it started to unnerve her. She didn't knew the runt that well, but after two weeks she at least knew Peridot never shut up. Not once when she wanted her to, at least.

“Sure, I always get silent if I don't get a 50 cents paper cup coffee” Peridot snarled and Jasper rolled her eyes at it. Sass, manipulation and insults were Peridot's preferred form of communication and Jasper was able to take it, considering she could dish out just as much, “After all that's what life is all about, isn't it.”

Jasper shrugged and went down the street, Peridot close by, “Look, if your sexually frustrated don't let it out on me or our coworkers.” It was meant as a joke, but the smaller of the two abruptly stopped in her tracks, blushing an almost unhealthy looking shade of cherry red and looking up at the older one with the most offended expression Jasper had ever seen in her 26 years of life.

She couldn't hold on to herself, spluttering at first, laughing loud and boisterous. Passers-by started to change the sides of the street, being confused and rather irritated by the two of them. It took a while for Jasper to calm down, holding her stomach, feeling the pain that came with a hearty laugh. Peridot on the other side, grumbled and stuttered, trying to find words to convey her emotions over this insolence, this affront. Jasper had meant it as a joke, to tease her, but apparently she managed to hit the Bullseye.

“I didn't know Lapis couldn't sate ya” She wheezed after a while, “I just wanted to tease you a little, I didn't know I'd poke a hornets nest.”

“I-!” Peridot started, but didn't found a way to finish the sentence in a comprehensible way, “Lapis doesn't-! We aren't-! I'm sure she-! _Why the fuck do you even care!_ ” Finally she just passed by Jasper with an angry march, wanting to get away from the situation and get this stupid day over with. Jasper almost didn't managed to hold her back, grabbing her wrist and stopping her from running away. 

“Hey” She said with a slight grin, “Hey, come on. It was joke, a tasteless one, I'll give you that. But just a joke. Don't be mad.”

“I'm mad if I want to!” Peridot snarled, her eyes narrowed, filled with anger. That made Jasper finally stop, realizing the smaller one was actually affected by this. Far more than she could have predicted. Anger tended to be an emotion born out of helplessness, that was something she had learned by now and she felt a little guilty. She had meant no harm, but apparently it was a topic that hit too close to home for Peridot to just brush over it.

“I'm sorry” Jasper repeated, “I didn't know this had any significance to you.”

Peridot finally managed to rip her arm away, they stood close to entrance of a kiosk and had a little bit space for themselves as people went by without giving them a second glance. She resisted the urge to put her arms around herself, a gesture she had often seen by Lapis when she felt uncomfortable and started to imitate. She knew Jasper probably would have guessed right away who she mimicked with it and would have her stupid proof for that shitty joke. “It doesn't affect me” She lied through her teeth, managing to sound cold and distant. The only reason Jasper and her knew it was a lie, was because of her reactions beforehand, now she had managed to get back in control.

“I just can't stand the way you talk about stuff like that. We're selling drugs, not prostitutes or shit like that. Treat the topic with dignity.”

Jasper would have told her to remember who exactly was in charge here, Peridot's words spiked with venom and implications. She knew Peridot tried to get a rise out of her, a try to get revenge for hitting a weak spot. And Peridot knew Jasper indeed had a big problem with the forced prostitution and the human traffic in town, so it was just another low blow in hopes of manipulating her.

But Jasper didn't give her the satisfaction. She remembered this pattern of behavior and had learned not to fall for it, especially now that she was sure Peridot's Ice cold facade was 90 percent talk.

“I won't bring it up again” She compromised, not letting any space for discussion, “I'm sorry I offended you. Let's get going, the others are waiting for us.”

Peridot nodded, not saying another word. That sounds as if I'm just overreacting, she thought hearing the apology and trying to shove away the feeling that she indeed was. She had no way to balance her emotions around other people, around humans she considered strangers as she didn't trusted them enough. Just because she felt save enough to behave like a dick around Jasper didn't mean she confided in her in anyway. On the contrary, the fact that she got this credit of trust from her literally had made her jump the whole “stranger – acquaintance – friend” process right to “boss that tries to be cool while exploiting my work”. And every time her own crush, or when Jasper let her get away with bullshit, tried to prove her and her built up wall wrong, she just made up yet another reason to not let her guard down.

It made those work days harder for both of them than necessary and it was the reason Jasper was making shitty jokes like that at all. If she would allow for this to get to her, she would probably strangle Peridot and maybe Lapis for bringing her into this situation in the first place, in a very desperate crime of passion. So she rather went with her usual routine of not taking it serious until it got ultra serious and feeling guilty from time to time, because she had hit a spot below the belt.

They walked the rest of the way in silence, Peridot feeling bad because she flung off the handle beyond reason, Jasper feeling bad for prying on something that should have stayed untouched. When they finally got to the route Carnelian and Skinny had to walk up and down today, they waited for a while, leaning on a wall near a coffee shop, not talking at all and staring at the passers-by and the traffic. From time to time a girl walked by, younger than both of them and probably far too young to walk around dressed like a prostitute and they both frowned.

“Can't wait till we are able to put an end to this” Jasper said and it sounded remorseful, as if she was personally at fault for this. Peridot didn't asked further, just looking around for the two runners Jasper had described to her, trying not to stare at the kids. She felt sick looking at them, she knew she was lucky. And every time she saw another one, she realized just how lucky she was that neither her dad nor Sid used her this way and even if she didn't understood why Jasper sounded so personally affected, she understood the team tried to use their influence to put an end to this.

“Fuck, Carni, don't look!” A sneer brought Peridot out of her thoughts, making her look up and scan her surrounding in irritation, “I think Jasp brought us a gift. Who is your new guard dog, muscle head?”

Two girls in their twenties had appeared out of thin air, as it seemed, and just started to chat them up. Jasper snorted, greeting the lanky one who was just as dark as her and looked like an untrained version of herself. She was even as high as Jasper, while the other one, which she had called 'Carni', was around a head higher than Peridot, still looking as ridiculous beside her companion as Peridot looked beside Jasper.

She was trained, looking just as athletic as Jasper and Peridot had to shake her head to get the stupid jokes out of her head, how Skinny and Carnelian were the exact opposites of them.

“That's Peridot, she helps me with the organization of the whole troop and is the new member of the team” Jasper said, waving in her direction without touching her. Peridot got a little closer, trying to be part of the conversation, even if she didn't really said much. Skinny and Carnelian told Jasper what they needed, as their stock started to run short. In the summer months people were more willing to buy and the two of them found ways to spread it even faster. They handed Jasper what they owned her and they started to negotiate what would be absolutely necessary and what they could wait for. Peridot just mostly stood beside them, scowled and wrote down the final results of every bargain.

Carnelian grinned at her from time to time, seemingly amused over the fact someone so small was able to look so pissed off. But she didn't said anything, just nodding with a broad grin every time Skinny or Jasper got her back into the discussion at hand.

It took them a while, but when the last order was finally written down and Peridot was able to put the book away, they walked down the route with them, crossing a few other routes to look after the other runners. Some of them were related to Amethyst and knew Skinny and Carnelian since they were children, giving Peridot the feeling that she somehow walked into a big family gathering and not like she was controlling their employees at work.

They all were nice and friendly enough, some of them already heard of Peridot and tried to start a conversation with her, but she wasn't in the mood and deflected every try with short-spoken answers. She stayed professional enough and made sure not to anger the family of her friend, but that didn't mean she had interest in knowing them better than she had to, no matter how nice they were.

It took them almost the full afternoon until they met every single runner in the district that was supposed to be working today and Jasper seemed very satisfied about the fact not a single one copped out today. It didn't happen so often in this district, Amethysts Family and her two friends were very reliable and still she sometimes had to visit one or two runners who felt like this was not a real job, so they didn't had to call in sick or be on time.

The business in this district didn't worked if they just waited for calls, they had to be out on the street and sell to regulars and newcomers alike. And Jasper was relieved t at least that had worked out for her today, showing the way this business worked in real life was always better than the dry theory. And Peridot, even with her unbearable mood, seemed to have learned a lot from today's 'lesson'.

\---

After finally visiting the last runner, Jasper took Peridot up to her impromptu Lab.

“Had no real chance to build a good one here yet, so this one will have to do for the district” She answered the question that stood unspoken between them in the room.

It was located on the 15th floor of one of the apartment towers close to the subway station, but the elevator would only take them up to the 11th, so with a lot of grumbling and annoyed sighs on Peridot's part, they climbed the stairs until they reached the second to last floor and the door on the right.

“It smells like piss” Peridot noted, the whole building had a rather strange odor but this floor had the downright stench of death and cat piss.

“Ammonia” Jasper explained calmly while unlocking the door to the one room apartment. “I mean, I'm sure someone used the staircase as a toilet too, probably every resident of this hell hole at least once, but up here it's just the Ammonia.”

“How can you be so sure about that?” Peridot grumbled and followed closely behind her to get away from at least the smell of rotten flesh and the creeping feeling they were watched. Probably just her anxiety, but still, she didn't wanted to linger longer outside than she had to.

“Well, I know the occupant of the other flat of this level died in there a while ago and I guess nobody cleaned that mess until now” Jasper shrugged and went directly into the Lab to start up the Process. She knew exactly this statement was probably not the most calming way of saying “dude hung himself and nobody cared enough to get him down until now” but she also knew Peri had worse behind her and was also living with a Hitman.

Dead People should be an everyday occurrence to her, if not by now then surely in the near future and Jasper saw more harm than help in trying and sugarcoating this fact too much.

With a snarl Peridot left the room, exploring the bath and the kitchen, as if to get away from the truth of the situation and the fact that she would have to stay the whole day, maybe even until the night here with Jasper, in a stinking apartment, wall to wall with the rotting corpse of the neighbor. She stopped questioning if her life could get any worse years ago, realizing this shit statement was just a challenge for fate or god or whatever entity had too much fun to fuck her over and over again, but this situation was, apart from Lapis basement, a new low for her. Fuck, even when she was a runner in the slums at least the circumstances were better, Sid at least being the cleanest dude she ever met. As if he tried to keep himself far away and pure from the substances he sold and bought, always afraid the cops would pull him over and rub him down with some kinda drug swab, to filter his sweat for drugs and search his pores for their remains.

Okay, maybe she had lived through worse than Jasper's Lab right up the fucking Königstraße, City's most famous baby prostitution streetwalkers plaza, but there really was not much that was able to top this situation.

“You want some coffee?” Jasper yelled from the other room while Peridot risked to drown in her own thoughts, getting anxious from the starting flashbacks of her past.

She didn't need this shit right now, she would have to work with Jasper for a long time, maybe for years to come and she didn't needed to know that Peridot was still not over some shit that was long dead and gone.

“Whatever” She grunted, starting up the machine, which in response, made noises like a suffering seal ready to die.

“What the shit!” She screamed in surprise, she was too close to the edge for a kitchen essential to act like that without her losing her mind over it. Jasper heard her scream and giggled.

“What a fucking Idiot” She snickered while getting the Ingredients ready. She didn't need a big supply, just a few grams for the stock of Skinny and Carnelian, who found a way to sell their junk faster than hot cakes.

She had rolled up the sleeves of her shirt, just for the part that didn't include her touching any of the chemicals, and when Peridot finally came in with two pots filled with coffee, she felt the Nerds gaze on the big scar all over her wrist.

It was heavily prominent, starting just where the heel of her hand stopped, all the way up to the crook of her arm, tissue just as bright as the fire scar on her face, contrasting her dark skin.

Peridot set the pots aside, far away from Jasper's working space and looked at the scar with interest but no empathy.

That was a first, Jasper noted, most people looked at her arm like it was cut off and replaced by the worlds most disgusting prosthesis. But so did they when they sneaked a peek on the scar on her face, as if she didn't feel the stares, but Peri had looked at her the same way she did now.

She wanted to know for the sake of the information, for the worth of the information that came with the knowledge over someones past, but she didn't cared about the person. She didn't cared if the knowledge was sensible or heavy, maybe even triggering, and it sent a chill down Jasper's spine to see this look on her face, as if she was cattle, to be butchered, taken apart, studied and then sold for a good price.

If it wasn't Peridot, maybe it would have been nice for once not to feel like someone saw her as the victim of her past but the willingness of Peri to save this information in her brain, only to use it against her, for nothing else but this simple cause, felt even worse than being victimized by strangers.

“You tryin' to stare it away, fuckface?” She asked after a while with a grin, taking off the gloves and coming over, to take one of the pots filled with coffee.

Peridot stayed silent, looking at the scar as if she would get the answer out of it that way and Jasper knew this tactic. Garnet used that shit to get people to talk, knowing very fucking well people got anxious when they were stared at in silence.

But Jasper had enough experience to suffer through it, being used to being stared at like a damn zoo animal. The Diamonds Instructors used public humiliation as one of the “softer” punishments, dragging people in front of any willing audience and letting the crowd decide what to do with the offender. Sometimes it just ended in beatings and a lot of spit, sometimes they were dragged in front of crowds that wanted a little more for their money.

Jasper had been stared at for hours, maybe days, who the fuck knew, so those piercing green eyes really were just a mild distraction, if any at all.

After a while she just returned to her work, leaving a very irritated Peridot in the doorway. She probably wasn't used to people not falling for a her “silent judging looks” shtick but the Nerd would have to learn to adapt. She was still her foreman, at least when they worked, and after a while Peridot accept disgruntled that she had to use other tactics and just joined Jasper in her work.

\---

“You havin' any scars except for that thing in your face, Short stuff?”

They had sat down to watch the progress and Jasper got bored. There were two of them, there was no reason to spent the whole day in silence.

“Is the one in my face not enough?” Peridot asked, annoyed at all the nicknames Jasper threw her way. She even once had the nerve to call her “Lapis fucktoy” when she thought Peridot wasn't listening. But she was and all the fucking Giant did was laugh at her offended face.

Maybe there was a reason why both of them should just work in silence.

Jasper shrugged.

“You tell me about yours, I'll tell you about the one on my wrist.”

The sounds of anger that Peridot made always were music to her ears and in the short time she knew the pincher sized sociopath (or that's what she thought Peri was. She had no clue about the human psyche, so she just went with the definitions she knew from movies or picked up in hospitals) she always tried her best to bring them out of her. She would have loved to make her do other noises with the same passion but out of other reasons, but kept it in her pants. Not only because Lapis would probably crawl up the walls and circle around the up-lighter like an angered spirit haunting the Innocent, but also because there was just never a situation where any kind of flirting would have been appropriate. Peridot probably still felt like a hostage, forced to follow most orders and would probably just go with Jasper's advances out of fear for getting into trouble otherwise. Or try to use it against her later on.

“I tried to get away from a costumer. He thought my Body came with the stuff I sold him, so he tried to stop me from leaving. One thing led to another and this shithead drags his fucking knife from the side of my head all over my eye, cheeks and nose. Docs told me I was lucky my eye is still intact and the knife was clean enough to not get substances into the bloodstream so close to my brain or something. There isn't really much to it that you don't already know of: Little Peridot was a Runner and little Girls are the most endangered Runners.”

“You're talking about it as if you try to explain the history of peanut butter to me, Jesus Christ. Weren't you afraid or some shit, or was little Peri already a heartless bitch ready to burn down the world?” Jasper inquired.

Peridot gave her a dry laugh.

“You want me to cry and cuddle up in your big arms or what? A junkie cut my face, big thing. Look at you, are you trying to telling me the thing in your face is something you still cry about?”

“It is” Jasper looked at her with raised brows, her voice monotone and devoid of humor.

“It's a fucking shame my mom did that to my face, I'm a gorgeous fucker and if she wouldn't have burned my face, you would probably only know me from magazines and not because my Ex kept you in her basement and made me your foreman.”

Peridot looked up at her, almost in wonder, catching herself before she could show to much emotions. Or show that she had no Idea until now that Jasper and Lapis had been together once, even if it explained a lot.

“And you are still not over that?”

“Bitch” Jasper replied, dry humor in her voice but no venom. “We can't all be ice blocks. Some of us actually are human inside and out and want to keep it that way.”

Peridot stayed silent for a while and Jasper almost gave up, when she spoke up again:  
“Your Mom gave you that scar?”

“Yeah” Jasper didn't sound like it hurt her at all anymore and Peri had no clue why she was still crying about it then. It was the past, wasn't it?

“Why?” Peridot dug deeper and Jasper shrugged.

“She didn't like me, I guess. That's why they took me away from her, she wanted to keep me, I think, as a very active Ashtray or something. Anyways, someone found out and they got me into this orphanage with Lapis. No clue what went wrong in her Family but we grew up together. The little Angel with the Big Eyes and Ugly Evil Jasper who nobody liked.”

Now this was out, Jasper didn't really care anymore if Peridot would try to use it against her. She was in Advantage after all, if she tried any bullshit, they could still just get rid of her.

“I was too aggressive to be adopted and Lapis somehow started to cling to me. She wouldn't go anywhere without me and because nobody wanted me, I kept close to her. After a while I got the blame for her not getting a home and I took it. Not that she tried to defend me or anything, that was always my job.”

Disbelieving Peridot looked up to her.

“She was a toddler, calm your tits. How the fuck would she have been able to defend you?”

Anger rose in the bigger of the two, she stared down at her little helper.

“Like I wasn't a kid, too. I was not only responsible for her, even if I was a toddler myself, I was also always to blame and she took that shit for granted. You wanna hear about my past or just judge the kid that always had to take the shit for her?”

“Lapis can watch herself, she probably didn't need you at all” Peridot grumbled. “If you still cry about your scar, who knows how weak you were back then.”

That struck a nerve. Fuck it, that struck a whole muscle and Jasper would have loved to just slap Peridot against the nearest wall but she stopped herself.

Instead she balled her hands into fists, clenching her muscles, appearing bigger and bigger, until little Peridot had to look up to her in full size, a rather gentle reminder how Jasper could grind her into dust without breaking a sweat.

“Weak?” She inquired. “Look around you, shithead, look at everyone in this group who actually get their shit together. Garnet. Amethyst. Fuck, even Pearl. Me. We all got somewhere, we all can survive on our own. You know who would fucking die 5 Minutes in? You. Lapis. And you both proved it time and time again.

And you know why? Because you are afraid of your emotions like the edgy little teens you are. Nobody asks you to be the “hug it out”- soap box around here, but we can ask of you to be at least at peace with yourself, for fucks sake. At least try it. Amethyst is able to do that, Pearl may be a hysterical disaster but at least she talks about it and evens it out. Garnet is probably the only one in this group who could jump into an every day life and be a civilian without ever getting into trouble and you know why? Because her whole life is set on listening to herself and what she's feeling. But I bet the second she would threaten you, you would run for the god forsaken hills. Even Steven and Connie put their Emotions before everything else in this World and look how good these kids get through life. And I may be a gay nightmare but at least I always know what's going on with me and can handle myself unlike you, you sorry excuse of an edge lord.”

Peridot had no choice but to listen while Jasper unloaded weeks of frustration on her, she probably carried that around since Peri got first in this whole mess and maybe even longer, considering how long she knew Lapis.

“You and Lapis are on the best way to end like Bismuth: alone, bitter and ready to fall into insanity instead of taking 20 minutes and fucking feel. And I know your egoistical, suicidal ass couldn't care less but Lapis managed to become the boss around here and all she cares about is _you_ , at least until she finds a new Victim. So, no matter how much I care about her or even you from now on, you both get in your fucking lane before someone else gotta save this whole … whatever we are for you, because you two are too dumb to dewater your body through ya eyes.”

Then she jumped from her chair and went out to the balcony, probably to calm down while Peridot stood there in utter shock, never witnessing before how Jasper flew off the handle and now down right afraid of ever having to witness it again.

She was a fool for thinking she could go that far, just because she showed her kindness, Jasper would end her the second Peridot would fuck up too hard.

They started to work again half an hour later and until late at night, when they could finally finish the process, there was no more talking between them.

\---

When they packed everything up and got ready to get home, the silence became once again heavy.

Even if she shouldn't, Jasper felt actually bad for the way she talked to Peridot and the way she talked about her and Lapis.

In the end Peri got her way: she talked about her past and showed just how much this wound still hurt.

They sat down in the Kitchen and looked at the wall as if it could mediate between them.

Of course, it couldn't and after a while, Jasper broke the silence.

“You still wanna know how I got that scar on my wrist?” She asked.

“You tried to kill yourself because you had to spent a shitty time with Lapis in Foster Care” Peridot assumed as if she didn't just learned to not anger Jasper. “I don't need the Details.”

“Lapis gave it to me” Jasper explained reverently, almost as if it was a gift. “Just shortly after she got outta the Diamonds grasp.”

That surprised Peridot and she looked up to Jasper, who seemed pretty interested in something on the white wall in front of them.

“Why?” Now she was interested, she knew Jasper and Lapis had history, she just didn't knew they even were part of a the same gang and all.

Jasper chuckled, Bullseye. Peridot may not care for anyone but herself, but she felt that the little Nerd had more than just the hots for the blue haired devil and that little question was more than enough proof, as Peri never bothered to ask follow-up questions if not about her well-being.

“Probably in self-defense, but I'm sure she also wanted to get back at me” Jasper admitted. “I did terrible stuff to her back than, so it's no surprise. I got what I deserved.”

Peridot couldn't really imagine that, even after the fight they had.

While Lapis wasn't the epitome of evil, she was definitely not a nice human being after all, she was a hitman for crying out loud, and in comparison to her, Jasper seemed like a real decent Person. Creepy at times, but as decent as a Drug Source could possibly get, at least.

Or did she became so bitter over the whole orphanage thing she tried to get back at Lapis?

“We became part of the Diamonds Gang when we were Kids, maybe 9 or 10, I don't really remember. It wasn't even obvious, we just got sent into Foster Care with some really shady Siblings and next thing we know we were into the Deep end of this criminal cesspool. We both really didn't had it easy.”

Now it was Peridot's turn to chuckle, unamused and false, sounding almost like coughing.

Like I didn't had a rough life, she thought to herself, not wanting to offend the towering athlete again, suck it up; it can't be that bad. At least you were part of some kind of group.

But apparently it could, because as Jasper went on and on, Peridot thawed more and more, starting to feel actual, deep rooted sympathy for the two of them.

“I was also always a big kid, athletic, so they just trained me in hopes of making a runner out of me or maybe a good distiller. At least that's what they called people like me around here, because we 'make the good stuff, just like they did in the twenties'.

Lapis, on the other hand, was this really silent girl, you know the ones, that are always compared to china dolls? Yeah, the Diamonds used that shit right away, Innocence dies faster in this business than puny little nerds like you, made her a star and used her to lure in perverts as costumers. As she got older they decided to teach her how to silently kill a man, so they could prostitute her and use her to get rid of unpleasant business partners. Sold her to them for a night, told her to kill the dude after the deed was done. Of course, that broke her, they had to detain her and only let her out to show her around, the prized toy and I became her guard once again. After we got into the gang we lost contact, we weren't on the same level anymore and I was over being her substitute mom. I had to make sure she wouldn't run away or try shit with the costumers that were actually supposed to stay alive, never thinking why the fuck she would even want to do that.”

“So you did just what they told you to do, without asking why” It wasn't a question, it wasn't even an accusation, it was the truth and Jasper nodded.

“Like I said, I was done being her punching bag and I didn't really saw why she shouldn't work, while we others suffered. I had no Idea that the 'Blue Doll' was actually a slave just like the rest of us, what they really asked of her. Even in the gang I had to live like an animal while Lapis was kept in high class lofts and apartments, pampered like one of those expensive breeds of cats. I lived between mold and dirt, being beaten half to dead more than once by my instructors and being her guard meant freedom of that after all this time. Needless to say, I never asked why she wasn't allowed to leave the lofts or what she had to do on those 'Dance Evenings' I had to attend with her. While her rank declined, getting older and stopped being interesting to the pedo's, I climbed the ladder to success. Got more and more jobs, more responsibility and when I was 16, they actually put me in charge of a lab, teaching me how to produce different substances. I could have gotten a Doctorate in Chemistry with the knowledge I gained there while Lapis finally fucked up:  
Killed a man that was supposed to stay alive and fled the scene, knowing she wouldn't get away with it.

Of course they sent me out, because I knew her. I had to spent so much time with her, was like her big sister back in the orphanage and then her guard in the gang, I thought I could find her anywhere. And I did. And she almost killed me. Tried to seduce my gay ass and I fell for it. Next thing I remember is how she attacked me with a knife while I tried to get my pants off and took off into the night once again.

And I was fucked, Okay? I was really, really fucked. I was supposed to get her, failure was absolutely no option.”

Peridot tried really hard not to feel too bad for them. She kinda gave up on not feeling bad for Lapis all together from the start, there was only so much she could act careless about before she actually felt compassion for her friend, especially after all this.

But she didn't knew Jasper and except for the whole Job thing, she also had not bond with her ,so it made her uneasy when those feelings of anger and especially guilt on behalf of someone else crept up on her.

“So?” She said as if she hoped those emotions would leave if she spoke. “You hunted her down to save your ass?”

“Yup” Curiously enough, that didn't sounded very remorseful, “I was 17 at that time, I wasn't ready to die for a pampered brat, at least that's what I thought of her. She also wounded me badly, the scar on my wrist is the only one I can't always cover up from that night and that made the whole deal personal to me. I kept a low profile, used my contacts and after a while I met this girl, let's call her E.”

Peridot knit her brows. The fuck?, She thought, remembering her and the strange habit of everyone to just call her by that one Letter. Jasper laughed when she saw the confusion in her face.

“She was my first girlfriend. She took me in and damn, was I lovestruck. She wanted to get Lazuli's Ass too and my foolish ass thought it was because she loved me and hated her, for destroying my career and my flawless stomach. Gave me cute nicknames, watched over me, she really went the extra mile so I would trust her. I still can't stand hearing her name. Makes me wanna vomit.

We searched together for Lazuli and we found her. Eventually, E revealed her true colors:

Being the child of one of those pedo's Lapis killed as a kid, she blamed her for her terrible life and used me to find and kill her. That's how I found out about the Prostitution. I was a dense fuck and E almost killed and disposed of me like garbage because I was to self-absorbed to care and question my orders even once.

I have no clue how Lapis and I managed to stop that bitch, but we did, got away and I guess just like that we were even. She went her way, I struggled to stay on mine and we lived in hiding because the Diamonds searched for her most priced Prostitute slash Hitman and her Guard slash Lab Officer. Truth be told, I have no clue how we survived that shit, on our own none the less.”

“Humans can do terrible and incredible stuff to survive if they have to” Peridot said more to herself than Jasper, which made her laugh loud and obnoxious.

“Don't try and act hard with me, Peri. I know your ass was deep in this lifestyle long before Lazuli hid you in her basement, you won't get me with your pseudo edgy bullshit.”

Peridot didn't gave her the satisfaction of an answer and just looked out of one of the windows to her right with a snarl, her arms folded in front of her chest.

“Then how did you all ended up in the team?” She asked after a while, she knew about the scar now and also about that Bitch everyone called E, but that actually only brought up more questions than answers.

“Rose found Lapis and set her up with Pearl. Being a Corrupt Cop and all, she probably thought she just hit the jackpot. Ex-Diamond Star in need, trained killer, perfect for her best friend Pearl who let everyone disappear who got in the way of the Great Rose. They became business partner, and this whole Hitman-and-hired-Hooligans-Thing came into being. And I guess Lapis remembered that, before my Ex and I tried to kill her and before I was even one of her guards, we were just kids in this fucked up system who had really bad luck. So she asked Rose, her Son Steven and Amethysts Family to find me and bring me to her.”

“You were probably scared shitless” Peridot giggled and Jasper gifted her a toothy grin in return.

“Just like you when you woke up screeching in her basement, you little shit” She shot back and Peridot went silent instantly.

“Anyways, she asked me to work for her, and Pearl, and Rose to an extend, using my knowledge as a chemist and runner. I had no other option, fucking E was on my heels, just as the Diamonds, so I said yes and Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst took me in because Lapis didn't wanted me around her house. Can't blame her. We get along now, or get along better, but the first months were hell and honestly, we still can't be around each other too long. Too much memories that just come back up. Didn't stopped us from trying to start a relationshit, tho.”

Once again Jasper chuckled, this time about her own Pun while Peridot sighed in slight annoyance.

“In the End I couldn't stand living with Pearl, Amethyst, Garnet and the Boy, though. I know they took me in because Lapis asked them to, she made her way up fast, and after I overstayed my welcome, I found my own apartment and worked from there for our team.

Shit, I don't even know why she allowed all that, I didn't gave a single shit about her for so long and let her suffer. I was an absolute monster to her.

But I guess she could relate to it. She killed a lot of people and I know, no matter how much she hated what they did to her, they fucking haunt her sleep every night.”

“Just like E haunts yours?”

Jasper nodded. E was a talented girl, she was still out there, trying to get back at her and Lapis. Charming everyone into believing those two tortured her, her scars coming from years of abuse by the hands of those two, her blind eye an aftermath of Jasper's chemical tests on her. Utter bullshit, but that's how she got Bismuth on her side after all. Just another corrupted cop who wanted to be holier than thou.

“In the end we are both monsters” Jasper finished her monologue. “But I'm sure you already know that.

Nobody here is a good person, quite the opposite actually.”

She smiled fondly, as if she just told a nice joke, as she always did when she downplayed the mess that was her life.

“Sometimes I catch myself cursing that Devil for not killing me the night I tried to drag her little ass back to the Diamonds, I would have landed in Hell and all this shit would be behind me. Fuck, I would probably be in good Company there.”

“You're in good Company now” Peridot whispered and stared at her shoes, she didn't wanted to feel like shit, but it was too late now. “I'm happy you didn't manage to kill each other.”

A roaring laughter echoed through the almost empty room, making Peridot flinch.

“Was that an actual compliment? Fuck, Peridot, I didn't thought my shitty past would make you act like a human. I'll have to make sure to tell the others about this” She tried to calm down, wiping an actual tear of amusement from her face and grabbed her phone, probably sending a text in the group chat to humiliate the Nerd even more than she already felt.

“Fuck you, Jasper” She snarled. “You fucking deserve those scars, you prick.”

That brought the woman to a stop and she looked down to Peridot instead of typing.

“I told you so” She grinned.

Then she began to whistle a tune, resuming her work on the text as if that meant she had won the argument and not that she just confirmed how bad her life had been.

 

_I see my red head, messed bed, tear shed, queen bee, my squeeze._

_The stage it smells, tells, hells bells, misspells, knocks me on my knees._

_It didn't hurt, flirt, blood squirt, stuffed shirt, hang me on a tree._

_After I count down, three rounds, in Hell I'll be in good company._

_In Hell I'll be in Good Company._

 


	12. Angels in Cages - First Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all wanna know the ultimate OT3 Song I listened to while trying to figure out Jaspisdot? It's "You Both Love Me" from Mr. Greg.
> 
> Also, just as the Restaurant, the Supermarket close to Lapis' Home, the Abyss, the Devil's Lair etc. etc. the old Lady Connie had to  
> meet, really exists. I have no clue why she is strolling around the subway stations of my hometown, spitting onto the rails and  
> grinning at every teen in sight afterwards, but she does and I fear her.

_It’s a lovely show – with fire and explosions_  
_We are sure that you will all be charmed to death_  
_Starting with the clowns – that we put in charge of_  
_The cannons and the heavy guns_  
_Don’t worry we’re just having fun_  
_Come see angels in cages_  
_We keep them here so they can never interfere_  
_Step on in, see angels in cages_  
_And please don’t fear_  
_We promise we will let them out of here_

 

“I heard you and Jasper had a nice time.”

The way Lapis asked sounded like a strange mix between a try at teasing and a very real question along the lines 'how dare you'?

And Peridot didn't really felt up to it, Amethyst had already sent her a message or two along the lines “So you guys are having a cozy time, all alone, in those empty, boring apartments?” And it almost made her eat her own fucking phone in sheer anger.

She probably had to get used to stuff like this, jokes about sex and relationships seemed to be normal in the team and now that she was more or less part of it, she stopped having a puppy license when it came to them.

Or any other kind of teasing, as apparently everyone in the group already caught on Lapis and her little deal. Maybe she should just take it with fortitude, she decided to take the offer after all and considering Lapis reaction, at least she was rather fond everyone knew where the marks on Peridot's neck came from. Honestly, she probably was a little oversensitive about all this, but this whole 'become part of the team and work with them' thing turned out to be harder on her as she had thought. She was in a continuing and, apparently, everlasting conflict with herself and her emotions. Emotions about these people, about her work, about her past, about the present and about the future.

The only thing she knew for sure, was Lapis possessive side rearing it's ugly head on her free day was the last thing she needed right now. She had come back in the wee hours of the morning and just slept a few hours before her friend had woken her for breakfast and now they sat in the garden and Lapis apparently mistook it for an interrogation.

“She got all emotional on me and I tried to be not as much of an ass as I normally am” She answered and looked at her dry toast. She had lost her appetite again since this whole crush dilemma started and she had to surround herself with so many new people. People, who she didn't trusted and felt nothing but disdain for.

Lapis grew worried in the last few days and those news from yesterday made her think that, maybe, Jasper was at fault for Peridot's state of mind, but she discarded her initial suspicion when she heard Peridot's answer. She knew her well enough to know by now behind her biting words was grief, she just didn't knew why it was even there in the first place.

The way she had phrased the question could have been part of it, she realized after they spent a long time in silence, trying another time, “I'm happy you guys are getting along better.”

That made Peridot look up at her, her head still down but her eyes up, looking a little like a spiteful teenager, who just got informed that they wouldn't be able to see their favorite band live, but to make amends they would go to one of those free for all concerts for seniors. Lapis decided to not say anything at all anymore, she wasn't in the mood for any kind of drama either, she had finally killed that god forsaken asshole that almost shot her a few weeks ago and wanted to enjoy her victory in peace.

She decided to leave Peridot to her own devices, eating up and taking her dishes back into the kitchen. Maybe the grump would lighten up tonight at the restaurant, the whole team would meet up with Rose there and she hoped it would take Peridot's mind off her worries. Her hopes weren't all that high, considering the work with the team could be the cause for her bad mood, but she couldn't fix any of that right now. She decided to watch some movies, up in the bedroom to enjoy the full extend of her accomplishment and didn't came down until it was time to get ready for the meet up.

\---

Peridot stayed in the garden far longer than necessary.

She felt bad.

Incredibly bad and she hoped it would become better if she sat around alone.

Surrounded by the peaceful sounds of nature and the neighbors and their kids. Life seemed normal enough here and it was strange, how she craved it as if it would fill her with nostalgia drenched peace. Of course it didn't. It felt wrong and empty and made her hate everything even more, especially herself and her confusion.

This was exactly why she didn't wanted to live anymore or have anything to do with humans anymore, she just got confused and angry and … and lonely.

And it was so strange, because she probably had no reason to be. She had Lapis. She had Amethyst. She had Steven. Jasper tried. By the Stars, even Pumpkin was there for her.

But she was still lonely.

And she didn't knew how to fix it, because she was used to feeling lonely. But she wasn't used to just bear with it. Normally her go to reaction was 'time to die' or 'it will be over soon'. Now she had no go to reaction anymore, just a lot of built up anger and sass and insults that stopped being funny the second it actually turned into an argument.

And she realized that she either didn't cared enough about the other person to give them the time of the day, or that she cared so much the argument scared her, making her fear she would lose the only people that made her feel save. Or saver.

When she finally found the strength to go inside, she just laid down on the couch, staring at the black screen of the TV and accepting Pumpkins love as he laid down beside her, to warm her small figure. She laid an arm around him, listening to his breath and fall asleep, finally catching up on all the lost hours she had spent being wake.

When she awoke, it was by Lapis voice, who softly called out to her, “Peridot? Wake up, it's time.”

Peridot wanted to turn around and get back into her dreamless slumber. The few blissful seconds after waking up, where one felt nothing but calm confusion were gone fast and made space for the stomach dropping feeling of helplessness and realization that everything was still the same, just another time of the day. But Lapis didn't relented, softly shaking her on her shoulder.

“Time for what?” Peridot finally asked drowsy, “Today is my free day, tell Jasper to jump in a lake. I'm not gonna work today.”

Lapis snorted, sitting down beside her and starting to run her fingers through Peridot's hair, “You can tell Jasper to jump in a lake yourself, but I'm sure she will be confused. Considering we are just going out for a meal and all.”

Finally, Peridot awoke fully and was able to look up at Lapis in confusion, the warm hands that raked through her fluffy mane calming her and numbing the feeling of loneliness for a bit, “We're gonna go out with Jasper? Why?”

“Not just Jasper” Lapis corrected, “The whole Team. Even Rose, didn't I tell you?”

Peridot shook her head, still tired but with a clearer mind. She didn't wanted to get up and dress for a fancy night with the team, she was afraid of meeting Rose and she didn't know how to feel about Jasper and her whole past with Lapis right now, this was just too much.

She felt like she was about to cry, but Lapis gave her a kiss on her forehead and, with a lopsided grin, stood up to get ready herself, “It will be fun, don't worry. Amethyst is already taking bets who's gonna get obscenely drunk first.”

That made Peridot snicker, of course he did. She resisted the urge to just fall asleep again, sitting up on the couch and looking around, as if this would help her get rid of the sleepiness. Dinner with the team; huh, she thought, trying to comprehend the sense of this sentence. Dinner with Jasper and Lapis. Dinner with Amethyst, whose Family probably already told him Peridot was a rather silent dickhead. Dinner with Steven and Garnet, who would take one look at her and already knew what was going on with her, not saying a word but silently watch.

She didn't even wanted to think about Pearl or Connie, feeling their disdain for her already, and she didn't wanted to face Rose, who surely had hoped for more than this suicidal nipper, who disrespected her source and got her hitman in trouble.

Peridot felt her stomach twisting up, how would she be able to eat this way? She had lost all appetite. She would be the outsider there anyway, not even Lapis could change that. After everything she had learned yesterday she finally understood why her roommate hadn't killed her. And she finally understood just how unfamiliar she was. After all these people had formed this team long ago, had a past together, one way or another. All she had was the fact that she had somehow fucked her way up into their ranks. And now she wasn't able to hold her own because finally Puberty caught up to her and forced her from one mood swing into another, as it seemed.

“If it at least came with a growth spurt” She grunted, finally heaving her ass from the couch into the bathroom to get ready. She wouldn't make it better by throwing one pity party after another, she would have to just go on and hope that she could fake it, until she made it.

Half an hours later, Lapis and her sat in the car and drove down the city highway to the high class restaurant close to the mansion of Rose late family. It was the only Restaurant where every member of the team was willing to order something to eat and drink. Something hard to find, considering they all had differing opinions what was considerably good food and within the price limit. To be completely honest, the only reason they all went there was because Rose decided to go there and told them to come, even if she had tried to make sure everyone would be able to eat something there.

“Sorry for being so distant earlier” Peridot spoke after they sat in silence the first half of the way, “I have no explanation for it, to be honest. I'm just sorry.”

Lapis nodded, “It's okay. You don't have to tell me about the things you do, when you work with Jasper.”

It was free of jealousy or venom and Peridot took it the way she had said it, not wanting to dive deeper into the topic. She would have to spent the evening with people she didn't know how to feel about, the criminal mastermind who led them and she knew that it wasn't smart to drive away the people, who cared about her now.

They drove in silence the rest of the way, but at least it was a comfortable one and when they arrived Jasper, Amethyst and Garnet were already waiting in front of the restaurant. Each of them looked as if they were invited to a wedding, wearing good shirts and expensive looking pants. The others were nowhere in sight and Peridot felt her stomach drop when she saw the serious expression on Jasper's face.

“Did you guys lost the rest of the squad on the way?” Lapis greeted them, ignoring Jasper's unceremonious face and approaching the three without hesitation. Peridot followed her almost sheepishly, scared that maybe yesterday would catch up to her faster than she was prepared for. 

But before she could even say something, Jasper turned to her roommate with an urgent but peaceful expression, “Can we talk before we get in? Alone?”

Lapis looked at her with a raised brow, confusion clear on her face, staying silent. She peered over to Peridot, as if to ask her what Jasper could want from her, but before she could even defend herself, or really say anything at all, Amethyst already put an arm around her shoulder in greeting but also to guide her away. Garnet followed them while Ame started to rave about all the great stuff this restaurant had to offer, but Peridot didn't listen, she tried to turn around to no avail.

“Yeah, sure” Lapis sighed and then she heard footsteps growing quieter as they walked away. This was the worst possible start for this evening, Peridot was sure even if Amethyst and Garnet seemed rather happy to lead her to their table. If there was trouble on the way, the two of them didn't let it show and when they finally sat down, Ame stopped his hymn of praise and Garnet asked Peridot how she liked her seat.

It was a strange questions, but not stranger than anything Garnet had said since Peridot knew her and when she actually looked around, as if to determine if she like the actual chair and it's location, she realized they sat on the patio of the building. The whole restaurant was build on a hill and now that she turned around she realized they were not only surrounded by trees and flowers, she saw they also had an incredible outlook on the lake and the setting sun. Little boats and even some full blown ships were still on the lake, the sun reflected on the rather calm water and the silence, except for the other few guests, made her feel calm, at peace at least for the moment.

It didn't felt fake like this morning in the garden, maybe because she was with a friend and a considerable ally, but it didn't really matter. She turned around to Garnet again, smiling slightly, “It's nice, I guess.”

Amethyst snorted beside her, Garnet nodded her approval and handed her a menu card.

“You will probably decided what to get the fastest” Amethyst snickered, looking at his menu card with clear disinterest, “Everyone knows the menu for years now and we still all hope for once they will change something up. I'm sure they still serve the same stuff they served when Rose came here as a kid.”

“That's probably why we always get invited here” Said someone behind them and when Peridot turned around she saw Connie, looking a little annoyed but ultimately calm. She also wore a dress shirt, black pants, a fitting black tie and, over her arm, she draped her black jacket. For a second Peridot was confused, questioning why she arrived in a whole suit, while the rest of them opted for a shirt and dress pants, until she remembered Connie was the girlfriend of the son of the boss.

“I just witnessed an old lady” She began with a shudder and sat down, “fur coat and all, spitting with the rowdiest sound directly on the train station and then grinning up to me as if we were part of the same conspiracy. I lost all hope in humanity.” Amethyst began to laugh, Garnet shook her head with a chuckle and Connie grinned with slight disgust from the memory.

Even Peridot had to slightly smile, trying to keep it in as she remembered very clearly how Connie stood to her. But when she looked up, over to her, Connie smiled at her too, as if she was proud to see that her suffering at least brought a smile to the others.

How strange.

Finally the rest of the team arrived; first Pearl and Steven, who apparently had taken some time to get ready. Amethyst teased his girlfriend, but still immediately jumped up to help her out of her jacket and offer her a chair.

“You're impossible” She smiled at him, giving him a short kiss and sitting down beside him. The Greeting of the other reunited couple on the table wasn't less hurl-inducing cute, Connie congratulating Steven on his pink tie and teasing him a little about Pearl having to help him with it.

He took it with grace, sitting down beside her and greeting Peridot with a big smile, seeming honestly happy to meet her here. But before she could even answer, his dad and his mom arrived and Peridot felt like she lost all ability to talk.

Rose and Greg seemed so incredibly harmless that, at first, she didn't even realize they belonged to team. But everyone on the table turned around to them, standing up and greeting them, starting with Garnet and Steven who seemed rather familiar with them, followed by Amethyst who was rather silent, to Pearl who was uncharacteristically submissive and Connie who seemed rather professional about it. And then Peridot.

“It's nice to finally meet you” Rose smiled and Greg beside her nodded, “Steven told us a lot about you.”

It was probably meant in a nice way, but to Peridot it was the worst possible thing to hear, even if she should have been used to it by now. This whole organization survived on it's god damn tattle and literally everyone she had met, had greeted her with 'I have heard so much about you'.  
But she couldn't imagine what they could say about her that would be even remotely positive.

“I-” She mumbled, fighting to find something to answer, “I heard a lot about you, too.”

Garnet beside her snorted and Rose giggled slightly, “Well, I sure hope so. Now, let's all get settled and order, yes? Where are Lapis and Jasper?”

She looked around in slight confusion while getting to her seat, Greg following her after giving Peridot a reassuring smile. That made her feel a little better and she sat down again, looking at the others who looked at her as if she knew the answer to the question.

“They wanted to talk” She murmured, she wasn't even sure if they all heard her but apparently it was enough for them. They started to look through the menu cards and discussed what they could eat, Pearl starting a verbal pro and contra list for different meals until the waiter appeared and asked what they wanted to drink. It was the only thing they all knew from scratch and when he left again, the whole discussion rekindled with new fire.

It reminded Peridot of an old mafia movie she had seen with her dad when she was younger; the plain grunts of the mafia organization had met up in a restaurant and all started discussing how a pizza or pasta, or whatever it was, should be prepared and served. The same seemed to happen here, everyone had their special wishes and their own opinion what exactly they thought made food better, while Peridot just listened in silence, looking around. Watching them. For a split second she caught Rose eye's; she also watched the group. She talked to her husband and Connie, but she still kept a close watch on her … it was hard to say? It didn't felt like a team here. It hadn't felt like a group of colleagues at the meet up either but here it didn't even felt like they were connected through work.

Rose had something warm and very catching about herself, which made it feel like this was a rather colorful and loud family meet up and Peridot couldn't stop herself from returning the smile Rose gave her.

She turned back to her menu card, already knowing she would probably opt for something with noodles and meat, but it gave her an excuse to not talk to the others or think deeper about this strange situation. It felt like she wasn't really part of this, as if she was still somehow caught up in herself while the others tolerated her. Even when Amethyst or Garnet tried to include her or when Steven asked her something, she answered tersely.

After a while they accepted Peridot wasn't really ready to get in on the whole food discussion and let her hide in peace behind the card.

Lapis and Jasper came back just shortly before the waiter arrived with their drinks and for a split second, she took down the card to look at the two, overjoyed they were back and at the same time feeling her stomach drop again. They both smiled and apologized for taking so long, but they had just some stuff to sort out. The rest of the table just greeted them with enthusiasm, making room for them and getting back to their food fight.

Lapis sat down beside Peridot, smiling at her as if to reassure her, but it only made her feel worse. She forced a friendly grimace, which made Jasper snort. She sat down beside Lapis, so the hitman sat between the source and her assistant and it felt like once again Peridot was somehow excluded.

She squirmed when she heard Amethyst whisper to Garnet, “You think they finally admitted their feelings?”

It didn't sounded very serious, but it still made Peridot wish she could just get up and leave.

Garnet looked first to Jasper and then to Lapis, both seeming very satisfied with themselves, but then to Peridot, who turned away immediately. She looked back to Amethyst, grinning, “Let me phrase it this way, Denial is not only a river in Egypt.”

Peridot made a noise of distress, it was supposed to be an annoyed grunt but it turned into a low, possessive rumble, sounding like she was trying to threat someone. And she was lucky, nobody heard her over the discussion, at least almost nobody it seemed. Amethyst grinned at her, he definitely had heard and he seemed mighty proud, for whatever reason. And, to Peridot's Horror, Rose had heard.

Fucking Rose. Of all People who had to witness that sound, it was the boss of the team. For a split second her warm smile left, her face crumbled and she looked confused, first at Peridot but then to the newcomers. It didn't take much to connect the points here, the girl had been quiet until the two arrived and if her facial expression was anything to go by, then all three of them would probably have to explain this situation later.

\---

The waiter came, everyone calmed down enough to order, they returned to their conversation with another topic until the waiter arrived with their food and it got quieter as everyone was kinda busy eating.

It was a kinda funny to watch them in this whole process, Peridot decided. First, when they ordered, Amethyst tried to order something that sounded suspiciously french, and as he apparently ordered something different every time they got here, he had no clue how to say it or what exactly it spelled.

“I can't pronounce it” He said in earnest, “So I won't pronounce it. Just bring me the stupid thing.” The rest of the table proceeded to laugh about it, as the waiter tried to get the number out of the boy, apparently it was a normal occurrence.

The next thing happened when the starters were brought, some bread and dip and Jasper wouldn't eat them without sniffing them first. Nobody reacted to it, but to Peridot it was kinda funny to see her look at those dips with the same amount of distrust one would maybe have for an illegal substance of unknown source, and checking the scent first.

When Lapis was about to double dip, Pearl was starting a discussion, which ended with the words, “If I want some dip, Imma gonna get some and you ain't gonna be a lil' bitch about it.” Which once again made everyone laugh and Pearl shook her head in annoyance.

The food was good. At least, what Peridot ordered tasted decent enough to eat it and after a while everyone changed their drinks to beer or cocktails as the sun went down.

“We gonna stay at the mansion” Lapis explained as she saw the shocked expression of the Nerd after she ordered a Long Island Ice Tea. “So order whatever you want, our bed is pretty close.”

Peridot felt her blood rushing to her face, Amethyst and Garnet once again whispered and she looked up at them in embarrassment.

“Why are y'all so fake?” She asked him, sounding far less angry than she wished she would, making Amethyst laugh. He shrugged, patting her friendly on the shoulder and ordered two Zombies, one for him and one for 'the overly twitchy Nerd'. She didn't stopped him and just accepted her fate, maybe she would feel better if she was slightly intoxicated.

Sadly, Peridot had no real idea how strong a zombie could be and after almost shooting the first one in a single gulp she was pretty tipsy. The conversations had turned to overcomplicated theories and social critique and in the light of the torches which stood close to the tables, everyone turned into a slight blur. She heard Lapis whisper something to her, or was it to Jasper? She couldn't make it out, or what exactly was said, she just felt someone laying their Arms around her and helping her to stand up.

Someones asked where they were heading to, it sounded like Pearl. She almost sounded worried. How peculiar.

“Restroom” Boomed Jasper's Voice in her head and when she looked up she saw her still sitting on her chair, while Lapis helped her walking down the stairs. She mumbled something along the lines of 'should have warned you' and 'let's get you some water' and Peridot didn't resist. Cold Water sounded like heaven right now, the alcohol that wasn't yet in her blood and still sitting in her stomach felt like it wanted another ride, this time the same way it came down, but up.

Lapis sat her down on a bench, getting a waiter to get her some water. She waited patiently, not that she could have left or had any other choice than obeying in her state. When Lapis came back, she gave her a big, cold glass with the tasteless fluid, making her drink slowly.

It cleared up her head a bit and after a while her body calmed down enough to take in her surrounding again. It was dark, the sky was filled with stars and the air was chilly.

“A little better?” Lapis asked and Peridot nodded, she still felt a little nazzy but at least she gained control over her body once again. They sat in silence, until Rose walked down the stairs, coming over to them.

“Lapis?” She asked friendly, “Would you do me a favor and give me some time with Peridot?”

No matter what Peridot felt before, she was striped of every emotion but fear in this very moment. Lapis beside her smiled, seeming completely unfazed, nodding and rubbing over Peridot's back a last time before leaving the two alone, walking up the stairs to the others.

Rose smiled, the same way she had done all evening, and now Peridot felt like there was something wrong about it. How she smiled too much, seemed too friendly and welcoming and Peridot was terribly afraid what would follow now, after this rather strange evening. Would someone question it, if they never saw her after this little talk again?

Probably not, considering Rose was the person behind all of this and seen as the ultimate saint in the eyes of everyone on the table. Well, maybe not a saint, but they trusted her and they all owned her a lot, so if Peridot would never see the light of the day again, everyone would accept Rose had her reasons.

Said woman sat down beside her, laughing a little as she saw Peridot'S expression. In her state she couldn't hide her emotions and the fear was clearly written across her face.

“Don't look so scared, I just wanna chat a little. I'm not as scary as my reputation, I promise” She soothed and Peridot nodded hesitantly.

“I wanted to make sure you feel welcome here” She started, “And that you had a chance to settle into this life. I can imagine this is all very new and very strange to you.”

Again, Peridot nodded, that was really a sophisticated way to phrase it.

“Is there a reason you didn't talked much today?” Rose wondered, “I know from Lapis and Steven that you normally tend to voice your opinions more.”

“There wasn't really much I could have said” Peridot deflected; she didn't plan on talking about the emotional chaos that was her mind or the feelings of being a stranger in a family. She didn't wanted her first talk with Rose being about her weakness and end up seen as weak or a burden for the team. “That's why I didn't talk much.”

Rose nodded, but it stood clear in her expression she didn't believed her, “I see. I still hope you enjoyed yourself. I was very happy you came along with Lapis, this is a very special place to me and I like to share it with those close to me and my son.”

What a nice way to say 'my mafia-like organization', Peridot thought with a sour face, just for a split second but still. She forgot Rose could probably see it, but luckily, she didn't take offense. Instead, she just went on.

“I understand this is probably pretty confusing to you. This meet up and the way we are with each other, but I still hope you can consider to be part of this. There is nothing wrong with feeling a little uncertain about new people and it's probably even a good sign of self protection considering our profession. But I can assure you that no one here means harm to you. Quite the opposite.”

Peridot nodded once again, staring at the lake at the other side of the road. Of course she had realized. The look on her face after she had voiced her annoyance with Lapis and Jasper before, made clear that she had kept an eye on her, too.

“I think some of them are even a little more than just fond of you” Rose ended with a smirk and with a jerk Peridot looked up at her face with shame. Did really everyone know what was happening between her and Lapis? Fuck, she really didn't thought it was that obvious. But it was too late, Rose was laughing once again and patted her shoulders, just as Amethyst had done earlier.

“Don't worry. I'm sure I can set Jasper and Lapis a little straight if their advances throw you off. They are both a little … _intense_ sometimes.”

Wait, Jasper?

Peridot did a double-take, no way she understood this right.

“Jasper?” She asked and Rose nodded, one brow raised.

“You didn't realized? I thought it was clear as day that she had an interest in you, too.”

That was just too much, this all was too much and Peridot felt her stomach turn. For a split second she didn't even realized what it meant, being sure it was the shock until she tasted the bitter bile and jumped up, to get to the restrooms.

“Sorry” She heard herself grunt and tumbled to find her way to one of the cabins.

Well that turned out worse than she would have imagined, but at least she didn't got shot or poisoned, so it was probably a successful evening.

\---

When they walked to the mansion a few hours later, Jasper and Lapis were rather silent, making sure Peridot was walking straight enough and kept to themselves. Amethyst and Pearl held hands, laughing about some joke only they understood while Steven and Connie walked a few meters behind the little group to watch the scenery in peace. Garnet lead the group and Peridot used the time to think about what Rose had told her.

It was a lot for her very tired and drunken mind; everyone knew what happened between her and Lapis was more of a shock and couldn't be stopped or saved anymore. The thing with Jasper on the other hand was new to her, she had no idea how Rose could've gotten the idea the athletic girl had any interest in her, but now she felt even worse about the talk Lapis had with her. Before she just thought they both had talked about the evening in Jasper's impromptu lab and when Amethyst talked about emotions she feared that, maybe, Jasper and Lapis would hook up with each other. All of that made sense to her, but the possibility that Jasper was actually interested in her messed with her sanity.

Almost as much as the fact that Rose thought she was welcome and not just tolerated. Or maybe she didn't just thought this way, after all it was ultimately Rose decision who stayed and who had to 'leave', so she probably also decided who was tolerated as long as they didn't disrupted the team and who was actually welcome.

The whole time they walked, Peridot tried to find a way to ease her mind or at least find a way to sooth her racing thoughts, but she didn't managed either. And when they finally arrived at the mansion and Lapis almost took her hand, stopping herself as if Peridot radiated insufferable heat, she decided she wouldn't be able to sleep now.

“I'm gonna … chill in the garden for a while” She announced, making everyone in the hall turn to her in surprise. Lapis looked hurt, but she decided to go through with it, “I think I still need to sober up a bit. Just, go to sleep, I'll be back later.”

The last part was for Lapis in front of her specifically, hoping she could ease the painful expression of her a little bit with it. She didn't wanted to hurt her, she just knew she wouldn't be able to get into bed with her now. No matter if the outcome was the much needed sleep or something else.

In the end, the others went back to mind their own business, wishing her a good night and leaving her with Lapis and Jasper in the entrance hall. Lapis wished her good night and just now Peridot realized how distant she was all of the sudden. When she went up the stairs, Jasper turned to Peridot.

“Mind if keep you some company?” It was a question, but behind her calm voice hid some urgency Peridot could not ignore. She nodded, she would just have to clear her mind when Jasper had gone to bed. Sooner or later.

They went outside again, through the doors of the gigantic living room, walking over the deck down to the pier at the bank of the lake. They didn't talked, just marched in silence until they sat down, Jasper tailor-fashioned, Peridot with her legs hanging from the wooden pier. They were short enough to not hang in the water, so she intended to take full advantage of it.

The lake was calm, a breeze tried to sat it in motion from time to time, again and again, but it stayed peaceful and Peridot was sure she could learn some important message from the scenery, but right she just sat there, looking at the stars and hoping Jasper would speak up soon. She had no Idea why she had come out with her, but she felt like it had something to do with the 'little talk' she had with Lapis and the rather big talk she had with Lapis and Rose in between some cocktails. Apparently their Boss had set them straight, for whatever reason, and maybe she wanted to give her a piece of her mind for snitching on them.

Now that she thought about it, this could also have been the reason why Lapis had been so distant. Did she thought her touch would have displeased Peridot?

Before she could get lost in that thought, Jasper finally spoke up.

“Lapis told me a little bit about your past. Nothing too personal. But … I wanted to apologize for making fun of yours and Lapis … arrangement. It wasn't my business and I should have considered this is a very sensible topic for you. So, I'm sorry.”

Peridot looked back at her, her face stony, just her eyes showed her confusion.

“Is that why you wanted to come out here?” She asked, feeling another breeze coming from the water, crawling over her skin, up over her face and hair. All of the sudden she felt sober and clear, her heart aching. She turned away when she realized she couldn't hide it.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You endured a lot of shit and still manage to deal with it without lashing out constantly. I've been nothing but shit to you guys and I'm not sorry. So don't apologize, I won't either.” It wasn't completely true, she actually was sorry for being a dick, but she didn't knew how to stop, so she just acted as if it was on purpose. And not, for example, that she couldn't control her emotions and was not used to be together with other people so long, without them forcing her to obey.

Really, Jasper's lashing in form of puffing up and unleashing some truth's in her direction had been the worst she had to deal with since she was working with her. She deserved a medal for putting up with her so long and she had no Idea why she did it.

Sure, Lapis and her unpredictable moods always were a valid reason to stay in her good graces, but Jasper had proven more than once that she didn't really cared all that much for Lapis bullshit either. And even if Rose was right and Jasper tried to get in her pants, there surely was a line she had long crossed, that even the most obstinate womanizer would have driven up the wall.

And still she sat here, after getting shit from her own boss (well, and savior) for something she didn't even do, because Peridot couldn't open up her mouth at the dinner table. And apologized for making her uncomfortable. Peridot wasn't even sure what exactly she did to deserve this, looking at her hands in her lap.

“You've worked pretty well. You're trying your best to do work exactly the way I told you and get along with our runners. Yeah, you can be shitty but I have actually a lot of fun bantering around with you. So does Lapis. And I know for sure Amethyst loves how responsive you are, even to his most stupid bullshit, as opposed to anyone else. Well, maybe Pearl but that is something else entirely” Jasper disclosed, “She and Connie are actually really impressed with you. And they all have all reason. I mean, yeah, you could be nicer 'n all, but it's okay the way it is. I mean, for us, if you want to keep it that way.”

But you don't seem like you want to.

She didn't said it, but it stood between them and it made Peridot's skin crawl with gratitude and unlabeled but nether the less strong affection. Moving her hands up and down her arms as if to stop it from spreading, she stared at the water. Trying to make sure Jasper didn't saw that she had any kind of impact on her, but she knew it was for naught.

If Jasper had seen behind her insults and manipulation, then she also had already seen behind this whole situation and it scared Peridot. Before, she could at least deceive herself to think she actually had some kind of control over this situation, but she felt like losing the grip she never had to begin with.

For a while there was just more silence and Peridot felt her throat constricting, trying to maintain her composure and failing miserably. There was no reason for her to be so affected by this, she tried to blame the alcohol and the terrible sleep she got the last few days but she knew this was just another lie she told herself. It affected her so much because Jasper was nice to her. Something she had wished for her whole life, someone who was genuinely nice to her. She had to fight for every bit of affection and love as long as she remembered and now she sat here, with her foreman, after being the biggest possible ass for weeks and she just … gave it to her. As if she deserved it.

But she didn't, and she knew that. She had learned to deal with it, with the coldness and the hate and the abuse. With the fact she always had been too weak, useless and just not worthy to be cherished or treated with respect.

Hot tears burned in her eyes and Peridot started to choke up, trying not to sob or let them spill, but the second Jasper gently laid a hand on her shoulder, she couldn't hold on to herself.

She started to bawl, yanking up her arms to try and hide it, and felt how Jasper laid an arm around her to pull her into a hug. She didn't resisted, letting the girl stroke over her back with one hand and just allowing her to wail, without saying anything or trying to stop her from doing it.

They stayed that way, Jasper holding Peridot without once showing any sign of annoyance or discomfort and the smaller girl appreciated it by actually letting it all out for once, until there was not a single tear left she could have cried and her sobs started to sound like the beginning of a hiccup instead.

“It was my fault” She suddenly said, making Jasper stop in her tracks and look down at her in confusion.

“What was your fault?” She asked, leaning back a little so she could look Peridot in the eyes.

Peridot tried to avoid hers, though, looking at the bank of the river while trying to explain, “What my dad did to me. And Sid. I – they both didn't had it easy and I was just a burden. I couldn't even help them and they just tried -”

“Peri, stop.” Jasper interrupted her, holding her firmly at her shoulder and forcing her to look up at her, “Fucking stop, okay? I know it always feels better to be the bad one, because that means you are at fault but at least you had control, doesn't it? But you didn't do anything wrong. You are trying to tell yourself you gotta fix a mistake you never made and I know you don't wanna see it, but you don't had any control there. Your brain is caught up in a circle, trying to find where you went wrong and thus can't better yourself, because you didn't do anything wrong. They did. They abused you, they violated you and you had no control over that. No matter how you look at it today, you never had control over the things they did to you. I know it hurts, but please. If you don't let go of the guilt you're carrying, which is not even your own, you will be caught forever."

“You weren't there” Peridot countered in desperation and they both knew where it came from, “You don't know what happened, I-”

“I know Sid” Jasper retorted, her whole body tense with anger. She wouldn't listen to her trying to defend those assholes, in a hopeless attempt to try and make herself believe she had any kind of power over what they had done to her, “People remember his best runner and they remember what he did to her. The only person who apparently doesn't is herself, as she is sitting beside me right now and trying to tell me, she somehow behaved in a way that would excuse humiliation, violence and mind games. And the same goes for your dad, you were a kid. His job was to keep you save and make sure you could grow up into a happy, unharmed adult. It wasn't your job to work for his love or for him to even see you as a human being. You were his daughter. And he treated you like an object to be disciplined and violated.”

Peridot had no answer for that, looking at the buttons of Jasper's shirt and trying to deny the truth. She opted for the only thing she knew instead, trying to defend herself by attacking, “So Lapis did tell you everything.”

She was too drained to give her voice the venom it would have needed to sound as accusative as she wanted it to, but it wouldn't have gotten her far either. Jasper wasn't here to argue and she already knew her tricks, so she just shook her head and gave her a tired smile.

“She didn't needed to do that. Sid brags about his past, even if he doesn't use your name, it's kinda easy to connect the dot's. Small Nerd with blond hair and a scar, pretty descriptive, don't you think? And I'm pretty sure I remember a Dealer with the last name Forsterit being found dead in his own apartment. You were in the perfect age to be used as a child prostitute, so people in my troop back in the diamonds gang were keeping an eye out for you, as soon as the news stations shared you were missing.

I honestly would have never thought all of that was you, but after what I saw the last few weeks and heard from Lapis today, it was pretty clear to me. You were always part of the drug business thanks to these dudes and even if you weren't a dealer yourself, you were a pretty well-known runner. At least in the business itself.”

Peridot looked at her in astonishment, she always had been sure all this stuff didn't matter. Nobody had ever searched for her, nobody had ever tried to help her, not even the police remembered her, but Jasper did.

It was a dubious compliment, but somehow it still was and in the end, Peridot decided to keep quite and just lean her forehead against Jasper's shoulder.

“Why are you telling me this?” She asked after a while, listening to Jasper's even breathing. It had calmed her down and she felt a little better.

“Rose told Lapis and me she's a little worried about you. Your well-being. She wanted us to make sure you actually feel like a part of this group and not just like … some burden that we took pity on. And we wanted to make sure of that, too” It was an honest answer, Jasper saw no good in lying, especially not after Peridot had just opened up to her. It was a strange situation and mostly brought about by the alcohol the smaller of them had consumed, but it was more of a blessing than a curse right now.

Hopefully she wouldn't fall back into her old behavior as soon as all the alcohol had left her blood and head, but somehow Jasper doubted  it . Peridot still  leaned on to her, and she was fine with  it , after talking with Lapis she finally knew what exactly was going on between those two. And Lapis finally knew how she felt about  Peridot .

As yet another breeze caught up to them and Peridot started to slightly shiver, Jasper once again laid her arm around her, “You wanna go to sleep now?”

But Peridot shook her head, “Not yet. Just … gimme a few minutes, okay?”

Jasper nodded and Peridot sighed contently. She felt better. Not everything was solved, realistically nothing, but it felt like everything would be easier now. Even when she had no Idea what the morning would bring or how to behave from now on, knowing that there were people willing to see behind her facade lifted a heavy weight from her chest. And she wanted to enjoy that feeling just a little longer.

No matter if that confounded her emotions for Lapis and Jasper even more and mean she would be even more confused in the morning. Right now, she didn't cared.

\---

The moment had to end, some way or another and even if both Jasper and Peridot would have liked to stay, the chilly air and their tired bodies forced them back into the house. Their Good Nights were just as awkward as one would imagine after such a strangely intimate talk and when Peridot laid in Bed, she already was confused again.

“Sleep” Lapis beside her had stirred awake and laid an arm around her, to drag her closer. She waited until Peridot had properly cuddled up to her, making sure to warm her cold body with her own heat. Before she had went to bed herself she had seen her and Jasper walking down to the pier and already prepared for Peridot to come back cold and confused. “It's alright” Lapis reassured her, “Everything will be easier after some sleep.”

And Peridot had trusted her, allowing herself to fall asleep and stop worrying for a short time.

In fact, though, not everything was solvable with sleep and this turned out to be just one of those things that needed a little more than a lot of tears under the stars on a pier at a lake and some sleep, cuddled up to a beautiful hitman.

When Lapis had woken Peridot, they already had slept into the early noon and even if the rest of the house was still silent, they knew it was time to wake up.

Maybe not for the residents, but for them and Jasper, as they all had things waiting for them: Pumpkin was still at home and waiting for Lapis, clients and runners were waiting for the other two. So even when they still felt the drinking spree  _and_ the overly emotional talks with each other and Rose deep in their bones, they had to get their shit together and get up. 

Breakfast was a little awkward, but they were all too tired to even try and engage in a real conversation and left it at that. Eating a slice of bread with some kind of jam which looked expensive and also tasted atrocious, was all Peridot managed before Jasper stood up, telling her they would have to leave soon. She smiled slightly, when she did so and it felt like the whole mood shifted in to something warm and friendly.

With a hint of confusion Lapis smiled back up at her and then at Peridot, who just sat there in silence, realizing since their talk yesterday there had been no bad word between Jasper and Lapis. Yesterday it had scared her, the two would get back together, she thought, but now it calmed her, making her feel like they maybe tried to solve their conflict. She had no clue why that thought excited her, their problems weren't her business, but it still felt like it meant something great for her, too.

“You shouldn't let her wait, you know?” Lapis murmured, taking a sip of her own coffee, “I'm sure you guys already have slept through some appointments.”

Peridot snickered at that, just like she normally did. Nasally and a little bit too much like a super villain, but it only showed she was in a better mood, “That sounds like we are some clerks or manager of something that isn't absolutely illegal.”

“Well you kinda manage a very expensive business, aren't you? Jasper even has to travel for her job, so I feel like that qualifies for manager of some sorts.”

Peridot snorted, “The same way you work with humans, right?”

There was no venom in the statement, it felt like their usual banter and Lapis just shrugged with a smile, “That's a way to describe it, yes. I also change a lot of lives.”

“Write the answer in a message, Peridot, we have to go!” Jasper yelled from the entrance hall, making both of the girls jump slightly. Lapis smiled, Peridot was already standing up and trying to save what she could about her outfit to leave with Jasper, as she got dragged down by her tie.

“Have fun, you two. See you tonight” Lapis whispered before kissing her gently. It took the other off-guard, but she allowed and reciprocated it, until Jasper yelled yet another time.

“Until tonight” Peridot whispered when she broke away unwillingly, finally leaving the kitchen to follow Jasper, who already stood in the door.

They just looked at each other for a short moment, Peridot with a slight blush and a stupid grin, Jasper just rolled her eyes and opened the door for them. Together they walked to the Gate, lighting a smoke when they got on the street and walked the route to the next train station.

\---

It's hard to say if there is an actual state of “normal” in a work space as drug dealing, but as far as regular and peaceful went, both Jasper and Peridot were pretty satisfied with their work and the way their relationship changed. Both of them got along well, Lapis and Jasper stopped their petty arguments and even managed to talk for a little while whenever Jasper came to pick Peridot up.

Sometimes, she even came earlier for breakfast and Peridot caught them whispering to each other. Sometimes, the two of them met up and as confusing as this times of sudden peace were to Peridot, she was happy there was little stability in her life this way. Working with Jasper, living with Lapis, they became the two people she grew closest to and she was glad seeing them treat each other with respect and a little consideration.

From time to time, she even felt like all three of them could get along peaceful. As if the worst was finally over, emotions finally in order again. She even could joke around with Amethyst, who wouldn't stop talking about 'heart eyes' and how the team was gonna hear three wedding bells, soon.

Everything seemed so perfect, so peaceful, Peridot couldn't get angry over it and always took it in stride.

At least everything seemed to perfect and peaceful, until Jasper decided to bring out the big guns.

Working together so closely, Jasper started to trust Peridot completely and decided to take her to one of her bigger labs. She showed her around and introduced some of her chemists and also one of the big storage's. She explained her how she had found one of her best business partner and told her about some of her travels into the Middle East, where she was able to land some deals.

“At first they didn't wanted to, because I wasn't 'Equal' and all that shit. Took some persuading and a lot of bribery starting from the very bottom” She said, proud gleaming in her eyes and Peridot decided she had every right to be proud. The storage was filled with expensive ingredients, chemical and biological, and it must have been extremely hard to get the stuff here. She had built all this. Jasper, with the monetary help of Rose, but it had been her work, her words and her strategy that had gotten her here.

No wonder she was proud. Even if it was illegal, it was highly impressive.

Just as the source was about to go far afield about yet another travel, one of the chemists interrupted them.

“Jasper, we got a call. Our delivery arrived at the old warehouse in the Oranier Straße. But the driver had strict order to only give the supply to you, so none of us can go there alone.”

Jasper nodded in understanding, “I'll take Peridot with me, I know the driver. We will be back in about two hours, so make sure someone stays to open the door for us.”

He nodded and left again, Jasper turning to Peridot with an excited smile.

“You gonna learn about deliveries today. You gonna love it, that shit is worse than every algebra class.”

Peridot snorted, but didn't said anything about it. She knew she would be responsible for stuff like that, as soon as she understood the basics and was a little better known. At least among the drivers and suppliers; mostly because Jasper had made pretty clear that, while she was definitely a genius in her branch, she didn't enjoy everything about it. Maths for example, seemed to be her nemesis and even if she had no problems with it, she disliked it more than every ninth grader Peridot ever had the displeasure to meet.

They left the lab, took a subway to their destination and as soon as they left the station, Peridot felt her stomach drop. Something felt wrong. She had no clue what it was, but something was off and she started to squirm while following Jasper hesitantly.

Of course, her companion realized that she was acting strange and after a few minutes, she couldn't ignore it anymore.

“What's the matter with ya?” She asked, turning slightly to look down at her while still keeping up her speed, looking slightly worried “You act as if you were lead to the slaughter.”

But Peridot shook her head, she didn't wanted to seem paranoid. Maybe she didn't ate enough or forgot to drink some water, she was sure it wasn't more but a normal reaction to a stressful workday. She decided to ask Lapis to cook something when she got home later, maybe together with Jasper, but now she had to focus on their task at hand.

They entered the property Jasper had rented a few years ago and that was solely used to trade her ingredients. The shingle crunched under the soles of their shoes and it made Peridot flinch, it sounded too loud in her own ears. As if they had to sneak up to the building in absolute silence.

When they finally opened the doors to enter, she knew why: The unmistakable bang of a gun shot. On Reflex Jasper grabbed Peridot by her shirt, dragging her behind some big boxes, while the air was filled with the sounds of shouts and another shot.

“Why the fuck are people so eager to shoot me” Peridot screeched, “Where do they even get guns from?!”

“Diamond grunts” Jasper whispered, putting her hand over Peridot's mouth to urge her to keep silent, “They probably followed the supplier. If he didn't get away, then his dead ass is lying around here somewhere. We gotta find him, I don't carry my gun with me.”

Peridot couldn't speak, just muffle her hysterical “ _Why not?!_ ”  B ut Jasper had understood.

“Shit, Peri” She answered quietly, looking around without giving up their hiding position. Seemed like no one was inside the building, but that only meant they would try to cage them in here, “Have you taken a look at me and the politics lately? If I carry even something remotely close to a weapon with me and Bismuth sees it, she's not only gonna drag my ass into jail, she's gonna find a way to get the whole team.”

“Hey, Traitor!” Someone yelled from outside the old building and Jasper's face turned pale. She recognized the voice, Peridot saw it in her eyes and in the way she immediately worried her lower lip between her teeth. Who ever that voice belonged to, it was someone that had gotten Jasper's respect long ago and if the words meant anything, then it was probably someone from her past.

“We know you guys are in there. We gonna come in now, so maybe, if you just give up and decide to not try any shit, this whole thing will be over and done without anyone getting hurt.”

Jasper snorted mirthless, starting to shove Peridot deeper behind the boxes, signaling her to search for cover. Then she spoke up, “Got my supplier the same deal or is that dude gonna burn here with me?”

“We not gonna burn you” The voice was closer now and finally two shadows appeared in the door frame. One was a gigantic dude, even a little bigger than Jasper but just as buff. The other one looked exactly like the assassin, that had tried to kill Lapis not to long ago and Peridot had to do a double-take, thinking she saw a ghost.

It was surely just a sibling, she told herself, trying to keep calm while she crawled over the ground, making sure she wouldn't be seen.

“You know, your driver tried to fucking shoot us, can you believe that?” The dude asked, his voice was scratchy and it forced Jasper to keep silent as if under a spell. Was he one of her old instructors?

“I mean, maybe I should be proud. After all, I taught you and you made all … this, so if we look at it this way, I actually shot my own Novice.”

“Shut it and shoot your real novice so we can get a move on” The carbon copy of the assassin hissed and Peridot stumbled to her feet to crouch through the big hall. She had to keep out of sight but still find the driver, hoping he was still here and still had his gun with him. It was a huge risk and if Jasper knew what Peridot was trying right now she would stop her in her tracks, but Peridot had to try.

She couldn't just sit around and hope for the best here, she knew enough about the diamond authority by now to know Jasper wouldn't survive following them peaceful. So she sneaked around, while Jasper tried to talk to her old instructor, or maybe she tried to just distract him, in hopes of Peridot getting out of here, but whatever the conversation was revolving around, Peri didn't have the time to listen.

In the end, her frantic search was rewarded. In the most disgusting way, but falling over the corpse of some dude with a gun was most likely the best thing to ever happen to her in this situation.

He still had it in his fist and prying it out of it was a task for her strength and her psyche; the big, bloody hole right where his forehead should have been was a big distraction and she had to keep herself from puking all over the corpse.

After a few minutes, though, she managed to get a hold of it without triggering it or making a ruckus, trying to remember what little she had been taught about those things. Releasing the safety catch, loading, aiming. Something along those lines, wasn't it?

But before she could even think about checking the magazine for bullets she heard yet another gunshot and a scream.

Jasper.

“Fuck!” Peridot yelled, finishing what she had started and climbing one of the boxes just to witness the Instructor lighting something that looked like an oil trail.

So they had planned to burn down the building, but they probably thought Jasper would opt for going with them instead of dying here.

Static noise filled Peridot's mind.

The two at the door frame. She had to stop them.

Aiming, she took her chances.

And shot.

One time, hitting the copy of the assassin.

The Instructor let go of the match, lighting the fire, but didn't reacted fast enough.

The second bullet got him and Peridot climbed down and ran over to the place, where she heard Jasper yowl in pain.

It was a blur. Jasper was alive.

They got out, stars know how, while the heat of the fire surrounded them. Jasper told her something, again and again, but Peridot didn't hear, didn't understood, didn't listen.

Away from the fire, her inner voice screamed, get Jasper and get away from the fire!

It was the only thing she heard and when she finally got out of the haze, Lapis sat in front of her, looking at her in shock and with tears in her eyes.

“I swear, you two can't be left alone” Garnet's voice sounded from somewhere behind her, “You should a see a doc about that wound, Jasp.”

And the world turned black.

\---

In her dreams Peridot was caught in the old building with Jasper and couldn't drag her lifeless body away.

“Visit Rose, visit Rose...” Garnet's voice seemed to come form everywhere, repeating those two words and Peridot yelled for help, for her to come and get them.

She screamed, the flames getting closer and closer, nipping at her, burning her skin.

It was hopeless, nobody came, just voices all around her.

She dragged and cried and something held her limbs and she howled in desperation.

“Peridot, Wake up!”

When she opened her eyes, Jasper looked down at her with worry. She held her, both hands on her shoulders, as if she had to shake her and Peridot couldn't make sense of it. But the flames and the heat were gone and Jasper was still alive, alive and well enough to shake her, so she followed the only impulse that came over her:

Squirming out of her grip, she drew Jasper into a hug, not giving a single fuck if that was appropriate or not. She heard footsteps, someone entered the room and a few seconds later she heard Lapis, sounding rather hysterical, asking what the hell was going on now.

Jasper above her shrugged, Peridot wasn't ready yet to let go, and she was still a little too drowsy to fight the emotional assault, “She screamed, I woke her, she decided to use me as an overgrown stuffed animal. The usual.”

Before Lapis could even snark back, though, they heard a little sniffle. They both looked down to Peridot, who had started shaking by now and clawed at Jasper as if she was the only anchor to reality she still had. Lapis silently crossed the room, sitting down beside them and softly drew her hand through Peridot's hair.

“If that's how all your one-night-stands end, then I'm not surprised you stopped having them” She whispered, with a light note in her voice. It made Jasper snort and helped to ease the strange tension that started to creep on them.

“Normally, when they shake and cry, it's because of different reasons. But I had my fair share of girls with break downs” She admitted with a crooked grin and shifted, sitting up. Peridot wouldn't let go and in the end the three of them sat on the couch, Lapis still petting her head while Jasper soothingly drew her hands up and down Peridot's back.

“I thought you died” She finally managed to vocalize and Lapis and Jasper shared a look, raised brows and were not sure if they should be worried over this honesty or relieved.

“Well, I didn't. Takes more than two assholes and a fire to get rid of me, as years of war zone vacations have proven” Jasper tried to calm her. It didn't bother her to have Peridot this close, neither did Lapis take any offense in the way this situation played out and everything had turned out better than expected, so she didn't see a reason to cry now.

But Peridot between them just shook her head, sobbing louder and reaching out, to drag Lapis closer, too. To remind herself that they were both alive and here. That this wasn't just another dream or a hallucination.

To remind herself how much they cared about her.

To remind herself how much she cared about them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always feel like Jasper could understand Peridot better to some extend. I feel like Peridot and Lapis don't always understand each other but they can be soft around each other, which is always important, too. But I feel like Jasper knows what's in Peridot's mind in a way nobody else does. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter :D


	13. Worse things

_Oh, don't say "I want you"_   
_Don't stay this way, believe me_   
_I wasn't trying to play the game_   
_Where someone's to blame_   
_I'll stay the same 'til you change your mind_   
_And you'll change your mind_

 

When she finally had calmed down, Peridot was finally willing to lose the hard grip on both Jasper and Lapis and let them get settled close to her without getting snot all over them.

It didn't really phase them, but it was still more comfortable sitting beside each other on the couch, instead of tangled together. It also helped Peridot's already scratched dignity to sit upright and on her own again.

She hadn't realized before, but now she saw they sat in Lapis living room, on the couch, Pumpkin calmly snoring in the door frame leading to the hallway to the front door. They were in safety and except for the bandage around Jasper's shoulder, they also were unharmed. There really had been no good reason to cry and Peridot was grateful the other two didn't brought it up to tease her.

“What the hell happened?” She mumbled when she trusted her voice again.

Lapis stayed silent, looking up at Jasper who smiled down at them, with the slightest hint of proud in her eyes, “You were in and out of it since we got out. Honestly, it was as if you lost your mind, shooting this ass and his lil' henchman and then just jackie-chan-style jumping to me.”

Peridot chuckled at that and Lapis looked at her friend with a smile, while Jasper went on, “You tried to drag me out of the building, but we didn't came far before the fire caged us, but Garnet got us out. You were completely gone, you didn't reacted to anything, just trying to get to the door while keeping your claws in my arm. You should have seen Lapis when she came to get us, fuck man, I think she was really, really worried about you.”

This made Peridot finally look up again, first at Lapis, who suddenly seemed overly interested in something in the kitchen, turning her head away from the both of them.

“And worried about me, I guess” Jasper finally admitted, “She punched me right in the face for getting shot.”

“We both know you are trained well enough to not get shot” Lapis argued, but still didn't turned around. But instead of teasing or arguing with her, Jasper just looked down at Peridot, “And I should invert your face with my fists for doing something like that, you should have gotten out of there, what were you thinking?”

Peridot hadn't been prepared for this question and she felt tiny between the two others, who were at least a head bigger than her, looking at her with thinly disguised worry and confusion. She didn't had a real answer, or better, she wasn't ready to just give it yet.

“I thought I couldn't let them harm you. I couldn't …. I … how did Garnet even find us?” She tried to deflect the topic. For a few seconds there was silence, finally Jasper decided to accept the question and answered with a sigh.

“Apparently she wanted to talk to me about some runner who tried some shit, but my phone was off. She knew I wanted to visit the big lab with you today, so she called the place, they told her where we were. And found us just in time, I guess.”

“Does that mean the Diamonds founds us?” Peridot asked finally, looking back and forth between Lapis and Jasper, “I mean, does that mean we are getting hunted now?”

She didn't sounded scared or even overly worried, she asked it matter-of-factly. After all she was used to being hunted and feeling caged one way or another and at least she wasn't alone now. At least she didn't felt alone anymore.

“Probably not” Lapis answered, “Garnet left after getting you out, to talk to Rose. They think that, if the diamonds knew about us, they would've already stormed my house and burned down the devils lair. But they did neither, we think they just wanted to get Jasper out of business, after all she is their biggest rival right now.”

“But it means they are starting to tighten the noose on us. We need to finally find their headquarters, before they find a way to wipe us out” Jasper had turned away from them, looking at the black screen of the TV in front of them, “I probably shouldn't go home for a while and just hope my Instructor and this girl acted before they informed their higher ups.”

Before the other two could answer, she finally stood up and left through the kitchen, getting out to light a smoke. After all those weeks Peridot recognized this gesture as a sign that Jasper needed a few minutes for herself. And who could blame her, she got shot, almost burned to death and had to meet up one of the people who had made her life hell for years. It was a wonder she was so calm and Peridot turned to Lapis, looking guilty.

“Can we do something?”

That surprised Lapis, meeting her gaze with knitted brows and a slightly crooked head. Peridot sure was more than met the eye, but this beyond astonishing. And, under different circumstances, Lapis would have gotten possessive or jealous because she cared, but she couldn't. Not the way she looked up at her, as if Lapis was the only person who could kit this.

She looked as vulnerable as Lapis felt and Jasper behaved, and if Lapis would have known what would come out of getting the two of them on her couch, she would have prepared herself better. Maybe by not talking to them until all the strange tension, that apparently came with almost dying, was gone.

“We could ask her when she decides to come back in” She considered and even if she already knew about Jasper's ways, it was probably the first time she respected them. Back when they dated she would have gone out to talk to her, prioritizing her own well-being and peace of mind over the others wishes.

Peridot nodded, this seemed like the best course of action. Even if it meant sitting here in silence and ending up in another interrogation. She drew her knees up to her chest, laying her arms around them and looked over to Pumpkin, deciding to take the least bit control she could have over this situation and spoke up again.

“I didn't wanted something to happen to her. It was just like when you got attacked, I just … I blacked out, all I could think about was getting her into safety. When I finally got back to my senses and she was alive and well, it just came over me. All of it. The last weeks, months … shit, maybe even years” She choked up and had to stop, trying not to cry again and instead keeping a stoic expression. Lapis stayed silent, waiting for her to go on again, knowing that not only was there more to it, but that Peridot had to get it out of her system, too.

“You guys are the first people who actually cared about me. Without using me for something or throwing me away the second I got weak or asked for too much. You just put up with me, as if I belonged and … I was so afraid to lose that. Not only because you make me feel at home or like I belong, but because I want to belong. To this team and … “

She went silent again, had to organize her thoughts again, as they raced through her head and made her fear to fall into a panic attack.

“I feel like a human with you guys. I feel like I could actually be worth something by myself, without being an object or bend to everyone's will. And that's great and new and so unbelievable scary, that I don't even know how to handle it without being a cynic asshole, but I don't wanna lose it. Lose any of you.”

Lapis nodded, she understood. She couldn't relate 100%, but she knew what it was like to be used. And she knew what it was like growing up, thinking she was nothing more than a plaything, a very expensive pet to the diamonds.

And what it felt like to think she would never be worth something on her own.

And how strange it was at first to become one of Rose followers, feeling like a burden and already getting prepared for either getting used against her will again or to get kicked out.

But none of that happened. Instead, she became close with Pearl, who, even if they bickered a lot, always had her back when she needed it. She got Connie's trust, even if she almost killed her by accident once and didn't even recognized her at first.

She became close Friends with Steven and Amethyst and learned that even Garnet, who felt like an overbearing guardian at first, just meant to help. And so did they now, with Peridot, and so did she and Jasper, in their own ways.

Peridot had stopped talking, once again losing her speech in an afford to not let her emotions spill over. So she reached out and started to stroke her back, gently, up and down until her breathing got calmer again.

“I feel like I shouldn't have told you” Peridot admitted and Lapis nodded.

“Can be scary to be open about this stuff” She agreed, “I know it's scary to me at least-” But before she could explain more throughout, they heard the door to the kitchen open. Jasper sighed silently, but they still heard, and decided to wait until she was back in the room with them.

“Better?” Peridot asked restrained and Jasper looked at her with a raised brow and clear surprise in her face, when she entered the room again. Her eyes searched Lapis', looking for answers there.

“You tried to make a move, or?” She asked, not feeling the atmosphere of the room and making the hitman snort. It was misplaced but she didn't cared, trying her best not to laugh, but without much success.

Jasper smiled confused, while Peridot felt the blood rushing to her face.

“I just wanted to be nice!” Peridot squawked, making the other two laugh now.

“It's not funny! We almost died, I have a right to be a little emotional!”

Lapis was the first to calm down, “Almost dying is part of the job, but if it helps you open up then maybe almost getting killed was the best thing Jasper could have done.”

“Hey!” The bigger of the two protested with fake offense, but Peridot passed over it now.

“What does that even mean, make a move? On me?”

The Question stopped both the source and the hitman from being amused and they looked at the small nerd the way a bunch of children do, when they get caught with the pockets full of stolen candy. They both paled, looking at each other in hopes of finding a good excuse, but there was none.

“Is that why you guys are so friendly to each other since the dinner? Because you wanna hit on me?”

Jasper started to say something, but Peridot stopped her, “So that is the reason you guys are nice to me?”

She didn't sounded angry, but confused and as if a sudden realization hit her.

Well, that was the worst possible way she could have picked up on their attraction to her, but she also didn't gave them the time to answer. Instead she just stood up, and went upstairs, looking at them for the last time in disbelieve.

She even opened her mouth, closed it again, opened it, closed it again... And decided to just shake her head and leave.

Jasper and Lapis stayed behind, too surprised to react fast or in a defusing way. In the end, they stayed behind, sighing and looking at the floor in shame.

“Rose warned us again and again this would happen if we don't talk to her” Jasper started and Lapis raised her arms to stop her, her expression drawn into a frown.

“Spare me the sermon, Jasp. Everything was perfectly fine when Peri and I considered each other Friends with Benefits.”

That made Jasper laugh mirthless, “You kiddin', right? Blue, she fucking loves you and I know you long enough to know that you do, too. I'm not telling you two to come clean about your emotions and I sure as hell won't come between you two if you guys decide to make this whole thing official, but don't put the fucking blame on me here. We're over this shit.”

Lapis turned away, starting to fold and rub her hands together, as if in a desperate try to knot them together. She was starting to get anxious, Jasper picked up on that, she just didn't knew why.

“You love her, don't you?” She asked her now, sounding uncertain, “You changed since you know her and you care, so that means you're finally over me, right?”

“Don't say that so hopefully” Lapis spat suddenly, “My emotions are none of your business.”

“Maybe not” Jasper agreed, deciding not to get angry over this, “But I'm sure Peridot would love to know how you feel about her.”

She turned to the stairs, getting ready to at least try and explain this misunderstanding, while Lapis stayed where she was, staring at the carpet. As if that would solve the problem at hand.

“I'm not over you” She admitted finally, still staring at the carpet, “Rose knows. Peridot is important to me and if I'm actually able to love anybody besides myself, then she definitely belongs to the people I love. But in the same way I still love you and I have no Idea, how to make sense of that.”

She tried to be honest here, _she was honest here_ , but she didn't saw how this would help any of them. Rose had ripped them both a new one for not getting their shit together and pretty much connected to dots the second she had seen the three of them at the table. After that, she had told them to bite the bullet and get over themselves, but had essentially underestimated how bad at communicating these three could be and now they sat here, fumbling with words.

“Let's try to make sense of this with Peridot, shouldn't we?” Jasper asked after a while, making Lapis finally look up at her. The hitman shrugged, she was out of her depths. She had fucked up badly once and the other was the living proof and witness of how terrible it had been.

How the fuck did she trust her with Peridot now?

“I thought you felt something for her, too?” She countered finally, making Jasper shrug.

“I do” She admitted, “And in the beginning I actually didn't wanted her close to you because I was sure you would destroy her. Honestly, I thought everyone who wasn't me would be destroyed by you if exposed too long, but I see how you have changed. And I still would very much like to talk about all this with Peridot present. Stars knows what she thinks of us right now.”

She hesitated at first, but Jasper was right. The whole thing pretty much had turned into a direction that needed to get fixed about five minutes ago, now was not the time to discuss if emotions were valid or shareable.

“Let's go” Lapis agreed and finally stood up to, leading them both upstairs.

\---

It took them a little convincing, but finally Peridot allowed them to get inside. She had her phone out and was apparently writing with Amethyst, as her phone buzzed in a steady 20 seconds tact only he was able to hold up.

That was a good thing, Lapis decided, knowing that Amethyst knew neither she nor Jasper meant harm. Or just wanted to lay her and then leave.

She allowed them to sit on the Bed while she stood in the door frame, arms crossed in front of her chest. She still seemed more disbelieving than anything else, as if someone told her the team was actually a charity group.

So Lapis and Jasper decided to spit it out, before damage could be done. About the fact that they actually both crushed hard on her. That they talked about it a lot and, yes, even tried to make moves on her in all those weeks they had spent together. And about the fact that they also still had pretty confusing feelings for each other and in the end they just sat in silence, while Peridot sighed loud, raking her own hand through her hair as if to keep it out of her face.

It wasn't long enough to be really a disturbance, but she had started to do it when she wanted to ground herself, as if to free her eyes. She felt pretty stupid for just assuming the two of them only wanted to fuck her, like a childish competition about who could actually get the girl. Yeah, they tried to skin and salt each other often and yes, it wouldn't have been a big surprise if it only would have been a competition. But even Peridot realized, neither Jasper nor Lapis were the kind of people to fuck and run, especially not with Teammates.

It was a still a little strange to have the two of them sit there like some teens that just got caught in a lie and tried to make amends with their mom.

So, in the end Rose was right, she finally thought with a sigh and turned to them.

“Sorry for just leaving you guys downstairs. I guess it seemed easier to me to just leave and believe you guys actually used me” She admitted and the two of them shrugged, as if that wasn't a big deal.

“People assumed worse about us” Lapis explained, Jasper nodding, getting comfortable on the bed by leaning on the headboard.

“They still do. And considering everything, that was probably one of the more reasonable assumptions, I guess.”

“It wasn't.” Peridot said calmly, raising a brow, “It really wasn't. You guys are nice to me and all I do is being an unbearable shithead about it. We survive a fire and my first thought is that you guys were actually just trying to save a good lay.”

She sat down between the two of them, not caring if it was appropriate or not. They already confessed their crushes, they wouldn't be uncomfortable being close to her now. At least she hoped so, somewhere deep down, where she wasn't feeling shitty for being an ass to those who cared.

“I know it's not your fault what happened to me and it's not an apology, I'm just used to everyone somehow still using me one way or another. Like, I always lived with it, I just assumed it would never change and wasn't better, accepting that I would always be used and just use everyone else, too! And that's terrible and I'm sorry I thought the two of you would be the same, even after getting to know you and your pasts.”

Now Lapis and Jasper looked at each other in disbelieve.

“Maybe she hit her head somewhere in the ware house, this is the first time she actually thinks about the terrible lives of others and not her own” Jasper murmured, chuckling when Lapis punched her on the arm, turning to Peridot with an apologetic smile. But Peridot wasn't really up for any jokes, not even to lift the mood, she just felt worse about this whole situation.

“Look, Peridot, you don't need to apologize anymore. You are sorry, we are sorry for being pretty creepy about it, because _we were_ ” Jasper emphasized the last part, side-eyeing Lapis, but ultimately turned back to Peridot, “I think you already suffered enough, don't burden yourself with more shit just because you are used to be blamed. We don't blame you, and neither should you. Same goes for the last few weeks and months. You fucking saved my life and the life of Lapis, I think you made pretty clear that you care about us. What more proof would one of us need that you mean well?”

Peridot didn't really know what to say, instead she just shrugged, making the other two chuckle.

“You suffered enough. Really. You don't have to apologize to me or Jasper. You don't even need our forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself, that's the only person you own accountability” Lapis said finally, putting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing slightly. Then she turned to Jasper, who looked pretty impressed with her and gave her a small smile.

“But you deserve one from me, for being such a pain the last few months. And … before that, too. You were right, I changed a lot and I'm really sorry for the way I treated you.”

Jasper nodded, returning the smile with one of her own. Then she looked down at Peridot, who at least seemed to have considered their words and finally looked calm again. Still a little anxious, but at least not confused or guilty or sad anymore and that was a gigantic progress after that evening.

Over this whole fiasco they had forgotten the time, it was close to 1 am by now and while none of them had to be somewhere tomorrow, they still got pretty tired. Jasper would have to keep low for a while, so did Peridot as they weren't sure if the diamonds kept an eye out for her, too, and Lapis hadn't a new target for now. They would probably have to be at a team meet up this week, but until they got further info's for that (or better, before Rose or Lapis called one in), they would be off the hook for any kind of work right now.

Jasper decided to take the couch. For one thing because the whole emotional talk thing felt like it wasn't really through and she felt better on her own down there, with her thoughts and, for another thing, because they would never fit all three on this bed without someone getting too close to her wounded shoulder for comfort. So they hugged each other once more, Lapis and Peridot wished her a good night and after changing into something more fitting for sleep, they got to bed.

After turning off all lights and getting comfortable, Peridot stared at the ceiling, one question still burning deep inside her.

“Lapis?” She asked and got a grunt, that sounded like 'yeah, sweetheart?' As an answer. It sounded like an Invitation to go on, so she did.

“Since when do you have a crush on me?”

Silence followed and Peridot wasn't sure if Lapis had heard her, but when she was about to turn over and just sleep, the girl beside her answered.

“Since …” She began, but stopped again. She had to think about this. When the fuck did it actually happen, what was the one romantic moment all the movies talked about where she realized she were falling for the nerd?

But there was none. It had been a long process, a strande one, and she hadn't realized she was developing it before it was too late and she was already knee deep.

“I don't know” Lapis answered honestly after a while, “One day, around the first time you went to the club, I just … thought you weren't as bad as you possibly could be and it went only downhill from there.”

“Charming” Peridot answered with a slight sneer, giggling into the darkness.

Lapis couldn't stop herself from smiling.

“Peridot?” She asked, mirroring the smaller girl's way to ask her just a few seconds ago.

“Yeah, Sweetheart?” Peridot played along.

“I'm glad to hear your stupid snark again.”

\---

The next morning was tense. They all sat in the living room, eating their breakfast while watching TV.

They had decided on it together, talking didn't seemed like a good decision. But there was only so much mindless sprinkling by overused media tropes, before the energy of yesterday night came back.

Lapis and Jasper didn't really know what to say anymore, they pretty much had laid all cards on the table and now they could only hope Peridot would deal with them in a respectful manner. Which, and everyone knew that, wasn't one of Peridot's strong suits.

“I want to get even with Sid” Peridot said after finishing her cereals and putting the empty bowl on the table in front of the couch, not feeling the mood at all it seemed. She leaned back, Jasper to her left, Lapis to her right, allowing them to lean against her.

“We need to get rid of him anyway and I feel like we all agree that Northern Sid has no place in this City if our team takes over. So I want to get him.”

“Get him like...?” Lapis asked slowly, she wasn't sure she could follow. It was less shock or something to that extend, she just didn't wanted to misunderstand the insinuation.

“I want to either get him out of town or kill him” Peridot answered truthfully, looking at Lapis first, then up at Jasper who silently nodded, “I killed 3 people for you guys already and I didn't hesitated once. I think I'm deep enough to decide I want to give this piece of shit some hell for what he did to me.”

Lapis nodded, as a Hitman she had really no moral obligation or right to argue with this and Jasper just shrugged.

“If that's what you feel is the best course of action” She said, looking down at the other two. Hell, if Sid would be dead and gone she wouldn't complain and she knew the little blonde firecracker wouldn't waver on her determination to get back at him.

She just wanted to make sure that she wouldn't regret it later on.

“I think it is” Peridot answered with a court nod, clasping her hands together and putting them between her bent knees. She looked as if she had to stop her fingers from already getting into action and in the End, Jasper decided to just accept it.

It was her life, she had to make her mistakes and considering the circumstance and her employment in the team, that would probably be exactly the kind of mistakes she needed to make to determinate what or who she wanted to be. If she wanted to keep Lapis save, and function as a guard and a diplomat, she had to be sure in her ways.

And she had to be sure where her limit for violence was.

“Then we should tell the Team the time next time we meet up” Jasper said, making the other two smile and easing a little of the tension of the room.

They went back to watch whatever cartoon just came on in silence, until Peridot cleared her throat again, making Lapis and Jasper look at her once again.

“Yet another Confession?” Lapis said with a grin, and Peridot nodded, visibly uncomfortable and squirming. She had felt the mood, alright.

She hadn't anything to lose, not really, but she was still uncomfortable. Yesterday night, when she wrote with Amethyst and told him why the hell she had saved Jasper instead of hauling her own ass out of there, he had straight up asked her what exactly was happening between her and the other two. And she had no real answer to that, because, fuck, all she knew was right now they were targeted by a gang, which wanted them dead and she pretty much wanted Lapis and Jasper to stay alive.

Maybe also getting fucked her brains out by them from time to time, but that was the kinda luxury you didn't thought about when you were organizing your drug traffic and tried not to get burned to death by crazy assassins and drill instructors.

Of course, she didn't exactly told Amethyst the last part, but she told him about her confusing attraction. And when they went to bed, she shot him a short message about their strange confession.

“ _Well maybe don't be an utter ass?_ ” He had texted back in the morning, “ _And tell them_ _how hard_ _u cr_ _ush_ _on them, too???_ ”

That was easier said than done, after all Peridot never had a single fucking crush in her life. She was also used to get humiliated and hurt for showing emotions and weakness, and her willingness to open up to them should have actually been enough proof for her emotions.

But alas, apparently it wasn't and now she fumbled with her words, trying to find a way to tell them she was actually willing to let this whole thing turn into something on it's own accord. At it's own pace. Without sounding like she was taking this all to seriously.

Which she wasn't.

At all.

Jasper poked her softly in the arm, “Nerd, you look like you are just about to burst, maybe breathe?”

“ _Ihaveacrushonyouboth_.”

That took both Lapis and Jasper by surprise, not only did they not really  _understood_ what the fuck Peri had just unleashed on them, the crucial part they both thought they understood … had to be a misunderstanding, certainly.

“Can you repeat that?” Lapis asked her, sitting up and giving Peridot a little space to breath, “Maybe with some pauses between the words? You know, for the really slow ones, aka Jasper?”

For a short moment it seemed as if she wanted to clap back, raising her hands as if to make a statement, but Jasper stopped herself, deciding now was not the time. Rather, she laid her hand down on Peridot's shoulder in an amicable gesture and gave her a crooked grin.

Slowly breathing in and out, Peridot tried again, falling over her own words but still managing to get them out this time.

“I have a crush on you guys. Don't you fucking try to be smug about it, I had to fall for someone eventually! Of course it would be a drug lord and her ex-girlfriend, the hired killer.”

For a while, there was no reaction from either of them. Firstly because Peridot's confession sounded more like a warning and secondly, because neither Lapis nor Jasper knew if the last part was a compliment or an insult.

They just sat there in silence, thinking about those words, until Lapis once again broke the uncomfortable quiet.

“You're not just telling us that because you fear you gonna die or something when confronting Sid, right? You know we can just accompany you and kill him as a team?”

“No!” Peridot yelled, “First of all I can handle that bean stalk, second of all I just told you my feelings, and the first thing that comes to your mind is my possible death?”

Jasper laughed, “That's what you get for crushing on a hitman. Fucking and Killing is all they can think about, isn't it Lapis?”

“Oh fuck you guys!” Peridot felt her stomach drop and was about to jump up and leave once again, this time for the door, when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist.

She felt them softly dragging her back on the couch and she allowed it, grumbling, making the other two laugh again.  
They sat her down in the middle again, Jasper keeping her right arm on her waist, Lapis keeping her left arm on her hip.

A little more serious, Jasper looked down at her, “You know you don't have to say this, right? So, if it's true, then that's cool and we can talk about it, but if it's not, that's okay, too. Just tell us beforehand.”

She looked worried, even with the slight smile she probably kept up to cover up her nerves, it was clear as day in her eyes. Uncertain, Peridot looked over to Lapis, who wore the exact same expression. Worry in her eyes, lopsided smile.

And Peridot didn't feel any better. On the inside, she berated herself for even saying something, but she was aware she couldn't just yell ' _Psyche!_ ' And play it off as a joke. She had to stand up to it now and she had no clue if she could pull it off.

“I'm serious” She said with a trembling voice, “I – I don't know shit about this whole emotional stuff, but I know that I'd rather fucking end up in those warehouse again, burning to death than seeing you guys in danger. I have no clue what that means in common circles, but I know it probably means you guys mean the world to me. Or something.”

She started rambling. Everything was too hot and too tight, her clothes felt 2 sizes too small, Jasper and Lapis felt like they were about to crush her and the air felt like it was too thick to breathe. Stars, this was torture and she would end Amethyst for suggesting this feely bullshit.

Until Lapis leaned in to actually crush (Hug, Peridot correcter herself) her, while Jasper chuckled slightly.

“So Rose was actually right, like always” She explained, using the chance to lean back on the couch with a sigh and raking through her own her, “What a surprise.”

“What do you mean?” Peridot asked, trying not to squirm out of Lapis arms, “What did Rose say?”

“We both had kind of a feeling after Rose gave us a proud Momma Bear Royal Rumble Smackdown” Lapis admitted, making Jasper smile, “She told us that you maybe … you know, could feel a little more than collegially for us.”

Jasper nodded, “We didn't really believe her, but she made pretty clear we should probably let you figure that one out without hogging you. Which we also didn't really know how to do, because neither Lapis nor I was sure how exactly we were hogging you. But Rose was apparently pretty sure we should wait until you … initiate contact.”

She sounded pretty stiff telling this and when she caught Peridot's suspicious glare, she shrugged.

“That's what she told us, I have no clue what it means because Rose loves to talk in Riddles. But, let's forget about it now, we still gotta figure out what exactly we gonna do about this.”

“What do you wanna do about it?” Peridot asked with a small voice. What did people do in such situations? What did they do normally, when it was two people who liked each other? Did they just get together?

What was one supposed to do when it was 3 people, one loving the other two and both of them loving her. But didn't know how to love each other.

Was love even the right word? Peridot didn't knew, was it love when you were willing to get yourself killed to save someone?

Not necessary, she supposed, as she tried to imagine what she was willing to do for the other members of the Team. She would willingly get herself in the same danger for Amethyst, even if she didn't felt the same for him as she did for Lapis or Jasper, but surely just as deep. It was the same for Steven. Even if she kinda feared him, considering all the skills he taught her, she knew he liked her and wanted to her to stay save. And she wanted just the same for him.

She couldn't really imagine Garnet ever needing help, neither Pearl. And she felt like Connie was one of those people, that only needed help to hide the corpses, so...

“What would you be comfortable with? Both of you?” Jasper asked. She still looked at the TV, leaned back into the cushions, but didn't really watch. Nothing on TV could have been more interesting than this situation. She just didn't wanted to stare at them.

Lapis hugged Peridot closer, and for a second Peridot feared it was a possessive gesture, until she spoke up.

“I want to try. And try again.”

That made both Jasper and Peridot look at her in confusion, but she smiled back at them. Warmly this time, not crooked.

“I almost lost you two not even 48 hours ago and, realistically speaking, I'll probably have to suffer through more of such moments. Not only when Peridot goes after Sid, but also when we actually have to take the Diamonds down. Just as I'll always risk to pick a target that will try to take me to hell with them.” She explained, almost urgently. It sounded as if she tried her hardest not to rush this, not to stutter or fall over the words, “Every time I drive past a graveyard or see a hearse go by, I'm reminded once again that we will all die before our time has come and probably very violent, too.”

Jasper made a strange sound, somewhere between a choke and a whimper. Her expression remained calm, but they all knew this was taking a turn they all didn't wanted to think about too much.

But Lapis was inexorable, “And if you two don't want this, then I'll have to, for once, accept that I won't get my way and do it your way, but I really … “

Searching for words, she looked at Jasper and Peridot, as if they had the words written across their faces, but she just saw two girls, stripped of their security walls, with big scars in their faces and a strange mix of fear and desperation in their eyes.

They were all broken and they knew they couldn't be fixed. They would die just as broken as they were and it was only a matter of time. Maybe not when they tried to kick the Diamonds from their throne, maybe not when they would inevitably fuck up one day and end either in jail or in someones trunk. Maybe not even when they ended up on the wrong side of a gun, looking into the barrel; hold by someone who was just as broken as them and hated them just as much as they hated themselves.

But one day would be their last and that was exactly why Lapis tried again, this time looking at Peridot.

“I really wanna try to do this right. Whatever right is, as long as it means you are in my life. Both of you.” She looked up at Jasper, who seemed to grew more and more anxious by the second, “No matter how my life will play out.”

Jasper opened her mouth, looking as if she wanted to disagree, but Lapis didn't let her.

“We won't be able to put an end to this everlasting nightmare of crimes and trauma. And I think it's wrong to expect that. And there is no way we will able to keep each other from getting hurt, no matter how hard we try. But maybe, having each other could at least help coping with it.”

Peridot and Jasper stared at Lapis in silence.

They didn't really knew what to say, they weren't prepared for a speech like this. Especially not from Lapis 'Anger and Snark are my only Emotions' Lazuli. And if her shaking hands were any kind of indication, then Lapis hadn't been prepared for this either.

Finally Peridot was able to tear her gaze away from her friend and looked up at Jasper, who instantly turned away and kept her eyes low, as if caught doing something shameful. She was about to ask what she thought about this, but she seemed as if she felt guilty about something and even if Peridot didn't knew what about, she decided not to pry. Instead she turned to Lapis.

“That probably means we gotta be honest with each other from now on, huh?” She asked, for once actually being the one with the lopsided grin on her face.

Lapis chuckled, “That will probably be the hardest part for you. Right after showing affection.”

“Because you are known for being super affectionate” Peridot raised a brow.

“You surely should take a page from my book” She deadpanned, then turned to Jasper who still didn't looked at them.

“Speaking of being honest” Lapis said, “You are afraid of hurting me, aren't you?”

Jasper nodded, “Not only because of what Garnet has said as we broke up, but also because of what happened before Rose took us in. We are not really good for each other, you know that.”

But before Lapis could answer that, Peridot intervened.

“Nothing we do is good for us, Jasper” She said matter-of-factly, “Or others, for that sake. But honestly, if you are so afraid of hurting her, then maybe that's the best proof you are not only sorry you did, but also shows that you won't. I was always afraid to end up with just another Sid and even if it made me an insufferable asshole, my fear stopped me from doing just that.”

“And it's not like I was innocent either” Lapis added, “We both did terrible stuff to each other. We are both sorry and we both don't want it to happen again. But that doesn't mean we have to stay away from each other.”

“Worked out until now, didn't it?” Jasper said with a sad smile and both Lapis and Peridot frowned.

“Meeting up to either dance around topics or to argue isn't really what I consider 'working'” Lapis admitted, “Even if I participated so willfully in it. And the last weeks weren't like that, either. We had a lot of fun, the second we stopped thinking about the past.”

“Sometimes you gotta let go of it.” Peridot said, “The Past, I mean. You guys tried and fucked up. Things changed. You changed. So if you want, you can try again.”

“And when we fuck up again, we try something else” Lapis nodded, “It's what I did after realizing keeping Peridot in my Basement won't get me laid.”

That made Jasper snort while Peridot blushed and turned to Lapis with an expression of horror, which made Lapis cackle.

“It worked, didn't it?” She laughed and after a few seconds, Peridot giggled, too.

“I guess” She answered truthfully, while shaking her head, “In the end that's the reason why we sit here, isn't it. Because no one wanted to kill me and I didn't stopped being a shithead, no matter what.”

“Got you right out of the basement into her bed and our team” Jasper teased.

They needed a few minutes to calm down and collect themselves again, but there wasn't really much to say anymore.

“I want to try, too” Peridot nodded finally, and together with Lapis they turned to Jasper, looking at her eagerly.

Jasper sighed, closing her eyes, organizing her thoughts.

“We have to keep talking to each other. Honestly and freely” She declared, “No secrets and no passive-aggressive bullshit.”

“You want us to give up everything that makes us so great” Lapis deadpanned and Jasper had to hold back a smile.

“Seriously” She said a little more firmly, “No lies. No manipulation. If there is something, we gotta talk about it.”

“We will” Peridot said, grabbing Lapis hand. She urged her to finally give up those precaution of hers. There was no reason to keep it anymore.

So Lapis nodded.

“We will.”

“Then let's try this” Jasper agreed with a small grin.

\---

Deep down, Peridot hoped a little bit that would be the end to it.

Like a fairytale, but instead of “Happy ever after” it would be “They are still terrible people, a drug lord, a hitman and an ice block of a runner,  _ but they are smoochin' until the end of their days _ ”.

Sadly, her life was less of a fairytale and more like the watered down version of a overdramatic TV show. The sopranos, maybe.

Mostly because cities tended to be less magical woods and beautiful castles and be a little more of a jungle. But not only as it went in the old saying “In the Jungle you have to hunt and gather, in the city you gotta lie and steal” but also in the same way it went in the jungle book.

Where the boy just fucking took over the whole thing because he walked on two legs and knew how to throw a spear, but that didn't changed that his girlfriend wouldn't listened to him when he told her not to cross the damn river filled with crocodiles. End of the story was that she was mauled to death and King “Two Legs the Never-Failing” had to find a new girlfriend.

As if finding the first one wasn't hard enough in a jungle.

But, just as the half naked dude who talked to animals, Peridot somehow found two girlfriends in the jungle that was this city and now it was time to finally take over the rest of the jungle.

City.

Or whatever would round up the metaphor, as it meant Peridot had to finally put her trust into the rest of the team.

She couldn't just cling to Lapis and Jasper in some pseudo-noble 'I will defend you' way and act as if the rest of the group wasn't existent or hadn't helped her along. It was finally time to accept that those people accepted her and be grateful for the chances she had gotten.

And it was time to stop being so distrustful.

Lapis had set up the meet up of the team after consulting with Steven and others for the next Sunday and until then, she, Jasper and Peridot stayed at home and tried to live a reasonably normal life.

Friday, Jasper and Peridot decide to at least visit their more experienced Runners to make sure everything was going the regular way without any interruptions. It was a little strange, because they weren't really sure how to interact with each other outside of Lapis house (and none of the three had gotten a grip on how to interact there, either).

Peridot also tried to be a little more friendly and comradely, after all she planned to work with them until either the business went to hell, or she herself did. Both would, hopefully, not happen in the next few years, so she decided to try and be less of a cold and snarky prick.

Which confused Jasper and the Runners, but delighted Amethyst, who hugged her on sight on Sunday noon.

She couldn't even get into the house before he got to her, grinning knowingly and congratulating her. For what, neither Lapis, nor Peridot knew. Just Jasper seemed to get what Amethyst was hinting at and when her girlfriends looked up at her expectantly, after all they promised to be honest, she just told them to wait. If it wouldn't clear up after the meet up, then she would explain it to them.

That was good enough for Lapis and Peridot and they followed her and Amethyst up to the Living Room, where Garnet and Steven were already waiting and greeting them friendly.

“How's your Arm, Jasper?” Garnet asked, nodding to the slight bulge under Jasper's Shirt right where the wound was.

“I'll never play piano again” She answered with fake grief, “But at least I'll live.”

“Okay, but that's more than those two fucks, who wounded you, can say” Amethyst grinned and took his regular seat in the circle.

Jasper, Peridot and Lapis did the same, settling and happy to see that someone had already prepared a drink for each of them. Well, at least Lapis was happy, Jasper looked with suspicion to Garnet, who grinned knowingly, while Peridot turned to Amethyst, feeling less and less sure about her plan to trust the team and become a bearable co-worker.

“Where are Pearl and Connie?” Lapis finally asked, feeling the tension grow while Steven just peacefully whistled and prepared his trusty clipboard.

“Consulting” Garnet answered nonchalantly and Peridot felt breaking a damn sweat. After the Dinner a few weeks ago, she felt like the two of them actually considered her trustworthy enough to at least accept her, but now she wasn't so sure anymore.

It was probably conceited to think she or Lapis or Jasper could somehow be the topic of Connie's and Pearl's conversation, but something about the whole atmosphere in the mansion felt like it revolved and came down to what would be spoken about today.

And well, at least she had to say something about herself and her involvement. Not only because of Sid, who now was just as important as a target to her, as Bismuth was to Lapis, but also because of Garnet's and Amethyst's knowing grins. Something was up with them and she prepped herself up.

After today a lot of things would probably change, she was aware of it.

But she had taken her time and decided, it was worth it. One of the reasons, Lapis, Jasper and her hadn't been able to find out how exactly they wanted to go about this fresh relationship, was because Peridot had thought a lot. She had spent time on the streets, out in the Garden and down in the Basement. The last one only at night though, she was aware Jasper and Lapis probably would haven been worried if they would have found out.

She had thought about her time in the team and those who she worked with and how they had always tried, some way or another. How the runners and chemists had just accepted that she, the shitty little newbie with the attitude, had become the assistant of Jasper, even if there were people on the street and in the labs who had worked far longer for her. How they tried to make her feel like she had been at this job forever and certainly knew her way around, even if she made mistakes and wasn't even able to spare a single friendly word.

How Pearl and Connie never trusted her, not for a hot second and still accept her as part of the group. Not only because of Lapis, even if she probably was a big part of that conscious decision. But Lapis couldn't have told them to be nice to her at dinner or even worry, when she had gotten drunk.

And how Steven and Amethyst had always checked in with her, made sure she was alright and listened to her, even when she behaved unreasonable and childish.

Even Garnet, who was more of a silent witness, had accepted her and she realized how often these people all could have just told Rose that she, Peridot, was a traitorous shithead and gotten the allowance to end her on the spot. Fuck, whenever she looked back on it, it was a surprise to her nobody did. She would have done it herself, if someone would have forced her to work with someone like herself.

She had realized it was time to show that their trust wasn't misplaced. That she was more than a whiny, pampered kid from the street who somehow had fucked her way up into these ranks.

And the best way to do that, was helping the team to bring their goal to effect.

But before she could do that, even propose an Idea, they had to wait for Pearl and Connie, who just got into the room and took their time getting ready to start the meet up.

They both wore a frown on their face, and didn't even looked at the others while they sat down and gave each other a knowing look.

The tension was at it's peak, just broken by Steven, who cleared his throat to open the meet up with a smile and a heart-felt welcome.

“It's good to see you all again” He said, keeping his eyes a little longer on Jasper and Peridot, but then turning back to the rest of the circle.

“I guess we all know why we are here and as much as I would like to just keep up the pleasantries, we don't have the time.

The Diamonds are getting closer, stopping their attacks on our group as a whole and target us specifically. Meaning, we have now a race against time. Whoever finds the headquarters of the others first, will have the chance to end them and I'm not sure how you guys see it, but not only would I like to keep the house of my family, I also like to be alive.”

The others nodded and murmured in agreement, that was pretty much the sentiment all of them shared. Even Peridot.

“We have to find them” Steven said, “Mom is sending out as many of her patrolmen as she can, but there is only so much she can do, before it get's suspicious.”

“Easier said than done” Jasper interjected, “We only know a few of the clubs they own and aren't able to track them down as they know our runners. And I don't trust my newbies with that stuff, they would just get themselves killed.”

“Same goes for our troops” Amethyst state, “The experienced ones are too well known, the noobs will end up beaten up into pancakes the second they walk in there.”

Steven nodded, he was aware of that.

“We still need to find a solution for this” He explained, “Which means we all gotta use our brains extra hard and meet up as soon as someone has an Idea if we don't have one today.”

Peridot looked around in confusion, that almost sounded as if the topic was done for now? Surely that couldn't be, what could have been more important than this? She hadn't even gotten a chance to speak up!

She was about to open her mouth, when Steven spoke again.

“Which brings us to the next topic at hand” He turned to Pearl and Connie, waiting for them to speak.

Peridot looked at them anxiously, because they both had side eyed her, before nodding at each other.

“After what Amethyst's Family told us and what happened at the warehouse, we are willing to see Peridot as part of the team” Pearl begun and Peridot felt her heart stop for a moment.

“We're not really content with what she is doing right now, and she certainly could be better placed, but she is far more than a simple runner and definitely capable and trustworthy enough to stay in our team. Even if 'assistant' is not a fitting job for someone in her new position.”

Somehow, it made sense now. Peridot had been considered part of the organization, but not the team. That was the reason why she had to leave for the more in depth discussions about their plans, but was allowed to get into such a high position from the start: she had been in a probation period.

And apparently the only two, who still were out on their vote if she was allowed to finally join, had been Pearl and Connie. Meaning everyone else had agreed already.

She finally realized what exactly Jasper and Amethyst had meant and looked first to the boy, who raised both his thumbs at her and grinned and then Jasper, who smiled fondly. So they had decided on the opinions of Amethyst Family and Runners. If she would have been less of a dick, she would have been part of this far sooner.

Nobody was trying to keep her out, she had actually kept herself out with her distrusting nature and her manipulating shenanigans.

When she finally dared to meet the eyes of Pearl and Connie, after seeing the proud and happy faces of Garnet, Steven and Lapis, she was greeted with controlled but honest smiles.

They trusted her.

She was part of this.

“I'm gonna find the Diamonds Headquarters” She blurted out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's only like 9k Words, but damn did I changed up a lot in this chapter. It's the first time I actually went over the draft again and again, because I want you guys to enjoy the story and damn. I should do that stuff more often, even if it's time consuming.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!


	14. Between the Bars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is 42 Pages long. 42. I'm not even getting started on the whole 'Answer to everything' Stuff, I suffered, I wrote at least a month on this chapter back in May and it's my baby. I hope you all have fun with it and just a heads up: There's gonna be some sexy Time between Lapis, Jasper and Peridot at the End :D  
> Also shout out to the 'Played from another room' meme. Makes you feel as if you are proof reading at a party, which makes you feel like you are somehow still part of other people's lives.

_Drink up one more time and I'll make you mine_  
_Keep you apart, deep in my heart_  
_Separate from the rest but I like you the best_  
_Keep the things you forgot_  
  
_People you've been before_  
_That you don't want around anymore_  
_That push and shove and won't bend to your will_  
_I'll keep them still_

 

>Chapter 14 was a Mistake.< \- BloodyJerk, May 2017

 

“I'm gonna find the Diamonds Headquarters.”

Silence filled the room. Nobody dared to speak.

Peridot hadn't thought this through, she had been so overwhelmed, feeling finally accepted and as a part of this, she had just blurted it out.

She had wanted to bring this up more gracefully, less like an impulse.

But it was too late for that now, it was out and everyone stared at her, as if she had just materialized into this room to gather souls, with horns and tails and all.

Jasper and Lapis had turned pale, Pearl's and Connie's smiles turned into a disturbing grimace and the stony expressions of Steven, Amethyst and Garnet weren't any better either.

Yeah, this was exactly the way she shouldn't have brought it up.

“Okay” Began Connie, having found her voice first, “But, you know that, when we said 'assistant is not the right position', that 'bait for a murderous gang' was not our implication, right?”

She had to keep her voice this calm by sheer power of will and a small miracle, because the tension, which had left the room for a few minutes was back with full force. It felt like every other word could set off a barrage of questions and rejections of this Idea.

So Peridot decided to try and nip them in the bud.

“I meant I will search for them. Nobody knows I'm involved, nobody will search for me. Sid still thinks I'm rotting in the gutter, the Diamonds don't know I exist and the police doesn't care for me” She explained, “I'm still a nobody to them and nobody expects someone like me to actually know shit about this business. We can all agree on that, can't we?”

The unwilling grunts coming from Amethyst and Lapis proved they had at least no real objections against her idea, except for the safety hazard. Probably.

Jasper on the other hand wasn't so willing to give up yet, just because of some good arguments, “This is a suicide mission, one way ticket right to hell. You can't possibly be serious, Squirt.”

Peridot sat up, turning to Steven, who seemed surprised. Which surprised her, because he rarely showed it when he was unprepared. But he didn't seemed opposed, at least. He could be her most valuable ally right now.

“It won't be, when I stick to the plan: finding them, telling you where they are and keeping in the background while you guys … blow them up or whatever we do with our enemies.”

Steven nodded, so did Garnet. Lapis, Jasper and Amethyst on the other hand searched for words, looking at each other. Trying to find a good argument against this idea before it turned into an actual plan.

“Can we trust her?” Pearl asked, all eyes turning to her. It stung to hear that question; Peridot had hoped she, or really all of them, would trust her more.

“I mean, you didn't exactly managed to live a good life on the streets, what if someone tries to … do something with you? The whole city is full of Sid's, and while I have no clue why you fear him so much, I'm sure he isn't the only one of his kind out there” She added as she realized how accusingly her question had sounded.

Peridot relaxed, but Garnet was the one answering.

Jumping to her defense, “I mean, she proved her worth as fighter by saving Lapis and Jasper. And her worth as a runner by becoming a great assistant. She also doesn't work more with the police than we do, so I think she is ideal for this job, considering her arguments.”

“Okay, can we all stop using those incident's as arguments to send her on this fucking forlorn hope bullshit?” Lapis interrupted the upcoming agreements from Steven and Connie, “She – I'm sorry – Peridot, you are not going. End of the discussion.”

“I agree” Jasper urged, “And she is the boss. Her word goes.”

This seemed rather suspicious to all of them, but Peridot couldn't bother. She just turned around to Jasper, glaring up at her in disbelieve and trying to come up with something. Lapis behind her smirked jubilant.

Peridot didn't saw but she motherfucking felt that smirk right on her back.

“No” She finally said and turned to Lapis, then to Steven, Connie, Garnet.

And finally to Pearl and Amethyst, “I've proved my worth. If I have a goal, I can and I will achieve it. Always. I didn't became a well-known runner by slacking or getting mugged. I fucking managed to make people remember me, without knowing who I was in the first place or finding me again. I'm perfect for this job. I'm not asking to end them, I want to find them. And I won't ask you guys on that, y'all need an experienced nobody like me. And you just voted me in, so I have all right to propose this, no matter if I'm a Squirt or not.”

“Why are you adamant to do it, though?” Connie asked. She didn't sounded suspicious, just genuine curious, “Jasper is not wrong. This can turn into a suicide mission rather fast, I thought you were over the whole 'kill yourself' idea.”

“I am” Peridot said, “I don't want to kill myself, that wouldn't help anyone. Look, you guys said it yourself, I'm not using up my whole potential. Well, let me use it now. I can do this, I just didn't considered it until I finally … “

She stopped, she wasn't ready to say it out loud.

But Steven knew and helped her out, trying to defend her and the Idea, “Until you considered yourself a real part of the group. Reasonable.”

He then turned to the rest of the group, standing up.

“I see the problem. But I don't think it is one. Peridot is, as she said herself, a nobody. We all know it, we searched for her and nothing came up, none of us ever thought she could be a lost kid from years ago. One of thousand lost kids from all these years.

And she successfully killed an Instructor and two assassins. She maybe didn't do it as gracefully as our beloved hitmen or is as strong as our muscles for hire, but I think we can all agree on that, if anyone is smart and clever enough to find the Diamonds without getting killed first, it's her. And she is the only one with those traits, who would never be suspected, neither by the police nor the Diamond grunts. And even if she gets in trouble, she got in trouble with us, too, and look where she is now.”

“Trying to fucking overturn the boss” Lapis hissed with anger, but the defeat in her voice was clear. She couldn't put her foot down this way, she would never sleep a single night again – Peridot would make her life hell until she agreed to this shit.

“But I want our people close to her.”

Peridot seemed relieved, but not satisfied.

“They will know something's up when I'm surrounded by our people, Lapis” She tried to reason and Lapis just shrugged.

“You need my okay” She countered, “And I'm willing to give it, if you have someone who keeps you save.”

“Maybe we can find a middle ground here” Garnet held up her hands, calming down the two of them, “I agree with Lapis, you should have someone who keeps an eye out for you. Just to make sure you won't get killed by some junkie with too much steroid in their blood. But I also agree too many bodyguards would be suspicious, especially if they were omnipresent.”

The others listened in silence, Garnet tended to the most levelheaded of them, besides Steven. But as opposed to the boy, she didn't had to actively try and feel for people, so she understood both parties of the discussion, with her mind and her heart.

“So the best would be if Peridot calls back. Let's say, every Evening. We keep someone close to her, maybe within walking distance to the place she stays at. So if she doesn't give us the call, someone goes out and makes sure nobody tried to kill her in her hiding place or where ever she told us she would be that day.”

She could lie, of course, but nobody said that. After all they trusted her to do this for the group, so there would be no reason to lie.

“I'm not sure if that's enough” Jasper said with a frown, Arms crossed. Peridot suddenly asked herself if she had been the same way about Lapis and if it was one of the reasons they broke up. The only person who liked it even less if someone went all mother hen on them, was Lapis and she could imagine how Jasper did it a lot back in the day.

She did it right now, after all, with her.

“It will be enough” Peridot promised, “I can do this. I want to do this and I'll do it one way or another. If you want to be sure I stay somewhere 'save', let me stay in your apartment while I search them. They still didn't find out you live there and I'll have a supreme starting point for my search. I can deal with some horny teenagers in the inner courtyard.”

Jasper didn't agree. Neither did Lapis.

And they didn't for the rest of the meet up, but in the end they could only give their 'no' vote (Lapis pondered trying the 'I'm the Boss, my word is the word of the stars'-card, but she knew Rose would be pissed) and accept all others agreed and supported Peridot's plan. Even Amethyst, who gave his okay after making her promise to give a call to her official contact person _and him_ every evening.

“Just to be sure” He had said.

Peridot had shrugged, as long as she got his okay, she even would have sent him a fucking letter.

But she didn't need to, and in the end, they were able to get right into the in depth discussions of the details.

\---

The drive home was filled with the most taut atmosphere Peridot ever had to endure.

Not even the moment in the bathroom, when Lapis found her the first time, was as tense as this fucking drive, late in the night, back to their home.

Well, Lapis and Peridot's home to be exact, but Jasper had spent the week with them and starting next week, she would live there instead of Peridot.

She had thought this would fill her with jealousy, the Idea that the two ex lovers could reconnect without her and kick her out of this before it even started, but right now that felt like her smallest worries. The two of them were seething with rage.

Lapis drove, like always, not allowing anyone in her captains seat, gripping the wheel as if to strangle it. Her knuckles were white. Peridot didn't even knew such thing was possible with her dark skin, as Lapis was either clawing right into the steering wheel leather or the gearstick. She didn't made a single sound and that was always a bad sign with her. It meant she was either drunk or so caught up in one of her moods she wasn't able to form all the words she wanted to unleash on the small girl in the backseat. And Peridot was grateful for it, even if this was always just the calm before the storm.

If Lapis exploded right away, it wasn't that bad. When she started to grow silent, it meant she built up and stocked her anger. That turned her into the nuclear catastrophe everyone was so afraid of.

Jasper was silent, too. Arms still crossed in front of her, sitting in the front passenger seat and stared ahead. That, in itself, was harmless. It mostly meant she was either thinking or relaxing, but Peridot knew, it wasn't one of those options now.

She was waiting for Peridot to say or do something to start her sermon, to drown her in well-formed arguments mixed with her almost hammy speeches. She almost never used them, but sometimes she just started talking about her time at the Diamonds, as a guard and a grunt, how she knew all the tricks and all the terrible stuff that happened there.

Always implying Peridot wouldn't survive a day, after all she had barely survived and was part of them. And she probably meant it in a nice way, and she would mean this endless argument in a nice way, too, but nice didn't ended the Diamonds and nice hadn't brought them this far, hadn't brought them here.

Well, nice mostly hadn't brought them here.

But Peridot didn't said a thing. She just watched them for a while, before turning to the window to her left and staring at the lights of the city. She loved this route by now, the lights of the advertisements, of the windows in the many apartment towers they drove past and also the lights that lit up the road ahead and behind them.

Somehow, that must have triggered Lapis, even if Peridot wasn't sure how.

She turned to Jasper, trying to remain calm and collected, “Why did nobody tell me Pearl's and Connie's vote's depended on the Runners? I would have liked to know.”

Jasper shrugged, “Ask them why they didn't told you. Nobody told me either, I just kinda connected the dots when Ame and Pearl started to check in regularly on Peridot's work morale.”

Peridot snorted, “Great. So, why did nobody tell me there was a voting system and I wasn't officially part of it? I'd have liked to known that.”

Taking her chance, Jasper turned around to her, almost crawling out of her seat to stare at her, face to face.

“We would have really liked to know before hand about your plan, before you fucking stabbed us in the back by announcing it that way. Don't even try, you knew we couldn't disagree that way. And that is bullshit.”

“Yeah!” Lapis shouted, hitting the steering wheel with her flat hand.

Peridot wasn't impressed, not in the slightest.

“You are the boss and you were the least prepared today, don't talk about knowing things” She challenged her and knew she would regret it later, when Lapis could kick her out of the driving car without risking to kill her instantly that way.

“You made me part of the team and the both of you voted for me to stay. You helped me becoming part of this, why are you angry I'm participating now?”

“Because this is far more than participating, Peridot!” Jasper nearly shouted. And normally that was fear inducing but Peridot was filled with so much adrenaline, Jasper could have turned into a damn dragon, breathing fire and talking about her hoard and she wouldn't have batted an eye about it.

Not only because she felt in the right here. But also because she knew Jasper wouldn't harm her, she was just as emotional as everyone else in this car.

“Getting back to your plan to kill yourself after having us become attached to you and finally becoming part of our team is kind of a dick move, you know? Because it's the only thing I can imagine you are trying here, that or proving something, but I'm not exactly sure what.”

She had calmed down a little while speaking, turning from angry to almost desperate.

Lapis picked up where she left off, “How can you not see how terrible this is for us? Not only the plan, but how you brought it up and not even once talked to us about it. Weren't we supposed to be honest with each other?”

“Well would you have agreed to it?” Peridot asked and the two of them opened their mouths to answer, but she didn't gave them a chance.

“Honestly, if I would have told you guys three days after the ware house incident, that I wanna go out there and finally find those asses? Would you have supported me?”

Neither Jasper, nor Lapis answered. They dared to spare a glance at each other before Lapis turned back to look at the road, while Jasper sat down correctly in her seat again.

“That's why I didn't told you guys” Peridot said without heat, “I knew you wouldn't. And I understand, to some extent even I can worry about others and you guys probably worry about me. But I can do this. And you both know that.

The only reason you still don't want this to happen is because of your feelings.”

Jasper snorted, looking at Peridot over the rear-view mirror, “Are you trying to throw back my little speech about emotions to me?”

There was a little smile on her face.

Peridot smirked, “Maybe. But that's the reason I wasn't honest, even if we promised to be. Because I knew your emotions would stop you from doing the reasonable thing.”

“How is sending you to your death reasonable?” Lapis murmured angry.

“You know I won't die” Peridot said, “You are afraid I'll die, but I won't.”

“ _Damn right I'm afraid!”_

That startled both Peridot and Jasper.

Sure, Lapis was moody and tended to be an ass hat, but exploding while actually stating the reason was not only a first but also a damn paradox. When she blew up she mostly threw around hundred different small reasons, never really getting to the point or being upfront about it. Or she just screamed out her frustration without words but rather a very colorful mix of accuses, defenses and insults that would bring every edge lord close to an embarrassment induced coronary.

She drove until the next exit to steer the car off the highway, right down an abandoned boulevard, until they stopped close to a gas station.

Stopping the car and ripping the keys out of the ignition, she sat there, not saying another word until it was dark inside the vehicle and finally, silent.

Jasper and Peridot were too afraid to say anything at all and the quite sounds of a car shutting off was their only reminder that, no, Lapis hadn't just killed them all but instead made a maneuver that scared them right into silence.

“I have every right to be afraid” Lapis said a little calmer now, still gripping the wheel, “And I have every right to be upset about this.”

“I didn't say you shouldn't-” Peridot began, but Lapis interrupted her.

“And I wish you would have trusted me to support you with this. What did you thought I would do, if you told us in private first? Just shackle you back down in the basement?”

That accusation hit Peridot like a freight train in full speed. Of course she would have never even wasted a single thought on this Idea. How did Lapis even …

But before she could form a sentence, Lapis fumbled with the door, eventually kicking it open after unlocking it and leaving the car. Jasper looked after her in pure shock, then turning her gaze to Peridot in bewilderment. Which made Peridot feel even worse, because when this was something that scared Jasper, who knew Lapis since she was a wee lil kiddo, it meant it was bad.

Immediately they both unclasped their seat belts and tried to follow their girlfriend, who had already brought some distance between herself and the car.

They followed her, to a bench standing between a few neatly trimmed hedges which segregated the sidewalk from one of the community gardens of the residential houses. But when they got close enough to make out her features again, Jasper stopped suddenly. Peridot did the same looking back up at her in confusion.

“Maybe you should talk to her” She proposed, “I'm still not happy with this, but I feel like you and Lapis need this talk. Just, wave me over when it's all settled.”

Peridot nodded, uncertain at first, but finally obeying and walking the rest of the short way over to her girlfriend alone.

She didn't sat down, not right away, just stood beside her for a few seconds, waiting for Lapis to give her okay to sit down.

“Now you want my opinion” She said bitterly, but waved in the general direction of the space beside her.

Peridot didn't said anything, just sat down and waited for Lapis to go on.

But she didn't, so they sat in uncomfortable silence, the only sound coming from Jasper, who lit a cigarette in the distance and the wind, which found it's way through the hedges, making them rustle. From time to time a car drove by, but except for that, the night was silent and finally, Peridot found her courage again.

“You have every right to be upset and angry. And I know I fucked up for not talking to you guys, but I really don't want to spent this week without at least talking about this.”

“You could have talked about it the last days” Lapis' voice was dripping with venom, but Peridot didn't reacted to it. She knew Lapis was hurt and she tried to cover it up. Just like she did herself so often.

The least thing she could do was bring up just as much sympathy for Lapis, as she and the others always had for Peridot. After all, she was actually at fault for here.

So she nodded ruefully, “And I should have. We promised to be honest with each other and I still broke that promise after less than 7 days. But … Lapis, I'm afraid we won't be able to be honest with each other always.”

That made the hitman look up in doubt, searching her eyes in the dark.

“Think about our Lifestyle, Lapis. Sometimes we will have to make decisions for our own and we can't risk to involve anyone else in. We both know that, Jasper knows that. We gave up on 'healthy relationships 101' the second we all gave up on a healthy and civil lifestyle. That doesn't make it right what I did today, but it's the only apology I can give you.”

Nothing here is right, Lapis decided, nodding and leaning her elbows on her knees, lowering her head to look at her shoes. Of course they couldn't always be honest with each other. If Peridot or Jasper would ever ask her after one of her clients or her targets, she would have to lie, too. And Jasper couldn't always tell them which country she would head to next. And thus, maybe, Peridot couldn't always tell them what she thought up next. They had to trust each other enough to just believe they had a good reason, when they didn't told each other the whole truth.

“Why did you bring up the basement, Lapis?” Peridot asked eventually.

“Because I probably would” Lapis answered without missing a beat, “Honestly, if that would have been the only way to bring you back to your senses, I would have shackled you right down there.”

And Peridot should have been afraid or upset hearing that, but somehow, she wasn't. Not because she didn't believed Lapis, quite the opposite. Realistically seen, all three of them were broken and just as Jasper said, monsters. They could hurt each other worse than any enemy, every Diamond member and their grunts.

But they didn't wanted to do that. And Peridot knew, even if Lapis had some loose screws that could make her short circuit, she still wouldn't have done this.

But Lapis was afraid she would do it someday, she was ashamed for the things she had done and she was scared of doing them again. Just as Jasper had feared some days before.

“Well, if I really need to come to my senses, I'm sure Jasper will help you shackle me down there” Peridot joked, making Lapis look at her in slight disgust, “But if that behavior seems even a little over the top, I'm sure Jasper and I will help you not to fall back into it. If you can't help yourself anymore, I mean.”

This seemed to sooth Lapis a little. She smiled slightly, turning her gaze back to her shoes and clasping her hands together. The silence between them was once again comfortable, even if not everything was perfectly solved and Peridot waved Jasper over to them.

After all, she had just as much say in this topic, as the two of them.

\---

Peridot wasn't exactly sure, how she ended up in this abandoned apartment tower and why Jasper was fighting Sid, but she assumed this was just the way things went sometimes. She remembered being grocery shopping, seeing him from the corner of her eye and calling Jasper, who helped tracking him down.

But he wasn't alone when they found him and she had cursed, because they just blindly followed this psychopath into a trap. Luckily, his friends apparently thought it was far more entertaining to just watch, while Jasper tried to stop Sid from beating her to pulp. Peridot tried to make up a plan to help them out of this situation, but before she even managed to come up with a direction this should go on, Jasper fell on the floor.

“Fuck!” Peridot yelled, Sid grinning at her while the rest of his friends mocked and sneered at her and Jasper.

At least she seemed to be alive, moaning in pain and holding her stomach, but alive.

And somehow, it gave Peridot enough courage to try for herself. After all, she was his real target and he was her enemy, so why not settle this old score once and for all and get even?

Sid wasn't prepared.

Peridot always obeyed.

Even when she didn't, she never charged at him. Throwing him on the floor with her shoulder and her elbow as a battering ram.

They both fell, and even if she was actually light and small, she managed to pin him down. His bright green eyes searched and found her.

Almost shining, but he didn't fought it. Never did his friends tried to helped him.

She straddled his chest, grabbing his chin with her hand and forcing him to look at her.

“I remember” She hissed, “I remember what you did to me. All of it.”

He seemed shocked at first, then his face turned stony. Almost as if he wanted to challenge her.

“And I have witnesses” She promised, “People remember me. Your best runner. And they remember how you treated me. I told them everything.”

Now he didn't looked so certain anymore. But once again, he lost control only for a split second, looking scared but finally looking at her with a neutral expression.

He wasn't sorry. He didn't feel bad. And he apparently didn't feared someone would try to get him for his shit.

She was nothing to him and his actions, while he knew were wrong, never made him feel bad. He wasn't afraid to repeat them.

So she didn't gave him the chance.

Peridot tried to yell at his friends, telling him what kind of person he was, but her voice was croaky and small. So she turned back to him, and told him of all the times in the shower.

All the times he had hit her and broke her glasses, so she was blind.

Told him again about the day he caught her, promising to force her into prostitution.

And finally her voice came back and she managed to yell at his friends. Telling him who exactly he was and why she and Jasper were here.

And they believed her and when she stood up, she felt hands on her shoulders.

Jasper looked down at her in confusion.

Confusion?

And why was she unharmed?

Peridot blinked and everything turned blurry. She blinked again and once again saw Jasper, felt the warm covers and a pillow and realized it had been a dream.

“You've been screaming for 5 Minutes straight” Jasper said concerned, “How you were right and this was just pretty much Karma?”

Peridot needed a few seconds to find her voice and also organize her thoughts enough to give a satisfying answer. Her brain was still in the abandoned building and she was still kinda talking to the shadows, which she had identified as Sid's friends in her sleep.

Should she tell Jasper?

She would probably only worry more, but Peridot had already lied this week and felt like it would only become a habit if she did it again. After all, it was only a dream, what could it possibly mean?

“I dreamed of Sid” She answered truthfully, sitting up while Jasper gave her a little space. Fumbling for her contacts, she managed to get them in and looked around, seeing she and Jasper were alone in the bedroom and that it was already around noon, considering the height of the sun.

Was it another dream? Because she didn't remember how she got here, she only remembered yesterday night, their discussion after the meet up and that they sat on this bench, talking.

After that … she only remembered Lapis had woken her, to take out the contacts. But that was it. Had she fallen asleep on the bench?

Had Jasper and Lapis brought her home and carried into bed?

“You wanna talk about it?” Jasper interrupted her thoughts and made her look up. She needed a few seconds to gather her thought, but finally just shook her head.

“We knocked all of his shitty teeth out” She grinned, making Jasper smile. She wiggled out from under the covers, sitting on the edge of the bed and contemplating what to do now, while Jasper stood up and was about to leave.

“What time is it?” Peridot asked her, before she could close the door behind herself. Leaving Peridot to change and get ready for the day.

“Around 1 pm, why?”

Peridot shrugged, “Just wanted to know.”

Jasper left and Peridot slumped down.

With a sigh she tried to motivate herself to move and shove away the shadows and the face of her old boss. Sure, she had called his ass out but she didn't felt very good about the dream. As if she had made the ending up.

“Why now?” She mumbled, rubbing over her scar absently, following it with her hand up from her cheek over her nose, her eye. Finally, up to her hair line. She shouldn't think about him now, she needed to focus on getting ready to find the diamonds, she couldn't dwell on this fucker.

It took her a few minutes, but finally she stood up and went to the bathroom, grabbing some new clothes on the way. She showered and didn't even bother to look in the mirror, already feeling like she saw enough for the day. They would have to start making fake ID's for her, getting her a new account at a bank and set up everything so she could transition from this life to her undercover persona for the next few …

Well, what exactly? Days, weeks, months?

Fuck, the plan was to get this done before next year, but how could she be sure it would be so easy? How could she be sure there really was just one headquarter to infiltrate; maybe there was more to it? Lapis had been all around town in different lofts and apartments after all, while Jasper had spent her whole training in one place. What if there were many different headquarters for different jobs and different positions?

They had seen this possibility, but now, when Peridot realized it meant being away without knowing how long, it scared her.

It was ridiculous, she had been alone all of her life, but now it scared her and when she finally sat down in the kitchen to gnaw on her cornflakes, Lapis took notice of her bad mood.

She had been out in the garden, enjoying the sun. Hearing Peridot rumbling around in the kitchen had her summoned inside, just to be greeted with wild hair, eye circles and a badly covered frown.

“You look like shit” Lapis said.

Peridot reminded herself this was the reason she loved her – no wait, the term was infatuated at this stage, wasn't it? - and shrugged.

“I'm copying your style” She grunted with a slight smirk. Lapis chuckled, leaning on the kitchen counter and watching Peridot eat with her arms crossed in front of her chest. For a few seconds, there was no sound except for Peridot's chewing and the birds outside. Lapis had left the door slightly ajar.

“Where's Jasper?” Peridot asked after a while, still eyeing her cornflakes more than eating, hoping Lapis wouldn't call her out on it. She had already realized Peridot wasn't a good eater and tended to downright starve when she felt bad.

But either she didn't noted or wanted to spare her the sermon, either way, Lapis decided to answer, “Out for a walk with Pumpkin. She will have to make some calls and meet some of her clients who can help you out. She asked me to drive us.”

“Us?” Peridot asked suspiciously, “You mean all three of us?”

Lapis shrugged, “Well neither of you is gonna drive my car. Jasper needs to talk to some of these guys in person. And we decided to drag your lazy ass with us.”

“Excuse you” Peridot said with mock offense, “The term you are looking for is 'Hero'. And it's not 'lazy', it's 'resting up'.”

Lapis snorted and after a few seconds, they both laughed.

“Comb your hair, we gonna leave in about an hour” Lapis finally stated, leaving the kitchen to go upstairs.

“Oh. And eat up.”

\---

They spent the day visiting different Copy Shops, photo booths and agencies and departments, where Jasper once again left Lapis and Peridot outside to visit some clients. This time, though, it wasn't to sell, but to call in some favors. And considering the ranks and jobs of some of those clients, it didn't took long for Peridot to put away the first documents that identified her as Ann-Katrin Müller. A common or garden name and the first step to the identity of a nobody.

In between they took little breaks, eating in fast food restaurant or getting some coffee. The whole time Peridot had to curb the urge to look behind her, looking out for Sid or one of the shadows. But whenever she couldn't hold on to herself, sparing a short glare over her shoulder, there was no one who would have caught her eye.

No evil shadows.

No grinning dude, who would force her to undress and stand under ice cold water.

None the less was she relieved when they finally got home and she could lay down on the couch, sighing loudly while pushing her face into one of the pillows.

Jasper and Lapis knew what she had feared, she had told them the first time they asked her what the fuck she was looking out for and accepted they couldn't stop her fear. Instead they opted to keep her close to them and Peridot found herself enjoying it.

It felt right to be close to them and she forced herself not to think about her own stupid plan, which would rip her away from them for stars know how long.

She felt the cushions dip as another body settled on the couch, Lapis laying down on Peridot's back and cuddling up to her. She didn't even had to look, Lapis had a whole different built from Jasper and it was kinda easy to distinguish them through this alone.

“Is this okay?” Lapis murmured and Peridot nodded, groaning in agreement. Honestly, she wanted nothing more than just lying here, the comforting weight of Lapis on her back and …

“Jasper?” Peridot called out, muffled by the pillow.

“Taking Pumpkin for a stroll” Lapis mumbled into her shirt, her breath seeping through the textile and warming Peridot's skin.

She laughed, “I feel like she uses him as an excuse to walk around as much as possible instead of being caged here.”

At first, Lapis said nothing, instead just rubbing Peridot's back, making her relax. She didn't moved much, just rubbing and stroking those parts of her back she could reach and humming quietly.

“She really likes Pumpkin” Lapis finally agreed, “But she doesn't flee the house. She just likes to jog with him. Nothing more to it.”

Feeling a little guilty, Peridot tried to sit up.

“I didn't mean - “

But Lapis shushed her, pushing her back down on the couch and stroking over her shoulder. Peridot shuddered, allowing the touch and putting her face back onto the pillow, trying to stop thinking for a few minutes.

She tried to enjoy this calm, probably last, opportunity for a long time and thus, they waited patiently for Jasper to come back. They didn't talked, not even when the door opened and Jasper and Pumpkin came back in. Even when Jasper followed Peridot's wishes, as if she could read her mind, and cuddled up to them while Pumpkin settled on the foot of the couch, they kept their silence.

Just enjoying each others warmth and closeness.

And for a while, they were at peace.

\---

The next few days were spent pretty similar:

They went out to get the preparations done, Jasper checked in with her Runners (asking Skinny and Carnelian to jump in as her substitute until everything had calmed down) and cuddled up in the evening.

It was pretty domestic and Peridot caught herself wishing they could stay like that forever. And maybe they could, when this shit was over.

It was the most normal thing she had ever experienced and it almost made her forget they were actually criminals and not just some mid-twenty kids in their holidays.

Friday morning even, Amethyst had promised to come over after getting some business done with Garnet, they fucking sang.

All three of them, as if the whole world was smiles and sunshine, they sat together in the kitchen for breakfast and some pretty dramatic female cover of “Stand By Me” came on.

Of course, each and all of them had that song heard somewhere in their life. Not even in Germany one was save from the most cliché songs in history and neither were them.

In the beginning it was just Jasper humming silently along, while Lapis stood up to put her dishes into the sink, but when the whole orchestra went in, the hitman couldn't stop herself from singing along loudly. At first Jasper and Peridot looked at her in surprise, watching Lapis grinning and imitating the vocalist, hand on her chest and all hysterical acting.

When Peridot turned to Jasper, in hopes of seeing an explanation for this outburst of exuberant enthusiasm, she was greeted with a mischievous grin.

“Don't” She muttered, almost pleaded under her breath, but it was too late.

Jasper jumped up, joining into Lapis Pathos and dancing with her, before they both turned to Peridot. As if to challenge her to sing along.

“Forget it” She said, irritated and feeling second-hand embarrassment, especially when these two dorks went all out. Lapis holding out her hand, one knee nearly on the floor, as Jasper acted as a background vocalist.

At first, Peridot just turned to her cornflakes, shaking her head. Until Lapis stood up again and decided to just sit on the table instead, making Peridot looking up in disbelieve. And amusement.

“Seriously?” She asked and Lapis nodded, still grinning widely. Peridot once again turned to Jasper, who grinned just as much and finally, she gave up with a sigh.

“ _Whenever you're in trouble, won't you stay by me?_ ” She sang just as dramatically as the other two.

It wasn't good, by any means. The song was too high and Peridot's voice was too rough, but Jasper and Lapis went along as if this was a musical and they just had their big scene.

“ _Stand by me!_ ” They sang and when the song was finished, they were laughing. Peridot now sitting on the table, Lapis between her legs and Jasper right behind them, chuckling.

They didn't even heard the door or Amethyst, who yelled for them. Telling them Garnet and he had already done their job and he was free for the day.

Only when he appeared in the door frame of the kitchen, looking at them with surprise, they all looked up at him. Peridot blushed furiously in a matter of seconds, Lapis grinned even wider when she saw the crooked grin on Amethyst face and Jasper had to turn away to curb her chuckles, which slowly turned into boisterous laughter.

“I can give you some time alone, girls” Amethyst finally grinned, finger guns and all, slowly walking backwards.

Peridot squawked something along the lines “it's not what it looks like”, just for Jasper to tell her this ship has long sunk and Lapis to finally back up, laughing as she mumbled something about the Titanic.

“You are both impossible” Peridot hissed, but she smiled at them and there was no venom in her voice when she stumbled on her feet, following Amethyst, to stop him from leaving and explaining once again 'it was not what it looked like'. Of course, he didn't believed her and neither did she.

But he followed her back regardless, with a smug grin, but at least he didn't said another thing about it.

The four of them, plus Pumpkin, spent the day together, at first in the garden, talking and joking around, only interrupting it to take Pumpkin for a stroll.

When the sun started to set and it got colder, they went inside. Jasper, Peridot and Amethyst sat on the couch, waiting for Lapis, who rummaged through her kitchen cabinets and wouldn't tell them what she was looking for. After a few minutes she followed them, 4 glasses in her left hand, a bottle of whiskey in the other.

“You trying to get us into a drunken foursome?” Amethyst joked around and Jasper chuckled, while Lapis nodded with the most serious expression she could muster.

“Always. It's Peridot and my Plan to get killed by Pearl.”

“And you take me with you, because you can't handle hell alone?” Jasper joked and Peridot laughed.

“Honestly, you'll most likely end up in a fist fight with the devil and we get thrown out like 5 minutes after we arrive.”

Jasper shrugged, “Would you complain, tho?”

Peridot shook her head, while Lapis sat down between Jasper and handed out the glasses, filling them up with whiskey. They calmed down enough to down the first gulp like a shot and collectively frowned at the taste.

“Why the fuck do you store and serve us meths?” Jasper coughed, putting her glass back on the table and shaking her head in disgust, “Is that the stuff you got drunk on regularly?”

Amethyst and Peridot on the other hand just powered through. But when Lapis filled up their glasses and her own, they couldn't stop looking at the bottle with disgust. They both skittered a little back, further away from the table. Solely to have an excuse not to drink more right away.

“That bottle is worth 260 Bucks” Lapis explained, looking at Jasper in disbelieve, “Who the fuck gets drunk on alcohol worth almost 300 bucks?”

“You” Jasper teased.

She almost fell on top of Amethyst, trying to get away from Lapis, who was trying to slap her on the arm. Soon all of them were laughing again and after a while, they even got used to the taste of the expensive rubbing alcohol out of the whiskey bottle.

Even when Lapis didn't explained why the hell she brought out the big guns, they all knew she had her reason to serve this stuff this evening. It was more or less a small farewell party. Nobody knew how long it would take until they could sit together like this again and, to be honest, nobody knew if they ever would. No matter how much they planned, there was so much that could go wrong. So it was understandable Lapis served it now, and didn't kept it for the small chance they could celebrate a “welcome back party”.

Because, even if Peridot came back, it only meant they would have to act fast. There would be no time for parties before the diamonds weren't dead and gone forever, so this was probably the last chance to drink and share the noble rotgut before everything went to shit.

It was around midnight when Amethyst started asking ridiculous questions. In the beginning it was more of a “would you rather?” With almost harmless questions.

“You have two chairs” He explained after a while, they were positively drunk and none of them was serious anymore. “One with a dildo on it, another one with a cake on it. You gotta sit down on one and whatever is on it, and eat whatever is one the other one. Choose wisely!”

They didn't even question how he got this Idea, Jasper just hollered with laughter, while Peridot and Lapis answered simultaneously.

“Fuck, mate, I hate cake” Peridot snarled.

“I love cake” Lapis said with honest enthusiasm.

Silence followed as Jasper and Amethyst watched them with breathless attention. Lapis and Peridot turned to each other, looking confused and, in Lapis case, betrayed.

“Relationship over” She deadpanned, “Where the fuck is the restraining order form?”

They managed to hold this up for all of five seconds, before they both turned into giggling messes.

Not long after that, Jasper and Lapis went up to go to sleep and left Peridot and Amethyst to themselves. After all, Amethyst had come to say goodbye, even if it hadn't been said out loud. The two of them had become close, Peridot considered him her best friend and that was the reason why she was fine spending the evening with him. She wouldn't have been able to stomach anyone else besides Lapis and Jasper.

As soon as they heard the door to Lapis Bedroom close, Amethyst and Peridot put on some Jackets and went into the Garden. They both lit their cigarettes and for a while, they just sat on the plastic chairs, staring at the stars in silence.

Peridot almost had flashbacks of the night with Jasper on the lake. But this was different.

Amethyst reached into his Jacket, handing her a little bundle of textile.

“They looked at me strangely, but I got them” He said with proud, watching her opening the cluster of fabric.

Inside were glasses, the ones that had been destroyed while she had been in Marten's Bathroom. That shit seemed so long ago, but here they were, as good as new. Just, with no real lenses. Exactly the way she had asked Amethyst.

She would keep her contacts, but she knew those glasses helped her looking more innocent and harmless.

People were even inclined to ignore the bigger part of the scar, acting less disgusted and more sympathetic.

“Thanks, Ame” Peridot smiled, putting them on.

She turned to him, grinning.

“Just as harmless as day one” Amethyst said with a slight smirk, but he wasn't able to cover up his worry. And Peridot wasn't able to ignore it.

“What's going on?” She asked him and he shrugged.

He avoided her eyes, instead looking down at her hands, her cigarette. The smoke and the red embers.

“I'm afraid you won't come back” He answered, “I'm afraid someone will get your ass. It could take up to 24 hours for us to even realize. You could be dead before we even know something's wrong.”

Peridot shrugged, “But that could happen to each of us. Lapis and Pearl are not less endangered on their missions.”

Amethyst struggled to find words, “Yes, but... Look, we would find out sooner. Shit, we would find our sooner when Jasper would get in trouble, but when something happens to you? We won't know soon enough.

What if someone rats your ass out?”

“Who would even do that?” Peridot questioned, “Some kids on campus who end up with some bad trips? What should I be afraid of, Amethyst? Look at me, I'm pale, I'm blond, I have green eyes. Even if they would haul me right into the police station, my ass filled to the brim with plastic bags full of heroin, they'd probably gimme a light slap on the hand and then apologize for the inconvenience.”

For a short while Amethyst just stared at her, looking for doubt or a sign she was joking, but she was dead serious. Finally, he just laughed.

“What's so funny?” Peridot asked with surprise, but he just shook his head, waving at her to stop her from talking. He put his face in his hands, still chuckling and making sure he wouldn't burn his hair with his still burning cigarette.

It took him a little time to calm down and when his breath was finally even, there was nothing left of his smoke. So he lit another one, after disposing of the first one in the ashtray.

Then he turned back to Peridot.

“Considering what's going on with the politics right now, you're probably right about that. But the diamonds won't care about the color of your skin or who you are. Don't get caught, okay? And when you get caught, don't let them know you are one of us or they won't even have to think about their next steps.”

Peridot's smile was tired, but earnest, “Are you telling me that because you are scared for me or afraid of what they will do to you guys?”

“Both” Amethyst answered honestly, “Don't get caught.”

“I can't promise that” Peridot said, finishing her own cigarette and turning her gaze back to the stars, “I can't even promise I will come back. I'll give my best and I won't betray you guys. And that's all I can say.”

He nodded, of course. He followed her eyes up, staring at the stars and almost wishing he could offer another option. Another plan. But he couldn't.

“I almost wish I was still in this basement” Peridot admitted after a while.

“It was easier down there.”

\---

They talked until Amethyst went inside to sleep on the couch and Peridot went upstairs. She could have shared the couch with Amethyst, there was more than enough space without making this awkward, but she wanted to sleep in the bed.

Even if it would be very cramped, after all everyone sleeping in there was kind of family to her, including Pumpkin.

So she silently opened the door, undressed and climbed over Pumpkin, who laid at the foot of the bed and just squeezed in between Jasper and Lapis, who laid cuddled up close in the middle of the bed.

It wasn't jealousy. She just wanted to be embraced by both of them. Feel both of them around her and she wasn't sure if it woke them, but she felt how they made space for her. Waited until she was comfortable. And then laid their arms around her, drawing her close and snuggling her.

Peridot didn't complain. She felt secure and loved and if she would have died this way, she wouldn't have lamented it.

She exhaled contently and felt herself drifting slowly to sleep. The alcohol and the late hour helped her relaxing and she almost didn't question the warm hands that were stroking up and down her stomach.

Almost.

Instead she held her breath, feeling Lapis nuzzle her neck and purring quietly. As if to make sure to not startle Peridot with the affection she and Jasper gave to her. There wasn't any burning passion behind it, no dominance or aggression. They found their way with their hands to stroke and pet naked skin, sleepy kisses given in between.

“Is this alright?” Jasper asked into the darkness, stopping her hand over the waistband of Peridot's Boxer's.

She sounded tired and for a moment Peridot had to remind herself to speak. She wasn't even sure if she had heard Jasper or just imagined it, but regardless she shook her head with a silent “I'd rather not” and felt Jasper withdraw her hands.

“Is everything okay?” Lapis whispered, worry laced her voice.

Peridot nodded, still not opening her eyes, “I just don't … maybe when we don't have a guest over.”

“Okay” Lapis and Jasper said, keeping their hands under Peridot's shirt but not trying anything anymore.

“Thanks” She murmured.

Jasper beside her stirred slightly, “What for?”

Now Peridot opened her eyes, looking up at Jasper who laid beside her and looked at her with confusion.

“For cuddling with me” She said honestly, “And for accepting I'm not in the mood for anything more right now.”

Jasper seemed surprised about that and for a few seconds she seemed to search for an answer, ultimately finding none.

“Just come here” Peridot chuckled quietly, Lapis beside her grinning and helping her to draw Jasper once again close to them.

“Alright. Sleep well” Jasper said when they got settled again.

“You too” Peridot yawned, closing once again her eyes and letting sleep overpower her.

“Don't let the thing that resides in my basement get you. She's a nightmare” Lapis mumbled and Peridot probably would have pinched her, but she was too tired.

And so she let it slide, enjoying the warmth of her two girlfriends beside her.

\---

While falling asleep with them was a beloved treat, waking up with Jasper and Lapis was more of a “water bucket over the head” like experience to Peridot.

“Get your bitch ass over here and cuddle with me, you little shit.”

That was definitely Jasper, mumbling beside her. She wasn't in the middle anymore, Lapis to her left was gone and she felt the edge of the bed when she felt for her with her left hand.

“Is that a threat or are we flirting?” Lapis retorted with a silent snort.

There was the sound of fabric rustling and Peridot felt Jasper struggling, abandoning all hope to fall asleep again when Lapis began to giggle.

The two of them were roughhousing – Peridot opened an eye and looked over to make sure – and shaking the bed to the point she almost fell off.

“Cheezus fuck, I didn't asked for this” She grunted, making Lapis and Jasper stop and grin at her.

“Good Morning sunshine” Lapis smirked, knowing very well they had woken Peridot up.

“How come you two are this active and enthusiastic in the morning?” She asked with a yawn, trying to get up and find her contacts. She hadn't gotten enough sleep, she was hung over and there was a terrible taste in her mouth, not unlike rotten milk.

“Experience” Jasper preened, “And Lapis could be awake for 72 hours, close to death and still would be up to be a little shit.”

Lapis took her chance, as Jasper was explaining and distracted, to get on top of her. She straddled her waist and struggled, to get her wrists in her hands, trying to immobilize her. They both laughed and Peridot took it as her cue to get her sleep lacking ass out of here before she would get a migraine.

She opened the door, greeted by an overjoyed Pumpkin, who apparently got locked out by someone last night. Probably while one of them got out to get to the toilet, but he took it rather well, considering how fast he got back into the bedroom and jumped on the bed to help Lapis wrestle down Jasper.

“Et tu, Pumpkin?” Peridot murmured under her breath. She looked over at the brawling bundle, wondering how the fuck she considered the three of them peaceful just yesterday night. How were those the same beings that laid so harmless in bed just a few hours ago, snoring as if there was not a single care in the world?

Shaking her head in disbelieve, Peridot made her way down to the living room, where the next snoring bundle just waited to be awoken. Amethyst laid exactly where she left him; on the couch, covers laying everywhere except over him and completely sprawled out. No wonder Pumpkin didn't just slept on the couch with him, he had left no space on it for the dog.

“How can such a small person take up so much space?” Peridot whispered with amusement, deciding not to be an absolute dick and at least get some coffee ready before she threw Amethyst out of his make do bed.

Walking past him into the Kitchen, Peridot looked up at the clock that hung from the wall right above the door to the garden. It wasn't even 10 am yet, how could anyone be awake at this time after such a night? Why the fuck was she awake?

The answer to this question came in form of muffled, howling laughter from upstairs. Strangely enough, instead of annoying her, the sound lifted her spirits and she started to prepare the coffee machine, looking over at the radio absentminded. She was about to turn it on, but remembered it could possibly wake their guest and stopped herself.

She would miss this.

She would miss Jasper and Lapis and their strange behavior. And their acceptance. She would miss Amethyst and Steven, especially those hours were they just talked about stuff that should stay unspoken outside of any confidential environment.

But she did this for them.

At least she hoped she did.

Stopping herself from getting caught in her thoughts, she waited until the coffee ran into the pot and got a mug ready for Amethyst. The boy would be pissed being awake this early, but he had a date with Pearl in about two hours and it would be probably a good thing to wake him a little earlier than his last minute alarm. She could also talk to him a little more that way.

Grabbing his mug and one for herself, she went back into the living room. Amethyst was still snoring peacefully and she put down the two cups on the table, making sure they won't get in harms way if he decided to attack her with pillows or something like that. He was hard to wake, she remembered getting him up back when Lapis was wounded had taken some time.

“Yo, Ame!” She said loudly, shaking his shoulder, “Wake up, dude. You missed your alarm!”

He stirred slightly, so she tried again, with a little more force.

“Pearl called, she's super pissed, man. Come on, get up!”

That made him open up his eyes in confusion, looking up at Peridot with a scrunched up face.

“The fuck are you talking about, Blondie?” He asked, trying to roll away. Unsuccessfully, Peridot was small but she had an Iron grip. Necessary, considering how often people tried to steal drugs right out of their dealers hands.

“Shall I call her back and tell her you just gonna hide here from her?”

With a silent chuckle he grabbed a pillow, trying to throw it at her face, “Fuck you, Peri. I almost believed you. Ya can't scare a man out of bed like that. One of those mornings you gonna kill me with this bullshit.”

Peridot snickered at his words, he made a little space for her so she could sit down while Amethyst tried to wake up fully. He rubbed his face and pawed for his Phone, still having a rather blurry vision and grumbling about early mornings.

“Here” Peridot reached over, to hand him the mug which he took not so gracefully, but at least with a thank you and a hiss, when the hot fluid got on his hands.

Before Peridot could get a towel, though, he held her back.

“Is alright” He grunted, “Helps me waking up. Shit, my motivation is currently running naked over a meadow with a cocktail in it's hand. How late is it even?”

“Around 9” Peridot answered truthfully.

Amethyst almost got more coffee on his hands, looking at her in disbelieve and with slight betrayal.

“Really, Peri? I could have slept at least an hour more!”

She chuckled, getting a sip from her own mug and reaching for the remote.

“No, you couldn't” She said, “You would have been either too late or couldn't have gotten ready at all. How does Pearl even put up with you sometimes?”

There was no venom in her voice, they were joking around. Amethyst shrugged at first, probably deciding this question was not worth an answer.

“Probably the same way Lapis and Jasper put up with your shit” He retorted.

“Okay” Peridot said slowly, switching through the recommended shows for her, “But I am the great and loveable Peridot and you are the embodiment of chaos.”

For a few seconds Amethyst looked at her in disbelieve, but finally he just shook his head, laughing. He finally sat up beside her and sipped his coffee, while Peridot searched for something to watch in the morning.

“Honestly I have no clue why she puts up with me. And I don't have the guts to ask either” He admitted after a while. He didn't looked at Peridot or the TV, he just stared at the rays of sunlight lighting the floor boards and the dust that spread itself out in the air. “We didn't really liked each other in the beginning. Pearl was still trying to get Rose's married ass and I just tried to get into the team. Garnet wasn't having it, though. Told us to get some shit done together. Which was the most awkward shit ever, I'm not a killer and she sure as hell isn't a bruiser but somehow, we made it work.”

Peridot was about to make a witty comment about how she apparently unlocked his secret background story. But something in his eyes stopped her. The way he stared into the emptiness. The fondness in his eyes when he talked about Pearl made clear this was no joking matter. Not this way, at least.

“I just got in the team as a peace offering thanks to the whole Deal Rose had with my Family. I tried to show I deserve this place, you know? Show my skills and impress her little, so she wouldn't berate me all the time. One thing led to another and … yeah, well, one day I realized she got the hots for me, so I thought better put a ring on it. That's it.”

Peridot raised a brow, looking at him in disbelieve, “You just grew some balls and told her?”

“Well, yeah” Amethyst said, looking at her offended, “What did you think?”

She shrugged, “I thought you would've panicked, almost fucked up and Garnet had to hold your hand until you managed to ask Pearl out.”

The mix of surprise and pure resentment in Amethyst eyes told Peridot she was spot on. So much for 'just putting a ring on it'.

She decided not to be too boastful about it, instead just looking back at the TV and putting some sitcom on, while Amethyst grumbled miffed into his coffee. Peridot didn't even knew if she just knew him to well or if this was one of the things Steven had taught her, but whatever it was, Amethyst still had something on her. And if she got cocky, he'd probably make good use of it. Especially in front of Jasper and Lapis.

So she decided to keep silent, while they drank their coffee and waited for the other two anarchist to finally come out of bed and keep them some company. Waiting for them, Amethyst used the chance to get a shower and when he got back out of the bathroom, Jasper had pinned a squirming and howling Peridot to the couch.

“Morning” Jasper greeted with a smile, as if she didn't almost sat on Peridot's stomach to stop her from getting away, “How was your night?”

“Better than Peridot's morning, I see” He answered with a smile, “Fucking karma. Just don't crush her.”

Jasper looked down at Peridot with a grin, “Karma? What did you do to him?”

“Nothing!” She howled, “He's just angry I took away his excuse to not shower before his date!”

“You should know how much Amethyst loves his dirt and his sleep. He literally sleeps in his dirt” Lapis teased, entering the living room through the kitchen. She too, had a mug filled with coffee.

Jasper above Peridot nodded with a grin, while Amethyst just grunted something about “Leaving before they all team up on him” and got his backpack ready. He hadn't brought much, but he had changed his clothes and now he didn't managed to get the old ones into the backpack.

They bickered while he got ready, Peridot still caught under Jasper but at least she had stopped squirming. Lapis had sat down beside them and watched in silence, sipping her coffee and grinning slightly, while Amethyst wrangled with the fabric.

When he got done, they stalled the good bye. Jasper finally let go of her small girlfriend and she followed Amethyst to the door.

“My number is in your new phone” He said after they hugged shortly. It seemed like a fitting gesture, considering they wouldn't see each other for a while.

Even if Peridot wasn't really used to have friends on touch basis.

“Call every day at 7 pm sharp. If you don't, we will wait for around an hour. After that we send out everything we got, alright?”

Peridot nodded, it was what they had agreed upon. The hour was in case Peridot couldn't call because she was in something along the line of a last minute deal or with people who would grew suspicious. The hour would be enough to get out of such situations, and if they weren't, it meant she would need help.

“I can text ya, if you get lonely. I'm pretty sure I got some chill unsuspicious name in your contacts” Amethyst grinned at her, starting to make his way to the street.

“Yeah, sure” Peridot said with a smile, “That would be awesome. Watch out, and have a nice date.”

He stopped at that, looking at her with surprise.

“Sure” He nodded uncertain, but with a slight smile, “Will do. You too!”

And then he waved a last goodbye and marched down the way to the bus stop.

Peridot looked after him, hands in her pockets. She didn't really knew why she had felt the urge to tell him to watch out, it had surprised her just as much him. But he had understood, and considering their friendship, this was probably the closest she would ever be able to down right tell him she cared.

\---

It was strange sitting together with Lapis and Jasper and talking about the “Do's and Don't's” in the Apartment of the Dealer. It wasn't even much, she just asked Peridot to clean from time to time, not set it on fire and to sell her truckload of expired Anti-Depressants.

“That stuff is the easiest to sell, most people will be in because they consider it harmless enough and that shit is harmless to carry around. Believe me, not even once did a cop tried to get me in shit for carrying around medication.”

“Why do you even have those?” Peridot asked in astonishment. She knew how well this stuff sold, she had always some of those with her when she ran for Sid or her Dad. Both got them by going to the laziest, lousiest internist, got an appointment with a psychiatrist just as lazy and gave them the best sob story they could make up on the spot. Sid even brought up his cleaning problem and got yet another strong medication Peridot had to sell.

And when she ran to survive and got into hospital, she stole some of that stuff to sell it herself. People love to demonize each and every person with mental illness, especially when they rely on medication, but Druffies sure love this stuff as a “soft starter”. Or a “nice in between”. Or really any moment they can get a nice high, by taking medication long rotten and probably fucking the chemicals in their head right back into regular behavior.

But that didn't really answered how Jasper got her Hands on them. She had told her what they looked like, name and ingredients and Peridot realized that stuff was definitely German. Meaning she had to get it from a professional. Even the corrupt ones couldn't get her a truckload worth of them.

But Jasper deflected the question, clearly uneasy, “Believe me, this topic needs more time than the last few hours you have with us and more alcohol than Lapis could get in this short amount of time.”

“Is that a challenge?” Lapis said with a smug smile. She hadn't said much since Amethyst had left and just listened while Jasper and Peridot talked business. They had talked about possible hot spots to start as a Dealer and what exactly her “starting kit” should look like. They both were no amateurs so it turned into a deep discussion, that just found its end when Jasper told Peridot to not throw any Parties in her Apartment. That brought them to the rules, which brought them to the contents of Jasper's Household, which brought them to the Anti-Depressants.

Of course Lapis knew where Jasper got them from. Over the years Jasper had been to a lot of Hospitals and sanatoriums. Mostly when cops found drugs on her (of course never enough to get her for dealing, always just enough to assume an addiction), but sometimes her psyche played tricks on her. And instead of going Lapis' route; suppressing, drinking and getting a melt down, Jasper tried to get help. At least in cases of emergencies.

But she wasn't ready to tell Peridot that much yet, she wasn't ready to tell Peridot just how badly she was traumatized and Lapis decided to accept that and not tell their girlfriend about it.

“Make sure she doesn't drink herself half to death” Peridot mumbled, she knew Lapis joked, but still.

Jasper shrugged, “I couldn't stop her if I tried. You think she was sober when we were a thing back in the day?”

“I'm still here, you guys realize that, right?” Lapis said slightly offended. She drank a lot less since Peridot was in her life and was kinda proud of it.

“You know” Jasper went on, “When Lapis and I got together and had sex for the first time, I thought she was trying to kill me again. Just like back then, when I tried to get her back for the gang. She just jumped me and wanted to raw me and I got ready to throw a punch.”

Peridot raised a brow, staring at Jasper with a confused and uneasy smile. The girl in question chuckled, while Lapis just put a Hand in front of her eyes with an embarrassed sigh.

“Yeah, Garnet had a field trip every day Lapis and I were together. She almost ended us, too. But the point of fact is, when I can't get her off me when she is trying to make love to me, how can you believe I would get her off a bottle she's trying to make love with?”

With a snort, Peridot turned to look at Lapis, imagining how she tried to make out with a whiskey bottle. Probably the one worth 300 bucks.

“I see, you are just as much of a giggly bitch as Jasper is” Lapis grunted, standing up and giving Jasper a sneer, who in turn, blushed furiously.

That made Peridot perk up, looking between the two of them in confusion.

“What do you mean?” She asked, not getting the innuendo.

Lapis faked innocence, putting her hands behind her back and stared at the ceiling, while crossing the kitchen. She shrugged slightly, while saying with a sing song voice, “Lil' Jasp here is not as tough as she acts.”

“No shit” Peridot snorted, “What are you gonna reveal next? You're moody?”

Turning on her heal, Lapis kept her facade, but started to slowly walk back to them. By now Jasper had put both her hands over her face in embarrassment, and sighed. But that didn't saved her at all from Lapis, who took her chance to pounce on her and start to drag her hands up her sides.

Jasper jumped out of her seat, trying to get out of Lapis reach, screeching like she was about to get murdered. Lapis behind her laughed, letting go of her and leaning over the back of the seat that was now unoccupied.

“Told you” She grinned, “Giggly. I think she is even more sensitive to touch than you are, Peri.”

“Am not!” Jasper yelled from the living room, probably building a pillow fort with a password by now to get away from Lapis.

“She is” Lapis whispered, winking at Peridot as the insinuation started to dawn on the nerd. They never had much of a chance to have more than some make outs. Which were very strange in the beginning, because three people of different sizes have a hard time kissing, especially when they lie all over each other on the couch.

In fact, Peridot had been proud they managed to find a way to still manage stuff like that with making it less and less awkward, but now she realized there was still a lot of stuff to experience. And to improve.

Lapis had left the Kitchen, leaving Peridot behind at the table. In front of her laid the little list she had made about the rules and the anti-depressants and the hot spots.

She wouldn't take it with her, she just took the notes because she would remember them better this way. But now her own writing seemed unfamiliar to her. The words didn't make sense and when she turned over to look at the clock, her stomach dropped. Tomorrow at this time she would be alone and she would have to remember this list. She would have to shove all the memories of the team aside to stay focused.

She couldn't spent her time thinking about the fact that Jasper was apparently overly ticklish and she never had witnessed Lapis being anything but a top in bed.

“Fuck it” She mumbled, standing up and leaving the list on the table, marching right into the living room.

Lapis and Jasper were roughhousing on the sofa, Pumpkin probably already fled for the hills, still having his fill from a few hours ago. But Peridot hadn't gotten a chance to get in there yet and she was on a mission here, so instead of trying to get the two of them to listen to her, she just went right in.

She walked up to them, leaning over the couch and took Lapis face in her hands. They both stopped for a split second, turning to Peridot in confusion, but didn't get to ask what was wrong. Peridot already kissed Lapis, using their surprise to force Lapis gently off Jasper and her back on the cushions.

She heard Jasper whistle quietly behind her and smiled slightly into the kiss. Lapis laid under her and seemed too flabbergasted to even try and change something about her position. And Peridot welcomed is, as she pawed for Jasper and, when she found her, grabbed her by her shirt to come closer.

“What is happening?” Jasper asked with a lopsided grin, “Not that I'm complaining.”

“I'm defending your honor” Peridot mumbled, finally parting from Lapis to turn to her with a slight smile.

She searched her face for any kind of doubt, but Jasper's expression was one of absolute awe, so she leaned over to kiss her. Jasper returned the kiss, making a small sound of surprise when Peridot bit her lip.

She tried to deepen it, but Lapis under them whimpered needy, trying to get in on the action but was held down by Peridot's Hands on her shoulder. She had never seen the Nerd this dominant and it already took a toll on her.

“You sure you can handle both of us?” Lapis grinned, trying to provoke and get the attention she was longing for. Peridot and Jasper, on the other hand, took their sweet time, kissing and nipping at each other.

Lapis couldn't even wiggle free, so she gave up and watched as Peridot started to kiss Jasper's cheek, down to her neck and starting to bite her there. Just to almost soothingly kiss the irritated red skin afterward.

She hadn't exaggerated, Jasper was already whimpering and sighing, allowing Peridot to take over and just taking what Peri was willing to give.

When she was happy with her handiwork; Jasper's skin littered with red and purple bite marks, she turned back to Lapis who stared at her in awe. She never had seen the little Nerd this dominant before, at all. She didn't even knew Peridot had it in her, but before she could even sass her about it, Peridot was on her neck.

Biting and kissing, while getting her hands under Lapis shirt. Kneading her skin, scratching lightly over her stomach, drawing red little trails up her skin, but not getting to her chest just yet. She wanted to tease her.

Mark her.

Make sure something of herself stayed here with them.

Reminded them of her.

That thought scared her and she chased it away by finally getting the whining Lapis out of her shirt and her bra. Kissing her breasts, biting, making her cry out. She wanted to leave traces all over her body, with her hands, grabbing Lapis as if to hold on. With her teeth, with hickeys and in her mind, too.

Jasper beside them stayed put. She was used to Lapis being the dominant one in bed, almost every time they had been intimate it almost ended with a power struggle and she was awestruck. Seeing the oh so moody, oh so proud hitman lying under Peridot. Who took her sweet time with Lapis' body.

She kissed her where ever she could reach, almost reverently worshiping every inch of skin under her, just to make Lapis writhe and yell in the next second. Biting and pulling on her nipple. Kneading the skin over her hips, digging in and fix her in place that way. And Lapis let her.

She stopped squirming, moaned and begged – _she fucking_ begged – for Peridot to stop teasing her. All of it had an effect on Jasper and when Peridot finally showed mercy and got Lapis out of her pants; allowed her to grind on Peridot's Hand, Jasper _felt_ Lapis relief.

A moan teared it's way from her throat and made Peridot look up at her. Lapis, still grinding and whimpering, didn't even heard her. But Peridot did and looked at her with curiosity. Smiling warmly.

“You alright over there?”

Jasper nodded, worrying her bottom lip but not saying a word.

Holy fuck, how was that the same little Peridot that made nasal noises of anger and used every chance to be an egoistical asshole? How was she able to look at her with so much love and concern and still managed to seem so confident about this?

Peridot nodded, turning back to Lapis, looking down at her with sheer primal hunger. As if, after a long chase, she finally managed to pounce on her. Ready to eat her up. Had marked her already and turned her into a begging and moaning mess.

Eventually, she got enough of her own teasing. Crawling down, kissing her way from Lapis lips down to her panties, she made sure to keep Lapis hips on the couch. Not giving her the chance to relief the burning feeling built up in her tummy by grinding on the cushions. And Lapis allowed it.

Whining and whimpering she laid still, hoping Peridot would stop her little game eventually and get on with it. But all of Peri's Intentions to finally relief Lapis were thrown out of the window the second she saw the unharmed skin of her thighs. Instead, she kissed her way past Lapis panties, ignoring the welcoming heat between her legs and instead nibbling and scratching her way down until she got to her knees. She heard the desperate moans and, from beside her, the amused chuckles.

Grinning herself, she knew she did a good job when Lapis, once again, started to beg.

“Peridot, please. At this rate Christmas is gonna come before I do.”

The words alone would have probably brought Peridot right back to bite and scratch her whole way up Lapis Body again, but the way she said it. Didn't said, pleaded for it. With a small voice, trying to force it out of her own throat instead of just moaning in despair.

It propitiated her and she snorted silently, finally turning her attention to Lapis soaking panties and kissing them where Lapis clit already prodded against the wet textile. They didn't hid anything anymore, the white fabric already transparent.

“Who's the sensitive one now?” Jasper teased as she heard Lapis loud moan of relief and Peridot grinned up to her.

Lapis didn't answered, just putting her hands over her face, feeling her cheeks heating up from embarrassment from were watched. She didn't even had the presence of mind to call Jasper a filthy voyeur or something along those lines. Instead she laid there, not able to act against Peridot's teasing or get over the fact how much it turned her on she got reduced to this state, while Jasper was watching. She would deny it, lie and call defamation if someone would ever ask her, but Lapis wished she could have stayed like this. She hated it, but if this would have went on for hours, she would have rolled with it.

But Peridot eventually found her good nature again and began to kiss and lick over Lapis slit, while she started to grip the cushions in a dead grip. Trying not to trash but wishing Peridot would just get rid of those god forsaken barrier between her tongue and Lapis skin.

This was torture.

This was revenge for all the times she teased the nerd and snarked at her. There was no other explanation.

There was no other good excuse.

But all the great come backs, all the great ways to provoke Peridot didn't left her head. They got lost in the fog which had built up from the heat in her body, starting where Peridot's tongue touched her and filled her whole being. She didn't even realized how pent up she was, how fast the built up was approaching the peak.

Instead she just laid there, feeling the textile rubbing over her swollen clit while Peridot circled her entrance with her knuckles. Not penetrating, never penetrating the whole time she licked and kissed, just teasing her to the point of pleading.

Pleading Peridot to finally fuck her, get rid of the panties, just … get there.

But Peridot wasn't having any of it, pretty content to stimulate Lapis through her underwear, smugly grinning up at her from time to time.

Lapis was sure she would be caught in this unbearable state for ever. Feeling Jasper's eyes on her, hearing her small moans while she played with herself, and watched Peridot playing with Lapis. She was sure she would forever border on the edge, being so close to come, to release the heat that was building up inside of her but never quite getting there.

It was a damn limbo and she would probably die in this state, right on this couch in front of her girlfriends, she was sure.

Until Peridot gently bit her.

“Fuck!” She groaned as she felt waves of pleasure ripping through her, coming in a blinding rush. Gripping and pawing at the cushion in hopes of grounding herself she heard herself pleading, “Peri, don't stop, don't stop, oh god.”

She repeated this mantra, again and again while Peridot guided her through it, licking and nibbling at her clit and allowing her to ride it out.

Until she finally got down from her high; satisfied, still in her drenched underwear but too tired to care and thoroughly relieved.

Little aftershocks ran through her limb body and she couldn't fucking care less about Jasper's big grin. Or Peridot's smug face. Honestly, if she had possessed any kind of power right now, she wouldn't even have known if she would have used it to punch them both. Or just kiss them until they ran out of breath.

But all she managed was to curl in on herself, reciprocating Peridot's gentle kisses weakly and whining slightly. That little shit had reduced her to a begging mess and now she just wanted to lie there and enjoy the nice afterglow.

“Honestly, I've never seen her so out of it” Jasper said with awe, looking at Peridot with an approving grin. It wasn't an everyday occurrence that Lapis allowed someone to overpower her like this and she couldn't believe she just witnessed it happen. By Peridot nonetheless.

But the little Nerd wasn't even close to finished with her little mission here, especially not considering Jasper flushed face and wandering hands.

“You just gonna sit there and masturbate?” She asked with a smug sneer, turning Jasper's grin into a slight frown.

“You sound mighty confident. You gonna stop me?” She shot back, but didn't moved when Peridot turned away from Lapis. And crawled over to her, smiling almost manically.

It wasn't even overly erotic, more creepy than anything else, but Jasper couldn't move and didn't really wanted to. Quite the contrary, after all Peridot wasn't so wrong: she had played with herself while watching the events unfold in front of her. And now that Lapis was satisfied and looked up at them both with a stupefied but knowing grin, she couldn't help but feel anticipation.

Peridot was on her in seconds and to be honest, even that seemed to long for her. She already tried to get out of her own sweatpants while Peridot moved her shirt up. Too determined to care she just shoved the fabric up, while climbing on top of the far bigger Jasper. It was almost a little comedic, but neither Lapis nor Jasper laughed while Peridot threw the Shirt into some corner and straddled her waist.

“Is there a proper etiquette to ask to eat out a well respected drug source or can I just get down to business?” Peridot asked with a grin.

Jasper snorted, but eventually nodded, watching the smaller girl slowly crawl down a bit while leaning back herself. Peridot got rid of her pants for her, flinging them somewhere close to Jasper's shirt and got off the couch to kneel in front of her

“Yeah, I wanna get rid of my underwear.” Jasper decided, seeing the little stars in Peridot's eyes and knowing she wouldn't care enough to get rid of the boy shorts concealing her goods.

Sitting up a bit, Jasper managed to get them all the way down to her knees. That was enough, Peridot apparently decided and shoved up Jasper's thighs, making her fall back into the cushions with a sound of surprise.

Lapis beside them chuckled silently, still tired but very content to watch her two girlfriends getting it on.

Not missing a beat, Peridot put her lips around Jasper's clit, suckling softly and making her cry out, while teasing her entrance with 2 fingers.

Jasper was already soaked from masturbating while watching Peridot satisfy Lapis and so it was easy for Peridot to slowly push her middle and ring finger inside her warm heat. She didn't even gave her the chance to get used to the intrusion, she crooked her fingers and started rubbing over the front wall in a “come here” motion, while suckling and licking over Jasper's clit.

In seconds, Jasper was overwhelmed. If she hadn't been playing with herself, she would have tried to stop Peridot, but the way this was going, she didn't even had the chance to. Already she felt the heat coiling in her belly, tensing up while Peridot almost reverently worked her front wall and clit.

She tugged at her hands, whining and moaning Peridot's name with a deep and guttural voice that drove the Nerd insane. She wanted to hear more of it, nibbling on Jasper's clit and following the motions of her rocking hips. She didn't relent, looking up at her with shining eyes, humming in glee, making Jasper cry out.

“Who's out of it now?” Lapis teased with a smirk.

Jasper couldn't really shoot anything back in her position, her mind blown, her breathing ragged and shallow. She tried to calm down a bit, to not fall over the edge too fast, but to no avail. If anything, the more she tried to hold back, the harder Peridot seemed to go at her. Listening to her moans and cries, nibbling gently on Jasper's clit while pushing her over the edge with her fingers.

Jasper couldn't take it. With a yell she arched her back, her walls fluttering around Peridot's fingers, trying to drag them deeper. Her vision became fuzzy, her Hips rubbing against Peridot's face while she helped her through her climax.

She didn't stopped until Jasper laid back down, trying to use her hands to grip her blonde hair to get her away. She didn't really succeeded, but Peridot understood regardless and with a last, gentle kiss she backed away and looked down at the panting girl.

Lapis beside her smiled mischievously, but didn't said anything.

Neither did Jasper and so Peridot just slowly stood up and sat down on the far edge of the couch, looking with a lopsided smile to her two girlfriends and waited. Hands on her knees, appearing eerily like a student waiting for the results of an exam.

With a snort, Lapis leaned up, grabbing her by the shirt and dragged her close.

Peridot didn't resist, making a noise of surprise but allowing her to drag her down on top of Lapis, arms hugging her close and turn them over together. They came down beside Jasper, who moved onto her side and laid her arm around the two of them, kissing Peridot on top of her head, burying her face in the mess of her hair and sighing in content.

She was caged between them and felt herself blush while Lapis started to scatter lazy little kisses over her face and neck, holding her in an Iron Grip to stop her from squirming away. Not that Peridot wanted to get away, but she hadn't been unaffected by the former activities and felt a significant amount of slickness spreading between her thighs and in her boxer shorts.

“You know?” Lapis mumbled, catching on how agitated Peridot suddenly got, “I think we should thank our little Peri for taking such good care of us.”

Of course, Peridot recognized that tone of voice in less than a second. It was the same voice she used when she seduced and praised her while they had a romp. She felt herself blushing, now trying to actually crawl out of their embrace.

There wasn't really a reason to, but she was afraid Jasper would make fun of her or Lapis would try to get back at her for overpowering her before, but none of them gave her the chance. Instead Jasper just hummed in agreement, loosing her hug and putting her hand on Peridot's side.

“I think you're right, Lapis.”

“It's okay” Peridot squeaked, “No need for any thank you's. I'm all right, let's watch a movie or something.”

That made Jasper stop in her tracks, sitting upright and look down at Peridot with concern. But before she could ask what was wrong, Lapis spoke up, hugging Peri closer.

“She really likes to be pampered” She explained without teasing, “And I think after what she just did for us, she really deserves to be taken care of.”

Peridot couldn't deny it. Lapis voice alone made her wish she was already naked and seeing the care in Jasper's eyes, feeling their warm hands over her body made it impossible to disagree.

“That true, Peri?” Jasper purred, leaning down to whisper in her ear. Making her shiver.

She felt the hair on her neck standing up and nodded in embarrassment, hiding her face in Lapis chest. She really, really wanted this. But that didn't changed the fact there were now _two_ people who knew Peridot turned into a puddle if treated with love and that were more people than she was ready to handle.

She felt fingers run through her hair, a hand running up and down her back soothingly and the soft humming of Jasper. She had come closer again, Peridot felt the warmth of her body close to hers and loosened her grip on Lapis a bit to shift a little closer to it.

“Do you want to be taken care of?” Jasper whispered, making Peridot whine. But that wasn't enough to her, snuggling Peridot's neck and quietly saying, “Come one, talk to us. Be good and tell us.”

If this would have turned on Peridot just a little less, she would have been absolutely horrified. She would have probably fought her way out of this hug, out of this living room right into the basement to lock it from the inside and never leave it again. But she didn't.

Instead she silently whimpered, “Please take care of me.”

And hated herself the next second, realizing how pathetic it sounded.

“Well, you heard her” Lapis cooed, kissing Peridot on the forehead, “I think we should just do that.”

Jasper, still on her neck, kissing gently, growled in agreement. It sounded playful and Peridot was able to relax.

They didn’t teased her long. Instead they opted to give Peridot as much pleasure as possible, Jasper behind her grabbing around her waist and setting her up. Peridot didn’t resist, just let out a little whine of surprise, leaning back onto the naked chest of her lover, while Lapis roamed her hands over her stomach, down to the waistband of Peridot’s Pants.

Tugging them down, Lapis kissed over the naked skin of her thighs, one hand scratching slightly.

Peridot whined and sighed quietly, watching Lapis with dazed eyes. Jasper behind her held Peridot close, letting her hands wander under her shirt and fondling her breasts, listening to the little breathy sounds she made.

“You like that?” Jasper whispered with care, nuzzling her neck and kissing her there.

Peridot only nodded, not trusting her own voice as Lapis finally got rid of her pants and took care of her boxer shorts next.

“So wet” She hissed, feeling Peridot up and pushing the textile against her clit before finally tucking her underwear down.

A little cry of pleasure tore from Peridot’s throat, making Jasper hum with content.

“Such expressive noises.” She chuckled, making Peridot blush.“I wanna hear more of those.”

Lapis, kissing and slightly biting closer to Peridot’s center, looked up at those words, meeting Jasper’s eyes. Like a silent conversation only they could hear they looked at each other for a split second, before Lapis digged in:

Dragging her tongue agonizingly slow over the entirety of Peridot’s slit, until she got to her clit, wrapping her lips around it and sucking slightly.

With a cry of Lapis name Peridot arched her back, pushing against Jasper’s hand and Lapis mouth. As gently and well meaning as they both were, they still immediately started an almost overwhelming rhythm of fondling and groping her chest, licking and prodding at her entrance and her clit.

Peridot didn't wanted this to end so fast, feeling herself already approaching the peak and dreading it.

She didn't wanted Jasper to let go of her, feeling the warm skin, her breath on her neck and those loving whispers in her ear.

Lapis in front of her, looking up at her with so much love, stroking her sides lovingly, as if to calm her.

With a strangled groan Peridot tried to hold back, pawing at Lapis shoulders helplessly with one hand, the other holding onto Jasper's arm, as if to anchor herself.

She looked desperate, probably pathetic and Lapis didn't missed the change of mood. But instead of saying anything about it, she let up on Peridot's clit, slowly kissing up while using one hand to stroke down to where her mouth had just been seconds before.

Lower, just a little lower, circling her entrance with one digit and making Peridot gasp.

She sat up, getting on eye level with the small girl and smiling at her lovingly while penetrating her gently.

Stroking her front wall, from the smoother surface to the rougher patch.

Not fast enough to help Peridot reach the edge, but strong enough to keep her in her lust filled state.

"Good?" Lapis asked with a loving smile, feeling Jasper's eyes on her and looking over.

In silent awe, Jasper stared back, surprised how caring Lapis was now. How gentle.

Peridot nodded, making desperate little moans, interrupted by soft hiccups as she enjoyed the feeling.

Now that Lapis was a little slower she could relax a bit, not running the danger of cumming right away and lose this moment. Felling save and warm, being surrounded by her two lovers.

“You okay there, too?" Lapis whispered softly, making Jasper halt her loving touches in surprise.

"Huh?" Both she and Peri made the same sound in their confusion.

There was a slight whine from Peridot, though, while Jasper just nodded with an uncertain smile.

"Yeah." She finally found her voice, "Yeah, sure."

That genuinely seemed to excite Lapis and Jasper felt something bubble up in her stomach. As if she was waiting for something extraordinarily good to happen or as if...

Little claws digging into the skin of her arm made her shift her focus on Peridot in her lap again. She didn't looked as if had done it with evil intent, quite the contrary. The pleading look in her eyes was nothing short of desperate, her gasps turning into loud moans as Lapis sped up.

Jasper leaned down a little, kissing Peridot, holding her head so she couldn't move away while Lapis murmured sweet nothings and praise, using two fingers now instead of one to stimulate the writhing girl.

It seemed to be just seconds before Peridot's body finally locked up and Jasper swallowed her cries with her mouth, holding her close and save while Lapis worked her through it.

When Peridot came to again, she still held on to Jasper and had an iron grip on Lapis shoulder, still shaking and not letting go.

Not that one of them complained.

If anything, they enjoyed the feeling of being close to her and each other just as much as she loved to feel them around herself, giving her the chance to slowly calm down and them to process what had just happened.

They sat up close, holding each other, kissing lazily until Lapis spoke up.

“When something happens, we will find you.” She whispered after marking Peridot's neck with a hickey.

Her voice still shaky Peridot managed barely more than a groan, “Is that a promise or a threat?”

Jasper chuckled, letting her hands roam over Peridot's stomach in little circles,“Depends on the reasons why we would have to search for you.”

“If you have to search for me, no clue and no starting point to begin with, it means you won't find me.” Peridot said with a satisfied, almost stupefied grin, but neither Lapis nor Jasper missed the insinuation. Still, Lapis asked to clarify.

“As in...?”

But Peridot just shrugged, “Don't try.”

And maybe that should have scared or concerned them. At least made them worry or give them a little anxiety, but it didn't.

Somehow it didn't came as a surprise.

If Jasper wouldn't come back one day from one of her 'vacations', they probably would just accept it. If Jasper would want to be found or end up killed, they would find out and they knew. So if she wouldn't come back, no clue, no word on her whereabouts? They would have understood.

The same applied to Lapis. And now it applied to Peridot.

They couldn't promise that, given the chance, they wouldn't try and get a better, probably normal life.

And they didn't blamed at each other.

They were here now, they could all be dead by tomorrow and that didn't concerned them all too much either so why worry now about something that could possible, mayhaps, happen weeks from now?

So they didn't, instead Jasper pushed Peridot down, Lapis making a little space so they could go at it again.

Peridot, still the center of attention, getting eaten out by Jasper and allowing Lapis to sit on her face in return. It didn't took long for Lapis to come, triggering Peridot's orgasm and after that, it was like a blur.

The fog in Peri's head didn't get the chance to clear up, being caught up in sensations, feeling her lovers close, their warmth and hearing their moans and praise, feeling them coax one orgasm after another out of her and giving back as good as she could.

She didn't even managed to really process when they both looked down at her, their hands between her legs, whispering how they loved her.

She didn't answer them, she couldn't, but it didn't seemed like they even wanted one. Again and again she heard them, telling her and each other and it made her feel at peace. Somewhere in the back of her head, it filled her with joy to know they cared about each other. All of them. And even if she wasn't able to tell them yet how she felt about them, it felt right to hear Lapis and Jasper could at least tell each other.

By the end of it, Peridot was a sobbing mess. She was overstimulated, overwhelmed and exhausted. The lights of the room where to bright, the voices of her lovers too loud and thanks to the layer of sweat and other body fluids, she was freezing.

She didn't really remembered how she ended up with the two of them upstairs, in bed, but she remembered waking up in the dark of the night again. Staring into darkness, hearing her girlfriends and Pumpkin snore slightly.

Peacefully.

They would be alright, she knew. No matter how this would end, they all would be alright in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and Kudo's, I'm not even kidding when I say they made me push through all of the 17k words in less than  
> 12 hours and I'm so grateful you guys enjoy the story!


	15. Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peridot alone in the big city, turning into a badass motherfucker and finally be the way she really is:  
> A dutiful nerd with big dreams and secretly a heart of gold.
> 
> Also, lots and lots of stuff from the real world in this chapter: The Coffee Shop, the Bakery close to the devils lair, the train  
> station in the outskirts of town and the campus close by are all real places. I love to tell you guys because I hope one day  
> someone who read this story will be in Berlin and be close to any of those places and be like 'Wait a motherfucking second someone  
> already told me about this place!'
> 
> Also, those Parties Peridot has to visit, those kinda parties that make you end up in the backroom, seeing  
> your life go to shit, exist and happen. Always surround yourself with trusty friends when partying in big cities and always make  
> sure to talk a lot about them if they are not close by so nobody thinks you won't be missed!

_I could've been a hero, I could've been a zero_  
_Could've been all these things_  
_I could've been nothing, I could've been bluffing_  
_Could've been all these things_  
_And if I am unable, tell him that I'll try_  
_But underneath the table_  
_I will spin the wheel and hope for gold_

 

Peridot was alone again.

With the rising sun she had climbed out of bed, taken her stuff and scratched Pumpkin behind his ear a last time before leaving.

She didn't had the guts to say goodbye. And as much as she would have loved to give Lapis and Jasper a last kiss or some cliché stuff like that, she couldn't. Too scared it could wake them, too afraid to explain herself when she couldn't even justify this to herself.

So she took her backpack, put on her glasses and closed the door from the outside. Breathing in and out, as if to ground herself, repeating again and again her new name.

Her new back story.

Her new life.

She repeated all this while walking to the bus, waiting at the stop. Trying not to think about the day she waited here with Jasper for the first time. Trying to block out how familiar everything around her was and how she wouldn't see any of it for a long time.

Instead she focused on her perfect, made up life as Ann-Katrin Müller. Focused on the fact that she was the middle child of a family of 5: A nice, tame mother, a stern but loving dad and two siblings. An older sister and a younger brother.

Focused on her 13 years in school, graduating top of her class and now studying engineering on one of the most prestigious universities of the city. Having her own apartment, paid by mommy and daddy, who didn't even existed, just in case someone tried to blackmail her by getting after them.

There were enough trails that would lead everyone, who was willing to follow them for whatever reason, right into a dead end. If they didn't gave up long before that, considering there was no dirty past to bring up for Ann-Katrin.

As Ann-Katrin was, in stark contrast to Peridot, perfect.

She tried to remember all this and more as the bus finally came and she got in, forcing herself to smile at the driver to put her new persona to a test.

He didn't even really looked at her and maybe it was the best possible reaction. Nice people didn't came far in this city. Innocent, kindhearted people were either a dangerous fraud or tourists, so of course, he didn't looked at her.

Making a beeline for the seats in the back of the bus, Peridot sat down with a sigh and put her face in her hands. It was still very early in the morning, on a Sunday nonetheless. There was no one around except her and when she finally looked up again, she saw that someone had forgotten their healthy, very nourishing snack packet consisting of chips and a cheese dip, all over the seat next to her.

Some party kids probably left it her just a few hours ago and Peridot felt the hair on her neck standing up, realizing she would have to deal with exactly this kind of people from now on. At least until she found the diamonds.

Again, not for the first time in the short span between waking up and getting on the bus, she asked herself what the fuck she was doing here.

\---

It took her almost an hour and a half to get to the Devils lair, but when she finally arrived and found the elevator, she didn't even had the power to be pissed about the public transport system anymore.

When she walked through the door into Jasper's Apartment just a few minutes later, the scent of her Girlfriend hit her full force. It was no wonder; Jasper was a very scent orientated person, of course everything in her home would either smell like her or stuff she liked. And it was no wonder Peridot took in her scent almost as fast as if Jasper was right beside her.

After all this time she had started to use her nose with a better awareness of the scents and their possible origins in her surrounding.

But now there was no big thinking, no possible origins Peridot could be unaware of:

She stood in the Apartment of her lover, who she may never see again and she was leaning on the door, too worried she would just sink to her knees otherwise.

Sobbing silently.

Opening her Backpack, getting one of her nightshirts out, that she knew still smelt like Lapis.

Burying her face inside, breathing, closing her eyes and just … acting as if those two were here with her.

As if she wasn't alone. As if she hadn't left them behind because of this foolish plan of hers. She just wanted to help. She just wanted the people she loved to be save and all possible dangers to be eradicated so they would never leave her.

She stopped sobbing for a second.

She was here because she wanted them to never leave her. She wanted them to be save. Alive.

Something she had never thought about or felt for someone before.

Their well being was so important to hershe even accepted this stupid fucking mission, brought it up herself even, left and run the risk of being killed in the streets.

Just so her lovers, but also the team, would be save.

Maybe that was a crying matter, mostly because it was stupid as shit.

But at the same time … it cheered her up.

There were finally people in her life that meant something to her. And she meant just as much to them.

Peridot was alone again.

And never had she felt so thoroughly cared for and loved by others before.

\---

The ringing of her phone startled her out of sleep, scaring her into a state of defensive confusion. She looked around, not exactly sure where she was and what the noise even was, considering that she normally didn't used this ring tone.

She also had never slept in this bed before, but after a few seconds of blinking feverishly, trying to focus and get a better image of her surrounding, Peridot remembered where she was and why.

When she looked to her right, she saw the big bed was empty, no matter how warm it was and how strongly the scent of Lapis and Jasper hung in the air. Instead, there on the pillow laid the old prepaid phone they got her for the mission, showing a name she didn't recognize.

“Jesse?” She read in confusion, but still answered. No one except for Amethyst and Pearl had her Number, so it was probably one of them.

“Yeah?” She croaked and was greeted by a raspy laugh.

“Not even 24 hours on the mission and already sounding like shit. What is it, P-Doodle, is Jasper's Neighborhood so bad or are you already trying to blend in with the kids?”

Amethyst was definitely too cheery for Peridot's taste and she would have probably hung up on the boy without a second thought if she wasn't aware this would probably set off the whole team and their people to 'rescue' her right this instant.

Instead she just coughed a little, to stop her voice from being so uneven and answered nasally, “Slept bad last night. Tried to get some shut-eye.”

There was silence on the line and Peridot already braced herself for some dirty joke, but it never came. Amethyst seemed to think about his next words rather hard, because she clearly heard him breath on the other side, but not a word.

“Are you regretting this?” He whispered. He sounded worried, as if _he_ was the one already regretting this. And he just tried to confirm she did, too.

“No” Peridot lied expertly, “Why would I? We planned this very thoroughly, there is absolutely nothing to regret. Quite the opposite, I finally have the chance to have a few calm weeks away from it all.”

Amethyst snorted. He knew her well enough by now to hear the waver in her voice. To realize she tried to calm him and herself here.

But he allowed it. She wouldn't allow any of them to call this off on their terms, so he just accepted the slight sass and let her talk.

“Well,” He said after a few moments, shuffling and making a little ruckus on the other side of the line, “I'm happy you feel like this is holiday for you, because honestly, I'm already sweating like a prostitute in church every time I think of this suicide mission we sent you on. I'm happy it's you, though. If there is anyone in this whole stars forsaken city who will manage to find the diamonds, it's you.”

Peridot stayed silent, letting the boy ramble on.

“Anyway. It sounds like you are alright and getting ready, so the purpose of this call is kinda … accomplished I guess. Oh, but I am supposed to tell you something from Lapis and Jasper. And I'm quoting here, 'Since you left like a hustler with the night; fucking eat enough or they will find and stuff you like a turkey to thanks giving'.”

Peridot laughed, she heard the broad grin while Amethyst read the note to her and shook her head. Even when they weren't around they managed to feel … close by.

“Aren't they just the romantics” Peridot finally answered dryly.

Eventually Amethyst and her said their farewells, wished each other luck for the next 24 hours and finally the call ended.

With a sigh Peridot threw the phone back on the Pillow and sat up. Rubbing her face, her eyes and trying to get more awake and motivated by slapping her face gently but repeatedly. She couldn't really remember when the last time was she had to do this, back at home...

Home? She shook her head, _back with Lapis_ , she hadn't to do this, as Pumpkin or the blue Devil tended to get her awake and motivated to leave the bed with their own methods. Not here, though. She would have to make sure to get awake on time and her ass out in the streets on her own.

There was no safety net and nobody else who could help her do this, so she had to get a grip or this whole mission would be for naught.

She had to get going.

She had to get out.

\---

“Stars help me – I'm back on my Bullshit”, Peridot muttered under her breath while leaving the train.

After the call with Amethyst she had made herself some toast and decided, while chewing and gnawing on the poor piece of bread and staring at the black TV screen, to go for her first run today. The sooner she started, the faster she would find clues or maybe even someone who could lead her directly into the diamonds hide out.

She also needed the money she would make with the drugs, as the money from the team was enough to live, but not enough to get more drugs or get far. If she would have some left after this mission she could give it back. Probably.

Peridot didn't thought about stealing, but out here, in the chilly air of the night, alone on a train station at the outskirts of town, she thought of leaving. Getting into one of the Intercity Trains and just not come back. It would be easy. She would be gone and far away before Amethyst or the other would realize she left.

Shaking her head, breathing in loudly and exhaling just as loud Peridot looked around to orientate herself and found her way down the stairs to get away from the platform. A big campus was close to the station and she knew 'undiscovered artists' from the dorms would hang around to spray the walls at night. They couldn't do it in peace on the weekends it seemed, they always had done it on weekdays and now was no exception.

And like most suffering Artists, they tended to take drugs.

Only to be more creative, of course, but they paid for it, so Peridot couldn't have cared less while she handed out the spoiled pills and counted the money, not even listening to the ramblings of the boys. They seemed to take a slight interest her and asked her to stay, watch them paint.

“I could turn this whole wall into a portrait of your eyes”, one of them tried, but Peridot just glared at him over her glasses. Putting away her money and the drugs she nodded, as a sign of her departure and turned around to leave for Campus.

It has always been easy for her to get rid of stuff even in situations like this:  
She was small. She seemed harmless. With her glasses even more and in the strange light of the night and overly bright lights of the streetlights she often seemed like an anomaly.

People often stared at her, looking twice, as if she was some Kid out of a horror movie, materializing in the shadows in the middle of the night to haunt some unsuspecting souls.

And somehow, this made her interesting to troublemakers, the misunderstood and shunned and finally to junkies who were able to read the look on her face. The way she walked and hold herself up, advertising not herself but the substance with nothing more but a simple look, a gesture.

It was easy. Really.

Walking up and down the campus, always close to the spots that smelled like weed, following the sound of glasses meeting glass or stone, finding her costumers.

Almost nobody drove out here to sell, so most people either had nothing or had to drive into the city to get their fix. She was like a pizza boy to this people, a pizza boy with a whole truckload full of pizza she was willing to give out.

When the sun came up around 4 am she didn't even had to move anymore. Security nowhere in sight, but a lot of students who dragged themselves out of the many dorms after having heard of the new runner.

Peridot felt like fucking Santa Claus, these people were ridiculous grateful and also amazingly gullible. The only ones who even had an idea about prices where the medical students and even they didn't seem to care how expensive Peridot's stuff was.

Some of them talked to her, asked how old she was and where she came from. Some joked around that she must be some mystical being, appearing on this campus to bless them all in time of terrible exams. Or something along those lines. Peridot didn't really listen intently to the jesters.

But she listened very intently to those who invited her to clubs and special parties. She made sure to take note of every of those invitations, writing down dates and addresses and trying to be as nice and open as possible.

It was easier than she had thought it would be. She still had this persona. This second identity, which made selling so easy. Whoever it was, she was false as fuck and would have probably sold a lot of these people for one corn chip right to Satan, but they didn't caught up on that.

All they cared about were the substances and their pleasure. And Peridot was happy about it. After all, she wasn't that different.

All she cared about was their Money and every little piece of information that could bring her closer to the diamonds.

\---

Around 6 am Peridot sat in the train again, pockets filled with money but not a single pill on herself anymore. She still had all her skills and just spent around 8 hours selling drugs to privileged kids with too much time and money on their hands.

Spent 8 hours gathering as much information about underground parties she could get and special meet-ups and what not. She would have to visit as much of those as possible if she wanted to get somewhere, knowing well these kind of parties were exactly the places where gangs picked up their victims. Not enough to get caught, of course, or nobody would come again. But she knew, at least one of those organizers were the diamonds gang in disguise. Maybe even two or three of them.

They made sure to only share their information over word-of mouth recommendation, the first to share got money. Those that appeared to the events with newcomers got little extras. Nobody knew where those parties were, except for those that already have been there or gotten invited. Only those nobody would miss or had a great influence on others were allowed.

Everyone who seemed like they would fit the criteria would get asked out by a stranger, someone who seems trustworthy. Often women or very, very handsome and gentle young men. They would ask them to follow them to the back and get some free alcohol. Some free lines. A needle.

They would talk and talk. About their life and family and friends and a lot of them wouldn't leave again. Not on their own convenience at least.

Peridot knew. She had heard of it, she had seen those victims on her runs. Had heard of it from Sid. And from Lapis and Jasper.

She knew and the thought to get to one of those parties terrified her. Not because she was afraid to get caught or end up in one of the backrooms. But because it horrified her to know how close she would be to all this fucking terror.

The horror, the inhumanity. She surely wasn't a humanitarian, but even she had emotions and a modicum of empathy. Honestly, she would have loved to stay as far away as possible from this places as she could. Maybe burn some of those down with the team, just for the fun of it and to destroy this fucking business once and for all. But she never would have thought there would ever be a reason for her to end up in one of those places.

But here she was and all she could do was prepare for those nights as best as possible, without seeming too suspicious. If they realized how much she knew, how deep she had been in this business and what she actually was part of...

Peridot shuddered in the warmth of the sun, startling the woman who sat beside her. She was just one station away from the devils lair and decided to get out already, walking the rest of the way. She was tired, wanted to get to bed as soon as possible, but her mind was restless.

Trying to analyze last night, to compare and take apart the costumers, what they said, who invited her. And what would come out of this. It was overwhelming and she found herself ten minutes later not in front of the door to get into the apartment complex but instead in front of a Turkish bakery. For a few seconds she hesitated, looking around as if someone had followed her from the campus. But no one was in sight and the store was still empty enough to get a quick coffee without much of a wait and get a clear head and maybe something to eat.

She didn't even thought much about it, her body demanded fuel for the last stretch of the way and she wanted to do something to put a line under this night. Maybe getting a coffee and a pleasant smile by some bakery worker would do just that.

Inside she was greeted by a young man with dark brown hair and sunglasses, smiling broadly and asking if she wanted to order already or look at the display first. He irritated her with his enthusiasm and the glasses and Peridot pondered just turning on her heel and leave as fast as possible.

But she stayed, looking at his spiked up hair and the white shirt he wore under his apron. His big, warm smile and his open stance. That dude looked like he wanted to advise the fucking baked goods by being the most cheerful salesman in the whole district. Probably around the whole city at this time of the day.

“Just a coffee and a croissant” Peridot said. She forced herself to whisper 'please' when she saw the big grin on his face, as if she had just told him he would get a promotion. He nodded, telling her to sit down and wait for just a moment and disappeared into a backroom. The unmistakeable sound of coffee beans getting ground filled the store and while Peridot sit down, she tried to relax a bit.

When the dude appeared again, he put down a croissant on a plate in front of her, butter and even a little pack of jam, telling her, “The coffee will be there in a minute. Bon Appétit.”

She thanked him, looking down at her meal and realizing why she hadn't left the store right away when she had seen the overgrown millennial smiley: He seemed genuine. As if he was really excited to be here and do his job and it made her feel better.

Gnawing at her croissant, looking at the little extra with confusion, she realized how shitty selling drugs to survive was. No really, with Jasper it felt like a normal job, there was even some kind of sense of achievement to it. It felt like being part of something big, like she changed something. Meant something. Now it felt like she just tried to survive again, as if she had to sell her soul again to get a fucking coffee.

But this dude seemed to love exactly what he was doing right now and she felt a little better about herself. She couldn't imagine being a salesman in a bakery so close to the devils lair was fun. It probably got stressful and each and every employee had seen some shit, she was sure.

A few minutes later, croissant almost finished, he appeared again with her coffee, steaming hot with creamer and a spoon.

“Sorry for the wait. I hope it's alright” He said and she gave him a loop sided smile.

Maybe she should come here after every run. If he was just as nice as she was willing to believe right now, she would probably feel a lot better before spending the rest of the day alone holed up in Jasper's apartment.

If not, then she would have at least something to gloat over. After all nothing made one feel better about their shitty life than watching other people not being able to handle their shitty life.

\---

It took Peridot just a few days to get used to the new routine:

Waking up around 6 pm, cuddled up in Jasper's Bed, clutching a pillow she had put an old shirt of Lapis on. It was cliché and she would have never admitted it, but it made her feel less alone and it helped her waking up without breaking out into tears.

She even thought about taking the spoiled anti-depressants of Jasper in hope of getting rid of her new found mood swings. Around 7 pm Amethyst called and told her every day about Pearl. At first Peridot thought the two of them had an argument or maybe they were about to get married or something. He talked about her so much, until she realized that, while he was absolutely gushing about her and how much he loved her, he also told her news about Lapis and Jasper that way. How much time he could spent with Pearl, now that Lapis was always asking about new targets. Leaving almost none for her.

How much Jasper and Lapis worked together out of the blue and how they ruined a lot of intimate moments by annoying him about news about Peridot.

It was as if the boy sensed Peridot thought about leaving and not looking back. The longer she spent in the apartment, only getting out for runs and parties and events she left the second she realized she wouldn't get anything out of, the more and more she felt like the others were better off without her.

Not only the Team, who was probably happy their constant drama factor was gone, but Jasper and Lapis, too. They finally had made up, they probably hit it off like in the old days, just without the pain and the misunderstandings.

But every time Amethyst called, he told her otherwise. And when she started to look out of the windows, looking at the teenagers in the yard destroying property and yelling, she started to see well known faces:  
Skinny and Carni.

A few days later Sharky and Jay, Amethyst's sisters and higher ups in Jasper's troop. And of course dear and close to Amethyst himself.

There was no way to get in contact with them, neither with the other high ranking runners and sisters and cousins of Amethyst. They just visited to make sure everything was alright from time to time, not ever trying to get inside the complex or in trouble with the teenagers or even the scout troops that recently appeared with the warm weather and stole all the stars from the BMW’s in the surrounding. Peridot had a supreme look out position and started to use it before getting out to sell her stuff.

It fascinated her to stare out there, without having to be part of it. She didn't even watched TV or used the PC, which Jasper had allowed her to browse the web with. Instead she looked out of the kitchen window, down into the yard where kids acted exactly the way children and teenager without supervision acted:

They had fun at everybody else expense.

And that should have probably annoyed or even angered her but instead, she found it amusing, watching sometimes for almost an hour, eating her late breakfast and getting ready for the night.

She would either go to some parties or events or directly get to one of the bigger campuses to sell. She didn't spent a single night without buying and selling stuff, making a name again. Soon Ann-Katrin Müller was a celebrity. A whisper among the druffies, a hushed rumor everyone tried to either debunk or prove.

Peridot made sure to never get close to Sid's old district or appear too experienced, fearing to walk right into either her old 'teammate' or into a diamond grunt, who, without doubt had already cast an eye on her. She managed to get through the first month without a single incident and by then, she lived in a peaceful state of here and now.

She didn't thought about going back. But a lot about leaving once and for all after she finished her jobs. About taking the money and just start over somewhere new. She got in contact with so much students, realizing this was exactly what she always wanted: pursue a higher education. Being respected and seen as someone special. Shit, no matter how fucking arrogant that sounded, Peridot felt like she belonged here.

And maybe she could start a life like this in another city. Maybe another Country. Taking the money, getting into a college, and selling some drugs from time to time.

She indulged in those thoughts, especially when the nights and mornings got rough and she had to drag her tired bones to the bakery, where Buck was already waiting.

He had started to talk to her after seeing her for a full week, asking her if she just moved here and what she did for a living. He was actually just as nice as she thought the first time she saw him and felt like coming home every time she marched through the glass door into the temperature-controlled store.

Buck managed to get her right out of her shell and had his fun with her cynical way when she became willing to be more open with him. He always had her coffee ready and asked her after her night, which she always deflected in some way or another.

He never pried, but she knew he probably already had a very clear Idea what Peri did for a living. Or Ann-Katrin, after all this was the only name he knew her as. But he didn't seem put off by it, quite the contrary:

After a month or so of every day interaction and Peridot falling into bed, dead to the world after having a coffee and some kinda baked goods, he asked her to meet up with him and some friends later.

She was already half out of the door, there were other costumers and Peridot was so ready to just fall asleep on the fucking doorsteps, but still she stopped in her tracks and looked back at the dude. He was actually younger than her. Merely a boy, around 19. He just didn't looked the part.

So were could he and his friends want to invite her to?

“What for?” She asked freely. She knew he wouldn't try anything too bad, probably nothing you wouldn't ask a regular friend either but Peridot wasn't really good with regular friends.

“To celebrate. There is a cool bar, some friends of mine own them. We could all meet up there if you don't have to work tonight.”

He sounded absolutely sincere.

But that didn't mean this didn't have to be some kind of trap. Even a bar could be a location to steal people off the streets.

He saw her hesitation, smiling friendly and getting away from the counter to walk over to the door.

The other costumers didn't care, they were already served and he had time to talk to her more freely.

“You don't have to” He said, “If you want we can all meet up here first and if you deem this whole thing not safe enough, you can go home or to work, whatever it is you do at night.”

Peridot shrugged, “I'm not one for parties.”

He nodded, “Yeah, you kinda have that vibe. The bar is at the Eastcross. You know, the train station? It's called 'Pink Cotton Candy'. I swear, it's awesome. You can look it up, they have an official website. No party. Just a nice meet up to chill and drink.”

Peridot entertained the thought. She would probably get not a single information there, the bar sounded like the exact opposite to the kind of bars and clubs she was supposed to visit now.

But she was searching since over a month now. And she really liked Buck, he was probably the closest to a friend Peri could have gotten in her situation. Maybe his friends were just as nice and this evening could actually be a nice distraction?

And if they weren't, she could just leave.

“Why do you even want me to meet your friends, dude?” She asked finally. She wasn't used to people being so adamant to invite her to social gatherings. The Team was different, they were colleagues. Well, and kinda family and if she remembered correctly, it took some of Rose influence to even get them to really meet her. And some of Lapis powers of persuasion to even get her a job in the team, so she really couldn't imagine Buck just thought Peridot would be a nice addition to a fun night.

“You're always alone” Buck answered honestly, putting his hands into his pants, “And I mean, some people like that but you're pretty chill. I know what you do for a living, it's pretty obvious and I don't know if that's why you keep to yourself, but even salesman like you deserve a break. To just chill for a bit and enjoy the life you normally just see when you gotta sell.”

Peridot snorted, “So the bar is part of that life? Pink Cotton Candy sounds more like a gay bar than a 'white castle', so to speak.”

“It's not build on red rocks but you can hit a blunt without getting carried out by cops” Buck explained, “Like I said. No Party. We gonna meet up at 8 pm, in front of the bakery. If you wanna come, be there. If not, that's fine, too.”

While they had talked new costumers had entered the store and Buck had to get a move on, so Peridot just nodded, “We'll see.”

That seemed to be the sign for him to get back behind the counter, so he wished her a good morning with the biggest grin and went to do his job. Peridot followed him with her eyes for a second, readying herself to see his grin falter or change or even leave for the shortest second to turn into a fake one, but it never happened. He wasn't one for giddiness, but he definitely liked to show his joy and Peridot turned around, opened the door once again, feeling a shudder crawl down her back.

She had to make sure not to get close to him or his friends, or they surely would learn life wasn't as nice and friendly as it seemed to them. And neither was Peridot herself.

\---

Peridot didn't really felt alone and she had a hard time to understand Buck's point of view. Every evening after waking up she would see one of Amethyst's relatives or a high ranking runner and remember how much had changed since the last time she lived alone.

She wasn't a good runner who had seen some shit anymore. Not some badass little bastard who had fought her whole life and thus was ready to take on everyone. No, by now she had people behind her. She was one of those Dealers that always had at least 5 different bruisers close by and it stroked her ego immensely.

If someone decided to try and bullshit her, she was just one call away from redesigning the whole exterior and their fucking faces. What the fuck was she even afraid of?

She talked to Amethyst, telling her where she would be tonight and afterward, but not that she wouldn't be alone. She didn't wanted Buck or his friends to end up in some fucked up situations just because she knew him. She didn't wanted them to somehow get in contact with the team if she could prevent it.

They were harmless kids, they didn't deserve to end up in shit like international drug dealing, gang wars or hitman business.

And she still wasn't sure if she would come back. And maybe, if she didn't, they could get in danger if the others tried to find her. Maybe they wouldn't harm them, but Peridot still didn't wanted to risk it.

So, when she actually appeared at 8 pm in front of the store, she appeared there without any backup or possible way to get help in case of emergency, without blowing her cover. She was aware how dangerous this action was, she didn't knew Buck and his surrounding well enough to be so sure they would mean no harm, but she refused to think that way. To think about this.

In twenty-two years she had done a lot of stupid shit. For others.

Must be the first time I'm _actually_ acting like a bratty teenager, Peridot thought while raising her right arm in a slight gesture of greeting after Buck had spotted her on her way. She couldn't leave anymore, so she took a last deep breathe to calm her nerves and gather her moxie and speed up a little to meet the other 3 halfway.

“Yo, you came” Buck said with a grin, he didn't really sounded excited but Peridot was used to it. The grin on his face showed just how happy he was Peridot actually came and he immediately started introducing his friends.

The first one was a rather high grown boy around his age, with white hair styled up and a slight frown on his face.

“That's Sour Cream” Buck explained, “He's a DJ.”

Peridot didn't know why, but he kinda reminded her of Pearl, even when he smiled he seemed worried about something. The way he held himself up, his body language. For a second, she had to clear her head before she shook his hand and introduced herself as Ann-Katrin.

She wanted to cringe at this, it felt so fucking fake, but she had no other chance and turned around to look at Buck's other Friend after a firm Handshake from Sour Cream.

“And that's Jenny. She normally drives the Getaway Car” He joked and Jenny grinned at him first and than turned with a warm smile to Peridot, shaking her Hand.

“Nice to meet ya” She said with the strangest version of a German valley slang Peridot ever heard. It reminded her of Amethyst and it startled her. Slightly shocked she just nodded with a lopsided smile and repeated her fake name once again. As if Jenny hadn't heard it 5 seconds before.

The three laughed, apparently Peridot's insecurity was clear as day, but it wasn't a malevolent laughing and Peridot decided to accept it and chuckle along. Now that she thought about it, Buck reminded her of Garnet, being just as calm and willing to just go with the flow, she didn't even really realized the others waited for her. They were already on the way to the train station, but Peridot was caught up in her thoughts, questioning if the three of them really were just as similar as her teammates or if she was slowly turning insane.

It wouldn't be the first time her psyche decided to run nuts but this was a whole new level.

“You alright?” Sour Cream asked, sounding concerned and Peridot nodded, walking up to them and following them to the station. Getting a grip on herself, she smiled at them, seeing their questioning looks.

“The nerves” She finally said. It wasn't a whole lie, “I'm new in town and it's the first time I'm going to a bar with someone else.”

Jenny seemed absolutely delighted to hear that, “That's great! You gonna love it, it's the best Bar to introduce you to Wulfen. It's the emblem so to say. City's real landmark. Forget about the Victory Column and all that other nonsense, you gotta see what this city really is made of.”

Lying Maggots and homicidal Junkies, Peridot thought while her smile faltered the slightest bit. Jenny probably didn't mean that at all, but it was the first thing that came to Peridot's mind when she thought about this City.

“What is it made of?” She asked innocently enough while they walked up the stairs to the platform, trying to sound interested.

_She was interested._ She had just spent her whole life in this city and couldn't imagine something except for the drugs and the human trafficking could somehow represent this fucking blot on the landscape.

“You have some time?” Buck asked Peridot with his warm smile and she shrugged. She already was here, she already agreed to spent the evening, why not the night too?

“I guess” She said vaguely and Sour Cream and Jenny laughed.

“You sound really enthusiastic about this” Jenny chuckled, making Peridot shrug once again. She couldn't stop herself from grinning, though.

“I'm not sure why I need time” She explained herself and Buck lifted his Sun glasses to look into her eyes.

“We gonna show you the city tonight” He promised and let the glasses fall on his nose again, stepping away a few steps to keep watch for the train. Peridot stayed behind with Sour Cream, who occupied himself at the little Hot-Dog stand on the platform and Jenny, who smiled down at her.

“Don't worry. We know some awesome spots, and all of us just got our pay, so you won't go home poor tomorrow morning.”

Sudden poverty was the least of Peridot's worries right now, but she appreciated the effort. When the train finally came Sour Cream turned away from the stand, 4 bottles in hand, while Buck came back to get in together with the others.

They sat down together, Sour Cream handing each of them a bottle and keeping one for himself. It was cheap shandy, but it was a great way to start the trip and, as far as Peridot considered the saying, cheap beer was always better than no beer at all.

They clinked the bottles, toasting to the night they would spent and after that, the three told Peridot all kind of Ideas they had, about the best stuff that happened to them in different Bar's and Club's and the best places to take someone on a date.

“Date?” She repeated with slight confusion, did they really thought someone like her would go on a date? Be it Peridot or Ann-Katrin Müller, the girl who studied all day and then went to sell drugs at night. Fuck, there was not a single version of her who had the time or the urge to go on a date.

“Yeah!” Jenny nodded, “A Date. You gonna tell me you don't have someone you wanna go on a date with?”

“You do?” Peridot bit back, forgetting for a second those three were normal teens and probably had a more or less normal love life, so of course they were confused Peridot had none. But it was too late, all three of them had realized this was a sore spot and Jenny apologized profoundly.

Peridot shook her head, trying to deflect and to show it wasn't that much of a deal, trying to make something up.

“I had a partner. Back in Bavaria but it didn't work out” She lied and the others nodded.

“You don't wanna get back in the saddle?” Sour Cream asked, and Peridot shrugged.

“Not for a while, I guess? I'm happy right now and I don't really wanna work on something but myself and my education right now, so...”

That seemed to reasonable to all of them, they nodded and Buck raised a brow in surprise. He knew Peridot or Ann-Katrin, was a student, but he still didn't knew how she managed college, her little 'night job' and still was able to be this active. He saw her every morning with a coffee, but he knew she drank it _to got to sleep_.

Peridot looked at him for a split second and even if she couldn't see his eyes, she felt them on her and she knew it was time to change the topics. At least for now.

So they talked about the bars they wanted to visit tonight and about possible restaurants they wanted to show their newcomer, until 2 ticket inspectors get on the train and suddenly, Sour Cream and Jenny started to get fidgety. They sat close to one of the doors, so all four of them were the first ones to get controlled.

The first inspector, a woman around 40 with a stony expression, came up to them and while Peridot and Buck just showed their tickets, Jenny and Sour Cream started to search their pockets. First their Pants, then the jackets and the handbag, just every pocket one could look into, making the second inspector come over with a suspicious look on his face. The other passengers forgotten in the favor of the possibility of catching two fare dodger.

“You kids sure you got a ticket?” The woman said and it sounded like an accusation.

“Of course!” Jenny said with slight offense and Buck nodded.

“I was there when they bought them” He said and Peridot wasn't sure if he wasn't just lying.

It took both Sour Cream and Jenny until the next station until they just got out their wallets and showed their monthly passes, just before the inspectors had to leave the car in a hurry to get to the next one. They cursed and ran, couldn't afford to take the next train as they were assigned to this one, making both Jenny and Buck chuckle.

The other passengers stared at them and Peridot finally realized what the two of them had just done:

They had stalled the ticket inspectors on purpose. They knew exactly where their tickets had been, they just wanted to give others the chance to get out of the train without getting a fee.

“Impressive” Peridot mumbled and Jenny gave her a smug smile.

“We've all been there, dude” She explained, “In this city, everyone's gotta watch out for each other.”

\---

The whole way they asked Peridot questions about her life and her goals and ambitions and it was in a way which Peridot enjoyed. It wasn't an interrogation, every time she gave an answer, the others told her about their plans and what made them happy and what exactly they were doing with their lives right now.

She had been right about them, all three were fond of the more easy-to-access and less risky drugs like Alcohol, Weed and Tobacco and got their lives in order. Well, as good as they possibly could at this age in this trying times, but Jenny and Buck got a job they loved while Sour Cream studied and DJ'ed whenever he could get a gig. They all met back in Highschool and had been friends ever since, which impressed Peridot more than she was willing to admit.

How did people manage to stay close to each other over such a long time? Not drifting apart or changing so much over time they just lost each other along the way?

“Okay but there is one thing I'll always question: Why you became worker in a bakery and Sour Cream decided to study.” Jenny laughed as they got out of the train, looking at Buck. “Considering his love for Cheese Cake. You took the wrong way, Blondie.”

Sour Cream shrugged, looking at her with incomprehension, “Cheese Cake is holy and if I ever found out how to make it or even got the power to bake this stuff myself, I would just abuse it, so no, I took the best possible path for my future.”

Buck fell a little back, to explain Peridot this, apparently years old, discussion:

“Nothing is as questionable as Sour Creams obsession with Cheese Cake” He explained, lighting a cigarette as they got out of the big station and passed her the lighter, so Peridot could lit hers, too.

“OKAY!” Sour Cream half shouted, throwing his hands into the air as if he had to lay down some basic facts to a bunch of heathens, “But Cheese Cake is literally what would have come out if someone would have put Jesus into dough and baked him!”

Jenny stared at him with slight worry in her eyes and clear disbelieve in her face.

“I was about to tell you that you need Jesus, but now I'm afraid of what you'll do to him.”

With the driest expression she could muster, Peridot snorted, “So, Cheezus Cake?”

That made Buck laugh out loud and Jenny and Sour Cream turned back to them, still walking and looking down at her with surprise. Sour Cream sighed in defeat while Jenny giggled.

“Yeah, we gonna keep you, Annie. It's decided, you gonna chill with us from now.”

Before Peridot could answer, though, they were stopped in their tracks by 3 people screaming and gesturing wildly. They were in front of a store, Sour Cream was about to enter when the three of them shoved him out of the way without even looking at him, yelling something to the people inside the store.

“We gonna come back next week and if you still don't have the money we gonna burn this shit stain down, you hear me, Barriga?” One of them yelled and Peridot turned pale. Fuck, how many of those even existed, were they like triplets?

In front of Sour Cream stood the Assassin that wanted to kill Lapis, the same girl who was with Jasper's Instructor in the warehouse, trying to burn them down.

No, of course it wasn't them.

But she looked just like them, the same black Afro, the dark skin, the scars all over the body. She wore glasses and Peridot was afraid she would recognizer her. Of course, she couldn't, she didn't fucking knew her, but Peridot was still afraid.

Afraid the girl could see in her eyes that she had killed her two clones, sisters, whatever, already.

She didn't even had the presence of mind to look at the other two completely, but she saw two diamond tattoos, one on the left hands of the assassin clone and the other girl and finally the little yellow diamond symbol on the third grunt, tattooed on the girls back. Visible thanks to a tank top with an open back.

“What the fuck are you looking at, you shithead?” One of them yelled at Peridot, who still stared at them in shock. She couldn't move. They knew.

They knew who she was, what she was doing her.

They would get her, they would drag her into their hide out and kill her and her dream of being free, her dream of living for herself, would be over. She wouldn't see Jasper or Lapis ever again, Sour Cream; Buck and Jenny would be killed because they were with her.

She felt herself slipping, she couldn't breath, she couldn't think, all she heard were voices, calling. Yelling.

Shaking her.

“Ann-Katrin!”

Eyes filled with fear, Peridot finally looked up, gripping her own arms tightly, as if to defend her torso. Jenny looked at her with concern, kneeing slightly to be around her height and trying to stop her form shaking violently.

Nobody had touched her, her own body just had started to shake in her panic.

“They are gone” Buck said soothingly and Peridot stared at the three of them.

Didn't they know who these guys were? Had they really no clue about the evil that lurked in this city? About the Diamonds?

Apparently they didn't, because they seemed more concerned about Peridot's Panic Attack than about the fact these were 3 Diamond grunts ready to burn down a whole bar. One of them possibly even an assassin.

“Come one, let's get you inside” Sour Cream proposed, all three of them helping her inside the bar. She allowed it, still too shocked to fight them.

The Inside was air-conditioned, which was the first thing Peridot realized, and also rather chilly and dark. She blinked a few times in surprise, listening to the Electro Swing and tried to get everything in focus.

The first thing she was able to make out was a long counter, made out of pink dyed wood. There were a lot of cabinets behind it, filled with all kinds of bottles and glasses and finally she saw two people standing behind it.

Probably the barkeeper or even the owner, and when she looked around she finally managed to make out what the room even consisted of:

There were a few tables, maybe around a dozen, all surrounded by armchairs and those close to the wall even with couches. Everything was pink or black or some tone of red and if Peridot wouldn't have been in a state of shock, she would have probably laughed in disbelieve at the interior. What kind of place did she ended up in?

“Hey” Greeted the blonde girl behind the counter weakly, making Peridot finally look up at her and the boy with the pink Mohican haircut. At least she thought it was a Mohican haircut, but the way he wore it could also indicate a cleverly combed-out undercut.

Well, whatever it was, both the dude and the girl looked just as pale Peridot and seemed in a similar state of shock. Those two definitely knew the diamonds and they knew they were in deep shit.

“We brought a new regular!” Buck announced proudly, making the blonde smile weakly. Jenny helped Peridot to one of the tables right into an armchair while Sour Cream and Buck ordered for them.

After that, they walked over to her, the boy following them with a sorrowful expression.

“Sorry you guys had to witness that” He whispered.

Jenny, Buck and Sour Cream just shrugged, asking if everything was alright and if there was any damage, but the boy just shook his head. He sat down with them, not even looking at Peridot at all and trying to explain what had happened just moments ago.

He stuttered a lot and over the loud music Peridot couldn't really hear, the table was between them and she was still not really in the mood to hear more of the misery. She had to think about what this meant for her.

Only when the blonde came back with their drinks and a shot for each of them, including her and the boy, she managed to get herself back into the conversation. The boy and the girl introduced themselves as Sadie and Lars and together they drank until Peridot felt easy and lightheaded, finally willing to ask what the fuck had happened.

“We have some debts” Sadie explained, Lars and her had to get some orders for the few other regulars that had started to drop by, but in the end they always came back to the little group of four. Apparently they all had some connections to each other, not as close as Sour Cream, Buck and Jenny, but they still knew each other well.

“Every week it gets more. I don't think they want us to be able to pay, but I don't know what else they could want.”

Buck chimed in, “We meet those dudes like every Friday here. We thought they would already be gone, so you wouldn't have to meet them, but apparently they were a little late today.”

“They make threats like that since over half a year” Lars explained, still frowning but at least his face got a little of his color back, “But they never do anything. They just take what we have, threaten us and leave again.”

They don't want the money; they want you and the bar, Peridot thought but stayed silent, nodding solemnly. There was her clue. Her way to get to the headquarters. And she could take it and develop a plan, or she could leave those Kids to their own devices.

After all they had made the debt, they had gotten in trouble with the wrong people and now they would have to pay the price. Just like Peridot had back in the day, with Sid. Or when she lived on the streets. Just like each and every person who had saved Peridot's ass the last few months she had lived with the team.

It wasn't really a tough decision, she couldn't leave those people. Not the 5 kids in front of her and neither the team. Not as long as she was their chance to finally get rid of the diamonds. She could still decide what to do after they sorted all this out, but right now was not the time to think about a possible escape into the alps to live as a dealing hermit.

“I'm gonna pay those debts” Peridot finally announced as the evening progressed and the first blunts were lit.

“Ha ha” The sound Sadie made sounded almost like a hiss, “Get Funny.”

Buck looked at Peridot with raised eye brows, he knew she wasn't joking.

“I'm paying the debts” She repeated, a little louder this time. All eyes were on her and she knew she couldn't back down, now.

“My Parents have a lot of money. I made a lot of money the last few months in this city. I'm gonna pay the debts.”

“Annie, we speak about huge sum here. Not a few thousands payed with a nice little interest, but money worth human lives. Lars and I could sell all our Organs and maybe, barely, pay those people back.”

Peridot nodded, she would have to take this chance, take all the money she had made and all the money the team had given her and make it count or she would be in big fucking trouble, alright.

“My Dad owns several estates all over the country. I bet you the amount you're talking about will be peanuts to him. And that means, if I ask him and get a good lie going, it will be peanuts to us.”

“Why?”

The question hung over the table, between all of them. Sour Cream had asked, but everyone wanted to know. She was just some kid to them, moving from Bavaria into the big city and now she was willing to pay the debt of literal strangers? And not a few drinks either, it would be the pay of at least two or three killed targets, Pearl would be so pissed. But if this worked out, then they would own the complete city and every penny the diamonds had made soon enough. That should be worth the, in comparison, small investment.

“Because I can” Peridot said and knew it wasn't a satisfying answer. All things considered it wasn't a real answer at all, but what should she tell them?

'I need to get to the headquarters of these asses and what better way than to throw a ward of cash at them and yell at them to take me to their leader?'

Yeah, that wouldn't work out, so she stood with her explanation.

“You don't have to take the offer. And if you think there is something fishy about it, we can make a deal. My dad has the money and he and the family use it to dick around. Why not use it for something good for once?”

Finally, Jenny found her voice again and interfered, “Ann, _is you_ blind? Have you seen those guys? If you just appear here and throw around thousands by the dozen they gonna carry your ass into an alley and throw your naked corpse into a ditch.”

Sadie nodded, “I'm not even sure if it would be over if we just pay our debt. It started as something so small and insignificant and now we have to fear for our lives. You shouldn't get involved.”

“Take it or leave it” Peridot had enough of this discussion. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at each of her companions with a frown.

“What do you guys think I work with on the regular basis when I sell? This nice little souvenir in my face isn't from a little accident in the kitchen, there have been enough people in my life who tried to bury my naked ass in some woods. I can handle this. Let me handle this. They won't bother you anymore.”

“Sounds like Bavaria is quite the tough place” It sounded like a statement, but Peridot was aware it was more a question than anything else. Bavaria was anything but a tough place drug or gang wise. And Buck didn't said it as if he learned some unbelievable facts, he was essentially asking who Peridot really was.

The others didn't seem to realize the meaning behind his words as they just looked at the two of them in confusion. Lars and Sadie still seemed to think about the offer, fearing yet another deal which would put their lives at risk.

Who could blame them? They just got in trouble with the wrong people, they didn't wanted to get in yet another kind of trouble with the next kind of wrong people.

“We will probably take years to pay you back” Sadie finally stated, as if that would convince Peridot to take the money back, “Maybe never.”

“I don't want you guys to pay me back” She repeated her offer, “I don't really want anything from you.”

It was a steady back and forth, essentially all about 'why' and Peridot's 'because I can' in different lengths and explanations. In the end, Lars and Sadie gave in. They had no other chance. Peridot was one person, vowing not to try and get the money back, while the diamond grunts were at least 3 people willing to turn Sadie and Lars into human pretzels and bury their asses in the woods if they didn't got the money soon. A grumpy rich kid selling drugs somehow seemed like the lesser evil and finally they agreed via handshake.

Sour Cream, Buck and Jenny functioned as witnesses for the deal and finally they could get into carefree drinking – at least that's what they called it.

Really carefree was none of them, but they tried to numb the looming feeling of impending doom and just enjoy the time. Peridot was a pro at this kind of spiel by now. She drank as much as the others, got more open and joked around with them while the bar got fuller and fuller. Buck kept his promise: it didn't turned into full blown party, but by midnight the whole joint was packed with people of all kinds, the air smelled like alcohol and weed and Peridot's mind was pleasantly swimming.

“Hey, Annie!” Sour Cream nudged her with his Elbow, “You want a drag?”

When she turned over to him, away from Jenny, Buck and another young man dancing together in the crowd, she saw the blunt in his hand and grinned.

“Naw” She drawled, “May the stars protect me from storms and wind and weed. That shit has a terrible effect on me.”

He laughed at that, but didn't asked further. Peridot couldn't have been more grateful that neither he, nor Jenny or Buck asked any questions she didn't wanted to answer. They seemed to have rather good intuition or maybe didn't cared so much to risk another downer, but whatever it was:

It allowed Peridot to enjoy the evening.

It got even so far that Jenny managed to get her out of the armchair she had kept warm the whole night to dance with her and strangers. She was drunk and in a better mood than she probably should be and when they finally got out of the bar at around 1 am Peridot was sweating heavily and laughed with Jenny, who laid an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close while they made their way to the train station.

They spent the whole night exploring the city, discovering new bars and restaurants. Sometimes Buck picked up the bill, sometimes Sour Cream and Jenny, but they never allowed Peridot to pay anything.

“If you pay the money for Lars and Sadie we gonna be in your debt forever, let us at least try to give back a little” Buck explained while they got a coffee around 3 am in a little shop called “coffee shop blue”.

The whole room was lit in blue neon lights, the walls were painted black and the few chairs that stood at the tables attached to the wall had leather seats. Peridot felt as if she was in some kind of parallel universe or maybe in a futuristic movie from the eighties.

“You don't know if I won't just ran away never to be seen again after tonight” Peridot threatened with a sly grin, making Buck chuckle.

“Are we that bad?” He asked, knowing very well this wasn't the insinuation Peridot was going for. He wanted to tease her a bit, but she just looked up at him with furrowed brows, making a sound of confusion.

She clearly didn't get the joke and he grinned at her, nodding in the general direction of Sour Cream and Jenny, who had sat down at the chairs, waiting for the two of them. They only had to carry three cups, as Jenny got herself an energy drink in a 24 hour store just a few minutes before, but still Peridot offered her help, as even 3 cups with hot fluid were hard to carry with two hands.

“You know he is a baker boy?” Sour Cream asked when they sat down beside them and Peridot handed him one cup, “He is supposed to carry far more than some coffee.”

Peridot just shrugged, sipping her coffee with care, “He's not at work right now, so I thought, he, for once, doesn't want to carry my coffee.”

“He does that often?” Jenny teased and bend forward to look at Peridot with a raised brow and a smug smirk. Peridot felt herself blushing, being just inches apart from the girl and drew slightly back. She didn't really understood. Just like before she furrowed her brow, and finally turned to Buck as if to ask him for help.

But the boy just had his calm little smile.

No help from him, then. Instead, Peridot turned around again, looking for something to change the topic, looking down at the energy drink bottle in Jenny's Hands. It was a no-name product and big enough to keep a whole elementary class awake for nights to come.

“So you don't drink coffee?” She asked, making Jenny follow her eyes and look at the bottle, too, “but Bottles filled with Energy Drink. But no brand products?”

Now Jenny was the one shrugging, “Most Brand Products sell Twitchy-Sugarporridge in Cans. And I drank coffee once to be less tired in school but all I got was accelerated depression and teenage angst.”

“And she still has both since then” Sour Cream chuckled, provoking Jenny to punch him softly on his arm, “What, it's true!”

It took a few seconds and the two were bickering around, in their own world and making a fuss. Peridot sighed in relief and turned to Buck who looked at her with intent. With his sunglasses in the dark shop and the look on his face he once again made Peridot think of Garnet and she straightened herself a little on reflex.

He took it as a cue to talk, “Don't take our jokes too serious. She knows you come by every morning and wanted to tease you for a while about it.”

“Why?”

Buck raised a brow, “I guess she just likes to tease people? She doesn't mean harm.”

Peridot turned around, looking at Sour Cream and Jenny again, who were now poking each other and nodded with a slight smile, “Yeah, I know someone like that.”

“From home?” Buck asked and, as if on reflex, Peridot nodded.

“Yeah, there are a lot people like that at home. But one especially. He's - “

She stopped herself. She couldn't talk about Amethyst. Mustn't.

Instead she turned to Buck again, feeling herself tensing up.

“It doesn't matter” She said fast, “I don't have contact to my old friends anymore. Makes it all the more impressive you guys are still buddies after all those years.”

“More than that” Buck said, finally turning to his own beverage and sipping it while watching his two friends roughhousing.

“More than Buddies, I mean” He clarified when he saw Peridot's suspicion and slight annoyance. Enough cryptic talk for tonight, it seemed. At least from his side; she never stopped being cryptic with them.

Peridot realized she probably got it coming that the three of them liked to play around with the fact that she lacked some basic knowledge about teenage interaction, but it wasn't as if she wasn't a closed book either. Throwing money around that wasn't her own, still selling drugs at night and supposedly also going to college made her sound like a dealing version of Batman, so maybe some teasing was in order.

After a while they were finally asked to leave as Jenny and Sour Cream annoyed the other costumers and they were just loitering around by then. They took the subway to the central district, got into a hookah bar, drank some Cocktails and left when the sun was coming up again.

They were drunk, all to varying degrees and it took them another two hours to finally disband and get on their respective way home. They got Peridot to the bus she needed to take, waited until she got on and waved after her. She indulged them, waving back with a lopsided grin and only turned around to sit comfortably when she didn't saw them anymore.

Only now did she had a chance to think about the night, the endorphins still high, she was pleasantly tired and was longing for her bed.

Jasper's Bed.

Next week at this time she would know if she ever saw her again or not, didn't she?

She felt as if someone had thrown ice water all over her. It was a shock, as she just now realized what her little hero act had meant for her and this mission.

When she was offering the money she had been calming down from her initial shock of finally finding a clue and had herself thrown at it, clung to it like a lifeline and just now realized the risk.

She wouldn't have time or the need to deal anymore, quite the opposite. She would probably take the whole week to think this through, to make a plan and think of a safety net for this whole disaster.

Why the fuck did she thought she could do something like this on her own?

\---

Well, this was Peridot's chance, wasn't it?

She had waited all week, had to do a lot of explaining and make up a lot of lies to make Lars and Sadie allow her to pay this debt once and for all and now was the time to cash in, so to speak.

She waited at the counter, Peridot holding on to her long drink as if it was her lifeline to keep her upright and breathing. The others were silent, waiting, sitting at one of the tables far away from Peridot and watching.

Only Lars and Sadie were at the counter with her, just as pale, shaking and probably scared shitless about what was to happen.

After all this time they would be able to pay their debt, but it scared them. And Peridot understood. Both weren't stupid, they were probably aware this whole deal wasn't about the money. This was about the bar and their lives. About their existence and the grunts wouldn't be happy to see their leverage was soon to be gone. They would find another one, Peridot was sure, if she didn't do something now.

She hadn't told Amethyst. Not at all. She had spent the whole week talking to him as if everything was just jake. And when Friday arrived, she lied to him about laying low for the day and maybe going out with Buck and his friends.

She realized just now, that this was stupid, her whole caution and the way she had gone about this was stupid, but it was too late.

If she called Ame's now, she would probably blow her cover too soon. The grunts had to take her to the Headquarter without getting suspicious of possible followers, without realizing this was the most fragile trap ever laid out. And if she had told him sooner, if he or the others found out about this, they wouldn't have allowed it. Would have probably insisted on some kind of bodyguards or some other way to supply collateral and ultimately destroy this plan for Peridot's safety.

Timely, the grunts came through the door, kicking a table on their way to announce themselves and forcing Peridot out of her thoughts.

“Barriga!” The Triplet yelled, “Where is our money?”

“Here” Peridot answered steadily, turning around to look at them and get her wallet out.

“Every fucking Penny. I even put a few hundred bucks on top so you guys don't feel as bad about all the work you invested into this joint.”

She finally had a chance to get a good look at all three of them:

The Triplet.

A buff woman with a nasty ass scar all over her face, putting Peridot and Jasper right to shame.

And finally a girl around the age of Jasper and Lapis, with tribal style tattoos covering all over her arms and shoulders. She had just as much scars as the triplet but she was pale, with puffed up, short brown hair and with her big eyes she almost looked … well … innocent enough.

One of those eyes was milky white and empty. Blind.

Peridot had never met her, but she fucking knew that was E the second she was able to lay her eyes on her. It had to be. Those tattoo's, the scars, her face, the eye … everything fit the description Peridot had gotten of her. And she was the right age.

Flabbergasted, all three of them stopped in their tracks and looked at Peridot and the big ward of cash in her hands. They got hold of themselves just a split second later, but Peridot saw it and they knew.

And thus, the problems started.

“Who is that kid?” The buff woman growled, but E held her back.

There was a glimmer in her eyes, something that made Peridot evaluate Jasper's story. Those weren't the eyes of someone who loathed child prostitution. Naw, the way she looked at her, looked at the scar under the glasses, at her small frame and almost childlike appearance made pretty clear E already had an Idea what to do with Peridot. She was evaluating her. Not to size her up for a fight, Peridot knew.

She destroyed their plan to get as much money out of this as possible, after all. She had to provide another way to keep the cash flowing.

“Is that important?” Peridot asked, her anger rising and making her sound far more grounded as she really was, “I got your money. Every singly cent and more. Take the fucking money and leave.”

The others seemed to be forgotten. Only her and the three grunts now, it seemed.

“Why are you paying for them?” The Triplet snapped, coming forward and ripping the money from her hands. Peridot immediately took her hand away, lifting them up as if to show she was unarmed.

“They are my friends” She answered.

E laughed, “These are your friends?”

Peridot looked at her with a frown, she heard the triplet counting and made sure to keep some of her focus there so she wouldn't try some bullshit.

“Shouldn't they?” She asked, “They are nice fellas. Didn't do anything to anyone. Are not in urgent need of cosmetic surgery to save their faces...”

All three of the grunts were chuckling at that. It wasn't a happy sound, but it wasn't aggressive enough to make Peridot get right into fighting stance. Her face needed some renovation, too, so none of them took it as the cue to attack.

E went on as they calmed down, “Where do you got the money from? Stole it? It's a lot for such a little girl. Of course I wonder how you got it and why you use it to pay a debt that is not yours. They must be close friends.”

Peridot shrugged, “They are. Seeing them in Debt makes me unhappy. And Mommy and Daddy like to see their little girl happy, so they helped us out.”

That was a lie if anyone in this room had ever heard one. Shit, Peridot hadn't meant to sound this smug, but it was too late. The triplet finished counting, nodding and going back to give the cash to E, who put it away.

“You know” E said, looking at the floor as if she had to think about the carpet which laid there, “Somehow, I don't believe you.”

She looked up, “There is no need to lie. We don't really give a shit where you got the money from, we are not cops. We are just nosy.”

“Well, be nosy somewhere else” Peridot interrupted her, “You scare away costumers. You got your money, fuck off.”

Now the buff woman squared up, making a rather large step towards Peridot to intimidate her.

“You seem to think just because the debt is paid this is over” The Triplet threatened but Peridot's blood was already getting pumped with Adrenaline. Flight or Fight, there was no need to threaten anymore.

“Well, catch me, I'm your youth” She provoked with the highest voice she could muster just to change it right back to it's normal tune, “It is over when you guys decide it's over, isn't it?”

“Damn right it is” The buff one grunted and Peridot stood up.

For a few seconds all eyes were on Peridot who stared up at the woman. She wasn't afraid, she had her knife, she had advantage because those asses would never coin her as street smart enough to kill an assassin. She had killed three of them already, she was so willing to kill three more. They would probably beat seven shades of shit out of her but she could ultimately win this fight.

But she couldn't risk it. Couldn't risk losing this chance to find the Diamonds.

Instead she turned to E, as if to ask her.

“You gonna come with us” E answered the unspoken question and Peridot sat back down.

“If I don't want to?”

The triplet answered, “Then your friends will have to come with us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Today was my first day of school and I couldn't focus on anything but this fic and the one i'm planing next. 
> 
> I don't even know who my classmates are :')


	16. Angels in Cages, Second Take

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not written in chronological order. Meaning, the cursive writing shows what moment of the night we gonna read now. I tried to make it as clear as possible (but also show the chaos of the night), but if anything is unclear, please don't be afraid to ask! 
> 
> Also, TW: Torture, TW: Murder, TW: Blood and Gore.  
> Peridot's gonna kill someone (again. Honestly, she kills more people "on screen" than Lapis and Pearl together, I failed my two hitmen in my own hitman AU wtf) and she's gonna have some fun while doing so. Please remember they are still criminals and Fanfiction is not reality. Don't kill people. Don't torture them. It's not the right thing to do, even if Peridot thinks so.
> 
> After all Peridot also thinks illegal, international drug dealing is a great business.

_Now you’re looking for help_  
_But no one can help_  
_So you want to be saved_  
_Come see demons in charge_  
_They stole the show – don’t tell us that you didn’t know_  
_This is it – the devils in charge_  
_Don’t be mad – you know they won it fair and square_  
_There’s still time_  
_If you find the key_  
_You can change the world_

 

_Three Hours after the Deal, Team's Living room_

“Lassie, Jasp, I just told you what happened!” Amethyst voice was bordering a desperate plead, trying to appease the two hulking figures that currently kept him from wandering the living room.

“No!” Jasper retorted, trying her best to keep calm and lifting her hand to point at the helpless boy, “No, no, no! You talked, alright, but you didn't _told_ us a single thing!”

Lapis on the other side, just turned around and sat down beside Amethyst. Well, she practically fell, her face in her hands, she sighed as if she was about to give up, “If this is the day I'll die because of a heart attack, so it be.”

“No heart attacks” Garnet warned.

“That won't help Peridot and neither will it help us right now. Instead of falling into depression,” An admonishing look forced Jasper to step a few feet away from Amethyst as to stop intimidating him, “ _or Anger_ , we should take the information we have and try to help her by trusting her enough to get out of there without our help.”

They were silent, looking once again to Amethyst who had all the information they didn't got from the three kids who had appeared in front of their doorsteps a few hours before. They were lucky someone had been home, as Ame and Pearl had been out on a Date and Garnet had spent the evening at some kind of yoga/meditation group meeting. Luckily Steven and Connie had decided to just play some video games instead of going out or the kids would have never gotten a chance to tell them about Peridot's kamikaze mission.

They almost shot them on sight, too.

“Well, we know she still has to be kinda close by...” He started and Lapis snorted in disbelieve.

“But she's still in the city, yes?”

“No more” Garnet said firmly and Lapis turned away, putting her arms around herself, “Let him speak.”

Amethyst looked at his heartbroken friend with sympathy. He would be the same if Pearl got missing at the hand of diamond grunts, he understood. He didn't blame her or Jasper for their anger or desperation.

Instead he turned to Garnet, nodding and starting over again, “If the kids are not lying to us, they took her around 3 hours ago. We know the diamond headquarters are in the city and we know they take informants and troublemaker there before they decide what to do with them – meaning if Peridot didn't fuck up beyond compare and got herself killed, she's probably still there.”

Jasper and Lapis shrugged; so far, so bad. They only knew Peridot had to be at the Headquarters because Jasper and Lapis knew Informants got taken there. None of them had ever been there, that fucking building always was like a mystical place out of legends, like a Narnia with Drugs instead of snow and child pimps instead of a white witch.

Only three kind of people who weren't the diamonds or their closest workers got there: People who got information, people who got the raise of their lifetime and people who would never come back, often the first two kind of people were also part of the third category.

I didn't really helped lifting their spirits.

“I called literally everyone I know to start their search at the bar and follow every clue from there. People remember those three girls, and I'm not surprised. They apparently stick out more then the three stooges and if the description of them is anything to go by, then it shouldn't be too hard to backtrack them and at least get an idea where they brought her.”

That was all they could do right now. Jasper and Lapis knew that. So did the others. Peridot had been reckless and now they wouldn't be able to rescue her. Their hope lied in her ability to talk or fight her way out of the diamond grasp, but the chances were low.

But it wasn't Amethyst's fault, and neither the fault of Buck, Sour Cream and Jenny, who waited in the living room downstairs and talked with Steven, who sneakily pried as much information out of them about Peridot as he could get.

Which was impressive, considering they already had stared down the barrel of his gun.

Rose had sent out a few of her cops, Connie was already preparing some explosive in the cellar and Pearl had laid down because she was already done with the world. When she got the news and rushed back home with Amethyst, who was contacting everyone with two working legs and at least one working eye to look out, she already got hysteric. When Jasper and Lapis had arrived later on, she wasn't able to keep her calm for five minutes and after Jasper told her that “yodeling in to the bottomless void wouldn't help a thing” her only reaction was a rather shrill “LET. ME. TRY.”.

And maybe she was the only one who did the right thing in this moment. After all, there was nothing to do but wait and hope right now and except for Garnet, who was as stoic as ever, no one had the power to believe in the good of the universe or that karma would grant them such a great thing as luck.

“So we gonna do nothing at all, huh?” Lapis finally asked the other three.

“We're gonna wait at the station Peridot asked us to come to. At 6 am sharp. Before that, we gonna trust her” Garnet finally answered and it sounded like this meeting was officially dismantled.

Jasper took the cue and left, so did Garnet and in the end, only Amethyst and Lapis stayed.

“I'm sorry” He started, but Lapis shook her head.

“It's not your fault” She apologized, “We knew of the risks. We shouldn't have lashed out at you, you're really the least person to blame here.”

Instead of giving her an answer, Amethyst stood up, walked over to the bar and started to prepare two drinks. Lapis watched him, not saying anything at all until he was finished and put a glass down in front of her.

“I can't keep calm” He admitted, taking a rather big sip,“It feels like one of my sister got caught by the diamonds. I don't even wanna imagine what it's like for you.”

“So we gonna drink until we find out something or pass out?” Lapis asked. It wasn't meant seriously, but she remembered a lot of nights, back when Amethyst had been single and Lapis had still been with Jasper, were the two of them had done exactly that:

Drowned their demons in enough alcohol to take down an army.

Amethyst nodded, “Let's hope we find out something first.”

\---

_Four Hours after the Deal, Bulb Factory Grounds Wulfen_

This was Peridot's chance. Flee, finally get away from all of this, this business, these gangs, this hell city. And her Past.

Or staying. Going back to Rose and Lapis Team. Finding them and telling them where the Diamonds were located.

This was Peridot's chance.

And she was determined to use it.

Trying to wipe off the blood from her hands a last time, she looked back at Bismuth.

The Cop looked back and forth in horror between the little, blood-smeared and beaten up girl and the old bulb-factory grounds. She didn't dare to stop her and after all those years of searching, she didn't have the guts to call for back up and stop this whole gang shit once and for all, either. Not after recognizing Peridot not only as Jasper's Cousin but as one of the lost kids of this city.

“Do the right thing for once” Peridot had told her as she walked past her, “Whatever you consider the right thing.”

And they both did.

\---

_10 Minutes after the Deal, Pink Cotton Candy_

Peridot had gathered Sour Cream, Buck and Jenny around her, making sure the grunts didn't listen. She had asked them to have a few minutes to talk to her friends before following them and they allowed it for whatever reason.

She had to be fast.

“Damn, Annie-” Jenny started but Peridot shushed her.

“I don't have much time. You guys gotta listen closely, I'm gonna write down an address and you gotta promise me to drive there exactly 20 minutes after I'm gone with those goons, alright? Drive to that address, walk down the gravel path, ring the damn door bell and tell, whoever opens the door, 'the great and loveable Peridot send you' and to meet me at the Station 'Friedhelmstraße' at 6 am sharp. Believe me, they will know you guys aren't lying.”

Sour Cream, who had been pale the whole time and bordered to pass out since Peridot had gotten the wad of cash out of her wallet, looked at her in absolute horror, “What? Ann, what is going on here?”

“I can't tell you” Peridot answered, “Please just drive there. Trust me, it's the right address and they are the right people. Just tell them. They will know.”

Sour Cream was about to object again, but Buck interrupted him, nodding firmly at Peridot's Order.

“We gonna manage” He promised, “You watch out for yourself. These guys gonna try some bullshit.”

Peridot had no clue how much Buck really knew, but he seemed to have at least a bare Idea of what was going on here. Or he trusted her far more than seemed healthy, but whatever it was, Peridot took it. She had no time to think too hard about this, just smiled at him gratefully and turned to Jenny, who nodded reluctant but with the same trust in her eyes as in Buck words.

“6 am, Friedhelmstraße” She repeated for them, finally writing down the address and putting the piece of Paper in Sour Creams hand afterward, “Don't show this to anyone. Don't tell them where are you going. Just get there, tell whoever you meet what I told you and don't worry.”

When she was sure all three had understood they hugged her. She had no clue why they would do that, but she took it regardless. She felt bad knowing she had to get this kids in contact with the team, but they wouldn't harm them. Not now, they were important to the mission.

Eventually, the grunts became impatient, yelling for Peridot to hurry up and she got herself out of the embrace. With a last encouraging smile she turned away from the three and got serious again.

“I'm coming” She said casually after putting up her ice-cold bitch trademark face.

“It's not as if I could run away at this point.”

\---

_Four Hours after the Deal, Old Bulb Factory Grounds Wulfen_

Bismuth couldn't believe she really was here. It was sheer luck, she had heard from some of her trustworthy colleagues that Rose had sent out her goons again. She didn't knew what for but she remembered the name “Pink Candy Cotton” and when she got there, she had heard them talk about Evelyn and her Friends.

And for a while she had thought Rose and her People had finally ended what they had started and killed Evelyn off.

She had tried to get as much information as possible, almost shooting up the whole Bar to find out what had happened, only for her to get shouted at by the two owners, Lars Barriga and Sadie Miller, to get lost. And that Evelyn and her friends apparently 'took' one of their friends as she had paid a debt for them and it angered Evelyn beyond compare.

Bismuth had no Idea what the hell they were talking about.

Evelyn had been a victim of Rose thug's, abused to the point of blindness on one eye and raped and finally almost got killed by one of her famous hitman. She had seen the scars. She had seen Evelyn when she had dragged herself into the police station but nothing came out of it. Rose managed to destroy all evidence, managed to bribe the prosecutor and in the end none of the perpetrators got even in front of a judge. Bismuth had seen a lot of unfair decisions in all her years, but seeing Jasper and Lapis leave the police station without handcuffs and tense but ultimately happy faces almost had her puking.

She kept in contact with Evelyn, who was so adamant to be called Eve or E. And Bismuth understood, after something like that people often didn't wanted to be in their skin anymore, didn't wanted to be who they had been back then.

After that, she had tried everything to catch Jasper. With Drugs, with Weapons, whatever she would need to get her locked up. But Jasper wasn't stupid. Raised on the streets, orphan and greenhorn of Rose, she knew exactly what she was able to get away with and what would get her in Trouble. Lapis Lazuli, on the other Hand, was like a Ghost. Whereas Jasper was always in Bismuth Sight, always edging in the corner of her eye, taunting her and enjoying the anger she invoked, Lapis was like fog. Not to grasp, not to be really _seen_ but still with devastating effects for all those who were to short sighted to realize the danger she almost oozed out of her pores.

So she was sure Rose had to be behind that, and thus, Jasper and Lapis. Maybe this would be her chance. Maybe Evelyn would get her those Bastards on a silver plate. If she didn't do something stupid first. She knew the girl, she was a hothead and sometimes, she got herself in trouble by being overeager. More than once had she had to save the kids ass, especially when Sid was with her.

She had driven back to the Police Station and gotten behind her desk to boot up her computer. She was alone in her office, but she was used to it. She worked with 5 others but since that whole Lapis-Jasper-Evelynn Dilemma the last few colleagues she always could count on left.

Called her obsessed and insane. She accepted it. This whole city was corrupt, an eyesore that had to be cleaned from the bottom to the top once and for all. She only had to prove her point once, prove it good and the other would finally listen, she knew. They couldn't fall for Rose and her innocent exterior forever.

When the PC had finally started up completely, she tried to organize her thoughts. Evelyn in the Pink Cotton Candy. One of those Friends of the Owners, probably a strong workforce of Rose as she set heaven and hell in motion to get her back. Evelyn had been with two others.

Sid?

She always hung around the boy and Bismuth still wasn't sure how she felt about that. He was clean, an upright and responsible young man, but he was far to smarmy for Bismuth's taste. They always were around together when they got in Trouble and Bismuth felt like he maybe was the reason Evelyn stopped actively finding ways to get her tormentors to their just punishments.

Opening up the program to write the reports in, she made notes of all she knew and had found out until she realized something.

Some Witnesses had described the Friend of Barriga and Miller. A short girl, with glasses and a big scar all over her face. Blonde, green eyes, pale. She looked far too young to be out at this hour or to be at a place like this.

Bismuth remembered the kid Jasper was with a few months ago. Or had it been weeks? Bismuth had lost her sense of time a while ago and now she had to dig out her old notes in search of the description of Jasper's “Cousin”.

When she got them, she opened them up and looked at the picture she had bribed the composite sketch artist to draw for her, fitting the description and her memory. And there she was, looking just like the witnesses had described her, without a real name or a real clue where she came from.

Bavaria she had told her, but Bismuth didn't believe that.

Instead she opened up the tracing file and fed it the description of the girl in hopes of finding anything.

10 Minutes later she came up empty handed and had to restart the search, this time looking for clues throughout Germany. Half an hour later there was still nothing and she had to widen the search, had to add more years so the program would look back further in the past.

Still nothing.

This was thoroughly impossible, Bismuth was sure. She couldn't just have popped up and so she looked in the protocol, to find out if someone had searched for the kid before.

Finally something, she though with a wide smile and clicking the link, only to be greeted by something that somehow … was not the least bit surprising.

Rose had searched for her. Had her cops search for her, to be more precise, but Bismuth knew exactly it had been her order. So they had tried to find out who she was before she was sent off with Jasper, when Bismuth was doing the math correctly.

Why?

Had they tried to make a background check first? It seemed they had come up with something eventually or just agreed to take her under their teams wing regardless, so Bismuth had to find out which of the decisions they had taken.

She shot upright, marching right into Rose's department and sneaked around to find one of her younger workers. It was humiliating to be forced to sneak around like this, but she couldn't risk Rose realizing she was one the case, too. Instead she searched for the youngest cop she could find and found a girl around 22. She was fresh meat and not fully tainted by Rose's ways, so Bismuth had a chance.

“Müller?” She said loudly after closing the door of the office she currently worked in, “I have a few questions about a missed case and can't find any clues, it seems.”

Müller looked up at her with uncertainty and a furrowed brow.

But she nodded and asked how she could help, so Bismuth didn't worried about.

She laid down the facial composite and started to ask after the search, asked why Rose had asked her to search for her and why they had finally given up.

Müller was more than willing and eager to tell, “Rose told me she appeared out of thin air in a hospital a few months back so I tried to find out stuff about her. Apparently her Name's Peridot, but we weren't able to find anything at all about her. So Rose told me to lay it to rest until further notice, which came a few weeks back.

She told me to call some hospitals and apparently she had appeared at the doorsteps of one a few years back, with this big wound in her face. That's where the scar comes from, she didn't told the docs how she got it, though. I didn't even know we were allowed to be told information like that without a warrant or something like that.”

We aren't, Bismuth thought with a sour face, Rose had her grunts everywhere and apparently they weren't above disclosing sensible information about victims of acts of violence.

“So you found something about her?” She inquired, “More than her name?”

Müller nodded eagerly, “Yes! She is one of the Kids that were lost for so long. Peridot Forsterit is her whole name and she got lost after her dad overdosed. Poor Kid, I can't imagine what she had been through the last few years and even before that. Luckily Rose and her Friends take care of her now. Is she … is she alright?”

Bismuth forced herself to let her smile not be too triumphal, instead just nodded and smiled warmly down at the kid. She should try and get her on her side, so she would tell her about Rose plans always.

“She's alright, her Friends are just a little worried about her. That's why Rose sent a few cops out and they asked me to look for her, too.”

She left, after wishing Müller a good shift and got back to her Office, looking for Peridot Forsterit and when she saw the picture of the kid, young and without the scar, she almost got a heart attack.

She knew that kid. From before. With her glasses, that young face, not just skin drawn over bones but actually looking like she existed among the living.

She had meet her and Sid the same Day. She had tried to rob him, that's how Bismuth got to know him. Never had he pressed any charges and she had never paid her any mind, considered her just another rat from the streets.

Leaning back in her chair she felt her heartbeat raise.

What did Evelyn want from her? Did they search for her, trying to get back at her for what she tried with Sid?

They wouldn't, she thought, again and again; no they wouldn't.

Evelyn and Sid were rascals but shit, they weren't dangerous. They would never … or would they?

She got out of her chair, making her way back to the car, trying to remember all the places Evelyn normally hung around. A few old playgrounds that she frequented because she liked the peaceful atmosphere of parents with their kids, she remembered. Her home. Sid's Home.

There had been two other people with her. Girls, if the witness reports were correct.

Were would they bring her?

She started the engine, getting out of the parking lot without a destination in mind. Yet. Where had they gotten in trouble the most?

Finally Bismuth realized, the old Bulb Factory Grounds. They were owned by some obscure company that wanted to rebuild the whole thing and reopen it as a museum, but they apparently lacked the money to get through with the plan. Evelyn had been there with Sid and other People, they somehow got in and out and Bismuth thought, that, maybe, hopefully, they had some mini-jobs; working for the company.

But somehow, a terrible feeling grew in her stomach and she realized, they probably hadn't.

The Factory Grounds were big.

Nobody would help. Even if Peridot screamed like a banshee, it would be impossible to locate her there before they would get through with her.

Bismuth made a U-Turn, driving up the city highway to get there as soon as possible, hoping, praying, she was wrong again. Wrong like she had been about Rose. Like she had been about her team and her plan to change this city for the better.

But when she finally got out the car, sun already up again, staring at the gates and the small figure dragging themself down the road to get away from here, she knew she had been right.

Maybe for once she had been right.

Peridot came fully into sight and looked up at her in disgust. She was drenched in blood and held her stare until she passed her at the gates, wobbly on her legs but still so determined. Her glasses were broken, didn't even really lay on her nose anymore but hung crooked in her face, but she didn't care.

Instead she stopped, almost past Bismuth and looked up at her with disgust. With disbelieve. And with chagrin.

And for a second, for a split second Bismuth thought about the possibility … about the small notion … that Peridot hadn't tried to rob Sid. That this wasn't just some stupid Idea of Evelyn to get back at a small robber to finally feel in control again or some stuff like that.

Peridot's trail lead directly to one of the factory halls. The doors were opened, the lock and the keys still hanging intact. She had gotten out of there, meaning whatever had happened in there, it happened by the hands of someone who had the keys to buildings of the ground and Peridot was the one to come out … victorious.

At least that's what all these clues led up to.

“You didn't helped me” Peridot suddenly said, “Not once.”

Bismuth looked at her with growing horror.

“You know who I am, don't you?” Peridot said with a shaking voice, but her face was certain.

“You are not better than any of us. Do the right thing for once.”

She had began walking again, walking right past her, making her way to the nearest Station, “Whatever you consider the right thing, anyway.”

And for once in her life, Bismuth didn't knew what she thought was right.

\---

_An Hour and a Half after the Deal , Old Bulb Factory Grounds Wulfen_

The Triplet and the buff woman had left them alone in the Factory Hall.

E had told them this Kid was her responsibility now and to get the money up to the diamonds. Peridot had been forced into a chair that stood close to a long, rusted iron table. One of those she had seen back in the hospital when they had tried to save her face.

There were a lot of different tools laying around, carefully aligned but still so varying in form and size that it looked still kinda disorganized. They, too, were rusty. At least Peridot hoped it was rust, the last she thing she needed besides gangrene were the illnesses of former 'informants' when E decided to use one of those things on her.

She wasn't stupid. She knew exactly why she was forced to sit down, looking even smaller than before and was almost surprised they didn't shackled her, too. There were enough chains and cuffs on the floor and probably used to keep those still, who were especially fidgety. And she knew why she was forced to sit down so close to the tools.

E wasn't too lazy to get them and then walk all the way back to Peridot, she had put them there so everyone who ended up in this chair had a good look at them. She had laid them out like precious prizes to be won and Peridot could imagine what it felt like to be betrayed by E.

What it must have been like to suddenly see the madness glimmer in her eyes. What it felt like to realize that the person you trusted and loved the most had used you, had laid you out, too, just like her valuable tools.

Peridot knew only one of them would get out of this hall. She wouldn't allow anything else. The only question was, how many information would leave this room.

“Comfy?” E asked calmly.

“I liked it better at the Cotton Candy” Peridot retorted just with the same calmness. She didn't knew if E was aware Peridot was a threat, but they hadn't searched her for money or weapons or drugs or really anything, so maybe she still considered her a lucky pick-up. A girl easy to sell or some shit like that.

Or maybe she was aware what this would turn into eventually and they just had both made their peace with it.

Even if Peridot didn't wanted to die, oh stars it was the first time she realized _how much_ she wanted to live and it had almost thrown her into a panic attack right in the train on their way here. But she was able to calm down, to think about the possible outcomes. To think about her future. Whatever it may be, she would be free or dead and honestly, up until now she didn't have the worst possible run.

Maybe not worth the gold medal but shit she had held on well enough, considering the ride that was her life.

And E probably was used to the prospect of dying any given moment of her life. She was a Diamond's … well what exactly? How did she even end up here, this gang had killed her dad? Didn't she almost killed Lapis and Jasper because that was so heart-breaking to her?

“You shouldn't have tried to play the hero back there” E explained and got a chair for herself after preparing something a few feet away from Peridot. She wasn't able to see what she had done exactly, but it was probably something she wouldn't enjoy to find out.

“We have rules in this City” E stated, sitting down in front of Peridot, legs apart, hands in her lap. As if she was about to open up a cold one with the boys, “I consider you smart enough to understand you shouldn't break them. And still you did.”

Peridot shrugged, hands down, hanging free at her sides down the chair. Making her almost look shackled on her own accord.

“When I got here I must have missed the official briefing. Nobody redirected the official rulebook to me, either” She sneered, making E chuckle mirthless.

“Well, do you at least have a name, if not even the rulebook?”

“Peridot” She answered without fear. The two other grunts wouldn't come back, she was sure by now, “Am I allowed to ask what this charming hall is used for? Looks like a fucking Slaughterhouse.”

E looked around as if she just now realized where the hell she was, then turned back to Peridot with a smile and crossed her arms in front of her chest, “It's my little interrogation hall. Pretty nifty, don't you think, Peridot?”

She said the name as if it was a threat, rolling it off her tongue like a foreign word, something that had to be said multiple times until it made sense. Until it sounded right. Until it had the full effect.

Peridot nodded, taking another look at her surrounding, “How many people are smeared all over your tools?”

E was taken aback by that question, her face showing her surprise for a split second before she narrowed her eyes and grinned at her guest.

“It took a lot to get where I am today, especially considering how fast I worked up my way to this position. I'd say around 100, and another 100 who got to leave this holy halls behind.”

“E for Excellent” Peridot joked and now the shock stayed on E's face.

“What?” She asked through gritted teeth and Peridot smiled at her.

“E” She repeated and watched her standing up to walk over to her, “For Excellent. That's your motto, isn't it?”

The sickening sound of cracking glass and breaking bones, followed by droplets of blood hitting the floor were the starting signal for this fight.

\---

_An Hour and a Half after the Deal, Team's Property_

“Who are you?” Connie asked through gritted teeth, looking at the three teenagers who were terrified at the sight of the gun directed at them. They didn't expected any guests and she never had seen them before, so her and Steven's first reaction was to grab their guns.

“The great and loving – lovable” Jenny began and fell over her words as Steve redirected his gun into her face and raised a brow as if to ask her what the fuck she was babbling on.

“The great and lovable Peridot” She tried again and as if she turned a switch both Steven and Connie put down the guns. They looked at each other and then at the three of them, finally grabbing them by the collars and forcing them into the house.

Of course, Sour Cream and Jenny screamed like the devil himself just got hold of them, while Buck just tried to calm them both down. He had no Idea what was going on here and the sight of the guns had interfered with his ability to talk for a few moments, but he finally got hold of himself. And didn't wanted his two companions to get hurt, so he laid his hands on their shoulders, shaking his head and smiled soothingly.

“What did you guys say?” Connie asked, this time far more friendly and eager than before. She seemed almost afraid to hear the answer so Buck decided to tell her the message.

“She told us: The great and loveable Peridot sends us. She wants to meet you at the Station 'Friedhelmstraße' at 6 am sharp. She told us you would know.”

Slumping back slightly Connie stared at the ground, while Steven finally put his gun back into the holster at his jeans and turned around.

“We gotta call the others” He decided and touched Connie's shoulder slightly to make her look up at her with a smile, “After tonight everything will change.”

\---

_2 hours after the Deal , Old Bulb Factory Grounds Wulfen_

“Why the fuck do they even call you E?” Peridot asked, wiping under her nose. She had to be careful not to touch it directly, as she feared the broken bone could be rammed up her brain this way. That would have been the most stupid way to leave and she wasn't up for a dead like this. Holding onto a table close to one of the hall walls she was able to bring some distance between E and herself. They hadn't even really started yet and still this shit had already taken half an hour. They wouldn't be able to keep up with it, if they didn't took a breather.

They hadn't talked about it, why would they?

But it was yet another unspoken rule: No weapons.

Yet.

E's face looked like a plate filled with rather colorful dough, especially purple and red. Peridot probably didn't looked any better, but she couldn't care less about that. Her stomach felt like it was about to crawl up her chest from the inside and just squeeze itself up until it would flop out of her mouth. The muscles in her arms begged for mercy and she could only imagine how E felt after getting kicked into the womb area minutes before by Peri.

“We can't all be born with great Names, Peridot” She yelled back from the other side of the hall, “Some of us have shit names like Evelyn and want to get rid of them. Why do you care?”

“I was wondering about it since I first heard about your shit acronym. Thought it was some pseudo bullshit to sound like a spy or some shit like that. You guys here have some issues, I figured acronyms as names would fit right in with the program.”

“You don't like the letter E, or what?” E sneered and Peridot chuckled breathlessly, making it sound more like a choked cough.

“Well, I never thought about it but honestly, you put it in a whole new perspective. Never thought I could say that a person single-handedly ruined a letter forever for me.”

E finally managed to stand upright again, grabbing one of her tools for the first time, a scalpel, “Believe me, you ain't seen nothing yet.”

\---

_An Hour and three Quarters after the Deal, Lazuli's House_

The ringing of the phone almost made her punch Jasper right in the face with shock.

Luckily, she managed to stop herself in time, but still kicked Pumpkin out of the bed, to which the dog replied with a loud howl and a terrified whine.

“Sorry” She whispered drowsy, but too late.

“What the fuck is going on” Jasper murmured, slowly waking up because of the ruckus. A ringing phone, Lapis little martial arts act and the howling dog had successfully ripped her from her dreams and she wasn't really happy about it.

For a moment both of them cursed about the phone, about each other and the world until it hit them. They looked at each other for a while, as if they tried to mentally prep each other for the possible person at the other end, and what they would tell them, but the phone didn't stopped ringing and no matter how long they waited, the news probably wouldn't change.

Eventually Lapis took the call.

“ _CAN YOU FOR ONCE NOT FUCK WHEN IMPORTANT THINGS ARE HAPPENING?!_ ”

Lapis had seen and heard a lot of things in her lifetime, far more than she should have or were considerably healthy, but Connie's screeching voices was definitely a first. She had heard Connie a lot of times. Had her heard tired, upset, angry and happy. But never, not once, had she heard her screeching and for a moment, she was so surprised, she wasn't even ashamed or angered at the words thrown at her over the phone.

She wasn't wrong, Lapis and Jasper had literally spent the last month holed up in here and fucking their frustration away and everybody knew. After a week and a few days of working like mad men they just stopped having the emotional power to go on, so they instead stayed at home.

They also got a lot of harsh and angry messages from Pearl because of it, considering that once again, Lapis didn't do her Job and now Jasper also didn't do anything at all, practically paralyzing the team by fucking.

“Why are you calling, Maheswaran?” Jasper asked far more grumpy than she really felt. She was actually scared shitless to get news she didn't wanna get at all and apparently it conveyed itself in angry irritation.

“Peridot is gonna come back” Steven yelled in the Background.

Lapis almost dropped the phone while Jasper felt her stomach drop with concerning speed, making her mind reel and hold on to the headboard of the bed to not black out.

Everything after it was a blur; one second both Lapis and Jasper were still stark naked in bed, drowsy, grumpy, afraid and in shock, the next they threw over whatever they found on the floor and fit their bodies roughly, rushed down into the car, Pumpkin in the backseat and drove down the streets.

Not talking, not thinking.

Peridot was coming back.

The way Steven had said it didn't sounded like it was good news.

\---

_2 hours and a Half after the Deal, Old Bulb Factory Grounds Wulfen_

“I don't even know why you fight this” E rattled. Her breathing was ragged, she was wheezing and Peridot thought about ending this once and for all.

The Torturer laid on the floor, her own scalpel and other tools laid beside her, long forgotten. Peridot had managed to use it against her, instead of having to wear the abhorrent acronym of her for the rest of her life right beside the scar of Lapis' Gun on her forehead, she got it right through E's lung.

It was a lucky punch so to speak, turning her hand around, using E's own power against her and getting the scalpel between two ribs the first try. In her disorientation the Injured had ripped the scalpel right out again, this allowing the blood to flood her lung and making her dizzy. She had stepped back and fallen right into her own table, knocking it over while trying to hold herself upright with it.

After that, she had stayed on the ground and Peridot once again had scampered off to her spot in front of the table at the hall wall and stared at the girl in silence. She had wondered if she would die, but E had another lung and of course she wouldn't just die because one of them filled with her own blood.

No, she would probably die of blood loss but who knew how long that would take.

So Peridot stayed to make sure she wouldn't alarm someone or even worse, survive after all.

E went on with her ramblings, giving a chocking laugh in between, “We will find you regardless of what happens tonight. There is relief in complete submission, you know.”

Peridot looked at her with disgust, forcing her aching body to sit upright and get her Knife out. She wasn't sure if she would have to use it yet, but she wanted it prepared.

_Whenever you need it, be it to threaten some shithead, be it to defend yourself or to kill a bitch, just carry it with you and use it,_ Lapis had told her and E was a shithead, alright. Here was her chance to put the knife to good use.

“Bitch, you didn't just said that” She managed to throw back, “You didn't. What the fuck.”

E broke out into full blown laughter, as good as she could. Apparently she was mighty amused by Peridot's Horror, enough to put strain on her injury.

“What in the ever loving fuck” Peridot rambled, shaking her head in disbelieve. She almost laughed about it herself, if she didn't knew this was something E said often. Considering all the kids the Diamonds send out on the street, forced to sell their bodies, forced into complete submission, she didn't wanted to know which kind of submission they would force Peridot into.

Finally, E fell silent and Peridot stopped shaking her head, instead watching E rasping and fighting for every bit of air. She didn't knew how long she would have to wait and she didn't knew what time it was.

It was dark out, so it wasn't even close to 4 am yet and there was no clock inside the hall. Her phone had taken a hit to the screen and was now broken, so she couldn't even risk the few seconds to do the millennial move and check her mobile.

So she went for the alternative, waste her time until the sun came up.

“Why are you even here” Peridot asked, “I know your Story. Your Father was killed by Diamond Pets, why are you working for them now?”

Silence filled the hall, even the ragged breathing of E stopped and Peridot was a little concerned that maybe, laughing with a hole in one's lung could kill the person faster. But she saw the movement of her chest and when E closed her eyes for a few seconds and opened them up again, she almost looked sad.

“I know what kind of man my father was” She finally answered, “I know why he died here. They did the right thing, killing him. I'm grateful for that, so they took me in when nobody else was able to help me. My Diamond, she … immediately saw my worth and gave me this position. In the beginning I was heavily monitored, couldn't go anywhere alone and couldn't do anything without her approval, but over time she realized how good of a worker I was.”

She finally turned around to Peridot, “You wouldn't understand what it means to belong. You're a dirty little dealer from the streets. Your friends are some loser kids who spent their Friday nights drinking away, buying our drugs and probably fucking our products.”

Peridot watched, her stomach growing colder and colder. She wanted to puke. She wanted to rage, wanted to grab E's tools and torture her until she stopped talking.

But she didn't.

She waited until she was done and just listened for a while.

“Then why are you after the murderer of your dad?” She eventually asked and E stopped.

“You know Lazuli?” She asked with a shocked expression, for a second there was fight again in her eyes.

“I know Bismuth” Peridot answered instead, knowing those two cooperated with each other, “She doesn't know the whole story, but it is easy to connect the dots. So why are you after Lazuli?”

E searched her face, for any clues or hints that Peridot was lying, for any kind of indication that she indeed knew Lapis Lazuli and thus probably Jasper, but Peridot stared right back at her with emptiness in her eyes. She wore a stony expression, as if she wasn't really human but instead something entirely else, wearing the skin of a very pale kid.

“Traitors” She finally answered, looking up at the ceiling again.

“She is a traitor. And she is a monster. Honestly, the world is better off without her. And just because I forgave the diamonds doesn't mean I forgave her.”

Once again they fell silent.

If it went on like this they both wouldn't see the sun come up; E because she would be slaughtered by Peridot by then and Peridot because she would have died of boredom.

So she got ready to settle a little more comfortable on the floor until her time to leave came or E tried yet another bullshit move, but instead, E opened up her mouth again.

Peridot groaned on the inside, she didn't thought she could give her anymore information. She already found the headquarters, she knew E was absolutely bonkers and now she also had the great joy to know that the prostitutes that weren't pets were called products. Honestly, she had found out enough stuff for one night.

“You remind me of someone my Bud Sid told me about.”

Now it was Peridot turn to think about breaking E's nose for bringing up knowledge about her she shouldn't have.

\---

_An Hour and three Quarters after the Deal, The Adlon Hotel in Wulfen_

Amethyst had some real beef with being romantic. No really, he was a charming and quite funny fella, but the second he actually was supposed to be flirting or even be open enough to be romantic or vulnerable?

Full down meltdown warnings all over his brain sections. So this, _this_ was definitely a risky thing to him:

Inviting Pearl to one of the most expensive restaurants, in the most expensive part of the most famous hotel in Germany wasn't something one did easily. Sure, He and Pearl had the money, let's not lie. Being a criminal and a high ranking at that was paid well, but it was less about the money and more about the thought.

There were rose's, champagne and he even got a room for the night, which was probably the hardest thing to get in a hotel as famous as the Adlon. This wasn't some love motel people could get a cheap menu at and then fuck upstairs, this was the place to be to meet politicians from all over the world, the high society of scientists and leaders of the world.

But even a place like this was owned by people who were open to bribery, the staff feared a good beating just like every other worker with no fighting experience did and the rest of the guests were just as stuck up as one would think and thus, they weren't bothered.

He had gotten his best suit out of his old wardrobe for this. Drove all the way home to his parents and got the old thing out. His dad had bought it for him when he came out as a trans dude and even if no one ever talked about it openly, he knew it was his way to show his support.

Plainly said: Amethyst had put a lot of thinking into this, a lot of money, blood, sweat and tears and nostalgic memorabilia and he almost screeched in anger when he managed to get there, survived all the looks of the other people because he stood out like a sore thumb and the crawling feeling of dysphoria because all this stares reminded him how much he just didn't pass from time to time, _just for him to forget to mute his fucking phone._

Pearl seemed to be more amused than anything by that, being absolutely impressed and touched he went through all of this for their date. She smiled at him like a lovesick fool and he tried his best to put on a fake smile and not let it turn right into a horror frown over his anger about himself. Instead, he slightly turned away, answering the phone with an angry whisper.

“If the world isn't about to End Steve-O, your life's gonna end tonight, boy.”

“Okay, but I feel like Peridot will be pissed tomorrow morning, coming here and just finding my corpse because you couldn't smash tonight.”

Amethyst had to do a double take, trying to start 5 sentences at once, “Peridot is – What do you – How did you guys – When did she – Why am I hearing this just now?!”

“I just heard it, too!” Steven answered, Amethyst clearly could hear the grin in his voice. He loved him dearly but sometimes he wanted to kick this kid's ass so badly. He loved playing tricks on him.

“You're not shitting me, are you?” He growled lowly, “Because your mom and the entirety of the German Police Corps couldn't scare me enough to not strangle you if you're shitting with me right now.”

“Amethyst?” Pearl whispered with worry, “Is everything all right, sweetheart?”

Amethyst looked up at her with a forced smile, nodding urgently, “Yeah, just jake. Steven just has some problems with the oven.”

“Actually I have three teenagers here who told me Peridot was gonna meet up with us at 6 am. How can you consider that a kitchen problem?”

He had to be shitting him. No way in hell could Steven be serious.

Amethyst knew Steven liked to act like he didn't get some jokes just to surprise everyone with some great comeback that often was borderline genius or homicidal, but he really couldn't imagine where Steven was going with this one.

And why the fuck he had to tell him his great joke when he was on a date.

“They told us the whole 'great and loveable Peridot' thingie. Apparently they know her from the bakery or something? Sounds a little like the love story from the hunger games to me but that's besides the point …”

“Amethyst?” Pearl whispered more urgently now. The boy had gone pale. Pearl had never witnessed this and wasn't even sure he was actually able to get pale without it being a medical condition, but here he sat, all color leaving his face as he heard the words bakery.

Steven didn't know about the Dude from the Bakery. Buck. Amethyst immediately remembered his name and knew Steven didn't made this one up.

Why the fuck did Buck appeared with is friends at their home to tell them Peridot was gonna meet them?

Honestly, that didn't sounded right and his stomach dropped, realizing something must have happened. Peridot had promised him to lay low and sing small today and either she had gotten into a bar fight, which was not very typical, or she hadn't laid as low and not sung as small as she promised and actually got herself in trouble.

If it would have been with the police he wouldn't have this talk with Steven but his mom; so whatever happened, it was bad.

“We are on our way” He promised, tasting copper on his tongue. He had bit his lip bloody in his distress and when he looked up at Pearl, he thought about punching his own lights out to not see the worry in her eyes anymore.

He would have to kick a lot of asses in the next 24 hours for fucking up his Date this bad.

\---

_3 hours and a Half after the Deal, Old Bulb Factory Grounds Wulfen_

Peridot had gotten the chair upright again and sat down, in front of E and examined her work.

E was wheezing, her voice raw from screaming and grasping at an open wound at her stomach. Nobody would come help and while Peridot wasn't a medical professional, she was pretty sure most of her blood was by now soaking the floor and both of their clothes.

She didn't even looked like herself anymore and Peridot couldn't be bothered feeling bad for her. She had gotten all information about Sid she could get out of her and she hadn't had a single ounce of empathy for her or him, or really anyone who was in this gang out of free will, left.

Before, she had been alright with burning down this whole thing as she considered it the _right thing to do._ The Diamonds had done terrible things, unspeakable things but now Peridot felt like it was her obligation to burn down these grounds and kill each of these people herself. She sat hunched over, elbows on her knees, hands clasped together and ruminated about her options.

“You just gonna watch me die, you sick piece of shit?” E rasped, coughing and almost chocking on her own blood. She may had a second lung but she sure as hell had just one wind-pipe and if she clogged it with her own blood now she wouldn't even have the time to witness her last sunrise.

“I'm thinking” Peridot said without emotion, scratching her chin as if to get rid of a very persistent stain. She was thinking about taking E with her. Getting in contact with Amethyst or Steven and call them to get her and E.

Of course that was too risky. If they drove down the gateway they would probably get shot on sight by goons.

But E wasn't really a danger, so she had no reason to kill her except to make sure that she stayed silent once and for all. And she knew at least two people who had far more right to decide over her life than she did, but she shouldn't risk it.

Couldn't risk it.

With a sighed she stood up, circled E so she would have the sun in her back while getting back to work.

“You know” She started while getting her knife out, “My Girlfriends deserve far more to kill you than I do, but I just can't risk to wait. So, I'll have to do this myself.”

E looked up at her with hatred, “Who?”

“Lapis and Jasper” Peridot said and a slight smile crept over her face. Even in the condition she was in the names made Peridot happy and she couldn't hide it. Even if she didn't even realize she had smiled.

Instead she looked down at E who was grinning. Her teeth were red and it looked more like an open wound where her mouth should have been, but she gave her best and Peridot could appreciated that.

“Don't threat me with a good time, Bitch” She spat and Peridot nodded, not even bothering to wipe away the bloody spit from her face, instead just crouching down and grabbing E at the collar.

“Don't worry” She said while forcing her knife into E's mouth, pushing against the soft palate “Sid's gonna keep you company soon enough. I'll tell him to give you my regards.”

Seeing the light in E's eye leave just shortly after seeing the horror in her one functioning eye, the horror every human gets to feel just shortly before immediate death, was probably the most satisfying sight to Peridot since over 10 years.

She couldn't remember when she had been so calm and at peace with herself the last time in her life.

\---

_5 hours and a Half after the Deal, Friedhelmstraße_

Peridot had waited a long time until she actually got off the train and walked back the few stations to the Friedhelmstraße.

People had stared at her, she was sure at least 5 or 6 had called the police but she didn't cared at all. She had her hands in her pockets, trying to stay conscious and aware about her surrounding.

She should have forced Bismuth to drive her to the Station instead of giving her that cheesy one liner. On the other hand, who knew what Bismuth considered the right thing? Maybe she would have dragged her to the police station or would have forced her to stay in the car while she 'took a look' at the grounds. Whatever it would have been, it probably would have been worse to Peridot than sitting in a train for over one hour, just enjoying to lie on the seats and stare out the windows into the rising sun over the skyscraper of the city.

So this is the end, she thought, of my adventure on my own.

Looking back she quite enjoyed it. Especially because she got out alive but also because she had spent time on her own. Did her own thing. Sold for herself and decided for herself. She couldn't really imagine not going back to that. Exploring the city knowing she was part of something big. Was safe and had a place to get back to.

She smiled fondly at those memories and imagined a life like that with Jasper and Lapis.

\---

After a while she decided she had waited long enough and got off the train, walking back the few stations to get to the Friedhelmstraße.

The Adrenaline spike had finally subsided and now she felt the ache in her muscles and bones again, every bruise and every cut. Her nose pounded so badly she felt like someone was repeatedly punching her right into it again and again in a matter of seconds.

Maybe E from the afterlife were sending her a few regards, too.

But she powered through, walking up the stairs to the platform and sat down on one of the benches, waiting for the others to arrive.

She still had half an hour and she wasn't surprised to not see anyone yet.

Hopefully the kids managed to get them without getting in trouble themselves, Peridot thought, looking around tiredly. She decided to close her eyes for a little while.

\---

_6 hours after the Deal, Friedhelmstraße, Platform_

An ungodly shriek rang all over the station.

Peridot had forgotten what she looked like and when she cracked an eye open, she wasn't surprised to see some blurry spots in her vision, probably someone who just came up the stairs.

The blots were pretty big in some places, some were dark and some were fair, a lot of colors mixing together and it took her some seconds to realize the blots were not one person, but many and when she heard the sound of many voices talking together she tried to sit upright and rub her eyes.

They came closer rather far and for a second, Peridot thought about the possibility that E's friends and comrades had found her until she was able to focus on black skin with bright scar tissue and blonde hair and smiled fondly up at Jasper.

Not without a smug note, though.

“Did one of you guys just went full scream queen?”, She asked drowsily with as much of a grin she could muster, trying not to falter when she saw the worry and the absolute horror in Jasper's Face, “Y'know, for a bunch of mafia bosses, y'all pretty hysteric.”

The look on Lapis face told her the hitman thought about repeating their famous signature move when they first met: her getting out her gun and Peridot getting hit full speed by it.

But she didn't dare touch her, even after Amethyst mumbled something along the lines of 'if she can be a little shit, she can't be hurt that badly'.

“I missed you guys, too” She managed to get out before sleep finally took it's toll on her.

\---

When Peridot awoke she didn't knew what time it was or where exactly she laid, but she felt the warm fabric of bed sheets and the distinct smell of disinfectant so her first thought was hospital.

She heard the beep of a heart monitor and after a few blinks she realized she wasn't in pain anymore. Instead she felt lightheaded and her body felt heavy, slightly disorientated but not even close as bad as she thought she would be.

What had woken her, thought, wasn't the full 16 hours recovery sleep or something to that extent, but Pearl's loud voice, asking questions Peridot didn't fully comprehend.

“I was asleep for the entirety of 3 fucking hours! What the fuck did she do, what the fuck happened? Did she and these kids do something? Tell me! I'll get angry, won't I? Don't tell me then … actually tell me but act like you guys didn't told me. And I'll act as if I didn't got angry.”

She snorted lightly, getting more comfortable by pushing herself deeper into the cushions and pillows that surrounded her, trying to move slowly to not accidentally hurt herself more than she already was. She was probably pumped up with pain killers and lucky she was not high enough to just completely disregard everything and just lie on her stomach again, nose plus contraption pushed nice and deeply into the pillows and maybe right up into her head.

If it was true what Pearl was yelling about, she hadn't slept that much. But why was Pearl even yelling? It sounded like it came from outside the room Peridot was in and she questioned if Pearl maybe was screaming around in a public hospital floor.

She wouldn't, or would she?

For a while Peridot couldn't grasp _why_ _that_ would be a problem except for some disturbed patients maybe, until she heard Rose.

Rose, of all People, greeting her and starting to talk about _Bismuth_.

Abruptly she remembered why Pearl and the others, herself included, shouldn't scream about last night in a public hospital: They were kinda criminals. And yesterday night was kinda eventful in the criminal way.

Peridot grinned widely, as widely as she could with her swollen face at least, about that thought.

Okay, well maybe she was super high.

But it was beyond the point, it was more important to strain her ears, listening to Rose muffled words. She spoke calmly, much more silent than Pearl and thus she could only hear a few scraps of the conversation.

“Left a note for me” She heard, “Blood everywhere – another city or country – apparently a slaughterhouse.”

Peridot strained her ears but she couldn't hear much more, the voices grew silent the longer she tried to eavesdrop and finally, she heard nothing but the small beeping of the heart monitor and her own breath. She was still tired and it was easy to fall back into a black, dreamless slumber without any distractions.

\---

The next few hours, or maybe even days, who knew, were a blur of limited infinity. One event waking Peridot up smudged seamlessly together with yet another one, she didn't even knew how often she woke up and why, just remembered the small talks she had.

Remembered asking for Sour Cream, Buck and Jenny and asking them if they were alright and if the others treated them well. She found out about their first meeting with Steven's Gun and apparently they were invited to a brunch with the team in a few weeks as a thank you for keeping an eye on Peridot.

“Peridot fit's ya far better than Ann-Katrin, Dottie” Jenny joked around and all three talked with her until she was too tired to keep awake anymore.

Or was it until Jasper and Lapis came to speak to her? She couldn't remember, all she knew that the last thing Jenny told her was 'to get her out of this house and back on the streets with them' and wondered what house she could have meant.

She remembered Lapis and Jasper asking her why she didn't left and how she told them how one of these days they would probably get killed and she couldn't just miss that. Or the overdramatic Funeral that would follow or their overly extra asses would haunt the team forever. She remembered how they laughed about it because that sounded exactly the way they had imagine Peridot to sound like after a month back with 'the youth on the streets'.

Before they left, she had apologized, though. Not for almost leaving, she wasn't sorry about that one and neither for doing this stupid mission all together, but for killing Evelyn. Both Lapis and Jasper had flinched so strongly as if someone had just tried to hit them with a baseball bat and stared at her in disbelieve.

“I couldn't risk it. But … she knows” She tried to explain.

They had hugged her, very gently because she was still so sore and told her to go back to sleep as she wasn't even able to differ between their voices anymore, but she knew they weren't angry at her. And it gave her peace.

Next came Amethyst, at least she thought he came next, but maybe he was even her first visitor because she remembered that she felt less sore and her body hurt less when he came over. Maybe it was the pain killers or she was better recovered and he was actually the last one stopping by.

Whatever it was, it was a fun little discussion, because he, too, wanted to know why she didn't left after chewing her out for not telling him the truth about her plans for the evening.

“Lapis almost killed me!” He yelled when he came into the room, not even a greeting, just right down to yelling about how he was scared shitless. Worrying about her, worrying about his own ass, as Jasper had already started up the grill the second she heard he had lost Peridot.

“I was too dutiful to leave” She finally stated when he was done with his sermon and asked her why she hadn't left. He had the feeling she would take her chance.

Amethyst laughed at her answer, “You mean stuck up.”

“I am a criminal” She scoffed, “I'm not stuck up, I am bad ass.”

“Peridot, you follow rules with almost religious admiration. If our team came with a rule book, you would sleep with it under your pillow.”

That reminded Peridot of the little talk she had with E in the very beginning and made her grin grimly. She didn't really remember the night all that well, but the more she talked to the others and picked up this and that about Bismuth and E and the Diamonds, she was able to put the night back together in her mind.

She already had been able to tell them were they would find the Headquarters, but she couldn't really remember all those hours in the slaughterhouse.

“Why are you grinning like that?” Steven asked.

She wasn't even sure when he came in and when Amethyst had left, but her memories were jumbled enough and her head hurt, so she didn't thought about it too hard.

“I got that bitch good” She admitted. Peridot knew she could tell Steven stuff like that, he wouldn't think less of her. He probably would think less of her for trying to hide it.

“Put Lapis' knife right through her fucking brain. Felt a little as if Lapis was there, you know.”

The boy laughed at that; a hearty, loud laugh, leaning back in his chair and shaking his head.

“You know” He started, trying to stop laughing, “You're like an evil superman. Every time you put on the glasses you become this harmless crazy nerd and the second you put in your contacts; Boom! Heartless drug dealer and serial killer in the making. It's incredible.”

Peridot snorted slightly, she didn't wanted to put too much strain on her nose, “You think I'm a serial killer in the making?”

“Well, you sure as hell didn't get paid for a single one of those four kills you got in the whole time you have been with us, so …”

He was right about that and Peridot realized she didn't even really felt like she had taken four human lives. She remembered how much shit she had given Lapis for killing people and here she was, four people on her list and not even gotten a single penny for it.

She was a fucking Idiot, wasn't she? Giving out free samples like that.

Steven didn't asked her why she didn't left, though. They both knew she couldn't. Peridot was damaged beyond compare and all her life she had searched for a place to belong. For people who cared and loved her, no matter how sick they or her were.

She was too loyal to leave, no matter how independent she had grown since she had met Lapis back in that Bathroom, thousand years ago.

Never would she give up on this willingly.


	17. Wake Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if any of you guys fell victim to the big clown epidemic of 2016, but a little warning, the kids are talking about it in this chapter and not necessary in the nicest way.  
> Also of course, because they gonna kick some Diamond Ass, TW: Blood, TW: Violence and also TW: For past pedo Rape mention.

_Wake up wake up_  
_Don’t swallow the pill_  
_Wake up wake up_  
_Your fear will kill_  
_The thieves are crawling through the night_  
_They’re here to twist your thoughts and sight_  
_Wake up_  
_Wake up_  
_They’re in your head_  
_Unless we open our eyes tonight We’ll end up dead_  
_What’s so safe about war at large?_  
_And how bout the way they put them in charge?_  
_The large in charge will run the earth dry_  
_Denying the choices of you and I_

  


From the moment Peridot actually was able to comprehend her surrounding and time and her full body  _and_ all of it's injuries again, she knew she wouldn't get back into the Diamond Headquarters.

No matter how many temper tantrums and hissy fits she would throw, she w ouldn't be able to help the other s taking down the whole factory and every one in it. She would be more of a burden than anything else, but she was allowed to watch from a save distance. Maybe it was for the better, not only for her body but also for her mental stability.

When all her memories had finally come back to her and she realized just how many people probably had died in there and how she didn't even tried to look for victims close by … she felt terrible. She really did. Not about E, maybe about the fact she hadn't made her suffer more but she did feel regret for not even thinking about the possibility that E had someone else in there, maybe in one of the many closest that were just high enough to cage a human inside or maybe in one of the trapdoors that probably lead to a cellar.

“Feeling bad about it won't help anything” Jasper told her as she carried her into the living room. They had actually prepared a guest room for her and had kept her there instead of a hospital as she wasn't lethally injured and they considered it safer to just cure her there. Jasper and Lapis had gotten another guestroom and even if she couldn't fully remember how often they had sat beside her, she was grateful they had been around the whole time she had been delirious.

“You did what you had to and what you had to do was enough. Don't beat yourself up. Because of you we can hopefully save a lot of people now.”

She didn't know why Jasper told her that, after hearing how E died she probably though Peridot was fucking messed up. But instead of telling her to seek some help for her damage, she tried to calm her down while the others slowly started to gather around to start the meeting.

It wouldn't be a long one, they decided to listen to Amethyst's advice and take action instead of talking and thinking and ruminating and then talk a little more.

She didn't dare too look at them too long, afraid of what she could see in their faces or their eyes. She had been happy Jasper had carried her, because it was actually the first time she dared to touch her except for a few short hugs or small kisses in the few days she had been here.

Peridot wasn't even severally injured, she was just a little battered, nothing a little time and love couldn't heal. But the Team acted as if she was about to shatter into thousand pieces if met by the slightest breeze, and, with the exception of Steven, they all seemed not keen about finding out about the night she had spent in the slaughter house.

A warm hand on her arm made her look up, the whole team surrounding the little table by now, ready to start the meeting. Lapis was smiling at her, her hands warm from the tea she had carried up here. She had gotten Peridot and Jasper one, too.

“Mom is preparing her forces” Steven explained, his smile didn't reached his hard eyes. This news were probably something good but it also meant they would have to go out to fight this night. 

This meeting was meant to clear up last understandings and get out the last important orders.

Peridot didn't really felt like she should be there. They didn't needed her anymore, not for this mission to say the least. She had told them all they needed to know and they drove to the Bulb Factory Grounds every day last week. Had watched the buildings, tried to find out if there were any guards (there weren't, at least not outside) or if there was security (there was none, either).

Apparently the higher grunts that were allowed on the Factory grounds came and left without a real schedule and if the Diamonds were in there, they never left.

There was good chance they had build themselves some cozy homes right into the highest levels of the office buildings and lived a good life.

At least that's what Jasper thought, making Lapis grunt.

“I'm gonna unload my whole gun into them” She threatened and Amethyst grinned.

“Sounds strangely erotic” He teased, making Lapis chuckle and Peridot turned over to Jasper, who didn't made a single sound.

She seemed tense, but when she caught Peridot's eye, she grew soft, smiling at her fondly.

“Don't worry” She said smugly, “I'mma dead lift them and throw them outta the window like a Lady.”

T he other laughed and Peridot felt their gazes on her. She turned around, to dare and look at Amethyst who grinned at her, just as Garnet. It felt strange, honest and almost as if th ey were proud, even if Peridot wasn't so sure  about what . 

Maybe they tried to sooth her or something.

They used the rest of the meeting, talking about the schedule and who would carry what onto the grounds to kick some ass.

It took about one hour and when they were done, the others got up and out to prepare themselves, saying goodbye to Peridot one way or another. Connie and Pearl patted her shoulder while walking past her, Steven gave her a thumbs up, just as Garnet, and Jasper and Lapis kissed her.

In the end she was left with Amethyst, who got up to help her get back into her room.

“I can do it on my own” She said without heat or venom, “You don't need to help.”

“I wanna” Amethyst gave back, getting an arm around her back to allow her to use him like a crutch.

“Thanks” She mumbled, getting out of the room and walking down the hallway back to her room. She wasn't really in the mood to wait there until the others would decide to carry her into a car, though, so she turned to him while trying to get him to halt.

He had stopped supporting her and actually just kinda carried her too, being stronger than her and with her weighting like a pound and a half it wasn't to hard for him to just drag her along the way.

“Can we go into the garden?” She asked while grabbing the handrail that were installed so no one would fall down to the first floor.

That made him stop as he could n't just drag her away anymore and look at her in confusion.  It seemed as if he wanted to ask her why or if she actually had some business in the garden, but in the end he just shrugged, agreeing to take her down there.

She told him again to just let her walk as if they would be faster that way, but he didn't relented. Instead he walked her all the way out and sputtered when she just stood up from the chair he just sat her down in, to march down the grass to sit closer to the little pier at the water.

“You know I sat you there for a reason” He explained and she laughed.

“Why are you treating me as if I explode every second?” She asked. She didn't looked at him, instead staring at the water but he recognized the hurt in her voice.

For a few seconds, Amethyst looked around, hands in his pockets and face slightly tilted just like a child who was caught stealing sweets. Then, he sat down beside her and stared out at the water, too. Smiling slightly, as if to cheer her up.

“We want you to get well, is all” He explained, but they both knew that wasn't all of it.

“ I can get well without people walking on eggshells around me. Is it because of the way I left E behind?”

He shook his head, raising a brow in confusion, “Why would that be the reason? Have you ever seen what the targets of Pearl and Lapis look like that actually try to overpower the two? I mean, that girl looked messed up but nothing none of us wasn't prepared for.”

“Then why are you all acting so strange? Did I do something wrong? I found the diamonds headquarter, I made sure to use the money you guys lend me well, I got nobody in danger and I even managed to kill one of them, where did I mess up?”

She was shaking. Up until this point she hadn't really thought too much about it, but now she realized how hard it hit her that nobody would listen too long to her and neither show her the same affection they showed her before she left. They all seemed so distant out of the blue and she was afraid it was because of what she had done.

As if that had changed the way they saw her for the worse.

“Nothing” Amethyst blurted out, trying to stop her from getting more upset. He wasn't really prepared for this, he thought it was clear as day what was going on. But apparently it was not.

“You did nothing wrong and you didn't mess up” He explained, stopping her from asking more question, “Quite the contrary. Shit, you did an awesome job. You managed what we couldn't in years in a single month, you were more professional about this than anyone could have ever predicted. Rose almost exploded in pride when she saw how much money you made in that time and how well you got through. We were all scared shitless and honestly we should beat seven shades of shit out of you, for doing this shitty suicide-mission, but that doesn't stop it from being impressive.

And even more impressive than that is that you came back. You had the chance to flee, just take the money and start a whole new life somewhere else.  Do you have  a clue how often we all thought about that? Just get out of here, be free and don't live this way anymore? And you came back. After everything, you came back. Look at yourself, look at the shit you went through and your process of thought was to just walk right back to us instead of packing your shit and never coming back.”

Peridot stared at him. She had been gone pale, not understanding what he tried to tell her.

“Would you just leave Pearl behind?” She asked with fear and he stopped, to look at her in shock, “Would you just leave Steven behind? Me?”

“No” He said, trying to calm her as she had started to shake again, “No I won't leave you behind, we just thought -”

“Then why would I leave you guys behind?”

The question sounded like an accusation and he finally let his arms fall into his lap, slumping down.

They were both silent, except for Peridot's little sniffles. She had been through a lot, it was probably just normal to be pretty emotional, especially when everyone decided to treat her differently out of the blue. And to find out nobody thought she would come back. Actually, it hurt her almost more than the fact th at everyone  had changed.

“I guess we are just happy you actually came back” Amethyst finally whispered.

“You don't really had the best run with us, you didn't had the best life to begin with and maybe we kinda wished you took your chances to begin a better life. I mean, I can't speak for all of us, but I know that I wouldn't have been angry with you. Knowing you are out there and finally getting your life back, I guess I would have been happy for you.”

“I can't leave” Peridot admitted after a few moments of deafening silence. 

“I don't think I can. I thought a lot about leaving. I really did. But I can't. And I don't know how I would react if one of you guys did. I know we are all prone to die rather suddenly and unprepared but that is still different from just running away. I don't know if I would be angry. Probably not. But it doesn't mean I could deal with it.”

Amethyst nodded.

They both stared at the water, watching the waves and the boats sailing by. There was no wind and it was still early in the day so there wasn't much noise from the far away neighbors either.

“I don't think I could leave this behind either” Amethyst whispered after a while, “No matter how much this life sucks. I don't think I ever want another one.”

\---

It was a strange Morning, even to Peridot's Standard.

After some persuading she got Lapis and Jasper to allow them to sleep in their room that night. It wasn't really hard, they had missed her and her cuddles just as much as she had missed them.

They had talked before going to bed, about Peridot's time alone and about theirs and after a while, it felt just like before. No more distance and just before they fell asleep, Jasper even poked some fun at her.

Or tried to.

“What did you even do all this time alone in my Apartment?” She had asked with a wolfish smile. The way she asked sounded just so much like that stupid “what that mouth do?” meme, so Peridot couldn't resist to deadpan.

“Bellyaching” She explained, “Complain. Clean your dirty ass kitchen and then yell at your neighbors.”

“My dirty ass kitchen?” Jasper sounded down right offended and Lapis beside them snorted in amusement, breaking them apart by lying down over Peridot's and Jasper's stomachs.

Peridot wheezed in pain, which almost flung both her girlfriends into a panicked frenzy and her almost right back into her impromptu hospital guest room. They acted like kids who just ripped their favorite stuffed animal at the seams and after talking to them just the same way and promising to tell them if something hurt, they finally tried to sleep.

Of course, sleeping in the middle of the day isn't necessary the easiest task but when they awoke they all felt well-rested and alert enough to get through with this.

They meet in the kitchen, ate their breakfast as a team in reverent silence and when they got in the cars they joked around, how they would probably look like a group of clowns getting out of their clown car. Remembering the clown epidemic of 2016, though, they all pretty much got in the mood for a little reenactment number and by the time they left Peridot out to get cover and a good spot to watch, they were ready to burn the whole Factory down. She waved after them and when she was out of sight, Lapis turned to Jasper who held onto her hand as if she would lose her grip on sanity if she let go now.

They would get the chance to get rid of their past once and for all now. There was so much at stake, their own life not even taken into consideration and everyone was tense.

When they got there it was around 3 am and soon the sun would be up. They were the first to arrive, as it was planned, and took a few minutes to make sure everyone knew what they had to do. They were all on edge, everyone had a personal agenda, a personal revenge story going on here and they all knew it would come to an end today, no matter how it ended.

Together they got on the grounds, Amethyst kissed Pearl a last time before splitting up and leaving for the other buildings with Garnet.

“Kick their asses, babe” He grinned up at her, “I got yo flower.”

She laughed at that, it was an old inside joke of them, something about Hades and Persephone and it was maybe the last time they had the chance to laugh about it.

Honestly, some how there was nothing fun about it anymore.

Connie and Steven left just a few minutes later to infiltrate the old workers apartment building and finally it was only Jasper, Pearl and Lapis who got inside the Office Building. The other cops and runners they got for this job would follow after waiting and hiding just a few minutes away from the gates if Pearl,  Garnet and Connie gave them the sign.  The grounds were big, but mostly empty as it wasn't used as place for a lot of people to live at. The grunts were trained somewhere else, the prostitutes lived in apartment buildings around the city and the informants and troublemakers didn't stayed long in this place.

No, those grounds were for the few leaders of the gang and the founders, their court not more than a handful of bodyguards for each and the slaughter houses in the front. There was no other way to call these halls, all connected to each other through underground tunnels used to get the injured and dead out and do away with them without ever drawing suspicion.

If they took over this place it would just be a matter of hours before all the other garrisons would belong to them too. And  it  would only be a matter of hours before they could finally free all the victims of this and they tried to focus on that. Tried to focus on their li ve s when all of this would be over.

Not on the fact that they could get caught any moment and be killed or worse.

“Are you two ready?” Pearl whispered, looking at Jasper and Lapis who prepared their guns. Jasper always was a little clumsy with them, she just wasn't trained to work with them like Lapis or Pearl were. But she would manage, she always did.

She was resourceful, so she nodded and both looked at Lapis who took a deep breath and nodded, too.

“You guys have thirty minutes” Pearl explained to them, “After that we gonna burn the building down. You think you gonna make it?”

Again, both nodded, looking at each other and trying to give reassuring smiles.

It was time to make it count.

\---

Finding Blue was easier to Lapis than she anticipated. After being a victim of the system for years it seemed so easy for her to recognize the security system and considering her famous break out, she was surprised to see they hadn't changed a bit.

Still not enough Guards, still routes that were so easy to remember. All of them wore guns but it seemed this was their only upgrade and somehow, that aspect didn't surprised Lapis at all.

Whereas Yellow was the Leader responsible for the Forces, for the grunts and the torturer, the fighters and gladiators, Blue was responsible for the more … carnal pleasures of life. She found proud in that, Lapis remembered how she had told her every time they were responsible for the emotional well-being of the clients. By satisfying the body they were soothing the soul, she remembered that shit slogan still vividly.

If Jasper would have succeeded and dragged her back here she would probably gotten it branded on her thighs for running away before her real punishment.

But now she had her own gun and her own team and her own little army of cops and runners and muscles, already tearing apart the factory while she kicked down the door to Blue's 'Office'.

Blue didn't seemed the least bit surprised. She sat at her window and looked outside, longingly as if she was in some shitty drama movie. Lapis thought about shooting her lights out for that stupid move itself.

“So you came back” Blue said dreamily, “I wondered how long it would take.”

She finally turned around, her dress flowing from the soft spin, “I always knew you would come back. And after finding Evelyn dead I knew it was only a matter of days. And here you are.”

“You are an Idiot for not fleeing” Lapis answered, voice devoid of emotion, “You have a death wish.”

“So do you” Blue retorted, “But I guess you can't understand. We never made you to understand the value of life and thus, you could never understand the meaning of death. I was so sad when you left. After all we gave to you, you just ran away.”

“You let old men rape me” Lapis spat in disgust, “I was 10 and you let 50 year old monsters take turns with me.”

Blue's eyes seemed to freeze, as if Ice were crawling all over them, a look Lapis knew from her early childhood. Back, when she and the other girls had not fully comprehended they wouldn't get the chance to chose which order to follow or not. When they just learned that, just because they were the personal pets of Blue, they still weren't worth a damn. Maybe their bodies were, but they, as human beings, as children, were not.

“Those people paid good money for you. They made it possible for you to live in high class lofts, eat and have bed to sleep in every night.”

Lapis laughed mirthlessly, loud and angry, “You know what I wanted? To once sleep in the same bed I woke up in, preferably alone. Not every night in another one, not with people who were old enough to be my parents.”

Blue shock her head, but didn't dare to walk as she saw Lapis gun and knew she would shoot. Lapis always had been an unpredictable hothead, immature. Naive.

Not understanding the bigger picture and so selfish. The clients loved her for that, but Lapis couldn't understand, and she still didn't.

Blue questioned who was stupid enough to let her carry a weapon. Whoever it had been was probably dead by now, she thought with a smile, Lapis didn't care for anyone but herself, just like every child.

And like every child, she shouldn't be provoked but persuaded to do the responsible thing.

“So, I heard you became a hired gun, little Lappy. Didn't you run away to become … how did you call it, 'independent' and 'free'?” Blue asked, finally daring to sit down in her desk chair.

Lapis followed her with her eyes, narrowing them when she got to close to the desk and thus stopping her.

“At least I'm my own human now. What did you do with the girls who told you about my plan? Did you kill them? Sold them to someone to get rid of them? You never managed to do that to me and now I'm on the right side of the gun, so I'd say I made it pretty far.”

Blue laughed, “You are still nothing more but a useful tool, don't you get it? You are still doing what we taught you. Without us, you wouldn't even be here today.”

“Without you I probably wouldn't have to ever carry gun. Or kill. At least I can decide who I kill now and get paid for it” Lapis gave back, gripping her weapon hard enough for her knuckles to turn white. She didn't knew why she talked to her, what did she expect?

To waltz in her to meet a crying and begging Blue? They both knew that would never happen. Crying, maybe, but not over her and especially not over her life. She had seen her cry only once and that was back when her sister died.

She had killed 10 in her grief and Lapis had gotten her tattoo that night, swearing to never threaten or harm a single leader.

Or did she hoped for an apology?

For a second Lapis lost her focus, questioning what the hell she was even trying to achieve here except finally drawing a line under all of this.

“You weren't in the position to be paid or make decisions, and you know that. You were never mature enough to do any of that. You betrayed us, involved the girls closest to you and left them behind, not caring about what would happen to them. You forced Jasper to leave, even if she had such a promising future with us. Just as you. You could have come so far, If you only have been a little less selfish. We loved you but you threw all of that away.”

Lapis exploded, yelling and stepping up, “You just fucking loved that you could sell my prepubescent body to pedophiles, getting paid for it and get rid of people you hated!”

“It was your purpose!” Blue had stood up, sounding heated and making Lapis flinch for a second.

It made her blood boil even more to know Blue's Anger could still do that to her.

“You never understood how everyone has a purpose, a task to fulfill before they could assign tasks and meaning to others. Before they could have a meaning themselves. You only cared about yourself and left everyone else to pick up the pieces. And even today you don't care about others, standing in front of me with your gun and trying to judge me! But tell me, Lapis Lazuli, how many of my loyal guards have you killed? How many of them did you consider nothing more than evil henchmen of mine instead of human beings? How many corpses are littering your path up here and how satisfied are you about each and every single one of them? Who are you, to talk about the things I did, for this gang and for each of you girls, while killing to get paid? Killing to achieve your own, narcissistic goals?”

Listening in flabbergasted silence Lapis lowered her gun to look up at her old mentor. Her old leader.

Her diamond.

“You always have been a child” Blue finished, taking her chance and taking a few steps in Lapis direction, “Confused. Lost. Trying to find you place in the world and being too hasty with your decisions. 14 years later and you are still the same.”

Lapis didn't dare to speak.

She had to process this words. Had to process the meaning and had to deal with the knots that started to form in her stomach.

Had to fight against the voice in her head that stopped sounding like Blue, sound like herself, whispering, persuading.

Reminding her of the other girls that had to go through the same stuff as her. The closest thing to friends she had back then. She had left them.

Never once looking back and questioning what happened to them.

Now she did.

Blue wasn't lying – she had been selfish. All her life.

And she still was.

It was her biggest weakness, it made her unreliable, unpredictable and inaccessible via reason and moral.

And maybe, that was also her biggest strength.

\---

Jasper had absolutely no sympathy with the guards. Getting this job, a personal guard of a diamond, that was nothing one was forced to do. One had to go through a lot of trails, prove ones loyalty and willingness to everything to keep them save time and time again. Some of these people had killed their own friends to get this job, she knew. There was no need to hold back, to even try and win them over. They would've killed her if she hadn't killed them before and she was sure that it would be the same way with Yellow Diamond.

When she kicked open the doors to the cellar office, she was met by a barrel and managed to get out of the way before the fucking bullet was able to blow a hole right through her forehead.

Fucking Yellow had waited behind the desk with the shotgun.

“I thought we fixed you, Jasper.” She yelled and Jasper was surprised she even remembered her name. Honestly, she had thousands of grunts under her, not like Blue, who had a handful of personal Pets like Lapis. Apparently she had left a decent enough impression.

“You've always been such a determinant fighter. A great guard. A perfect distiller. We were so sure we managed to make you worth the price we had to pay for you. Not like this traitor.”

Was this why she remembered Jasper? Because she was Lapis' guard? Or because she didn't came back either? Or was she really that much of a perfect grunt, the model career that was supposed to be example for all other grunts to follow?

Whatever it was, it didn't stopped Yellow from crossing the room and trying another shot at Jasper, who had a lot of trouble finding cover.

One of those moments where her height was only disadvantage.

She crawled through the room, hiding expertly from the gunshots and made it to the desk. Now fucking Yellow was between her and her escape route.

Well, she wanted to kill her anyway, so there wasn't really much options except for killing or getting killed down here. So she fumbled with her gun while answering her old commander.

“You know, I thought so, too. But as time showed: You are not always right and neither am I. Quite the opposite really, you guys tend to be wrong all the time and I'm just a very lucky Idiot.”

She heard the shrill laugh of Yellow far too close to feel save and ducked deeper, while getting the damn magazine back inside the mechanism. She wasn't trained for this shit, she was a fist fighter, she killed people with her bare hands if the situation called for it, she didn't took out this piece of metal and allowed it to become unpersonalized.

But as long as Yellow was wielding this damn shotgun like a flag at pride she couldn't get close enough to take advantage of her old training. Maybe that was just what Yellow and her instructors wanted when they first trained them:

Deadly to everyone else but as soon as they tried to turn their coats they could be shot without them even knowing how to handle a gun efficiently.

“Maybe that was the problem here” Yellow lamented and Jasper had to keep her triumphant grunt quiet as she finally managed to reload the damn gun.

Now she only had to find a chance to get that damn woman before she got her.

“We allowed you to think. We fixed this mistake, but sadly, we never got across another specimen quite as excellent as you.”

“I'm a damn human not a race horse” Jasper hissed and managed to get behind the couch in the room, still not having a clear line out of the room and the furniture but able to break it down into 3 areas:

Entering area with at least a little cabinet to hide behind, the couch that probably belonged to the part of the room where Yellow invited clients to talk 'less business' and the office area with the desk and the file cabinet, or whatever the fuck the thing in the shadows was. It was dark down here, Yellow apparently wasn't a fan of light and there were no windows, either.

She couldn't wai t long  enough until she mapped out the whole area , though. She knew that in a few minutes they would start the fire no matter if she got out of here or not, just like they planned. And she couldn't imagine a worse dead than getting roasted right down here with Yellow like a damn pig.

“You seem to be just as stupid, though” Yellow sneered and Jasper used her chance to throw over the furniture. She had waited until her opponent had come close enough and while still ducking, hearing the shotgun going off, she heard the unmistakeable scream of someone being thrown off-balance.

She didn't thought it through, not at all, instead just tried to aim close enough to her target and tried to manage to get Yellow's shoulder.

When she finally was able to intake the scene before her the woman laid half under the couch, the shot gun out of reach as she apparently lost the grip on it when she was 'buried' under the furniture. She bleed, Jasper had gotten a bullet through the torso; close enough to the shoulder.

Grimly, she smiled down at her Diamond.

“Wanna see what else this fucking specimen can do?”

\---

She almost puked at the spot when she had made her way back to the meeting spot with Pearl only to be greeted by a pale face and a hysteric “Isn't Lapis with you?”.

“No” Jasper answered equally hysterical, “Didn't she came out yet?”

The building was already starting to go up into flames, Jasper had taken her time to destroy her past once and for all.

Pearl shook her head, looking up at the windows in hope of seeing a flash of blue running past them, a sign that Lapis was up there and alive and maybe on her way down. But no such look, the windows stayed empty, reflecting the morning sun and the first flames from the outside.

“What are we gonna -?” Pearl began but Jasper already had turned around on the spot and ran right back into the building. She wasn't gonna leave her behind, she wouldn't be able to face herself ever again.

\---

Peridot saw Jasper rushing into the building the same moment the police cars and black BMW's came up the driveway. Amethyst and Garnet had started to gather all those that needed medical attention first, all those kids who were confused and scared and paralyzed, still not realizing they were free.

Some grunts were with them, some she saw trying to get away only to be surprised by the officers and drivers of the BMW's. Cavalry was here, it seemed and that meant for Peridot to get back down and help out.

Especially now that she realized her girlfriends were in  a  burning building and she was  _this_ close to rushing after them just to kick them both in the face for this bullshit.

Had they felt the same way when they had found out she went with E?

Probably.

But still, that didn't excused this action at all. They had a plan, they had talked about it, so they had better just broken their own promises and got themselves unnecessary in danger for the laughs and not...

Peridot didn't wanted to think about any other possible reason why Jasper had to run back in.

“Where the fuck are they?” Amethyst yelled when she finally saw Peridot in the crowd, “Weren't they supposed to get out when the fire started?”

“Seems like we didn't really though this through” Garnet said with slight worry and it sent Peridot's fear into overdrive. Garnet was never worried, this must have been a terrible dream.

“When Lapis and Jasper are involved one can never plan thoroughly enough” Someone behind them said with an airy voice and a sheer unfitting good mood.

When Peridot turned around, about to tell them to fuck off and help the others, she almost chocked on her own spit. Rose had appeared behind them, dressed up full cop-attire and smiled up at the building.

Did she enjoy this?

“Rose” Amethyst and Garnet stated the obvious with surprise, not exactly sure what to do. Nobody had expected her here, she tended to stay out of missions and in the background.

But maybe she could let her caution go now or maybe she just wanted to witness this event, she had fought the Diamonds just as long after all.

“I'm a little sad Bismuth isn't here to see this” She went on, arms behind her back and a fond smile on her face, “She sent half of these cops out to help us after all.”

She then looked down at Peridot as if she was personally responsible for that, grinning from ear to ear.

Peridot didn't know what to say, stuttering and trying to get a coherent sentence going. Bismuth had sent out Cops to help them? Why would she ever do that?

“You know, the morning you powered your way back to the Friedhelmstraße she came in all starry eyed and stiff. As if she had seen a dead person or almost froze to death herself. Told the few people on her side to follow my orders and handed in her letter of resignation. Told me she would leave to retire. Up in Sweden, I think.”

P eridot looked up at the officer, mouth agape, still not really processing what she heard. Bismuth was gone? Once and for all, sending everyone who was still willing to follow her orders to help Rose and her team? 

She really didn't know what to make out of this, had she seen what Peridot had done to Evelyn? Had she seen the halls and realized E wasn't the victim of some evil monsters which had crawled out of the gutter to hurt her specifically and than destroy Bismuth's career but instead just the abuser of two more victims of the diamonds?

The gang she had, unwillingly and unknowingly but still, supported by keeping E and even Sid safe?

Sid.

Peridot stared at her shoes, realizing that if Diamonds were gone and Bismuth finally left them be, there would be only one more person.

One more person to stop her from pursuing her new life.

“Oh stars!” Steven yelled somewhere behind them and when all 4 of them turned to the boy, they saw him stare at the doors of the office building.

Jasper was helping Lapis to walk, they both looked as if they had tried to lie down on an oversized grill; hair singed at the ends, their clothes had little holes from the heat and they were both limping.

But at least they were alive and well enough to laugh about something, so they were well enough to fucking limp their way right up to Peridot to catch those hands.

They both looked guilty enough seeing her but the way their faces changed when they saw Rose was almost satisfying enough to not throw some punches. They winced and looked positively horrified for a split moment, Rose was now the highest authority and probably the most dangerous to them, besides Peridot, so it was no surprise they felt guilty in front both of them.

Surrounded by all those kids, by all those runners and cops, by grunts and friends, Peridot didn't even knew what to say.

Finally, Lapis spoke up with a tired but slightly proud smile, “We got rid of them.”

“And almost killed yourself in the process” Garnet grinned, looking at Jasper who stared at the ground in shame.

She had no reason to, Peridot decided, and hugged the two of them.

Or rather, she tried as the two of them were so much bigger than her and also winced slightly, but still Lapis and Jasper laid their arms around her and looked at each other with relief. Until Rose cleared her throat making all three, Amethyst and Garnet look up at her.

Pearl, Steven and Connie had come over to congratulate them but also to greet Rose. They all kinda expected some kind of big speech or that she would chew them out for being irresponsible, but instead she just nodded. Raked her hand through Stevens Hair and then told them to get fixed up.

“Let's meet for a nice dinner at our restaurant tonight” She basically ordered them and then left. Just like that. As if she had just come over to ask for some sugar because she was all out of it and wanted to bake some cake.

Except for Peridot, nobody seemed to mind at all.

Instead they turned to each other, excitedly sharing what they had went through in the last hour and when the fire department arrived to stop the fire from catching the houses in the surrounding they started to leave.

They had no need to hurry, just chilling in front of the gates to not stand in the way but still ready to get back home.

“How did you guys even managed to get through this?” Amethyst finally asked after everyone had shared and exaggerated their stories, except for Jasper and Lapis. They had stayed silent, keeping Peridot close to them and each other, as if they feared they would never get back together if they let go of each other.

“Shot her in the head” Jasper said offhandedly.

“Blue told me I was selfish and I remembered that she was right” Lapis explained a little more, “So I asked myself, why the fuck am I even allowing her to monologue anymore and don't just end this once and for all and get home to enjoy my Saturday?”

Jasper looked down at her in disbelieve, “Then why were you sitting up there and sulked, having to be saved like a damsel in distress?”

Silence, as Lapis looked up at her with a sad smile.

With all those cop cars and hysterical police officers, shouting firefighter and the burning building in the background, Peridot finally realized how surreal all of this was. Not that she cared.

It was just a really strange morning. Even for Peridot Standard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short chapter this time, as we are getting closer to the end.  
> This one, another one to finally free Peridot and then it will be only the epilogue. Honestly, I'm super happy I followed Kingredeaded's advice and just published the story. Getting feedback, be it bookmarks, kudos or comments, it all made the whole experience so much better. I wrote the story for myself but seeing other people enjoy it makes it so much more worth it. I hope you all in enjoyed this chapter just as well!


	18. Aunt Rhody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is there a Kölsch rant? Because Kölsch is disgusting and deserves to be dragged at every possible opportunity.  
> Also TW: OVerdose Death Mention and TW: Peridot is once again Killing someone brutally

_Got tell Aunt Rhody, Go tell Aunt Rhody,_

_Got tell Aunt Rhody that_

_Everybody's_

_Everybody's_

_Everybody's Dead._

  
When they got home and took care of all the cuts and burns, the whole team fell right back into bed. It was still early in the morning, around 7 am, and they were all tired as fuck from overtaking the city. They had gotten messages that almost all the other known hideouts had willingly given up and the few that didn't were overrun the minute they found out there would be no more diamond authority to save them.

So they wished each other a good ‘nap’ and went into their respective rooms.

This time there was no talking or teasing, Jasper, Peridot and Lapis just fell right into bed, cuddled together as if they were a bunch of kittens and fell right asleep.

In her Dreams, Peridot saw Sid everywhere and with every time she turned, with every time she saw his face, she felt more and more calm.

Collected.

Realizing he couldn’t harm her anymore, not the way he had. And when she awoke at around noon she realized he would stay in her dreams if she didn’t ended this once and for all.

Life was short and she had finally gotten almost control of it, there was just a little bit, a little something to be done.

Lapis and Jasper had gotten rid of their past, they were free.

Now it was time for her to be free, too, and she wouldn’t achieve freedom by running away and starting yet another half-life somewhere in a different city. Her life was here, her freedom waited here, she just had to get it.

So, before she went back to sleep, she made a plan and this time, Sid didn’t followed her anymore.

\---

At around 6 pm they all had managed to crawl out of bed again, aching muscles and bags under their eyes, but wide awake and giddy for their dinner.

They dressed up, talking about all the stuff they would do from now on:

Amethyst’s Family would finally be able to get their district back, of course under supervision of Rose, but it was something.

“Did you seriously brought all of my ‘evening attire’ here when I came back?” Peridot asked slightly overwhelmed, looking at all the dress shirts and flies and ties, “Did you guys planned to move in here or what?”

Lapis behind her snorted, Jasper helped her to close the dress she had chosen for the dinner, “Maybe. Driving Pearl insane and video game night every night. Doesn’t that sound awesome?”

“Sounds more like you think we are officially retired now or something” Jasper behind her said with a lopsided smile.

Just as Peridot she had put on a dress shirt and a charming red tie and to be honest, Peridot was this close to just get them both out of their clothes again. She had missed them dearly, as the two charming assholes that spiced up her life and also in the biblical sense.

Lapis shrugged, “I don’t see why we shouldn’t get some well deserved holidays.”

“That would be around the third time this year for you” Peridot said with a smirk, ducking as Lapis threw a shoe in her general direction, not intending to actually get her with it. It was the first time since the pillow incident she did throw something after her and Peridot realized just how much she trusted Lapis now. 

“After all the shit I have to put up with I deserve a paid leave 12 times a year, 4 weeks each.”

The other two just laughed, helping each other with the ties and getting ready to leave.

Downstairs Pearl and Amethyst already waited, seeming off in their own world, sweet talking each other.

It was the first time Peridot had seen them this domestic, it was as if the stress had fallen off of them and they finally … well found their youth again. It was the first time they actually looked like a cute little pair in their twenties going out for a dinner date.

“Y’all can smooch in ya free time” Jasper yelled at them, making both of them wince and look up in confusion.

“I beg you pardon?” Pearl squawked, blushing furiously.

Amethyst beside her chuckled, putting his hands into his dress pants and giving them an approving nod, “Nice, you three almost look good enough to be seated close to us so we look even better.”

“Okay but you look like the kitchen help, dude” Jasper countered and before they could go on bickering, Garnet, Steven and Connie came down the stairs. All three of them were just as dressed up as the rest of them and they fell silent, looking at each other and realizing what they would celebrate.

Everyone had gotten their best stuff out and to be honest, all of them had thought they would wear this to their funerals and not to a victory dinner.

They stared at each other in silent awe until, finally, Steven cleared his throat and tapped his watch lightly.

“We gonna be late, guys” He grinned and they nodded, getting a move on.

Together they walked the short distance, getting to their regular table and ordering their first drinks while waiting for Rose and Greg.

After their typical discussion what to order, Jasper fell into a rant about Kölsch, “Okay, I saw the whole world and I ain't even gonna talk about beer from anywhere except Germany, but the worst one from Germany has to be Kölsch.”

Amethyst and Garnet were already grinning while Lapis sighed in annoyance, if there was one thing Jasper hated; it was Kölsch. And now that there nothing else in this damn city to really hate, she could focus all her absolute disgust on Kölsch.

“End of discussion. It's the collected Urine of all the people who piss after drinking beer in Kölschfree Pubs and that collected piss is served in this tiny little glasses, like, in their own Urine Culture Glass.”

“I see we are having some great topics with our meals today.”

Rose had appeared behind them, once again just like out of thin air and after they greeted her like the last time in the restaurant, they all sat down and resumed their discussions, now with slightly less disgusting themes.

They ate, they drank, they talked. Rose congratulated them, she told them about the future and they all listened in awe, realizing their long dream was now reality.

They had found their place in this world, they would be part of something big. Something that mattered, that had an impact on this world.

They had an Impact.

They had control.

Almost, Peridot though when she left for a short toilet break, we have almost full control.

She stayed away a little longer than she needed to, but her mind was going at least a 100 miles per hour and she needed a few minutes to clear her head. To collect her thoughts, let the seeds of her idea grow slowly into a plan.

She couldn't be hasty about this and it wasn't anyone's business but her own. The team wasn't to be involved and if Lapis or Jasper found out they would just try to stop her.

A little hypocritical after everything they have experienced until now and especially after giving her the idea to begin with, but she couldn't change that the two of them worried about her. She understood, she was just as worried about them getting into this building and their reasoning wasn't any worse than hers to leave for a month and hunt the diamonds down to begin with.

But she had no good reasoning now except for her own emotions and needs and thus it was her problem and her challenge to deal with.

“Peridot?”

When she turned around she was almost sure it was Rose, again, like always, finding her near the bench staring at the water and the stars, but it was Steven.

“Are you alright?” The way he asked made it clear to her he already knew the answer, he just needed a conversation starter.

“I'm planing my revenge” She answered honestly, watching him walking down the stairs to sop beside her. She hadn't yelled, but she didn't really felt like whispering and acting all secretive, either.

“Revenge on whom?” Steven asked without emotion and she remembered once again why she liked to talk to him. He didn't made her feel bad for her emotions. When she talked to him about all her negative and down right 'evil' emotions, all the stuff she wasn't supposed to feel or think no matter how deep she was in this whole business, he didn't judged her.

He treated them just like every other emotion, every other thought: With a sense of rationality and the clear notion that emotions could never be irrational. One could act irrational thanks to their emotions, but not feel irrational.

Neither could someone stop their thoughts by condemning them.

Instead, he helped her to analyze them and dig deeper.

“Sid” Peridot finally answered, “Lapis and Jasper had their chance to get rid of their past and thus take complete control of their life and the way they see it, but I didn't. Sid is nobody we have to keep alive and neither is he someone who deserves my mercy, so I decided to get back at him.”

“If he gets your nose, you will be done for” Steven answered and she snorted slightly, wincing in pain immediately after. This shithead, she thought, but he was right.

She was pretty damaged, bodily in this context, and she couldn't risk to allow Sid to use  it against her. On the other side she hadn't planned to go all 'Evelyn vs. Peridot' on him. No, Peridot would walk in there, beat seven shades of shit out of him and th e n inject  a  golden shot right into his heart or strangle him or something.

“So a crime of passion” Steven summarized after she tried to explain, making her finally sit down.

“I'm not sure if this is really the right word.”

He shook his head, “I think it indeed is. You don't just want him to be gone, you want to do it yourself and you want to do it up close and personal. Proving you are stronger than him, winning against him.  This isn't just some bullet point on your list to succeed in life, this isn't just 'I gotta avenge myself to gain control of my life', you are about to snuff out that duded and you're already planning out which way you would enjoy the most.”

“You make me sound like I'm about to nut all over his Corpse, Steven.”

He chuckled with clear disgust on his face, hopefully he wasn't imagining it. Not that she felt like he would take serious damage from a picture like that, Steven probably felt more about the ants between their shoes than for Sid or any other Person that wasn't part of the team.

“So what do you think?” She finally asked, “Except for 'Peridot's about to turn complete necrophiliac psycho'?”

Steven turned to her, giving her a slight, but honest smile, “I think Sid should watch out or he may trip and fall into at least 5 knives at once one of these days.”

\---

A few days after the Dinner, Lapis, Jasper and Peridot drove back to their Home. They didn't really talked about it, it was somehow kinda clear Peridot would stay at Lapis' and Jasper tagged along. They would probably have to talk about the living arrangement one of these days, especially considering how long it took Jasper to get back to her own Flat from Lapis House or the fact the whole building was just too small for 3 people and a dog if they didn't turned the basement into another room.

But for the first days, they just enjoyed the little break they got. No jobs or targets, not fear and no worries for a while and they enjoyed it. Namely, Jasper and Lapis introduced Peridot to a 'new game' they had invented while she was gone:

Who could make Peridot scream louder?

In the beginning she thought it was a damn joke or a prank or something, but somehow the two of them had decided they couldn't just  _ not compete _ . When Peridot had been gone every single moment of intimacy had turned into a friendly power struggle and after an especially draining marathon they made a bet:

First it was one; who was able to make her come faster. Then, one morning, after ending up on the breakfast table they bickered about who could make Peridot come more often, then who would be able to edge her longer and so on and so forth.

It was childish and Peridot should have said no. She should have banned both of them right down onto the couch in the living room, but she couldn't deny she loved the attention. She loved to be pampered and to have those two dorks back.

This way they also exhausted themselves enough for her to sneak down into the basement afterward. She should probably talk to someone about sneaking back down there again and again, but she liked to sit there and just think. Down here her thoughts weren't dangerous or harmful. They didn't feel like they would overwhelm or attack her, she felt them flowing peacefully and just followed them until she came to the conclusion she needed.

Maybe because she had spent so much time down here, had accepted the fact she would have to live for many years to come and no real chance to end her life on her terms. Maybe she felt like this was a little safe haven for her, because she had learned down here there was no dying with dignity, not really.

There was living with dignity, suffering and losing with dignity but dying itself was always ugly and hard and the way funerals were held just proved ones dignity had to be restored after death.

So maybe that's why the evil little voice in her head shut up in the basement and didn't dare to speak as she knew, as long as she was this close to her old handcuffs and the impromptu bed, she wouldn't die. Couldn't die. And wouldn't restore her dignity by this action either.

She made sure to came back to bed early enough to get at least a decent amount of rest and get up with her girlfriends.

For a few days, maybe two weeks, they just lived normally. Took long strolls with Pumpkin, sometimes even driving outside the city borders to some abandoned fields and grounds to spent the day there. They went shopping, watched TV, invited Steven and Amethyst, played Video games and sometimes they drank.

She visited a doc in those days once who told her to keep it easy for the next 3 months or so. Of course, she couldn't wait three months. Sid could be long gone by then, hell if that ass was smart, he was gone by now.

No, she had gotten herself the prescription of painkillers, to break her own code for once and misuse the shit out of them. She wasn't planing to get addicted, quite the contrary, she took barely enough to keep the swelling down and stop a possible infection and kept the rest safely tugged away for later use.

But even with her pills and her plan she still had to wait for an opportunity to get out. Peridot didn't wanted to make Lapis and Jasper worry, but they wouldn't let her go, especially not with her broken nose. She had told Steven to inform them when she was gone so they wouldn't think she ran away but that was all she could do. If she left a note they would probably strangle her the second she reappeared on the doormat.

Finally, two weeks after coming back home, she managed to convince the two of them to follow the invitation of the others to spent a night at the Abyss while she would stay here. They didn't want to, they wanted to spent their time with her but she told them something along the lines of 'alone time' and 'quality one on one time' and finally, after promising again and again to not be pissed at them for leaving her here, they got dressed up and went out.

When she was sure they were gone and wouldn't turn around because they forgot something, Peridot got dressed. She felt Pumpkin watching her and almost felt bad for leaving him here. And even more when she saw the way he watched her. She wasn't super educated about animals but she felt like he knew what she was up to and tried to stop her.

Were dogs even able to feel and think that way? Peridot wasn't sure, maybe she was just projecting, but whatever it was, she had no time to dwell on it. Jasper and Lapis wouldn't stay out forever and she only had this one chance to get to Sid, or he would knew she was out for his blood.

He didn't knew what she had become, at least she hoped so. It was her chance to surprise and overpower him. Who was prepared for their old pet to suddenly stand in front of their door, stabbing them with a hunting knife?

Nobody, that's who, Peridot thought with a grim smile and put on her shoes, closing the door behind her.

She didn't take long to get back into his old district, there was a direct line and thus, she only had to wait one hour until she stood in front of his door, looking at one of his windows. There was light behind it, he wasn't out today. Of course, the district was getting overrun by Jasper's troop, he didn't stood a chance against all of them without the help of the diamonds.

Practicing what Amethyst had taught her, Peridot opened the door to the apartment building, skipped a few of the steps on the stairs up to the second level and knocked.

There was a loud rumbling behind the door and she heard his voice, he was yelling.

“Are you shitting me, Vincent? Did you forget you fucking keys again, you useless piece of -”

He stopped abruptly when he opened the door and instead of looking in the face of one of his most forgetful runners, he saw blonde hair.

Looking down he stared right into Peridot's eyes, shining from her broad, satisfied grin.

“Missed me?” She hissed before ramming her shoulder into his stomach, throwing him right back into his apartment and kicking the door closed after following behind.

He screamed, yelled, flailed.

“What the fuck?”

But she already locked the door, pocketing the key and marching over to him before he could grasp for one of his weapons.  She was small but even he couldn't move when she stepped on his chest, stopping him from breathing fully and making it impossible for him to throw her off.

“I asked you, if you missed me.” She said loud and clearly, getting her hunting knife out. He watched her in confusion, turning to anger when he saw the blade.

“You little shit, my runner will fuck you up” He swore and she laughed. Slowly, deliberately she knelt down, making sure her face wasn't within his reach.

“Except for Vincent and maybe 5 people who are too afraid of you to finally leave, there is nobody to fuck me up, Sidney” She told him, “I killed Evelyn, my Girlfriends killed the diamonds and now I'm gonna end this once and for all.”

\---

When Lapis and Jasper were greeted by Pumpkin but not Peridot they already knew something was up. Steven was walking down the drive way behind them, offering to get them back home so they could drink the whole night and in the first few seconds, they weren't even surprised. They just looked at each other for a few seconds, as if they had taken care of a puppy who sadly still wasn't able to hold his bladder instead of a girlfriend who, on the reg, disappeared, got herself in trouble and was just absolutely not trustworthy.

Lapis had come to the point where she wished it meant she would catch Peridot regularly with strangers in her bed and not that she was getting herself killed almost monthly, if not more.

She could live with a cheater, but the Schrödinger's Cat version of a girlfriend was just too much; probably dead but also alive, nobody ever knew.

“Why is the universe testing me so hard” Jasper whispered, already turning to Steven who grinned at them guiltily, “I swear to all known gods, Peridot and Lapis only exist to test me. I'm being tested, there is no other possible explanation and I'm failing so hard right now.”

“Hey!” Lapis protested, poking Jasper for this comment, “I didn't do anything this time.”

“Not yet” Jasper predicted somber and turned to Steven, “So she left me with her, again. What is she up to, this time?”

“Killing her old Teammate so we can take his place in her heart. Old Runner tradition.”

Lapis shook her head, getting inside to collect her gun, some ammunition and the handcuffs to drag Peridot right back down into the Basement, so she could never pull shit like that again. Jasper on the other hand waited outside, staring at Steven who raised a brow.

“You just gonna follow her in your club outfit?” He asked with a grin. He didn't took this seriously, of course. He trusted Peridot to get the job done and was a little amused by Lapis' and Jasper's worry. Just a year ago Lapis never worried about anyone, had trouble being even considerate and now she was ready to watch the whole City burn to get the little psycho back.

Jasper on the other hand hadn't dealt with her fear so effectively in a long time. He was actually kinda proud, because her anger issue was one of the things he and Garnet were helping Jasper along with, stemming out of her fears and worries. Normally she would already sit in a bus while frantically calling all of her runners to get their asses into the north district, but instead she just accepted that Peridot had once again run off to do her thing and she would have to deal with it.

She knew Steven had some information and was willing to wait patiently until he told them. Even if that meant she had no control over this, no matter how much she felt like she should have.

“If the club can handle me, so will Peri when I have to kick her little Ass” Jasper explained with a shrug, “Also, I don't think Lapis will change either. We can show up as a fashionable trio, getting rid of whatever Peridot is fabricating at this moment.”

Steven sniggered, but nodded and together they waited in silence for Lapis, who was cursing and rummaging in the house, reappearing 10 Minutes later, looking the same as before.

“Is there a reason why you already hid you weapons on your body?” Steven asked curiously, hands in his Pockets he was already halfway back to the car.

“So Peridot won't run when she see's me” Lapis said, looking somber. Jasper behind her snorted, following her and Steven to the car.

Opening the door and climbing in the backseat, knowing Lapis well enough to not even risk yelling 'Shotgun' in a moment like this, she joked around, “She's gonna run like hell because she already knows she's in deep shit when we emerge. You can wear your pump gun in the open.”

“But what will the neighbors think?” Steven asked with a high, hysterical voice, imitating and overplaying a hysterical Lapis. He started the engine and drove of the parking slot, taking the fastest way to the north district. Peridot was probably already finished with her little Job and would call him soon.

She needed to get rid of Sid's Corpse and she would have to inform him, so Rose would know she  was behind that murder and not send out a few serious cops to try and solve the case. 

Why work in a team secretly led by a cop, if not to use it for situations like this?

“I can't believe she didn't told us” Lapis sighed after a while, realizing which direction they took.

“Why did she thought she needed to take on Sid alone?” Jasper questioned, squirming uneasy. The backseat was to small for her but she also felt like Peridot didn't just run off to play the hero but maybe, she didn't trusted them. Maybe she thought she couldn't ask them for help?

“You guys told her to get even with Sid” Steven didn't looked at the two of them, far too focused on the Streets, but he sounded amused and looked a little surprised, “And you took on the Diamonds, alone, too.”

“Yeah, let's get all technical on my hysterical ass right now, why don't we?” Lapis grunted, crossing her arms in front of her chest, making Steven finally laugh.

“You guys are taking this far too serious. I understand you are scared, especially considering her face right now, but she is a great fighter, we know that by now. She's gonna help you lead a Drug Empire, Jasper, and volunteered to act as a hired muscle if we ever need one more. You gonna sit in my car and worry every time that happens? You're not worried when one of you two is doing her job, why are you worried when Peridot does?”

“Because this isn't her Job and stuff like that shouldn't be her job!” Jasper seemed surprised about her own outburst, but it was out now. No way to take it back in and it hung in the car, between the three of them, making her feel ashamed.

Even if it was what she thought.

She was one of the people trying the most to get Peridot transitioned into the team with a job and a purpose. She and Lapis and brought her into this life, maybe not into drug dealing but into this whole life or death matter, the killing and the whole 'ruling a city' part.

“But she chose this” Steven said after a while, “Peridot chose this. She chose the two of you, even if you guys still need to work out the whole communication thing. But she still chose this and she accepted this lifestyle. It's her decision and you guys can't just decide it's the right one for her or not. She didn't tell you not got revenge on Blue and Yellow, even if she didn't wanted you guys in there. She didn't told you to just let somebody else deal with them, she even apologized for taking Evelyn out. She wished you guys the best of luck, knowing this was what you chose for yourself. Let her chose, too. Be pissed she didn't told you, alright, but don't be pissed because she is finally taking control of her life.”

Lapis and Jasper were silent, staring down, thinking about Steven's words. He was right, they knew he was.

If Peridot would have asked them not to go into the office building, they wouldn't have listened. If she would have asked them to stop doing their jobs, their professions? They wouldn't have listened, because it was important to them. It was part of them, not necessarily what made Lapis and Jasper just who they are but still an important part.

So who were they to tell her not to do the same?

The Rest of the way they were silent, until Steven's Phone rang.

\---

Peridot stood in the Kitchen, remembering the night he had beaten her up because he thought she had stolen from him. It was reverse now, she stood, looking down at him.

Bleeding, crying, holding his wounds and injuries as if they would stop bleeding if he just touched them frequently enough.

And now, after 7 years of suffering Peridot realized she didn't feel angry.

Or sad.

Or even overly aggressive or better like she hoped she would one day when saw him again. She didn't felt a single thing; like she always wanted.

She hadn't felt anything for a long time, except everything she felt for him and about him and their time together. It felt like she never felt anything except for him for the most part of her life.

Maybe even forever and thus never had a chance to feel for anything or anyone else in her life. 

But the tables had turned, she felt so much for Lapis. For Jasper. Loved them both so much. 

For her Friends Amethyst and Steven. Her Family. Pearl, Garnet, Connie. The whole team; a Family to her.  
They were all Monsters. They were. Just as Jasper had told her. But it didn't felt terrible, right now it felt like nothing more than the truth. Made her feel like she belonged.

Peridot felt so safe knowing she could kill  Sid  just now if she wanted.  Felt so safe grabbing Lapis hunting knife, remembering what she had told her.

_Whenever you need it, be it to threaten some shithead, be it to defend yourself or to kill a bitch, just carry it with you and use it._

She had e nded E ' s  e xistence after she hurt Jasper and almost killed  her and  Lapis.  She had taken her chance, had defended herself and those she loved. 

After all, the Team, Lapis, Jasper  and Peridot were Murderer. S ol d drugs and beat up people for Money.  If someone threatened them or their family, it wouldn't come as a surprise murder seemed like a fitting solution to them.

They were all the Evil in the World,  t oxic and would probably end up dead and disfigured in a ditch or in jail never to see the light again. 

But they were alive right now.

And Peridot felt.

And she knew the terrible part,  the part of her life that made her feel like dying, that made her wish to be brutally killed … was over. 

And she was happy.

And she was free.

And Sid was dead.

\---

W hen she saw the face of Lapis and Jasper, not able to decide if they wanted to cry or straight up kill her, she felt guilty. 

Not for killing Sid and finally freeing herself, but definitely for just disappearing into the night, not telling them a thing and letting Steven tell them about her plan after she had gotten away.

“I kinda feel like a jerkass” She laughed uneasy, scratching her neck.

“Good!” Jasper half yelled, half whimpered while carrying the corpse out with some shady looking cop, “ _Because you are!_ ”

The neighbors kept to themselves, just staring out of the window and whispering to each other instead of asking questions or actually looking what all the noise was about. They didn't liked Sid very much, had called the police often in hopes of getting rid of the boy and his goons but no such look. Sid had always been too good and Rose cops weren't on his case, so he had been free to do whatever he wanted.

Peridot had found a lot of numbers in his phone, all of the girls he had forced to work for him and planned to invite them over. They had already helped the boys and girls who were forced to sell their bodies for the diamonds, why not help these girls too?

But this would be a topic for another day, right now she was happy she was done with Sid and her girlfriends hadn't strangled her yet.

“Aw” She cooed, “Did you guys miss me?” 

Lapis  came out of the kitchen, she had helped cleaning the blood while Peridot had to talk to some officer what exactly had happened and what exactly she changed about the place, where they would find blood and if there were drugs in the apartment.

“Not this time” Lapis grumbled, her gloved hands full of blood and her forehead shiny with sweat, “because we were on your tail for being such an Ass, but Jasper cried when you were gone to find the Diamonds.” 

Jasper  nodded  without shame ,  “I did. You left me behind with the Blue De mon , that's helluva good reason to cry.”

“Isn't the blue demon this atrocious monster from some Japanese Horror RPG?” Steven asked, remembering that Amethyst, Jasper and he had played something with similar title when Peridot had been gone for the month. She barely meet up with them, had been with Lapis almost the whole time so this evening had stuck with him.

“It is.” After getting the corpse into the coroner's wagon Jasper came back over to them, the cops starting to pack up and getting ready to leave.

“'Tis the reason why I scream every morning I wake up beside her.”

Steven snorted, Lapis looked up at her with a frown that made her nose crinkle but didn't said anything, while Peridot just shook her head with a sigh and a tired smile.

“I see you guys used the time I was gone to the fullest to change nothing at all” She finally grinned and almost got hit in the face with one of Lapis bloody gloves.

\---

T hey drove back with Steven, because none of them knew how to get the blood out of their clothes and wanted to keep them. Pearl, on the other hand, knew exactly how to get blood and bullet holes out of clothes. She was famous for this talent and she was very proud  of  it, always talking about all the things she would do the pieces of fabrics the team members handed her.

They got a change of clothes, drove back home and when they finally closed the door behind them and greeted Pumpkin, Lapis let go:

“ _Y_ _ou went in there alone without telling us! Why?! Why are you constantly throwing yourself into danger and scare us shitless??_ ”

P eridot shrugged, not to disrespect Lapis emotions but because she was finally done wit her little rampage and thus, she didn't really see why she would get upset now. Her nose wasn't more broken than before and nobody important got harmed t o o badly.

“Someone bet me I couldn’t and mama ain’t raised no bitch” She answered indifferently.

“Yo mama didn't raised you” Jasper retorted and Peridot nodded.

“Which is exactly why I never learn out of anything at. All she taught me was 'you can get out of everything if you just want it enough. Even raising your kid.'”

L apis stood there, looking at the two of them with absolute and utter disbelieve. She opened her mouth, closed it, opened it again while breathing in but closed it again while sighing exorbitantly. Instead of arguing, she just turned around and went up the stairs, to get some well deserved sleep.

The other two followed her up, getting out of their clothes on the way up and when they laid down next to her, they showered her in kisses and praise.

“Peridot was the one who liked to be pampered” She grunted with a blush and Peridot and Jasper glanced at each other for a second. They grinned and went back to kiss and stroke her, until she finally got rid of her clothes and allowed the two of them to spoil her.

After she was satisfied, they changed the focus to Peridot, indulging once again into their little challenge.

It was their own little victory celebration and Peridot had to beg and plead when she was finally too exhausted to go on, telling them she couldn't handle another orgasm, feeling overwhelmed and oversensitive.

“Don't just run off anymore” Jasper whispered when they all got settled into bed and closed the curtains to get a few hours of sleep, “Talk to us from now on. We gonna help you.”

“No matter how worried we are about you” Lapis admitted, her face pushed into a pillow as if to choke the words before they could come out of her mouth, “We are a team. Not only the others and us, but the three of us, too. The Hitman, the Drug Lord and the Best Runner this City has ever seen. And also the most dangerous.

Let's keep each other safe to make sure there will be a lot of  popular tunes and urban legends about us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the last chapter before the Epilogue. What a ride. I hope you all enjoyed it and I'm gonna see you again for the end of the story! Thank you all so much for getting through this with me and leaving all this kind feedback.


	19. Epilogue - Blood on my Boots

_There's an angel in Whitehall at night,_   
_Watched me kneel, watched me stumble with poise_   
_And it blacks out your eyes and your face meets the ground_   
_And if you fall alone in this city at night_   
_Well they say you make no sound, no sound, no sound at all._   
_Oh, there's blood on my top, blood on my top, blood on my top_   
_I'm gonna go to the shop and buy me some plasters_   
_And then I'm gonna set my big old hackney-arsed mates_   
_On that little bastard, on that little bastard, on that little bastard._

  


“See you next week?” Lars asked as Peridot put on her Backpack. Jenny, Buck and Sour Cream had brought her to the door and she was about to leave as the barkeeper heard them wish her farewell.

“Sure!” She grinned, lifting her hand for a rather sloppy goodbye and left the bar.

The Pink Cotton Candy had gotten more and more costumers lately and by now, around  6 pm on a Friday, it was already pretty filled. It wasn't as cozy anymore but Peridot didn't felt too bad about it. She was happy Lars and Sadie finally could work here in peace.  The sun was still shining brightly, not yet ready to leave the sky for the night and Peridot smiled up into the sky.

She knew, no matter what happened the sun would always shine. It didn't stopped shining when she lived with her dad, didn't stopped shining when she was with Sid and the sun still shone when she was out here, making sure all their runner were fine and had enough goods to sell.

She had started to see the world as a brighter place. Was grateful for the fact there were somethings that never changed and some stuff, that always changed no matter what we tried to do about it.

And the Sun shines, no matter what we do. No matter how bad we feel, no matter how much many bad deeds go unpunished in this world. The Sun still shines, because she couldn't give less of a fuck about our tiny existence and that was very, very calming to Peridot.

Because it meant nobody but herself could decide what to do with her life. Nobody but her had control of it and no matter what would happen, it was hers to get herself into it and also on to herself to get out of it again.

She was no victim. Would never be again.

After controlling another route in the district, as it got late and dark, she walked down the street to the Abyss and thought of tonight. Thought about today, the morning she had spent with Lapis at the bathhouse, the day in the Labs and on the Streets with Jasper and the time she had spent on her own, dealing some stuff because she was able to.

Thought about the nice evening she had spent with Jenny, Sour Cream and Buck, who finally told her they were involved in a romantic relationship weeks ago and thus were in an even better mood then they had been before.

When she walked up the drive way of the club, she saw the first people forming a queue, but the bouncer, an old Diamond grunt, waved her over. She had been one of the kids that had been freed, who had suffered abuse and pain and got a new job.

“How are you doing, Topaz? How is your Girlfriend?” Peridot asked when saw how well the wounds were healing. The small ones were gone and the bigger Injuries were slowly fading. She didn't knew about the damage of her soul but apparently she was a great bouncer, great with words and dealing with conflicts.

“Great, thanks!” Topaz answered, not looking into Peridot's Backpack or doing any of other security procedures. She knew Peridot was a) carrying a lot of stuff she wasn't supposed to get into the club and b) that neither the owner of the club nor the other costumers cared. She wouldn't start getting out her knife or throw drugs like confetti, so there was no reason for false precautions.

“She is getting a lot better. Therapist says she can start a job soon, too! She is really grateful that she can finally decide what to do with her life.”

Peridot nodded, “I'm happy to hear that. Are any of the others already here?”

“Yeah, Steven came in like 10 Minutes ago.”

They wished each other a great night and Peridot walked into the club, into the thick air and the darkness, leaving her Backpack with the Lady at the cloakroom and made her way to the bar. Steven waited there often, knowing Peridot liked to drink a beer with him at the end of the week. It was a little ritual, just like meeting him once a week to strengthen what he had taught her.

The music was loud and filled her head, it smelled like sweat and alcohol already.

Her body and the room seemed to pulse along with bass and when she finally spotted Steven, he waved her right over. They hugged to greet each other and he ordered a beer for her, asking her after her day and the business.

“I'm taken for granted and nothing ever works the way it should” Peridot grinned, “Just the way I like it.”

They joked around, talking about some of the stranger costumers Peridot had today and about her plans for the weekend. In between they stood up, taking their beer and started to look around, started to look over the other people in the club and especially those, that looked less like they wanted to celebrate and more like they had to do something.

Both of them were experts seeing the dark creatures and their faces, feeling the energy that surrounded them and set them apart from the euphoric, loud and ecstatic crowd. They weren't loud and free, they were silent, lurking and whenever they spotted a new face, one of the two sat down and talked to them.

Just for a little while, always just friendly small talk, always pleasant and trustworthy. When they left, the creatures smiled a little and seemed confused but pleasantly surprised.

They only stopped and went back to the Bar when they heard the others were arriving. First were Pearl, Amethyst and Garnet, together and all a little tired from their day but happy to see Steven and Peridot. They greeted each other, exchanged some short info's and dived right into the crowd.

“I feel like Amethyst thinks about marrying Pearl” Steven said after while and Peridot looked at him in surprise.

“What makes you think that?” She asked, “I mean, he's in an even better mood since a few weeks but I thought that was because his name and marker change finally came through.”

Steven nodded, nipping on his second Long Island Ice Tea. Garnet would drive tonight, he was able to drink to his hearts content, “He tried to get the marker change before any medical stuff because he knew he wanted his name and stuff before he got to the more … irreversible part. But I feel like the chances to ask her the question was also a big part in that decision.”

Peridot nodded understanding and looked at the pair, trying to see something different with them. Maybe in the way they acted around each other or if they had changed something. But they were just like always and maybe, that was the best reason for Amethyst to try and tie the knot. Not because something changed between them but because after everything, they were still just the same. The world hadn't managed to tear them apart and neither did the past.

They were in control of their lives and their relationship and she turned back to Steven, this time nodding in Agreement, “Where do you think does he hide the ring?”

“Probably at the gold smith so he won't lose it before he can even work up the guts to ask for real.”

Both Peridot and Steven turned around, that voice belonged to neither of them and for a second, they got almost defensive.

Until they made out Jasper in the darkness, grinning at them like the smug beef cake she was.

Peridot shook her head in amusement, hugging her big girlfriend and kissing her.

“Is somebody interesting here?” She asked and Peridot nodded.

“Searching new recruits for your troops?” She gave back while ordering a drink for Jasper, who was suspiciously empty handed.

“You should know it. You can only deal so long until you realizes you're thirty and want to do something with your life. And I can understand that, but I can't let anyone retire without new meat in the teams” The regret in Jasper's voice was almost heartbreaking, she sounded like she was losing colleagues she had worked with for 50 years to retirement and not a few kids who finally got the chance to do something with their lives.

Showing in the general direction of the chiller floor, she passed her the bottle, “There are some kids on the couches that could be a nice addition for Skinny's and Carni's lil disorder of chaos. But watch out, one of them has a vacuum cleaner for a nose.”

Jasper chuckled, kissing her little Girlfriend on the forehead and thanking her, grinning at Steven as Peridot made her little sounds of anger, as if she didn't loved the affection.

She nuzzled her hair, just for a second, before leaving to look at those little dealers who could have a future in the city.

Peridot and Steven stayed at the bar, talking, drinking, from time to time they stood up to dance with the others or by themselves. Enjoying the night and the opportunity, laughing and planing a far away future, where everything would be different. And still the same.

When Lapis finally arrived around 3 am, done with her Target for the week, she carried a glass of wine like some sophisticated noble.

“You got yourself wine?” Steven asked with astonishment, as if he tried to follow her thoughts and was met by a gigantic red stop light.

Connie besides him sighed in desperation, “Oh no.”

“I'm actually here to kill the host” Lapis fake whispered while Peridot hid her face in her hands, trying to stop herself from laughing. This was ridiculous, but no laughing matter.

“But they don't know, so hush.”

Jasper, finally done with talking and recruiting, shook her head, as if that would shush away the nonsense.

“I swear by every Star in the sky, Imma boutta buy the whole fucking club just to throw you out.”

“You can't throw me out, I'm your dearly beloved wife and everything you buy, is righteously mine” Lapis grinned smugly, sipping her wine and making Amethyst and Peridot finally laugh out loud.

“I didn't agree to this” Jasper smiled at her with disbelieve, “Forced Marriage with demons is prohibited in Germany.”

“So is dealing drugs and killing pimps but please look at us.”

“She got a point there” Garnet stated and Jasper finally gave up.

“I miss the times you were on my side.”

Garnet shrugged, “I never was on anyone's side but my own.”

Amethyst nodded with urgency, taking Pearls hand to drag her to the dance floor.

“We are all lucky her side is so close to ours” He warned the others with a grin and together with his girlfriend he disappeared once again in the crowd. Steven did the same, taking Connie by the hand and leaving Garnet and the three others alone.

“You are” Garnet agreed, taking her drink and disappearing into the chiller floor, to do stars knows what. Nobody every knew what Garnet would do and maybe that was part of her charm.

It most probably was.

Finally, it was only Lapis and Jasper who were bickering and Peridot, who sat beside them and listened to them discussing 'who exactly was married to who here' and who would have to split the fortune as they both were just as rich as the other.

In between they looked at her, again and again, making sure she was still there and alright, smiling when she grinned up at them in amusement.

She was exactly where she wanted to be. She finally owned her life, wanted to live, wanted to be. Her past couldn't get her anymore. Peridot was free to do as she pleased and be whatever she wished to be.

And right now, she wished nothing more than to be here, with her friends and her lovers and know they could do whatever they wanted.

Peridot had realized how short and hard life was. For everyone.

And she had chosen to be merry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it. I enjoyed the ride with you guys and I'm super happy to see people enjoyed it, too! This is the first time I published works of mine, first time I wrote fanfiction and the first time I wrote fiction in english so this experience was definitely worth it's time in gold. 
> 
> Also, fear not as I am working on yet another Jaspisdot Fic! Yet another Human AU; this time in the near future of America (well, one without Trump, but well), revolving about Video Games! So if you guys are in for great humor, terrible banter, the slow burn of the universe and hippie Peridot at a Capitalistic Video Game Academy, you should definitely look out for my next fic! 
> 
> Thank you all so much again and I hope you have a good time!


End file.
